Question on Sexual Attraction

[Pheedre]

4 hours ago, Marlow1 said:

@Pheedre Yes, this is what most people think, I am sure. 

 

Sometimes when I post here I think folk must think I was living under a rock somewhere, I even think that myself sometimes LOL

 

I new of course that some folk have multiple partners, but I never questioned this to an enormous degree. My brothers, some of them have been married a few times and even had affairs, the thing that did perplex me with this is that when they got found out they cried with remorse, true remorse saying they loved their wives, I definitely could not get my head around that. How can you be in love with two people, I thought, my mind being that of a Romantic Demisexual I really could not understand this

 

Anyway, fast-forward to my long term marriage. Before the brain hemorrhage my wife new that I did not look elsewhere and that I was indeed only focused on her so she had no reason to ask why this was so, and even if she did I would not have mentioned the Aphantasia because, I had zero idea folk can see, hear, smell, taste, touch in their minds. I did not even know that she could do this, nor that she can relive our relationship in her mind and so on. Honestly, I do not exaggerate when I say our marriage was bliss

 

Then 'IT' happened and that was the beginning of our nightmare here, I had the brain hemorrhage. 😱

 

I am going to have to skip through this or this post will be a mile long, but sadly a lot of uneducated people were talking to my wife at this time. She did not know anything about Aphantasia, Demisexuality, or indeed any of the things that go on for me and so to help me get back to normal, ie have a sex drive, be attracted to her and so on, just as I had had before she needed to learn about male sexuality

 

She was lovely and kind and patient, but sadly the information she was being given was wrong. Not all men are highly visual, and not all men do get stimulated by pornography, and like I said earlier I myself barely new a thing about this kind of stuff and so when she asked me about my sexuality I was saying everything wrong, and getting majorly muddled up, which made it look like I was lying. 

 

Seriously how we did not end up divorsed with all this nonsense going on I do not know........ Well actually I do know, we found AVEN and we found out about the Aphantasia, and eventually my wife realised the theory banded around by the media and even some professionals that 'all men love porn' etc is not exactly true. 

 

We both laugh a lot now about the confusion we went through, but at the time it was absolutely crazy. My wife believed that I had lost attraction to her because I was looking elsewhere and me, well I thought she had flipped her lid, telling me that folk can see sex scenes in their mind and so on. I even said that if she did not stop saying such things I would phone an ambulance for her 😅😅😅

 

We are best of friends now, and almost all of it is forgiven 🙏💐❤️

 

But it is because of all this that I feel that folk that are not experiencing the world the way so many Allosexual folk say they are I think either a separate label or description is needed. Otherwise how do people like me get the message across to the people that believe attraction to strangers is the norm??? 

 

Currently the only two people in my everyday life that believe that I do not get sexually attracted to random strangers are my wife, because she has educated herself, and my brother, because he has Aphantasia 👍

 

 

Very interesting. It sounds like you and your wife went through a lot. I'm glad to hear you found your way back to eachother. 😊

[rainbowocollie]

I think I've experienced sexual attraction once. It was after knowing someone for two or three years, and developing romantic attraction to them. It wasn't especially strong, and there isn't much to tell, I don't really know how to describe it. I just felt like if we were to hypothetically get together as a couple, I wouldn't mind having sex with them.

[Guest]

On 9/29/2019 at 11:45 AM, Pheedre said:

Well, again, I feel like that screams sex addict, but I'm no expert lol. I feel like if you require anything that much, and still aren't happy, there's more going on there. God kudos to you for giving him that much sex haha, idk what your orientation is, but I feel like that would be a lot for anyone.

Oh it was a nightmare, but I was too scared not to!! I'd never wanted or enjoyed sex at that point, and after leaving him (after 5 years of twice+ daily sex with him!) I discovered the term asexual and immediately felt a strong connection with the identity. It took many years before I actually finally found I could desire and enjoy some forms of sexual intimacy under the right circumstances, and that's when I stopped identifying as ace. I'm sexual, I know that now, I'm just a sexual who places very little importance on sex and don't mind if I never have it again.