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Why would someone who loves sex want to identify as asexual?


Snao Cone

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4 hours ago, Serran said:

Next bit as in intercourse? Or all stimulation leading to orgasms ? Example... if you had a partner that was only into hand stuff or toy stuff would you find that as enjoyable as foreplay? Or is all stimulation something you aren't into? 

TMI warning
 

I definitely lose interest regardless, but I feel differently about the various ways of achieving “release”; something like:

 

Oral (giving or receiving) = repulsed

PIV = indifferent (favourable under the right circumstances; e.g. when experiencing another form of attraction intensely)

Hands = favourable

 

I have considered whether I’m another orientation with a preference. Where I always get to is that whilst I am favourable to some sexual acts, ultimately I could go without (and foreplay is far more enjoyable) so my conclusion is sex-favourable asexual is accurate in my case.

 

4 hours ago, Serran said:

What reasons for yourself do you have sex if you don't seek it out and don't much enjoy it? How often is occasionally (if you had a partner how often would you want to have sex for yourself)? 

I find sexual intimacy with a sexual partner a convenient way of relieving libido + I really enjoy the foreplay.


As I’ve shared above, I can enjoy sex under the right circumstances. When I’m in a relationship with a sexual person I find they generally want sex 1-2 per week. I have generally settled on 1-2 every 2 weeks as a compromise. I can go months without sex and not miss it, but then the right circumstances might present themselves and then I can enjoy it. My working theory is that I’d be quite happy never having sex again, but given the choice maybe once every month or two, under the right circumstances, would be just right.

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2 hours ago, Iam9man said:

I can go months without sex and not miss it, but then the right circumstances might present themselves and then I can enjoy it. My working theory is that I’d be quite happy never having sex again, but given the choice maybe once every month or two, under the right circumstances, would be just right.

It's funny, because for me, the exact same reasons you outlined here are pretty much why I *stopped* identifying as asexual :P

 

I realised at some point - when I was like 27 - that even though I'm happy to never have sex again, ideally with the right person (which requires a very specific set of emotions etc for me) I can enjoy some aspects of sexual intimacy sometimes. That's despite not being able to actually receive any pleasure at all from having my genitals stimulated by another in any way.

 

For me, it's as simple as the fact that I can potentially enjoy some forms of sexual contact, sometimes, under a very specific set of circumstances (though I'm also perfectly happy to never have sex again).

 

That doesn't make me an ace who loves sex (per the title of this thread) but a sexual person who really just isn't that fussed about sex, lol!!

 

Not trying to invalidate identities here or anything, I just found it funny that we came to such different conclusions about how to identify ourselves based on what sounds like quite a similar set of sexual preferences ^_^

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1 minute ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said:

Not trying to invalidate identities here or anything, I just found it funny that we came to such different conclusions about how to identify ourselves based on what sounds like quite a similar set of sexual preferences ^_^

I think that’s a fair statement. I don’t judge anyone who honestly and thoughtfully thinks their experiences through and reaches a conclusion that feels right to them.

 

I think in my case I’m approximately 99% happy with my identity as a sex-favourable asexual as I do not experience sexual attraction but can definitely enjoy sex occasionally. The last percentage would be a mixture of the healthy amount of doubt to keep exploring, plus the fact that I identified as indifferent for years; it’s just I am so much more favourable than most other asexuals that it makes more sense for me to identify that way.

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3 hours ago, Iam9man said:

Thanks for sharing. Interesting article.

 

I had heard of Autosexuality before (here on AVEN) but I personally don’t relate. The way I see it, and which the article mentions, autosexual people are still experiencing sexual attraction, it’s just that it’s oriented towards themselves. I’d say I’m more of a very sensual asexual than autosexual.

Yes, I read up on this more last night and Autosexuals are still experiencing attraction, I did not realise that when I posted the link

 

Funny thing right now is that my wife is saying Autosexuality sounds like her. I don't have a clue. It takes me forever to get my head around terms that are new to me. But if there was a way to explain our sex life it is 90% about her for the both of us. But she is not selfish as such. The 10% that is for me meets my needs and the 90% that is for her meets my needs too, if that makes sense. Sometimes though I can't keep up which is why I need the ketosis and supplements etc. 

 

I do worry about offending folk because it takes me so long to figure out what you guys are talking about, the Aphantasia does make it hard for me to grasp what others are saying, but I definitely understand the thing about not easily becoming attracted, if even at all

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4 hours ago, Iam9man said:

TMI warning
 

I definitely lose interest regardless, but I feel differently about the various ways of achieving “release”; something like:

 

Oral (giving or receiving) = repulsed

PIV = indifferent (favourable under the right circumstances; e.g. when experiencing another form of attraction intensely)

Hands = favourable

 

4 hours ago, Iam9man said:

 

I have considered whether I’m another orientation with a preference. Where I always get to is that whilst I am favourable to some sexual acts, ultimately I could go without (and foreplay is far more enjoyable) so my conclusion is sex-favourable asexual is accurate in my case.

 

I find sexual intimacy with a sexual partner a convenient way of relieving libido + I really enjoy the foreplay.


As I’ve shared above, I can enjoy sex under the right circumstances. When I’m in a relationship with a sexual person I find they generally want sex 1-2 per week. I have generally settled on 1-2 every 2 weeks as a compromise. I can go months without sex and not miss it, but then the right circumstances might present themselves and then I can enjoy it. My working theory is that I’d be quite happy never having sex again, but given the choice maybe once every month or two, under the right circumstances, would be just right.

TMI below

 

Hm OK so basically in an ideal world, you would once or twice a month do foreplay and hands only and it would satisfy you both ?

 

For me, to want sexual stuff I have to be feeling intense loving feelings and be in that mindset and focus on how much I adore my partner, not the physical. And, hands or toys only. And once every week or two is ideal. Which, it used to be never and I never could want it no matter how I felt about someone. Meeting my wife changed that. I don't need it and if we ever stop wanting each other, it's fine as long as no one else is wanted either. I choose sexual because I want it for my own reasons now, not to please a partner. And my preferences being away from the traditional doesn't seem enough to warrant a whole other orientation for me. Plus, I don't feel I could put myself as asexual on a dating site and it be a compatibility point. 

 

So, as with Pan, seems we have similar reasons just two different choices on where that leads us. 

 

Seems it just depends on how important the feeling of being outside the traditional experience is? I'm fine just being non-traditional sexual with a low libido. According to studies I have read I am only really compatible with about 20% of sexuals... could be lesss due to some preferences. So maybe 15%. So, I admit I am odd. Just doesn't bother me much. 

 

(And anyone can choose whatever label they feel fits best. But, the thread is for figuring out why we choose them. So two different perspectives on similar experiences seems a good contrast to figure it out)

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59 minutes ago, Serran said:

Hm OK so basically in an ideal world, you would once or twice a month do foreplay and hands only and it would satisfy you both ?

Potential TMI
 

I’d say foreplay only around once a week ideal for me, but that has never been satisfactory for my sexual partners.


Again, ideal world, the foreplay would only occasionally lead to hand stuff or PIV, preferably hands.

 

1 hour ago, Serran said:

So, as with Pan, seems we have similar reasons just two different choices on where that leads us. 

đź‘Ť

 

1 hour ago, Serran said:

Seems it just depends on how important the feeling of being outside the traditional experience is? I'm fine just being non-traditional sexual with a low libido.

I guess this is one of the areas we differ. I consider myself to have a high libido, it just doesn’t translate to wanting to relieve it with a partner most of the time.

 

1 hour ago, Serran said:

And anyone can choose whatever label they feel fits best. But, the thread is for figuring out why we choose them. So two different perspectives on similar experiences seems a good contrast to figure it out

đź‘Ť

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