Life experience: Single verses in a relationship, the irony of how I always feel like if my goal is to stay single I should make sure not to get too happy or I will be pushed into a relationship by somebody

[Yuliyasa]

   Kind of need to express my thoughts on this topic. Even though more and more over the years I have become a true believe in positive thinking/law of attraction/ and the Secret pretty much and actually it even goes with the Bible I believe if you are a Christian like myself ( I am more of a free spirited not into organized kind of religions type of deal). Anyways, without switching topics here too much. Here's the sad part that I have discovered going through life all the way from middle school lol to really middle age here :). I am really wishing this wasn't true and I hope maybe by writing this out I will get this false belief out of my head, but well I had always found myself like this: whenever I got finally happy being a single person, there's always some guy that would come along and try to sweep me off my feet ( hopefully now as I have matured more I am just going to be able to set very strong boundaries and prevent that from even happening, but I still do doubt myself in this still remaining a romantic at heart yet I actually feel much better aiming my romantic soul towards art rather than human beings). Anyways, this irony leads my subconsciousness to believe that if I truly want to remain single, independent strong and free perhaps maybe for the rest of my life that I can't be too happy about it because then it somehow attracts all these potential mates that I don't want to attract really if I want to find a relationship then I would go on tinder,  I would be checking all possible other dating sites that I deem worthy, I would be in all kind of different clubs and social outings and things and ironically that's exactly when you don't find anyone interested in who you are. Point I am trying to make here is this please convince me this is not so, please tell me that the whole world of ppl don't all just want what they can't have because if the truth of it all is that we all always want what is not available to us then how sad truly is the reality? I think as I finish this little rant of mine here I am going to log off and focus on wanting and being excited about exactly what it is I already have like that new song I am almost finished writing or that new idea for a song, the many ppl I connect with on a daily basis who possess that beautiful light within them, the creativity the zest/the joy. I mean really just being grateful for even a little drop of rain or the ray of sunlight. 

[Galactic Turtle]

I think it is more likely that since you are a person who can be attracted to other people, you will periodically engage with those you fancy in some way. It might seem like this always happens once you've reached a certain mindset, but I think it's all more about probability. Of course just because you're attracted to someone doesn't mean you have to act on that attraction. That is called abstaining, for your purposes, in the name of using all of that energy to focus on other things.

[Lucas Monteiro]

This conception of "something that we are not looking ends happening" is not actually true, it just happens that our mindset and the way we act can create an opposite reaction to what we don't want. Just so you can get a perspective on how human mind can be a powerful thing, it is proven that the effect placebo can actually help us just cause we believe it will help, even if being a little, but still just shows how our mind can change the state of something.  

So if you feel happy and go through life not searching for someone, it may happen that someone along the way will perceive how happy you are and get attracted to that, and as you are not looking for that, you don't get to see how random it was what happened. Life is really something random, things may and will happen when you least expect but it doesn't mean that you are getting that experience just cause you don't want it.

Don't let this feeling of yours that you can't be happy just cause this will happen, be happy and let "things fall", if you end wanting a relationship or not, you will know how to handle the situation in the end.

[Yuliyasa]

    At the same time, this whole concept of if you're not searching for it and it just magically appears in front of you somehow I always thought is just for the movies really. When this happens in real life somehow it seems as if there's always a catch. Perhaps maybe also this is cause deep down inside I have always deeply disagreed with the concept of just letting things fall because of all the people out in the world who are constantly trying to control things ( overly invasive people who think its any of their business who you date and what type of lifestyle you choose to live etc.....) Therefore, throughout my life I grew more and more weary of how especially it is important to be to completely be able to control every little detail about my own life, not anyone else, but mine; therefore, it has always bothered me to just let things happen because I don't believe that it is how things operate. For example, if you want something accomplished you have to work hard for it. Anyhow, I probably should have logged in here to type up a more coherent response to this if I was not so tired at this current moment, but I understand both of these replies on here and well intentioned, but I was expecting to see more of women replying to how much they can relate to this …but who knows maybe I'll still get those cause I am quiet sure I am not the only one who's ever experienced and been frustrated by such experiences. 

[Janus the Fox]

I never had a goal of being or keeping single or relationship, no goal or expectations no wants or desires in people that I want, needed or desired.  My life hasn’t changed in or out of a relationship, I’ve never dated but met together in the same social group sharing the same interest.  There’s only some control or limitations, often the little details are more controllable than the greater scope of life.  Life is what a person makes but to a point, things has to be realistic and within reach.

 

My social reality is probably very different being different to most people being autistic myself.