Chef Remy Posted September 27, 2019 Share Posted September 27, 2019 Why do people say that when you are stress or frustrated? Not just males but females too. Or how long has it been since you have been laid or had sex. How does getting laid, or "getting off" or "climaxing" either by yourself or someone else going for you either of the same or opposite gender, change a person mood? What do you say to people who tell you. You need to get laid. Somethings i never understood being asexual. Link to post Share on other sites
Asexy51 Posted September 27, 2019 Share Posted September 27, 2019 People are mean jerks Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted September 27, 2019 Share Posted September 27, 2019 For most people it is a form of stress relief. Don't really get why/how, but apparently it is. Still think it's a weird/vulgar thing to suggest to others, though. Link to post Share on other sites
Asexy51 Posted September 27, 2019 Share Posted September 27, 2019 3 minutes ago, CBC said: Sexual here. Personally I've never experienced a general "I need to get laid" feeling because my sexuality and libido don't really work that way (some people's do), HOWEVER there is a huge benefit for me in having sex within the context of my relationship. Sexual activity has an actual effect on brain chemicals. Dopamine, oxytocin, that sort of thing. Masturbation can have a similar sort of effect, and many asexuals masturbate because of that. I've described it as feeling like it temporarily "fixes" my brain (speaking as someone who's struggled with depression and related bullshit for several decades), because -- due to the chemical boost -- that is what it feels like. You can often feel more relaxed, more cheerful, etc. There's science behind why people say that; it's not just BS. With that said, of course if you're asexual and also disinterested in masturbation, those activities are unlikely to do much for you. Which is fine, of course. Yes, thank you for this insightful input. Really sheds light on the OP's question. Sometimes the simple explanation is the most useful one. Not much depth in the stupid "you need to get laid" phrase. No need for condescending sarcasam from you or anyone. Im done arguing with you. Cheers Link to post Share on other sites
Asexy51 Posted September 27, 2019 Share Posted September 27, 2019 8 minutes ago, Philip027 said: For most people it is a form of stress relief. Don't really get why/how, but apparently it is. Still think it's a weird/vulgar thing to suggest to others, though. Yes it is vulgar, indeed Link to post Share on other sites
AceMissBehaving Posted September 27, 2019 Share Posted September 27, 2019 There is truth to some people becoming more easily irritated and angered if they go without sex for an extended amount of time. It’s not something I’ve felt, but is something I have been on the receiving end of. I’ve had partners I could track how long it had been between sex based purely on this one data point, it was awful. I don’t think it’s typically said as a genuine suggestion, but more as a colloquialism to indicate the person is being a cranky bastard, and the above is where it comes from. (It could also be a serious suggestion, I’m never sure anymore) Link to post Share on other sites
Asexy51 Posted September 27, 2019 Share Posted September 27, 2019 12 minutes ago, CBC said: There's science behind why people say that; it's not just BS. There is science behind everything, no need to nullify me like this. There is science in why i said what i said. Some people just push it too far. Please focus on giving input to the OP ,avoid "correcting" me. Link to post Share on other sites
Asexy51 Posted September 27, 2019 Share Posted September 27, 2019 3 minutes ago, CBC said: I have no idea what you're on about, to be perfectly honest. That phrase "you need to get laid" is triggering for many, especially sexual abuse survivors. Science knows this too. Link to post Share on other sites
SorryNotSorry Posted September 27, 2019 Share Posted September 27, 2019 Some people are Pleasure junkies who just want their next dopamine hit. As far as I care, getting laid is for eggs and carpet. Link to post Share on other sites
lilyofthevalley Posted September 27, 2019 Share Posted September 27, 2019 I didn’t work out what getting laid was about for ages. I had no idea what people were talking about, (except possibly building foundations ?) Link to post Share on other sites
Sinking_In Posted September 27, 2019 Share Posted September 27, 2019 "You need to get laid" usually has mean spirited, negative connotations, however, the idea behind it is that when a sexual person is experiencing sex they enjoy, they are genuinely happier and more pleasant to be around. Many sexual people are not happy when they are not having regular sex. As a sexual person, I find my own emotional well being is tied to my sexual health. That's not to say I'm happier the more sex I'm having, but I'm definitely less happy the less sex I am having. If someone tells you "you need to get laid", sometimes a witty response is best, such as "if I had sex with you, I'd be in an even worse mood" Link to post Share on other sites
Chef Remy Posted September 27, 2019 Author Share Posted September 27, 2019 34 minutes ago, Asexy51 said: That phrase "you need to get laid" is triggering for many, especially sexual abuse survivors. Science knows this too. Never thought of it as trigger. But yes. I have to agree with that. Might be better to show I do not like phrase or someone saying it not only me but to others too. Never really though of it like that or it being offensive....Think it would be better to defuse a situation then saying I asexual. Link to post Share on other sites
Chef Remy Posted September 27, 2019 Author Share Posted September 27, 2019 1 hour ago, CBC said: Sexual here. Personally I've never experienced a general "I need to get laid" feeling because my sexuality and libido don't really work that way (some people's do), HOWEVER there is a huge benefit for me in having sex within the context of my relationship. Sexual activity has an actual effect on brain chemicals. Dopamine, oxytocin, that sort of thing. Masturbation can have a similar sort of effect, and many asexuals masturbate because of that. I've described it as feeling like it temporarily "fixes" my brain (speaking as someone who's struggled with depression and related bullshit for several decades), because -- due to the chemical boost -- that is what it feels like. You can often feel more relaxed, more cheerful, etc. There's science behind why people say that; it's not just BS. With that said, of course if you're asexual and also disinterested in masturbation, those activities are unlikely to do much for you. Which is fine, of course. What do you say to someone who suggests that? Tell them you're fine as you are and it's none of their business. Because it isn't. Yes, thank you for this insightful input. Really sheds light on the OP's question. I get the bodies biochemical response to sex. And that is why for some allosexual’s they recommend sex or say a person needs to “get laid” or be sexually stimulated and climax, whether by someone of the same or opposite gender, or themselves. I agree with you more then I disagree with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Chef Remy Posted September 27, 2019 Author Share Posted September 27, 2019 1 hour ago, Chef Remy said: Why do people say that when you are stress or frustrated? Not just males but females too. Or how long has it been since you have been laid or had sex. How does getting laid, or "getting off" or "climaxing" either by yourself or someone else going for you either of the same or opposite gender, change a person mood? What do you say to people who tell you. You need to get laid. Somethings i never understood being asexual. Glad to know others feel the same way Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted September 27, 2019 Share Posted September 27, 2019 I think it's a rude thing to say, but it's become acceptable within the context of a sexually open culture. Maybe we should be encouraging people to be inclusive by adding "or the asexual equivalent." Hmm, maybe we can start responding with things like "But the narrow view of sex being the panacea to personal problems just stresses me out even more!" or maybe "Poor script writing doesn't help." Because it basically is poor script writing, except people are relying on it for real conversation for some reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Jade Cross Posted September 27, 2019 Share Posted September 27, 2019 I need to get laid? Ok *lays down on bed and places pillow on top* There I got laid. Link to post Share on other sites
Chocolatastic AroAce Posted September 27, 2019 Share Posted September 27, 2019 It seems to be a pretty rude and dismissive thing to say to anyone regardless of orientation. To me it just sounds like another way of saying 'get over it'. Even if sex does alter a persons mood it still seems really demeaning to suggest people just need to get naked to solve all their problems. I mean hot chocolate helps me feel better...but drinking it doesn't solve my problems. So someone telling me to 'de stress' by drinking hot chocolate is being incredibly un helpful and mean. That's how I'm understanding the context of the phrase anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 27, 2019 Share Posted September 27, 2019 1 hour ago, Chef Remy said: What do you say to people who tell you. You need to get laid. "No, thank you." Link to post Share on other sites
RoseGoesToYale Posted September 27, 2019 Share Posted September 27, 2019 Sex is not a universally stress-relieving experience, especially not if: -You're not into it/don't want it -You're experiencing health issues down there -You're not physically compatible with the person -You have depression and/or anxiety -There's too much pressure to "perform" I think it's a huge misconception that sexual people with high libidos become crazy, angry, destructive, animalistic monsters when they go without for a while. Most I've talked to say it leads to anything from feelings of disappointment to irritability to restlessness, and plenty say they'd rather go without and wait to have good sex than sleep around and risk all of it being bad or even more stressful. To me when someone says "you just need to get laid" they really mean "I don't care about you or helping you with whatever's going on, go take care of it yourself and stop complaining." Same for "you just need a stiff drink." Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted September 27, 2019 Share Posted September 27, 2019 Quote It seems to be a pretty rude and dismissive thing to say to anyone regardless of orientation. To me it just sounds like another way of saying 'get over it'. Even if sex does alter a persons mood it still seems really demeaning to suggest people just need to get naked to solve all their problems. I mean hot chocolate helps me feel better...but drinking it doesn't solve my problems. So someone telling me to 'de stress' by drinking hot chocolate is being incredibly un helpful and mean. That's how I'm understanding the context of the phrase anyway. That's basically what it comes down to, yeah, but I wouldn't go as far as to say it's always a case of being unhelpful/mean. I think most other people just suck at putting themselves in your shoes and/or literally can't come up with an actual suggestion/solution to your problems (at least, not on the spot in a conversation) so all they can do is suggest something that would make THEM feel better under the hopeful assumption that you would agree. Link to post Share on other sites
Sinking_In Posted September 27, 2019 Share Posted September 27, 2019 41 minutes ago, Snao van der Cone said: Maybe we should be encouraging people to be inclusive by adding "or the asexual equivalent." How about, "you really need to eat some cake!" ? 😁 Link to post Share on other sites
AceMissBehaving Posted September 27, 2019 Share Posted September 27, 2019 51 minutes ago, Snao van der Cone said: Maybe we should be encouraging people to be inclusive by adding "or the asexual equivalent." Ok I see the eye roll but... ”do I need to get you some cake?” Would be a great alternative Link to post Share on other sites
AceMissBehaving Posted September 27, 2019 Share Posted September 27, 2019 11 minutes ago, Sinking_In said: How about, "you really need to eat some cake!" ? 😁 Ha you beat me to it! Link to post Share on other sites
Firefly8 Posted September 28, 2019 Share Posted September 28, 2019 Say "Lays are better than Pringles" Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted September 28, 2019 Share Posted September 28, 2019 3 minutes ago, Firefly8 said: Say "Lays are better than Pringles" Or "I prefer Old Dutch" Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 28, 2019 Share Posted September 28, 2019 My ex used to get so irritable and downright awful to be around that he would bite anyones head off at the slightest thing if he wasnt having sex for a bit (few weeks) . He was more pleasant when he gave up smoking than sex... which was saying a lot... So. It is kinda like the whole you must be PMSing thing. Means you're too stressed or being cranky, so go chill. Link to post Share on other sites
Firefly8 Posted September 28, 2019 Share Posted September 28, 2019 12 minutes ago, Snao van der Cone said: Or "I prefer Old Dutch" I've never had those. Now I must try them. Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted September 28, 2019 Share Posted September 28, 2019 6 minutes ago, Firefly8 said: I've never had those. Now I must try them. I think they're only available in some parts of the US. Link to post Share on other sites
Firefly8 Posted September 28, 2019 Share Posted September 28, 2019 2 minutes ago, Snao van der Cone said: I think they're only available in some parts of the US. I know they're in Canada too, but definitely not in the south. *starts planning a trip to Canada* Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted September 28, 2019 Share Posted September 28, 2019 Just now, Firefly8 said: I know they're in Canada too, but definitely not in the south. *starts planning a trip to Canada* Like to Toronto in about a year? Link to post Share on other sites
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