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Pumpkin Spice Eggnog Latte

I’ve decided I want to take the lead on decorating cubicles for a small portion of my team this year.  I don’t know what we’re doing but it won’t be sexy

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squishward

After learning a lot about myself since becoming familiar with asexuality 6 years ago, and coming back to AVEN after several years away, I think it's been a lot easier for me to categorize my experiences. I do believe I experience sexual attraction as well as romantic attraction, however, if there was a bell curve for the average allo experience, I'd probably be rather on the outskirts of that curve...

 

I'm a sexual, but:

 

-though I can enjoy and desire sex in a relationship, when I'm not in a relationship, I couldn't really care less about sex and don't actively pursue it. Pretty ok doing things 'solo'

 

-I also don't actively pursue relationships really... I don't have any issue being single and there's a lot about romantic relationships that I don't like

 

-I experience attraction and get crushes, but it doesn't necessarily mean I want to act on them, even if the other person was available and reciprocal. I just kinda like the fluttery, warm feeling when I'm around them and desire their presence. I would choose a life partner more practically, dependent on how well we click and get along and are compatible in values. Are we best friends and devoted to each other? That's all that matters. If I'm attracted to their personality, I will probably develop enough other attraction to enjoy a sexual relationship with them as a partner

 

-I'm not very visual. I'm not sexually attracted to people I don't know, and don't get turned on by "hot bods" or whatever 

 

-I don't necessarily place romantic/sexual relationships as a priority over my other relationships like family and close friends

 

-it's a very teensy tiny part of my identity, same with gender. My life is more about meaningful work, learning new things, and making friends and memories

 

-I have a stronger social need for a close group of friends with shared goals and interests compared to a partner. I'd be ok without ever having a single life partner if I felt I had a strong group bond (think from Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter or whatever). However, if I had a partner but not the group, I'd always feel like something is missing in my life.

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Halffull

DONUTS!!!

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DeviousDex
On 9/24/2019 at 5:04 PM, Kimchi Peanut said:

I’m sexual but I don’t masturbate

I had a friend ask me if I do this. I have roommates and thin walls and honestly don't see how they'd even get away with it. They insisted I must and I told them how stupid a question this was. I not sure why people assume this stuff. 

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KiraS

I'm sexual but I think celibacy is healthier for me with where I am right now. Dealing with sexual relationships for me involves working around way too much queer and gender baggage to be worth the energy.

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Sora Lawlight
On 9/24/2019 at 8:34 PM, cbc said:

 And I don't recall ever finding a stranger attractive and immediately jumping to imagining sex with them, either. I just... I get butterflies in my stomach, act like a nervous dork, and that's kind of it.

I have never even felt "butterfly's in my stomach." To me that concept is strange, where just seeing someone can cause that feeling.

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CBC
On 11/8/2019 at 8:29 PM, Sora Lawlight said:

I have never even felt "butterfly's in my stomach." To me that concept is strange, where just seeing someone can cause that feeling.

Yeah that's very very rare for me with a stranger, tbh. And it wouldn't really be a result of just seeing them for sure, like with no interaction whatsoever. It could happen with a tiny bit of communication, though... employee at a store, someone next to me on public transit, whatever. Still incredibly rare in reality though.

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Serran
1 hour ago, cbc said:

Yeah that's very very rare for me with a stranger, tbh. And it wouldn't really be a result of just seeing them for sure, like with no interaction whatsoever. It could happen with a tiny bit of communication, though... employee at a store, someone next to me on public transit, whatever. Still incredibly rare in reality though.

I feel it after knowing someone for like a year if I like them... 

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CBC
8 minutes ago, Serran said:

I feel it after knowing someone for like a year if I like them... 

Hrmm yeah, I definitely get butterflies way sooner than that. An actual crush takes much longer, though.

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anisotrophic

I'm sexual but I almost never have sex in my dreams.

 

When sex features in a dream at all it's just like a random weird event, and my dream self is confused.

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Pumpkin Spice Eggnog Latte

I'm sexual but I don't really "pursue sex"

 

I don't even know what the fuck that means.

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Nai

I'm sexual but getting turned on by certain images/descriptions/etc definitely depends on the mood I'm in

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CBC

I'm sexual and right now I really miss sex but the reality is that I feel like such garbage (physically/mentally) that I could be faced with the opportunity for the best sex of my lifetime and I'd almost certainly take a pass. Which annoys me. 😂

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CBC
On 11/11/2019 at 10:48 AM, anisotrophic said:

I'm sexual but I almost never have sex in my dreams.

Same. I've had sexual tension in dreams many times, but rarely actual sex. And the sexual tension is usually (not always, but often enough) with people I've never even had a crush on. Oh and, literally all the dream sex I've had... strangers. Always women too, I've never had dream sex with a guy (but the sexual tension thing with guys, yeah). 

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Kimchi Peanut

I’m sexual and I’ve had maybe three? dreams ever that were sexual in nature. (That I remember.) So jumping in on that point. I have had dreams where I was in a relationship with a fictional person or someone in real life that I would never ever see that way. And the sex in the few dreams where it occurred... wasn’t sexy. It was more weird and tension-y than enjoyable. And I don’t think I was ever “me” in those dreams - I was some other person. 
 

Yeah, my dreams are very unsexy like being naked in public with my teeth falling out and I can’t speak. Or being on a space ship trying to run a hospital for puppets. Not sexy at all.

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CBC
5 minutes ago, Kimchi Peanut said:

So jumping in on that point. I have had dreams where I was in a relationship with a fictional person or someone in real life that I would never ever see that way.

YES. So much this. The weirdest one for me... in my early 20s, I had a dream wherein I had a crush on, and some sort of sexual tension with, a guy I went to school with from kindergarten to grade eight. Brad. I hadn't seen him since I was 14 because we went to different high schools, but here I was at 21-22 having romantic/sexy dreams about him. 😐 There was nothing I ever found remotely interesting about him in real life. He was super quiet, struggled academically, was a really bland person aesthetically, wasn't funny, wasn't artistic, wasn't well-spoken... he was just all-round mehhh. I remember he was a Type 1 diabetic, and as such, he ate plain rice cakes as snacks. His personality was like a plain rice cake. Yet here I was as a 20-something, having a sex dream about some teenage kid who I hadn't actually thought about for the better part of a decade. My beloved Brad. 😂

 

Also, fun fact: So, the person I married before discovering the whole... gay... thing. I've never had a sex dream about him ever. I've never even had a romantic dream about him. Not a single one. Ever. 🤷🏼‍♀️

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Uncle D

I'm sexual, I am sexual, I am too overly sexual......my desire is off the charts, I am hooked on naked female bodies, I am hooked on pleasure, really hooked on pleasure......I mentioned being hooked on pleasure right?.....my Psychiatrist classed me as a nymphomaniac, I said, but, I thought that was just for females, he said, guys can be nymphomaniacs too.....I mean lots of guys are sex nuts, but even after I have (had) sex, (sigh no more sex), I was never satisfied, wanted more.....it's all I ever think about, everything I see reminds me of something sexual.....I have often wished I could be like many of the people on here, that have no desire for sex or anything to do with it.....I wish I could be like my wife and not have any desire whatsoever, but still be madly in love......I don't understand how she is the way she is, I try to, but, the desire builds up and, I get so moody and mean that I am just not someone you want to be around and I can't help it, until I find release.....yes I am certifiably crazy.....if I could cry, I would cry a river....but, the medication I take, I think dried up the tears, for I used to cry alot.....I need to be close to my partner, my mate, my love, my wife......and she doesn't want or need me in that way....but, even if she did, it wouldn't be enough. I would still want more......yep I am sexual, I am too sexual. I am way too sexual. I'm almost 60 years old and still cannot stop wanting sex, that I cannot have.....btw, porn is a disease, an addiction, pleasure and desire are addictions.....too much of a good thing is so very bad.....oh, I cannot stand myself......lol

 

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CBC
10 hours ago, Uncle D said:

btw, porn is a disease, an addiction, pleasure and desire are addictions

All of those things can be addictions, but they're not inherently.

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CBC

I'm sexual but I've never purchased "sexy" undergarments and don't see it happening ever. There was a recent convo in a sexuality-related Facebook group I belong to about lingerie and lots of women commented that they love buying it and I was like... yeahhhh no. Neither I nor my partner wear lingerie and it would weird me the fuck out. 😂 If someone wasn't cool with my white cotton undies and occasional sports bras (though I generally don't bother with one at all), tough shit.

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Serran
16 hours ago, CBC said:

I'm sexual but I've never purchased "sexy" undergarments and don't see it happening ever. There was a recent convo in a sexuality-related Facebook group I belong to about lingerie and lots of women commented that they love buying it and I was like... yeahhhh no. Neither I nor my partner wear lingerie and it would weird me the fuck out. 😂 If someone wasn't cool with my white cotton undies and occasional sports bras (though I generally don't bother with one at all), tough shit.

I liked buying it but now I am kind of  ... in between about it. It ends up feeling like trying to compete with models and that's setting myself up for failure. But my wife likes it so I wanna wear it sometimes. I am so conflicted now. 😛

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Snao Cone

For someone who is asexual and only wears plain undergarments, I get a lot of Wish ads for very provocative lingerie. And some of it isn't even for the right set of genitals.

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CBC
1 minute ago, Snao Cone said:

For someone who is asexual and only wears plain undergarments, I get a lot of Wish ads for very provocative lingerie. And some of it isn't even for the right set of genitals.

I got some kinky BDSM stuff advertised on Wish the other day and I'd be nopeing out of anything BDSM super fast.

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Snao Cone

Yeah, I get some of that stuff too. And penile masturbation aids.

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CBC
Just now, Snao Cone said:

Yeah, I get some of that stuff too. And penile masturbation aids.

😂 I remember the one you sent me, yeah.

 

Er, the ad. Screenshot of an ad. To be perfectly clear to anyone reading this, Snao did not send me a penile masturbation aid. 😬

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Snao Cone
1 minute ago, CBC said:

😂 I remember the one you sent me, yeah.

 

Er, the ad. Screenshot of an ad. To be perfectly clear to anyone reading this, Snao did not send me a penile masturbation aid. 😬

We still have a week before Ukrainian Christmas...

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CBC
Just now, Snao Cone said:

We still have a week before Ukrainian Christmas...

Oooh, you're right! And I'm 50% Ukrainian, so. 😎

 

Or rather, 😬😬😬

 

Also re: BDSM stuff, it's interesting how different people are. Some people perceive that whole... black leather and metal aesthetic, with chains and pokey-looking things and whatever 😂... as sexy. It makes me feel threatened and uneasy. I couldn't handle a BDSM situation or even be with a partner who I knew liked/wanted that stuff, it would legit make me cry. I don't want boring sex lol, but I also don't want things that feel... dark? I dunno what other word to use to describe it.


(And obvs no offence intended to people who are into that stuff. They don't perceive it the same was as I do, of course.)

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Serran
54 minutes ago, CBC said:

Oooh, you're right! And I'm 50% Ukrainian, so. 😎

 

Or rather, 😬😬😬

 

Also re: BDSM stuff, it's interesting how different people are. Some people perceive that whole... black leather and metal aesthetic, with chains and pokey-looking things and whatever 😂... as sexy. It makes me feel threatened and uneasy. I couldn't handle a BDSM situation or even be with a partner who I knew liked/wanted that stuff, it would legit make me cry. I don't want boring sex lol, but I also don't want things that feel... dark? I dunno what other word to use to describe it.


(And obvs no offence intended to people who are into that stuff. They don't perceive it the same was as I do, of course.)

Heh. I think the point is it is meant to be threatening... but in the right hands it's all safe anyway and that's the pull. Knowing it could be quite scary but the good dom turns it into something safe and caring instead. 

 

Of course... vanilla people arent into it all the same. Which is fine. But, yeah. Most my lingerie is latex / PVC and domesque. Though it's hard to get to sexy and threatening but safe when I am a clumsy person. :D

 

 

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CBC
2 minutes ago, Serran said:

Heh. I think the point is it is meant to be threatening... but in the right hands it's all safe anyway and that's the pull. Knowing it could be quite scary but the good dom turns it into something safe and caring instead. 

Yeah that's exactly what I understand is the case. And it totally makes sense. More "vanilla" folks still have the whole trust and vulnerability and safety dynamic, just not with the same sort of stuff. It's craaaazy to me how much complete trust and comfort makes, tbh; like... ohhhh ok, this is how sex is supposed to be. None of it is supposed to be weird and you're not supposed to feel super self-conscious and it's supposed to connect completely to feelings of love and respect. And although I'm not into BDSM stuff, I'm also not really into the whole... like, super gentle and sweet kinda thing either. Gentle and sweet is for cuddling haha, my ideal sex is a lot more... intense? Uninhibited? Which is not achievable without safety and caring. So I completely understand the dynamics of BDSM, it just doesn't translate in my brain the same way it does for people who are into it.

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CBC

Also this is a random question that just popped into mind, but... @Serran, isn't latex/PVC terribly uncomfortable?

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william26

I'm sexual but I have sex for love, not lust

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