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I'm sexual but...


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10 minutes ago, Traveler40 said:

Funny! I have a gajillion emails from - ahem - PM’s. As you can see I haven’t checked in since before our camping trip. 

I do wonder if that's the longest-running group PM in AVEN history now. 😂 Six months, 136 pages, 3392 replies... and counting. I had no idea what I was spawning and it's strayed so far from its original purpose lol.

 

14 minutes ago, Traveler40 said:

By the time I check in, the task of catch up will be monumental. 🙄🤣

I don't think you've missing anything vital tbh. It's all just babble, really.

 

But yes, The Subject At Hand haha... I gather you've got the gist of that now. I don't know why I stick round really, at least not from a practical standpoint. But after 17 years, I guess it's my online home.

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On 7/15/2021 at 6:49 PM, Ceebs. said:

I don't know why I stick round really, at least not from a practical standpoint.

Because you are a voice of sanity, that thread just makes me feel bad for asexual people and those trying to figure themselves out

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7 hours ago, œddy said:

Because you are a voice of sanity, that thread just makes me feel bad for asexual people and those trying to figure themselves out

Oh, well thank you haha. Sometimes I try to be...

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  • 3 months later...
On 10/29/2021 at 4:03 PM, Druidtankclass said:

I think I'm sexual. But I'm not physically attracted to anyone until I'm in love with them. Is this normal?

Normal? Sure. There's no right way to be a sexual person.

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  • 4 weeks later...

I... am entirely happy, being able to express my love for my ace friend, while not forcing her to do or reciprocate anything.

For me at least, it's enough to know that I'm as close as her heart is willing to embrace another person.

To not be expected to... just bury my feelings, and pretend it's not a thing.

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Mountain House
11 hours ago, Shunyaku said:

I... am entirely happy, being able to express my love for my ace friend, ...

To not be expected to... just bury my feelings, and pretend it's not a thing.

Oh shoot.  I just wrote a reply in your thread suggesting this very thing.  And you are apparently already there, so, carry on!  I mean, love on!

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  • 3 weeks later...

I'm sexual but I feel like I almost don't have a sexuality when it isn't tied to someone else. I'm not demi, I'm not grey-a (whatever that even means), I'm not anything but... sexual... but I feel like the entire point of my own sexuality is connection with someone else. Outside of that, it barely exists. It needs another person in order to exist. Even having a libido at all seems dependent on having a connection. What does one do with a libido if someone else isn't in the picture? Have a wank, obviously. But wanking is not like shared sexual activity. Just masturbating seems sad to me. Kind of pointless. (Yes I know, pleasure can be the point, but again, my ability to feel sexual is dependent on the existence of someone else, so. Feeling that physical pleasure but disconnected from another person just makes me feel miserable.)

 

Maybe this is partly why I'm bisexual? I'm not drawn to any particular sex/gender/whatever, I'm drawn to being sexual with another person, and being sexual with them is almost solely an expression of feeling (and the reason I say I'm not demi is because those feelings could be based on something formed in the space of a few hours, although I'd still strongly prefer it be a serious relationship).

 

I assume this is why it eventually wasn't difficult to simply not have sex with my asexual ex-husband, why I was actually turned off by the idea. The emotional connection I needed wasn't there, I didn't love him, wasn't attracted to him, etc., so there were no feelings to base any desire on. Even if we got on totally fine as friends.

 

I guess it's probably why I don't actively seek people out, either. Dating sites, apps, whatever... trying to find people to date via any method... I just don't do it. I never have. There's no motivation because it feels like my sexuality doesn't exist and that seems like a really tall order -- looking at strangers on an app to see which one of them might be capable of being the sole reason I have a sexuality (intentionally worded dramatically, obvs). Although as I've got older, it's been a little different. When my most recent previous relationship ended, I started worrying about what if I never had the chance to have a connection with someone again. But it would probably have never got to the point where I'd actively look.

 

I have a problem like that in life in general. I just passively wait for things to happen by chance. I'm not a doer, I'm a lost-in-my-own-little-world person. Waiting. Waiting for what, I don't know. Waiting for things to feel ok.

 

But now we're getting into the territory of my disastrously complicated mental health, so. 🙃

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  • 2 weeks later...
AceAndAlwaysLearning
On 10/29/2021 at 4:03 PM, Druidtankclass said:

I think I'm sexual. But I'm not physically attracted to anyone until I'm in love with them. Is this normal? I'm Druid by the way and dating an Ace.

This experience is often described as demisexuality, if you would like a term/experience to learn more about. 

Happy learning! 

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  • 1 month later...

hey everyone! im probably sexual But i dont wanna have sex or i dont experience strong sexual attraction . 😛

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  • 3 weeks later...

I'm sexual but... I don't need another sex toy and someone ought to talk me out of buying one that will come to $330 CAD after converting from American dollars lol. I could afford it right now but I really am not a wealthy person as a whole, so. 😂

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13 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

For $330 CAD I hope it makes you lunch afterwards.

It probably won't, but it is supposed to give me continued feedback on the quality of my orgasms. 😂

 

I'm not sure I'll be buying it, though...

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Mountain House
1 hour ago, Ceebs. said:

but it is supposed to give me continued feedback on the quality of my orgasms.

You already know the quality. Was it good?

 

Don't buy something that has you chasing a number.

 

That'll be $165 please...

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6 minutes ago, Mountain House said:

You already know the quality. Was it good?

😂

 

Yes, fair point...

 

7 minutes ago, Mountain House said:

Don't buy something that has you chasing a number.

 

That'll be $165 please...

Well played and genuinely good advice haha.

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2 hours ago, Mountain House said:

Don't buy something that has you chasing a number.

This!  Does it make you close your rings like an apple watch?  XD

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Good advice when it comes to a bathroom scale as well. 

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2 hours ago, ryn2 said:

This!  Does it make you close your rings like an apple watch?  XD

Honestly, that crap WORKS! The only day I haven’t closed all rings in forever was Christmas Eve this past year. (I Got busy playing Santa and missed activity minutes.)

 

600 KCal

30 Activity

12 Stand

 

Those freaking numbers rule my day which I both loathe and somehow love. 🙄🤦🏻‍♀️😂 Closing those rings is critical.
 

God, now I really want one for orgasms. Not for quality, but yes! I love having goals! 😂

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If anyone wondered about Telecaster's response... lol.

 

 

9891-EB48-3-A07-485-D-8-F91-543-CD9-EFF0

82-D8959-F-A79-B-4-DBE-BBED-A3564-D92-CA

And then moments later...

33-F8655-A-1455-413-E-A021-3-D68392-B3-F

E0-F74865-4-F6-F-4630-8-B01-0908-A308212

 

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See, for one of the first times ever I both agree and disagree with Tele!

 

1. Cuddling after 😊♥️ - So important that! Many times it’s as good as the sex.

 

2. LESS efficient fucking is oh, OOO, so fab.

 

Efficiency is overrated in some respects. Ha

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16 minutes ago, Traveler40 said:

See, for one of the first times ever I both agree and disagree with Tele!

Nah, you fully agree actually. He was being very sarcastic there. I agree as well; who needs 'efficient' sex. (But I am a nerd, so I do totally want to see orgasm data lol.)

 

And yeah we were talking about cuddling and whatnot the other day. I mean not that we don't a lot, all the time haha, just... again. Cuddling and possibly just never letting go. Definitely just as good as sex. Just a few more months...

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A few more months 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
- Details- where, when, whoa! ♥️
 

It’s a funny thing with cuddling. I tuck myself under his arm, rest my head on his shoulder and snuggle in close. In that position I feel completely safe, totally loved and fully joined. There’s nothing like it. 

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7 hours ago, Ceebs. said:

(But I am a nerd, so I do totally want to see orgasm data lol.)

Thinking on that, I believe it can make for being great in bed. Frankly, my lover is a master of the art. Why? He observes. 
 

Every breath, move, facial expression, reaction or exclamation made is noted. He uses that knowledge with precision across time and practice. I never knew people like that existed - Completely selfless lovers who live to provide the utmost in pleasure to their partners.
 

After sex, he quizzes me with the collective goal being a roller versus a shaker (my lingo). They last longer, go deeper and are felt stronger. Rollers 🙌🏼!

 

Anyhow, he’s amazing due to the orgasm data he gathers, recalls and uses. 💥 
 

So, you can tell Tele it’s not so hair-brained after all!  Haha

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18 hours ago, Traveler40 said:

A few more months 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
- Details- where, when, whoa! ♥️

😂😂😂

 

We don't have stuff booked yet. But, summer. Here in the godforsaken humid, oppressive heat (I assume; that's often the norm for summer) of bloody Ontario. Not my favoured time of year weather-wise, but oh well. 
 

18 hours ago, Traveler40 said:

Anyhow, he’s amazing due to the orgasm data he gathers, recalls and uses. 💥 

Always a very good quality in a partner. ;) 

 

I'm quite proud of how very very very... very... er, good we are at each other. Despite the distance. Some people just click I think haha.

 

18 hours ago, Traveler40 said:

It’s a funny thing with cuddling. I tuck myself under his arm, rest my head on his shoulder and snuggle in close. In that position I feel completely safe, totally loved and fully joined. There’s nothing like it. 

That's adorable. And on my to-do list.

 

You know, it's the non-sexual touch that's more difficult with long-distance. Finding lots of ways to engage sexually is super easy tbh, and the mutual desire is there, and although in-person is even better, it doesn't feel like anything is lacking really when the connection is strong. Wanting a hug or a cuddle, though? That one's tough, all you can do is express a mutual wish to be doing it. Verbal emotional intimacy goes a long way, and talking about *~*feelings*~* and things haha, but it doesn't fully suffice. I find myself cuddling blankets and stuffed animals more... and yes I am a fully-grown adult and I am not remotely ashamed of that.
 

Also, there's a 53-year-old heterosexual man on the other side of the ocean with a little knitted lobster (handmade in Nova Scotia! 😂) that I sent him. It has a name and resides near or in his bed.

 



FD2-D0-B07-E13-D-46-F1-ADFB-D046-EC4-F4-


 

And I have several creatures he's named for me. We're revolting and it's great. ❤️

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Although I don't know if either of us is capable of full coherent sentences afterwards to do this...

 

17 hours ago, Traveler40 said:

After sex, he quizzes me

😂

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27 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

That lobster is so cute!

I ordered it from a woman on Etsy last summer because we have a running narrative about lobsters (seriously, we come up with so much ridiculous shit and I wouldn't know how to explain it in a million years), and when it arrived here (didn't go directly to Tele; I packed it in a giant box that cost me about $150 CAD to ship to the UK -- totally worth it haha), it was in a flat envelope, shrink-wrapped, and I was so confused at first and then burst out laughing and took this photo...

 

 

8-F8-FD115-060-C-41-F1-9-F0-B-3247-EEE48


 

(Aw that photo makes me nostalgic for my old place... fuck that move in August, felt like it nearly killed me. Not even the practical bits of it really, just the general exhaustion and emotional aspect and barely sleeping and... change. God I hate change. But I'm happy enough in the new place now, so.)

 

Anyway yeah, we're a pair of kids in some ways lol.  The various critters I own have names and personalities and backstories haha... this is how I was with stuffed animals as a child... and I think all the difficult life things both of us have dealt with and all the serious and intense discussions we've had and all the boring grownup stuff that comes with being human warrants some playfulness. I hope I never lose that. A few hours ago Tele was complaining about losing the bottle of cleaner for his glasses and wondering how they got so dirty anyway and I told him it was house goblins, which became a whole discussion about the existence and nature of said goblins. 😂

 

Life is long and hard and stupid and boring a lot of the time; might as well have some fun too. For a while I thought I wasn't a very imaginative person anymore like I used to be as a child, but it's nice having someone where we bring it out in each other even as adults. I didn't have that in my last relationship; I kept that part of myself private because it didn't seem safe somehow. There wasn't much laughter, either. I need laughter and silliness. Someone I can let my guard down with. My ex-husband did silly and playful at least, which is probably why we're friends, but then that didn't work in other ways, sexual mismatch being one obviously. Also he didn't seem to... need anything... from me. Emotionally, I mean. I need to feel like I'm good for someone. I'm not sure I ever have before in my life, so that's kinda new. Feels good.

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1 hour ago, Ceebs. said:

cost me about $150 CAD to ship

Yeah, one time I shipped a $1.50 USD box of candy to a friend in the UK for almost $75 USD.

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Well, the (financial) availability of healthcare in the US depends more on your insurance situation than on wealth.  If you have a job that provides good insurance (which isn’t the same as having a high-paying job) it can be pretty reasonable.  But, yes, people without insurance-providing jobs and also without resources of their own are for sure in a tough spot.

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