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Doubts/Fears


Enzi

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I've come to terms with the fact that I'm ace for a few years now. I usually don't have many problems with the reality of it, but sometimes I just get stuck in my mind a bit.


Most people expect sex in relationships. Most people expect something more than what I can give in them. 

 

My friends have labelled me a hopeless romantic and so have I. Because I want to fall in love some day so desperately. It's one of the things I really want in life, to find someone like that.

 

I get scared that I'll never get that (more often than I like to admit).

 

Maybe it's internalized aphobia or something, I don't know, but sometimes the reality that I'm "missing out" on this whole other part to relationships that the majority of the world experiences. So many people associate relationships with sex or sexual acts coming hand in hand with them. I'm sex-repulsed (as far as I know) and I can't give that. How many people are gonna turn me down because I don't want that? How many people will lose interest? What if I start dating someone and the moment they find out I'm ace they leave?

 

I just get really scared about it. I get scared that I won't be enough, because I can't give them what they give me. I can't be enough. And I know how irrational this is, how wrong I am. Because I am enough and so is everybody else and if others don't see that, then they're not worth my time. But knowing that doesn't stop these thoughts.

 

Sometimes I wish I had sexual attraction. Just to be "normal," like everyone else. So I don't feel like such an anomaly in real life. So I wouldn't feel so out of place when I'm walking in the hall and hear all my classmates making sexual jokes/comments. So I could relate to this whole other part of the world that I'll never understand.

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certified_space_ace

You really did a nice job of putting into words what I so often feel. It's really difficult. And in addition to having these negative feelings about being ace, I also get frustrated with myself for feeling that way because I should be proud of who I am and I should know that this doesn't make me less than, etc. etc. Coming on here and seeing posts like this, though, is what gives me hope. Because there are people who understand and there are people who are going through the same things or who want the same things. We may be a small segment of the population, but we're not alone. That's hard to remember sometimes, but it's what I cling to when I start feeling this way.

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You're not the only one. I know I definitely feel scared, and lonely, and cut of from potential relationships because there's things I won't do. It's just a fact of life for us asexuals. There are going to be people that this is a dealbreaker for, a lot of people. But for the right person, or people, it won't be. We've just got to keep looking for that. 

 

You sound like you've got so much love to give. I hope you find someone who makes you happy.

 

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It's hard being in the minority, and I'm sure many asexuals feel the same as you do. That's why I wear the black ring, just a little reminder that I'm not alone.

 

Please don't give up hope, you'll have to sieve through all the bad until you catch the gold, sure, but I'm certain you'll find that someone. 😊

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