The thing with the so called "porn addiction"

[WinterIsComingSoon]

So I've got a curious thought:

Most people (and there seem to be a lot) at the big adresses for the so called subject "porn addiction", like "yourbrainonporn" or the "nofap"-community on reddit, they say they don't desire sex with real people and rather masturbate to porn. Is it not just possible, that all these people are just asexual, with an autochorissexual part of sexuality? That would be groundbreaking, because then asexuality would be much more common than expected. What do you think?

[RakshaTheCat]

If they don't want then they might as well count as asexual. I've never used porn myself since my things are a bit, hmm, uncommon, but I can relate in a way that I've always been wondering why people bother with sex when one can get orgasm and things much better on their own 😺

[ForceGhost]

Interesting question. It sounds plausible, but the urges that are experienced when watching porn may be questionable to asexuality.

[Guest]

Having had personal relationship with porn addicts... no. It has nothing to do with asexuality.

 

An ace won't have uncontrollable urges to get off to porn by seeing a hot person 

 

An ace won't feel like they gave up something hugely important if they delete their porn collection

 

An ace won't want to quit but be unable to and hate themselves for it

 

They can't have sex with real people because their brains are so wired to porn. Take the porn away and break the addiction and they have desire for people again. Put the porn back and they lose it. An ace won't need an addiction to lose or maintain the loss of desire for people. 

 

Porn addicts are also spending hours a day on porn. Sometimes at their jobs, costing them that. They may need to slip away from a social event to get a fix if they see a trigger that gives them an urge. And it can be a real person that triggers it. The sexual attraction gets diverted from the original trigger (their partner, a stranger) to porn because their addiction says that is how to respond to it. 

[Guest]

1 hour ago, WinterIsComingSoon said:

So I've got a curious thought:

Most people (and there seem to be a lot) at the big adresses for the so called subject "porn addiction", like "yourbrainonporn" or the "nofap"-community on reddit, they say they don't desire sex with real people and rather masturbate to porn. Is it not just possible, that all these people are just asexual, with an autochorissexual part of sexuality? That would be groundbreaking, because then asexuality would be much more common than expected. What do you think?

These people are porn addicted or just like to watch porn when they feel they want to release their urges?

 

There is a red thin line between porn addicted and like to use visual aids (but not attracted to actors, just the action of sex itself)

[Guest]

1 minute ago, Chris_Kappa said:

These people are porn addicted or just like to watch porn when they feel they want to release their urges?

 

There is a red thin line between porn addicted and like to use visual aids (but not attracted to actors, just the action of sex itself)

They are addicts who have lost relationships, jobs, etc due to being unable to quit porn no matter how hard they try. 

[Guest]

Okay, that sounds serious then.... 

 

In other words, porn addiction has nothing to do with not feeling sexually attracted to real people.

 

Porn addiction is a mental illness.

 

Of course, there are some people who don't feel sexual attraction for real people but use porn as an aid when masturbating.  But that people don't feel distress about that lack of attraction neither have dysfunctional life. 

[Guest]

11 minutes ago, Chris_Kappa said:

 

 

In other words, porn addiction has nothing to do with not feeling sexually attracted to real people.

 

Porn addiction is a mental illness.

Correct. They have uncontrollable urges that leave them feeling shame, self hate and disgust but they cant help themselves. An ace would be able to not use it at work, or when in bed with their spouse if the spouse asked them not to, or various other inappropriate times. It would just be an aid for when libido kicks in, that they use in an appropriate manner. 

[ForceGhost]

6 minutes ago, Serran said:

Correct. They have uncontrollable urges that leave them feeling shame, self hate and disgust but they cant help themselves. An ace would be able to not use it at work, or when in bed with their spouse if the spouse asked them not to, or various other inappropriate times. It would just be an aid for when libido kicks in, that they use in an appropriate manner. 

@Serran it sounds like @WinterIsComingSoon is curious if there's a form of asexuality where individuals use pornography rather than physical contact with others. Like they experience sexual urges, but would only take action on themselves than seek out this physical contact. Take away the porn addiction aspect and it's a pretty plausible question, I'm sure it's possible to watch porn and not be addicted to it, but watching porn as a part of asexuality just seems so oxymoronic in a sense. A clarifying response to what they're asking would be nice.

[Guest]

7 minutes ago, Porkins said:

@Serran it sounds like @WinterIsComingSoon is curious if there's a form of asexuality where individuals use pornography rather than physical contact with others. Like they experience sexual urges, but would only take action on themselves than seek out this physical contact. Take away the porn addiction aspect and it's a pretty plausible question, I'm sure it's possible to watch porn and not be addicted to it, but watching porn as a part of asexuality just seems so oxymoronic in a sense. A clarifying response to what they're asking would be nice.

They said porn addicts and mentioned two specific support groups for them and if aces are a higher number than thought cause of it. 

 

Yes, aces watch porn. Lots of people on AVEN do. Dont know why, but for some reason it appeals. 

 

No, people on those support groups aren't just aces. 

[œddy]

1 hour ago, RakshaTheCat said:

If they don't want then they might as well count as asexual. I've never used porn myself since my things are a bit, hmm, uncommon, but I can relate in a way that I've always been wondering why people bother with sex when one can get orgasm and things much better on their own 😺

Asexuality is not 'not wanting sex' its a lack of attraction, its not a choice. Otherwise they are by definition celibate.

 

12 minutes ago, Porkins said:

@Serran it sounds like @WinterIsComingSoon is curious if there's a form of asexuality where individuals use pornography rather than physical contact with others. Like they experience sexual urges, but would only take action on themselves than seek out this physical contact. Take away the porn addiction aspect and it's a pretty plausible question, I'm sure it's possible to watch porn and not be addicted to it, but watching porn as a part of asexuality just seems so oxymoronic in a sense. A clarifying response to what they're asking would be nice.

I don't see why porn has anything to do with your sexual orientation (except for addiction breaking your orientation), I like porn catered to gay people but I'm heterosexual, its a fantasy.

[Guest]

2 hours ago, WinterIsComingSoon said:

Is it not just possible, that all these people are just asexual, with an autochorissexual part of sexuality? That would be groundbreaking, because then asexuality would be much more common than expected. What do you think?

Possible, but highly unlikely.

 

There may easily be some aces among them - neither libido, nor masturbation, nor porn consumption makes someone not ace, so an addictive compulsion having formed around habits involving these doesn't automatically invalidate asexuality - but to think all or even most of them would be? No. Just, no.

[Marlow1]

5 hours ago, Serran said:

Having had personal relationship with porn addicts... no. It has nothing to do with asexuality.

 

An ace won't have uncontrollable urges to get off to porn by seeing a hot person 

 

An ace won't feel like they gave up something hugely important if they delete their porn collection

 

An ace won't want to quit but be unable to and hate themselves for it

 

They can't have sex with real people because their brains are so wired to porn. Take the porn away and break the addiction and they have desire for people again. Put the porn back and they lose it. An ace won't need an addiction to lose or maintain the loss of desire for people. 

 

Porn addicts are also spending hours a day on porn. Sometimes at their jobs, costing them that. They may need to slip away from a social event to get a fix if they see a trigger that gives them an urge. And it can be a real person that triggers it. The sexual attraction gets diverted from the original trigger (their partner, a stranger) to porn because their addiction says that is how to respond to it. 

This is exactly the same as what the Porn Addicts at our support group are saying, I really do think you are spot on with this Serran!!! 

[WinterIsComingSoon]

20 hours ago, Porkins said:

oxymoroni

Yes, this sounds like an oxymoron, but here in the forum you often find the definition: "even if you got a high libido, watching porn frequently often and are attracted to it, you could be asexual".

The the point, that for so called porn addicts, there is distress about their "addiction", this distress only occurs when being in a relationship. Imagine a person, who masturbates to porn on a regular base, never feels bad about this. Only if joining a relationship and experiencing not being able to get aroused with a partner, causes distress. But this distress is just there, because the person thinks she SHOULD feel aroused in real life sex situations and that something is wrong with him/her. Then she will start the scientific not approved way of so called "rebooting/rewiring", which sound more of a conversion therapy to me. And this will only causes more distress, because everytime the person fails of not watching porn and not being aroused in real life sex scenarios, she/he will feel worse. I think it's pretty plausible, that all these people in this forums/movement of the "porn addiction" are asexual.

[rainbowocollie]

Addiction to anything is very, very possible, so I definitely believe that porn addiction does exist. But I think a lot of the people who claim they have a porn addiction actually just developed a habit, which isn't the same thing.

[Skycaptain]

Whilst there probably a small minority of porn addicts who are asexual, the majority probably aren't. 

However, many medical conditions, including addictions do reduce sexual desire, so it's maybe not surprising that porn addicts are less inclined to partnered sexual activity 

[Guest]

2 hours ago, SkyenAutowegCaptain said:

Whilst there probably a small minority of porn addicts who are asexual, the majority probably aren't. 

However, many medical conditions, including addictions do reduce sexual desire, so it's maybe not surprising that porn addicts are less inclined to partnered sexual activity 

In other words, some porn addicts could be "original" asexuals and some porn addicts are not "real" asexuals but they have developed some kind of mental dysfunction, that doesn't let them function properly when they are in real sex situations. We will never be able to find the real percentage of who is who, though.

 

All this conversation is on a theoretical basis. 

 

Another thing that needs a better definition (I wonder if  there's is a universal measurement for this) is what consists of a habit, what consists of an addiction and what is "normal" (does this thing really exists?*) porn usage. I bet If you ask 100 people on this forum, you will receive 100 different answers......

 

(*I mean, if u think about it, porn videos were "invented" since late 60's. My grand-grand parents probably never in their lives have watched other people having sex......) 

[Guest]

5 hours ago, WinterIsComingSoon said:

Yes, this sounds like an oxymoron, but here in the forum you often find the definition: "even if you got a high libido, watching porn frequently often and are attracted to it, you could be asexual".

The point is that for so called porn addicts, there is a distress about their "addiction", this distress only occurs when being in a relationship. Imagine a person, who masturbates to porn on a regular base, never feels bad about this. Only if joining a relationship and experiencing not being able to get aroused with a partner, causes distress. But this distress is just there, because the person thinks she/he SHOULD feel aroused in real life sex situations and that something is wrong with him/her. Then she will start the scientific not approved way of so called "rebooting/rewiring", which sound more of a conversion therapy to me. And this will only causes more distress, because every time the person fails of not watching porn and not being aroused in real life sex scenarios, she/he will feel worse. I think it's pretty plausible, that all these people in this forums/movement of the "porn addiction" are asexual.

It is a possible (and I admit well-explained scenario). Another possible scenario would be if he/she could succeed in avoiding watching porn and still, not feeling aroused in real life sex scenarios.  

[GlamRocker]

Knew a porn addict. Here's how you know he wasn't asexual: he used to have sex with his girlfriends and liked it, but then he kept choosing porn over them until his penis didn't work "in real life" anymore, making porn all he had left for sex. This seems to be the way it goes with all of them, from what I've read.

[Marlow1]

I have known people that have OCD obsess about being a porn addict. In other words they were not masturbating to it but kept going back to it just to check that they were not addicted. Every time they checked they concluded that they were not addicted but after a certain period of time they were not sure and went back just one more time to check, and the cycle continued. This is a compulsion but a different form of compulsion to porn addiction. I never asked but I assumed these folk were Allosexual, but thinking about this now I am wondering if some of them were Asexual???? 

[Skycaptain]

https://www.psychiatrictimes.com/dsm-5-0/meaning-addiction-dsm-5-gives-lie-addiction-chronic-brain-disease

 

This is one of many articles about what is an addiction. Unfortunately addiction to pornography has only been recognised to a significant level since the publication of DSM-5, hence it isn't included in there, but the same basic principles can be used as per any other addiction 

[Philip027]

It's far more likely that the autochsfhslfhiidsfh people you describe are really just "sexual people with hangups".

[Guest]

8 hours ago, Philip027 said:

It's far more likely that the autochsfhslfhiidsfh people you describe are really just "sexual people with hangups".

I totally agree

[œddy]

I fit the definition of one and I also agree. With the hangup being that I'm happier without sex 🙃

[gisiebob]

13 hours ago, Philip027 said:

autochsfhslfhiidsfh

I  agree with this word fumbling. stupid english!

 

I think what mr. stark is trying to   convey is the plausibility that asexuality could be mistaken for the symptoms of a porn addiction, not on the scale of  'this is interfering with my life' but on web forum interventions  and in arguments with girlfriends, ect.

 

sort of in the same way that an asexual could be misdiagnosed with whatever that not desiring sex disorder is called

 

especially when it's being put forth by well meaning people, I'm sure, who aren't making diagnosis but just jumping to conclusions  ( ❤️ you interwebs)

[Salmiakki]

"So called porn addiction"... porn addiction is a real thing, it's a serious issue and just like any other addiction, it can ruin your relationships and destroy your interest in other people. Both asexuals and sexuals can be porn addicts... but obviously the majority are sexuals who have just lost their interest in sex because of their addiction to porn 

 

But of course, not everyone who watches porn is addicted

[WinterIsComingSoon]

Despite that some of the users here say, that porn addiction exists, I want to put this link here:

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/porn-addiction

 

It's a serious source I guess and in the mean point it says, that porn addiction simply not exists and that the advocates of this movement created this disorder built on shame and guilt, not on scientific proofed facts and problems. 

 

My personal opinion is:

Is a fetish destroying a relationship, if you just can be aroused with that? Then are you a fetish addict? No. There are people who are aroused by porn, but not by real people. Maybe this can change over time, maybe not, But if it does, then by itself and definetly not by erasuring it out of your life and just having real sex long enough and then starting to like it. In the same ways, you just can't eradicate a fetish or convince an asexual to like sex or a homosexual to love the other gender. It's simply unethic and so it seems to me with the so called "porn addicts", which are simply a part on the asexual spectrum.

[Philip027]

Anything that causes people to develop a habit and a dependency (meaning they suffer in some way if taken away from that thing) can cause an addiction.  If video game and gambling addictions exist, you bet your ass that porn can do it too.  Addiction doesn't apply just to drugs, alcohol, and other physical stuff.

 

The link you're citing doesn't take porn addiction seriously because it interprets it to mean "my partner thinks I use it too much", which is not a professional evaluation of what constitutes an addiction to... pretty much anything, not to mention the fact it isn't quantifiable.  "too much" can mean a wide scope of things varying from person to person.

[rainbowocollie]

On 10/1/2019 at 12:37 PM, Philip027 said:

Anything that causes people to develop a habit and a dependency (meaning they suffer in some way if taken away from that thing) can cause an addiction.  If video game and gambling addictions exist, you bet your ass that porn can do it too.  Addiction doesn't apply just to drugs, alcohol, and other physical stuff.

 

The link you're citing doesn't take porn addiction seriously because it interprets it to mean "my partner thinks I use it too much", which is not a professional evaluation of what constitutes an addiction to... pretty much anything, not to mention the fact it isn't quantifiable.  "too much" can mean a wide scope of things varying from person to person.

This.

Addiction has a biological factor. It can be physical, as with drugs or substances, or it can be mental, as with behavioral addictions like gambling. But both involve biological components, whether it's becoming dependent on the chemicals in drugs or becoming dependent on the dopamine rush that something gives you.

Some addictions aren't all that serious, caffeine for instance doesn't ruin lives, if you're addicted to it, it probably just makes you irritable and gives you withdrawal headaches. 

But take it from someone whose mental health was absolutely wrecked by an "innocent" addiction, non-substance addictions do exist and they can be hell.

[RakshaTheCat]

18 minutes ago, questdrivencollie said:

But take it from someone whose mental health was absolutely wrecked by an "innocent" addiction, non-substance addictions do exist and they can be hell.

Some addictions seem to be seen like a positive thing, especially addiction to people. Addiction to power and achievements also seems to be regarded positively. Wondering what makes them judged differently... 😺