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4 minutes ago, Snao Cone said:

In a premeditated way, for sure.

I suppose I have a skewed perspective. My mom had several restraining orders and we had to call the cops on my dad a few times. Mostly he'd just sit outside the house in his car, but. So my brain "may" catastrophize things. 😎

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11 minutes ago, Skullery Maid said:

Oh yeah i found out about my ex from our bank account and then when my sister-in-law hacked her email. Delightful. 

The joys of hacking. Always discover the unexpected 

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8 minutes ago, Skullery Maid said:

I suppose I have a skewed perspective. My mom had several restraining orders and we had to call the cops on my dad a few times. Mostly he'd just sit outside the house in his car, but. So my brain "may" catastrophize things. 😎

Should’ve offered him a cup of tea and not sit outside in the cold. (Cup of tea £2)

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1 hour ago, Skullery Maid said:

My concern isn't for the service... but like, what if it pisses someone off that strangers were involved in the breakup, and felt increased humiliation because of that aspect, and made it more likely they then hurt the person who just left them? It feels like it's meaner and more humiliating than being broken up with normally. 

Ah, makes sense.  I was thinking of the reference to worker’s comp.

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Just now, ryn2 said:

Ah, makes sense.  I was thinking of the reference to worker’s comp.

Yeah, my brain muddled the two scenarios. I've been bedbound with vertigo so my thinking has been... less clear. 

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7 hours ago, CBC said:

Oh I'm pretty sure there are some 38-year-old incels our there who scrape together the money in a desperate attempt to remedy the fact that they spend all their time holed up in their childhood bedroom at their parents' place and the only boobs they've ever seen were on Pornhub. Oh and that one time (that they still jerk off to) when they were 19 and they walked in on their mum as she was getting out of the shower.

I'm so, so pleased I re-read that last sentence a few times before I made a joke about myself.

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1 hour ago, Skullery Maid said:

I've been bedbound with vertigo so my thinking has been... less clear. 

Oh, boo, that sucks!!  I hope you feel better soon!

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I'd be pissed off if some boyfriend sent some hired person to break up with me. Seriously, you have the guts to ask someone out or generally spend time with them? You don't want to hurt them? then tell them directly, don't drag it out. Avoidance doesn't stop the pain for the other person, you're just not around for it.

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32 minutes ago, Balance said:

I'd be pissed off if some boyfriend sent some hired person to break up with me. Seriously, you have the guts to ask someone out or generally spend time with them? You don't want to hurt them? then tell them directly, don't drag it out. Avoidance doesn't stop the pain for the other person, you're just not around for it.

Is that what’s called ghosting? I’ve had that done to me when someone just disappeared and you’re left wondering. Then you see them in the passing and they blank you.  what I’ve never understood there is whether they are to scared to say bye bye or are they playing some mind game and playing hard to get and wanting chased. 
Since I don’t chase people they’ll have a long wait for the second one and if it’s the first then I’ll do it for them next time I see them. 
You’re saying it’s not having the guts, to me it’s just rude not telling the other person what’s going on. 
I got dumped a few years ago and was on here telling everyone. It was great cos it was the first person who ever told me without any drama. 😂

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@Halffull You made me laugh out loud, so thanks! And I haven't laughed in so long! Sorry, it would never occur to me that someone blowing me off would want to be chased. [hearty laugh!] I've heard of people trying to get someone jealous, but breaking up with them to make you chase them? I'd be staring at them blankly if that's what they expected. It also wouldn't occur to me that it was rude or mind games, I would seriously just think "no guts". Yeah, I prefer no drama, just matter of fact. That's just the way my head works, it wouldn't even occur to me.

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21 minutes ago, Balance said:

@Halffull You made me laugh out loud, so thanks! And I haven't laughed in so long! Sorry, it would never occur to me that someone blowing me off would want to be chased. [hearty laugh!] I've heard of people trying to get someone jealous, but breaking up with them to make you chase them? I'd be staring at them blankly if that's what they expected. It also wouldn't occur to me that it was rude or mind games, I would seriously just think "no guts". Yeah, I prefer no drama, just matter of fact. That's just the way my head works, it wouldn't even occur to me.

Well the way I’m thinking they are wanting chased is you get some excuse why they aren’t coming round so often or contacting you. You’re maybe right no guts so they think if they treat you like that then you’ll do it for them. 

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7 minutes ago, CBC said:

If I ghost someone it's because it'll be less weird for both of us. I would never ghost someone I was in a relationship with, but an acquaintance or a friendship that was already fading for whatever reason... if it was less awkward or hurtful that way than explaining would be... seems fine to me. I dunno. Like I say, wouldn't do it out of the blue to someone very close.

 

For me there might be some element of fear, but that's definitely not how I play hard to get haha. I've got other methods for that. 😂

Well if someone’s playing hard to get. My view is they are too hard to get so it’ll be cheerio 👋

I just don’t get though why not let the other person know what’s going on. That way you can go your separate ways and still respect each other.
I seen an ex about 6 months ago drive past me that ghosted me years ago. Still don’t know what’s happening there cos last thing she said was how busy she was with x,y and z but she’s be in by sometime. (So if I believed her I’d still be waiting yet). Then got blanked every time she passed. 
anyway she drove past and tooted and waved.  Errr what???? 
Blanked me for months, not seen you for years and like I said on previous post been very rude. Well I’ll show her rude if we ever meet again 👍

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1 minute ago, CBC said:

@Halffull If that's the way she ended the relationship, then yeah, very rude and hurtful and disrespectful. If the relationship ended in an openly acknowledged way and she just really didn't want to keep in touch after that, that's where I don't see an issue with ghosting. But absolutely no way would I break up with someone that way.

Yeah, I would never end a relationship that way, but it's absolutely how I end things that are faded. Or like, if something has been repeatedly discussed with no change... I had a friend who was really disrespectful to me, over and over and over again, and it's like... I'm just not answering your calls anymore. I'm not having this conversation one more damn time. 

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That’s what I mean, if you tell what’s happening and it’s bye bye then great. If they don’t accept it then maybe you do need to cut them off. But I’m speaking about leading them on and then just cold shoulder. 
I went out with someone about a year ago and they started showing similar symptoms of about to do the same thing. IE not replying to messages or returning calls. So I confronted them about it and they then said they wanted to break it off and was just not sure how to do it. I pointed out they could’ve just said. Surprisingly (and I think it’s cos we were honest with each other) we’ve remained friends. I put that down to cos we were honest and respectful 

 

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Just now, Skullery Maid said:

Awww, that's really nice you were open to their response and stayed friends. I feel like that had to have required some ego swallowing. I commend you. 

Well the way I see it, I’ve got a right to be happy. And they’ve got a right to be happy. If things don’t or are not working out together then speak about it and either try and work on the issues or go your separate ways and find happy some other way. But if remaining friends is possible then why not? I’d say we are probably happier being friends than being a couple 

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And speaking of helping making people happy. I’m about to go to the shop and help myself to a few donuts 😃

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3 hours ago, Halffull said:

And speaking of helping making people happy. I’m about to go to the shop and help myself to a few donuts 😃

Donuts never ghost you, so that is a good idea!

 

And I mean breaking up with people is awkward but some people just are too scared to do it so would rather someone else do it or just avoid. Communication issues galore. 

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2 hours ago, Serran said:

Donuts never ghost you, so that is a good idea!

 

And I mean breaking up with people is awkward but some people just are too scared to do it so would rather someone else do it or just avoid. Communication issues galore. 

Well at least you’re not like that. Most people wait till they’ve a visa before dumping 😜

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33 minutes ago, Halffull said:

Well at least you’re not like that. Most people wait till they’ve a visa before dumping 😜

This is true! I dumped you before that and didn't ghost you!

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9 minutes ago, CBC said:

I'm confused. 😂 Last I checked, I didn't have a boyfriend.

 

If this isn't meant for me, I'm still confused haha.

Lol. Sometimes I do odd stuff...  One example is I have a crush and my ex (female) bf. Lol 😬 I do not think he swings my way. 

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I’ll have what they’re having...

 

It’s either so late this makes zero sense to my weary brain or the time has nothing to do with it. 😂🤷🏻‍♀️

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2 hours ago, Sir_The_Last said:

Lol. Sometimes I do odd stuff...  One example is I have a crush and my ex (female) bf. Lol 😬 I do not think he swings my way. 

I can understand what you’re saying. That’s another example of those tricks life likes to play!

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