I'm sexual but...

[ryn2]

Both telling the truth and lying can be a lot of work.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

Just talking is a lot of hard work 😣

[ryn2]

28 minutes ago, AceMissBehaving said:

It really fucked me up my ability to believe in my own experiences.

Case in point, having mentioned it, I’m wondering how many people are now thinking “Oh, boo hoo.  Kid You was probably blowing it way out of proportion to get another kid in trouble.”  XD

[ryn2]

Just now, CBC said:

I've been more scared telling certain truths than I ever have been telling any lies. You can change your whole world with a single sentence, and you can't undo that change very well if it's a result of the truth.

Very true.  And especially if key players think you are possibly lying anyway, taking back a lie is so much easier.

[AceMissBehaving]

8 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

Case in point, having mentioned it, I’m wondering how many people are now thinking “Oh, boo hoo.  Kid You was probably blowing it way out of proportion to get another kid in trouble.”  XD

It’s a trip. For what it’s worth I believe you, and your situation growing up sounds especially complex. Here’s to growing up functional despite the odds being stacked against us!

[Anthracite_Impreza]

20 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

Case in point, having mentioned it, I’m wondering how many people are now thinking “Oh, boo hoo.  Kid You was probably blowing it way out of proportion to get another kid in trouble.”  XD

I've been gaslit my entire life so I understand this feeling. In combination with my alexithymia and anxiety I never know what I'm feeling or what's actually true.

[ryn2]

4 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

I never know what I'm feeling or what's actually true.

Right?  My therapist at the time I was working through this stuff was also frustrated.

[ryn2]

17 minutes ago, AceMissBehaving said:

Here’s to growing up functional despite the odds being stacked against us!

Cheers!

[Anthracite_Impreza]

1 minute ago, ryn2 said:

Right?  My therapist at the time I was working through this stuff was also frustrated.

I feel like my therapists (and anyone trying to talk to me about feels) get impatient with me cos I don't know what to say to them, and then as soon as they start getting frustrated or pushy I just shut down entirely. This is why therapy's basically pointless for me.

[ryn2]

Just now, Anthracite_Impreza said:

I feel like my therapists (and anyone trying to talk to me about feels) get impatient with me cos I don't know what to say to them, and then as soon as they start getting frustrated or pushy I just shut down entirely. This is why therapy's basically pointless for me.

Yes!

 

I did get a lot of good out of it in other ways but identifying my feelings was not one of them.

[Philip027]

Quote

I don't know if therapists love or hate me.

They love your money

 

Seriously though, I'd like to think that if a therapist can get an otherwise shut-in reserved person to talk and talk and talk to them, most of them would consider that a success on their part and would hopefully feel glad about it.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

2 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

Yes!

 

I did get a lot of good out of it in other ways but identifying my feelings was not one of them.

I've just been referred to a specialist autism team so hopefully they have more idea how to handle shit like this, cos I'm getting very fed up with never getting anywhere.

 

1 minute ago, CBC said:

I don't know if therapists love or hate me. I'm incredibly reserved around strangers and in public scenarios, but then if I'm comfortable with a therapist... I just talk and talk and talk and talk. I tell extensively detailed stories and explain problems and situations in-depth and try to share all my thoughts and feelings with as much accuracy as I can and the therapy appointment ends up with me talking for about 97% of the allotted time. Very dependent on the comfort thing, though; I had a psychiatrist briefly in my late teens where we pretty much sat in awkward mutual silence for the better part of an hour.

See I *can* talk but I usually end up rambling on about completely irrelevant things, talking about the same things over and over, shutting down on important things cos I just don't have a clue... That's why I need to see a specialist really, like I was supposed to have done 5 years ago and was promptly forgotten about >.<

[ryn2]

2 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

I've just been referred to a specialist autism team so hopefully they have more idea how to handle shit like this, cos I'm getting very fed up with never getting anywhere.

Thinking good thoughts for you!

[ryn2]

14 minutes ago, CBC said:

I tell extensively detailed stories and explain problems and situations in-depth and try to share all my thoughts and feelings with as much accuracy as I can and the therapy appointment ends up with me talking for about 97% of the allotted time

My then-therapist would typically cut me off if I did this and point out that I was *thinking about* the thing rather than feeling it.  Which would lead me to Anthracite Impreza’s problem... I don’t have reliable feelings about it to share.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

21 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

My then-therapist would typically cut me off if I did this and point out that I was *thinking about* the thing rather than feeling it.  Which would lead me to Anthracite Impreza’s problem... I don’t have reliable feelings about it to share.

Exactly! I've had that loads of times, including off family, and then they get angry and act like you're deliberately being obstinate. I've had people say the fact I don't know how I'm feeling is 'ridiculous'. How's anyone supposed to react to that? By making shit up so they'll go away, which means actual problems never get solved.

 

1 minute ago, CBC said:

Ooh yay, got myself involved in another thread that's now locked. Perhaps my cue to go to bed? 😂

Cue you need to try harder

[Snao Cone]

Y'all are making me more hesitant to book an appointment with a therapist (which I've been meaning to do for weeks because brain breaked) 

 

1 hour ago, anisotrophic said:

I find lying is too much work. 🤷‍♂️
 

One thing that frustrates me is an unintended lie (misleading assurance, overconfidence) that could have been avoided with introspection — I consider a failure to attempt some amount of introspection & self-skepticism to be disrespectful to others.

Yes to both of these things. Lies need to be airtight and consistent to work, and I am too lazy to keep track of them. I need to think of the big picture to see if it's worth it, and it almost never is. 

[ryn2]

4 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

By making shit up so they'll go away, which means actual problems never get solved.

Ding ding ding!

[ryn2]

1 minute ago, Snao Cone said:

Y'all are making me more hesitant to book an appointment with a therapist (which I've been meaning to do for weeks because brain breaked) 

In fairness I worked with that one on and off for years and a lot of it was very helpful.  There were just certain specific things where her approach didn’t work for me.

 

I don’t see her anymore because when I went back for some support in sorting through my sexuality it quickly became clear she had a very dated take on gender and sexuality in general.  In hindsight I’d gotten a few glimpses of that before but it was easy to push the momentary annoyance down as I was there to work on other things.

 

tl;dr overall it was well worth going/the effort

[Anthracite_Impreza]

6 minutes ago, Snao Cone said:

Y'all are making me more hesitant to book an appointment with a therapist (which I've been meaning to do for weeks because brain breaked) 

Depends who you get and what you're going for. Don't forget I'm ND and I've just been shoved in with NT therapists, which was never gonna work.

[Philip027]

26 minutes ago, CBC said:

Ooh yay, got myself involved in another thread that's now locked. Perhaps my cue to go to bed? 😂

Nope, I commend you for sticking to your guns on that one.

 

(I mean, you can still go to bed if you want, though)

[ryn2]

17 minutes ago, CBC said:

Shhhhhh 😂

You actually looked relatively well-behaved.

[Snao Cone]

23 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

Depends who you get and what you're going for. Don't forget I'm ND and I've just been shoved in with NT therapists, which was never gonna work.

The one I'd go to is through an employee assistance program for short term counselling, so I don't think we'll even get to the suspicion I have of mild neurodivergence. (my regular doctor thinks my signs of female/adult ADHD are part of my depression, and it's definitely my depression that's fucking me up these days) The counsellor will likely give me tools or tips for CBT, with which I'm already familiar...but they're not keeping up with the shit going on in my head. So what can I do? What can the counsellor do for me? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

[Traveler40]

Finding a good counselor is almost as tough as finding a good partner. It’s tough. We just strike out. It’s hard when it feels like you’re doing their job for them, and they aren’t a value add.  I get more therapy here with all of you than paying for it out there. I’m serious too...

 

is now when I say, “isn’t that sad?” Or should I keep that to myself? 🤣

 

So glad it feels like Vegas in here still - HOT!

[Traveler40]

Yeah, I believe the last two therapists we engaged did more damage than good.
 

The mindset of the therapist shouldn’t be a factor, but it is. They seem naturally limited.  
 

We’ve tried on and off for a couple of months to find a new one, but nothing clicks.  I feel like it’s a monumental waste of time. 

[ryn2]

25 minutes ago, Snao Cone said:

So what can I do? What can the counsellor do for me?

Maybe they could help confirm whether or not it’s worth going longer-term?

[LeChat]

54 minutes ago, Snao Cone said:

...The counsellor will likely give me tools or tips for CBT, with which I'm already familiar...but they're not keeping up with the shit going on in my head. So what can I do? What can the counsellor do for me? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

Perhaps, they might try other methods/tools.

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifespan-perspectives/201812/when-cognitive-behavioral-therapy-doesnt-work

[Anthracite_Impreza]

1 hour ago, Snao Cone said:

they're not keeping up with the shit going on in my head. So what can I do? What can the counsellor do for me? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

This is exactly how I feel, and I almost certainly have ADHD as well as autism.

[Xstatic]

I'm bad at therapy because I'm never honest enough with my therapist.  I'm always way too overly optimistic and only share all the positive thoughts.  Even when I discussed the bad stuff, I always had a positive 'what I learned' response to it.  I assume it's hard to treat that.

[anisotrophic]

Therapy did wonders for me when I finally found a therapist that challenged me a bit, instead of just listening sympathetically. It was DBT rather than CBT.

 

I’m honest because idk, otherwise why bother? And it’s expensive? I was paying out of pocket that time, maybe that was an incentive.

[Xstatic]

12 hours ago, anisotrophic said:

Therapy did wonders for me when I finally found a therapist that challenged me a bit, instead of just listening sympathetically. It was DBT rather than CBT.

 

I’m honest because idk, otherwise why bother? And it’s expensive? I was paying out of pocket that time, maybe that was an incentive.

You're absolutely right, but I had mandatory therapy for a year because of my attempted suicide and I was dismissed pretty quickly and I am pretty sure it's because of my positive optimistic disposition, even though I tried to explain that my suicidal thoughts were brief but extremely intense... intense enough to act on ffs.  The psychiatrist (also mandatory) tried to label me as manic depressive (which very much didn't fit) and give me pills but I stopped taking them after a few months because they didn't do anything.  Also, that guy only talked to me for like 5 minutes in the hospital before trying to diagnose and shove pills in my face.  Honestly, it was all an accumulation of emotional abuse over several years and no one listened to that so 🤷‍♀️.