Thought on relationship/feeling of love

[MC666]

I never been attracted to anyone. I am asexual and aromantic. Just wanted to rant out some confusing thought. People describe it (romantic feeling) and I can't feel it. I don't get those butterfly, emotion etc. Sometime I feel like if I can't feel it how do I really know? Like am I just scare of feeling romantic feeling and relationship? Of putting myself out there like normal people and get their feeling rejected or having failed relationship? I been thinking about this for 10 plus year now. I always tell myself if I was to be attracted to someone, I would feel it and I would act on it. If I haven't feel it, it hasn't happen and it never might. However, I am such a logical person and I feel that why relationship will never work for me (and why I don't even try). I am always thinking well I like this person (like as a person since I don't feel those butterfly or emotion thing I cannot name or feel that connect to feeling of romantic love) they are awesome. Then I realize a bunch of things that turn me off, how the relationship will never work, and don't even bother to attempt anything beside a friendship. It make me wonder do some time I use my aromatic asexural label as a shield. That since I can't feel romantic love then it a good excuse to not even try to have a relationship. Then I wonder do I even want a relationship if there no romantic feeling ever? However, then I wonder if I forcing myself to be alone with this excuse of not feeling anything. Like if I try a relationship somehow I may develop those romantic feeling. I just need to stop being so picky and logical and seeing the end before it begin. But why would I force myself or someone into a relationship that doom to failed in my mind before it start just because society work that way or  it may make my life better. I shouldn't never try something cuz I may be missing out. However, I really want a relationship with someone who I feel no attraction with but enjoy their company but see the relationship as doom but forcing myself to settle with it for sake of worrying about missing out? that I am forcing myself to be alone for fear of putting myself out there??? I am just so confuse lol 

 

10 plus year and I still so confuse on how to be asexual and aromantic. Do I date, not date, force myself to date/coward to date, stay happy and single etc I am so happy single but worry everyday I am making the wrong choice and not living life to the fullest. Life is short. 

[Guest]

Uh if your doing what makes you happy what's the problem? Being single is the shit man. I'm saying this as a romantic. Romantic feelings are annoying as hell. If you want to live life to the fullest stop sweating the little petty things and over complicating it. Relationships don't automatically make people happier and there's not much to gain from them. They don't live up to what people say for sure. You could reap the same benefits from a cuddly roommate as you could a relationship. Fuck society and it's expectations. Don't complicate life and give yourself anxiety over the things that don't matter. Live life how YOU want. 

[Chay]

As an asexual and a romantic I have this to say; relationships are for you if you feel like you are only half of yourself or that you have potential that you need help from another personal being to achieve.

Or if you just want someone else to be there with you, experiencing things together in order to feel validated and with mutual appreciation for one another.

 

If you feel whole, happy, safe and secure, all by yourself, then you are one of the luckiest people and you should feel super awesome about being you!

 

But if you feel like something is missing, like you're alone, lost, confused, insecure, or uncertain, then it might be time to get more close friends or look for a partner.

 

A relationship doesn't need romance or sexuality to be valid. Relationships that are based on the growth and development of the people involved are wonderful, and can make you feel like the best version of yourself, and live like it too.

 

 

So, if you need another person, find one, if you're happy by yourself, then just relax and Be Happy!

[nineGardens]

Yeah, gonna agree with KyrsLost here.

 

If you decide you want to TRY dating for the sake of Curiosity or whatever, go ahead. But do it for the sake of YOUR curiosity, not for other peoples expectations.

 

Having tried Romance, and tried random dating.... I dunno. For me, when I'm dealing with a person, I either know that I like them (very rare) or I don't. Dating when you don't actually feel anything is a total drag, and even though I don't think people jump to those super deep feelings right away, it is generally pretty important to have SOME romantic inclinations towards someone before starting. Otherwise stuff is just... weird.

 

Basically, I don't think its cowardice to avoid dating/romance if you don't actually feel like it. It just seems bloody sensible.

[Muledeer]

What if you didn't call it a date or limit an outing to a specific gender or age?  Just look at is as getting to know someone as a potential friend.

[Skycaptain]

Whatever else don't force yourself into a hole that you don't fit. If you don't feel any attraction for a given individual, it's most likely a relationship won't happen. 

As others have said, try to just develop friendships to begin with. Maybe with time you may find a friendship evolves into a travelling companion. 

I know of people who identified as aromantic well into their thirties and forties, before one person "ignited a spark". 

[MC666]

Thanks guys, I guess I been around normal people so much. I start to questions more as I get older. Like am I doing the right thing? I realize after some of the stuff you guy posted I want more friends than anything. More people to share my thought and joy with and not actual relationship. ALso maybe if I find someone I am interested in, we can be friend. I need to stop stressing out about where it will lead and let that up to fate.