Ceebs Posted February 26, 2022 Share Posted February 26, 2022 Yeah I mean... my exes are both American and I remember my ex-husband telling me about his mum deciding if it was worth it to take her kids to the doctor, and my ex-girlfriend buying antibiotics online that were meant for fish cos she didn't want to pay for medical care... sooooo... My dad was an auditor at General Motors of Canada for decades so he had good health insurance there, but I was kicked off that at 25. I get some coverage from disability support now, but I'd still really be screwed over without the healthcare system here. Which, you know, plays into a lot of deep-seated shame issues I have, but hey ho. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted February 26, 2022 Share Posted February 26, 2022 Yeah, we do have disability coverage here. It’s the lower-income people who are able to work (whether or not they do) but who don’t have insurance that are in a bind. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ceebs Posted February 26, 2022 Share Posted February 26, 2022 Yeah my ex-husband's mum is on... ummm, whatever you call disability in the States because she has chronic illness stuff. Ehhh, politics is fucked up. I'm disillusioned with everyone these days. I've been a lifelong leftist but I'm discovering some problems there too now, so. At least there's beer. Cheers. 😂 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted February 26, 2022 Share Posted February 26, 2022 37 minutes ago, Ceebs. said: whatever you call disability in the States Disability. SSDI, but everyone just calls it disability. And, yes, beer is more dependable than politics. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ceebs Posted February 26, 2022 Share Posted February 26, 2022 1 hour ago, ryn2 said: And, yes, beer is more dependable than politics. Amen to that. 😂 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ceebs Posted March 1, 2022 Share Posted March 1, 2022 Update: I skipped the expensive sex toy in favour of another pair of (not exactly inexpensive...) headphones. The sex toy with nerdy orgasm science data was incredibly tempting, but Tele and I nerd out over headphones cos we listen to a ridiculous amount of music, so. I think I made a better choice. 😂 I'm probably fine continuing with the subjective self-assessment method when it comes to orgasms, but you can never be too much of an audiophile. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ceebs Posted March 4, 2022 Share Posted March 4, 2022 Further update: New headphones are probably better for my relationship than a sex toy would've been anyway. I went on a long monologue about my new pair yesterday, their features and comparing them to my other pairs, and Tele explained some audio geekery to me (he works with a lot of audio equipment for his job). Other comments: "Sex toy… headphones… same itch" and "Headphone nerd babble. I love this very much." 😂 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Libellule Posted April 5, 2022 Share Posted April 5, 2022 Some of these things have probably already been mentioned somewhere in this thread. I'm sexual, but... I've never felt like having sex with someone just because I thought they were hot. I also don't spend a lot of time thinking about "hot" people I don't experience strong visually-driven attraction. There are definitely some features that I am more drawn to, but it's nowhere near as strong for me than it seems to be for other people, and I've never liked talking about my "type" with others I can go for months without sex and not feel bothered about it. Though at some poin I start missing just having that connection with someone, but not so much the act itself I still struggle with hang-ups and feelings of guilt or shame about sex I can think of a good amount of sexual stuff that I have never done and just find the mere thought of doing repulsive I've had one night stands but am not super into those. I find sleeping with someone new for the first time mostly just awkward. It's nice if you can laugh it off with the other person though 😅 These things are all probably part of the reason why I had doubts about my sexuality in the past, and why I sometimes still catch myself thinking I might be 'not sexual enough'. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ceebs Posted April 6, 2022 Share Posted April 6, 2022 5 hours ago, Libellule said: I've never felt like having sex with someone just because I thought they were hot. I also don't spend a lot of time thinking about "hot" people Same. 5 hours ago, Libellule said: I don't experience strong visually-driven attraction. There are definitely some features that I am more drawn to, but it's nowhere near as strong for me than it seems to be for other people, and I've never liked talking about my "type" with others Yep, same again. 5 hours ago, Libellule said: I can go for months without sex and not feel bothered about it. Though at some poin I start missing just having that connection with someone, but not so much the act itself When I was much younger and dealing with sexual shame and other stuff, and also when I was kind of sexually shut down in my marriage, I cared so little that it felt like I could go indefinitely without sex. These days... if I was single, I feel like I'd be pretty antsy about it a lot of the time, but yeah, because of the connection aspect. Sure I could masturbate, but I wouldn't have someone to associate my sexual feelings with, and thinking of attractive randoms, celebrities or whatever, does nothing for me. It's about the interpersonal connection. After my last relationship ended, I remember mentally freaking out about what if I never had that again, never found a meaningful sexual connection with someone. It just sounded devastating and sad. 5 hours ago, Libellule said: I still struggle with hang-ups and feelings of guilt or shame about sex Thank god I don't anymore. I know what that's like for sure. I used to have incredible amounts of overwhelming sexual shame that made having sex not worth the emotional fallout afterwards. It's exactly the opposite now, really... my sexuality is one of the things I like most about myself and I think I have a really healthy connection to it. 5 hours ago, Libellule said: I can think of a good amount of sexual stuff that I have never done and just find the mere thought of doing repulsive Besides all sorts of random niche fetishes and stuff of course, which... well, don't turn most people on anyway... there are a few things that fall into that category for me. I've never had anal sex and don't want to and the idea grosses me out. Luckily, I've never had a partner who's wanted it either. 5 hours ago, Libellule said: I've had one night stands but am not super into those. Never actually had one of those. I've had a few very short term... connections... that went absolutely nowhere, but never actually had a one-night stand. I really don't think I'd like it. I mean who knows, there was a period in my life many years ago where I tentatively planned to do more things like going out to clubs and I suppose in my head that meant the possibility of stuff like that, but it never really happened and I don't think I missed out on anything. With the clubs alone, haha; from the few experiences I had, really not my scene. 5 hours ago, Libellule said: I sometimes still catch myself thinking I might be 'not sexual enough' For some reason I worry about this too, and it's based almost entirely on the fact that my libido is largely driven by my emotional state and by feeling connected to my partner, and not much at all by random horniness. If I'm feeling anywhere from just a bit crap to really great, I'm probably up for sex and am often the one to initiate. And despite struggling with depression, my threshold for what counts as 'too miserable to bother with sex' is quite high lol, so I have to be feeling incredibly awful to not want it. And my relationship is a happy and healthy one, so that influences it too. I want sex often enough that by those criteria I have a fairly high libido. But I almost never just feel that nagging random urge, with some sort of a biological basis I guess, to get off... so my brain worries that makes me 'not sexual enough'. (Which my partner says is absolutely not true lol.) 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Jerrod Posted April 6, 2022 Share Posted April 6, 2022 I'm sexual but I find the intensity of my needs waxing and waning. My wife, I believe, is asexual although this has never been actually addressed by her. We have sex maybe 4 times a year. I find that there are periods of about 10 days a month where I'm ridiculously unhappy with my situation. During these periods I watch a lot of pornography (and sometimes think I may be bisexual) and lust after females I know on social media. I had a phone sex thing ONCE about three years ago with an ex and it was HOT but I felt terribly guilty afterwards. This usually leads in to a period like now where I can take it or leave it. I'm content, happy with my life, home and family, and have zero interest in straying.... but in about 2 weeks time I'll start the "grass is always greener" lusting stage all over again. It's very confusing for me. If my wife could switch on her sexuality for 10 days out of 30 I'd be fine 😅😅 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ceebs Posted April 6, 2022 Share Posted April 6, 2022 11 minutes ago, Jerrod said: I had a phone sex thing ONCE about three years ago with an ex and it was HOT I mean... phone sex can be incredibly hot lol, so. 😂 But I can understand the guilt, for sure. And yeah, that's a frustrating position to be in. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Jerrod Posted April 6, 2022 Share Posted April 6, 2022 1 hour ago, Ceebs. said: I mean... phone sex can be incredibly hot lol, so. 😂 But I can understand the guilt, for sure. And yeah, that's a frustrating position to be in. Well, it was a picture sharing session too. So, along with the guilt, I was catastrophising about the possibility of revenge porn... not that the pictures would get many views if they were shared 😅 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Taro Posted April 6, 2022 Share Posted April 6, 2022 On 9/25/2019 at 1:08 AM, anamikanon said: I am sexual, but I have no intentions of having sex with my ace unless he WANTS it - which is not likely. More like you please 🥲 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
justgotaquestion Posted June 7, 2022 Share Posted June 7, 2022 I’m sexual but the action or thought of banging anybody irl is repulsive to me. Please no. I tend to space out and change topics in thought when I try to to imagine it happening. (Fictional characters however…) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ceebs Posted June 9, 2022 Share Posted June 9, 2022 On 6/7/2022 at 12:54 AM, justgotaquestion said: I’m sexual but the action or thought of banging anybody irl is repulsive to me. Please no. Have you discussed that with anyone like a therapist? Or what's stopping you from identifying as asexual if you never want actual sex with an actual person? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
iff Posted June 9, 2022 Share Posted June 9, 2022 On 6/7/2022 at 5:54 AM, justgotaquestion said: I’m sexual but the action or thought of banging anybody irl is repulsive to me. Please no. Is the problem thinking of it as "banging" like to me that term just seems more aggressive than under terms for having sex like "making love"? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ceebs Posted June 12, 2022 Share Posted June 12, 2022 I'm sexual... usually quite sexual tbh 🙃... but lately sex has sounded maybe only marginally better than a lobotomy. It's not that I feel like whatever asexuals feel about sex, just that I feel worn down and fairly dead inside. Good times. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ThannaA Posted June 12, 2022 Share Posted June 12, 2022 im sexual but don’t want to hurt my asexual husband Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ceebs Posted June 12, 2022 Share Posted June 12, 2022 56 minutes ago, kamel said: im sexual but don’t want to hurt my asexual husband To be fair I don't think most sexuals actively want to hurt their asexual partners... 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ThannaA Posted June 12, 2022 Share Posted June 12, 2022 2 hours ago, Lady Telecaster said: To be fair I don't think most sexuals actively want to hurt their asexual partners... 🙏 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ThannaA Posted June 12, 2022 Share Posted June 12, 2022 1 minute ago, kamel said: 🙏 i can’t think of another ‘but’ to say Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ThannaA Posted June 12, 2022 Share Posted June 12, 2022 3 minutes ago, kamel said: i can’t think of another ‘but’ to say perhaps other than i’ve been and probably still am always going to be willing to forego Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ceebs Posted June 12, 2022 Share Posted June 12, 2022 3 hours ago, kamel said: perhaps other than i’ve been and probably still am always going to be willing to forego Just don't do that at major expense to your own mental/emotional wellbeing. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SusannaC Posted June 14, 2022 Share Posted June 14, 2022 On 6/12/2022 at 12:16 AM, Ceebs said: I'm sexual... usually quite sexual tbh 🙃... but lately sex has sounded maybe only marginally better than a lobotomy. It's not that I feel like whatever asexuals feel about sex, just that I feel worn down and fairly dead inside. Good times. WTF? Hope all is okay..🙏🏻 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ceebs Posted June 14, 2022 Share Posted June 14, 2022 5 hours ago, SusannaC said: WTF? Hope all is okay..🙏🏻 Ohhh... various stressy life things. I've no doubt things will be fine next month when there's no Atlantic Ocean to contend with haha, but between Tele being busy with work stuff and me feeling shit with a flare-up of ulcer and other digestive stuff... and just depression weariness as well I suppose... not much sexytime has been happening and I think my brain and body have taken a little holiday from Shagging Mode. 🙃 He's on a camping/cycling trip at the moment anyway, something he does with his friend pretty much every summer. I'm vaguely concerned though because I feel like I've been having issues with physical arousal lately, and that's incredibly unlike me and it's annoying... 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ceebs Posted June 14, 2022 Share Posted June 14, 2022 The lobotomy thing may have been a bit dramatic. 😂 More like I feel roughly the same about sex as I do about watching a documentary about algebra right now.* *I might be a massive nerd, but not enough of a nerd to get excited about an algebra documentary 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Someone Else Posted June 14, 2022 Share Posted June 14, 2022 On 12/10/2021 at 5:15 PM, Ceebs said: I'm not a doer, I'm a lost-in-my-own-little-world person. Waiting. Waiting for what, I don't know. Waiting for things to feel ok. This sounds all too familiar. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ceebs Posted June 14, 2022 Share Posted June 14, 2022 3 minutes ago, Someone Else said: This sounds all too familiar. I'm seriously jealous of the people who got the doer gene. 😂 It sounds like a much more effective way to live than this la-la land nonsense. Too much thinking/feeling/ruminating/whatever and not enough action. I suspect doers are perhaps less prone to depression and anxiety. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Someone Else Posted June 14, 2022 Share Posted June 14, 2022 19 minutes ago, Ceebs said: I'm seriously jealous of the people who got the doer gene. 😂 It sounds like a much more effective way to live than this la-la land nonsense. Too much thinking/feeling/ruminating/whatever and not enough action. I suspect doers are perhaps less prone to depression and anxiety. COnfident people are often basically living in another universe that is nothing like this one, or so it seems. Oh, maybe I'll ask about the secret of confidence, and typical answers are "Dress well. Have good posture. Speak calmly. Know that you will win." OHHH that's what I was missing, yeah I'll go get a tie and everything will be fine. /sarcasm. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mountain House Posted June 14, 2022 Share Posted June 14, 2022 31 minutes ago, Ceebs said: a documentary about algebra Ooooo, haven't come across that one yet. I'll keep looking. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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