ryn2 Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 3 minutes ago, CBC said: I like your blue hair Moi aussi! 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Xstatic Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 5 minutes ago, CBC said: Aw well thank you. I like your blue hair, and anyone who describes themselves as a "shitposting meme lord" is bound to be pretty rad. You guys get the best version of me.😂 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Xstatic Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 2 minutes ago, Traveler40 said: You are ALL adorable .... and not that furry! Haha ♥️ Oh...did I ever mention that my s/o is a furry? He is. But that's fine because I think furries are rad. 🤗 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 16 hours ago, Traveler40 said: The interesting part of your experience is that you turn off just as most turn on. I thought about this more... I wonder if it’s actually the same sort of (normal, common) “losing that spark” that many people take as a sign (they have “fallen out of love and therefore) the relationship has run its course but, because physical touch is NOT my “love language” and sex does not serve as a communication or bonding mechanism for me, I “miss the hint” and keep beating the proverbial dead horse months/years/decades longer. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Traveler40 Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 7 hours ago, ryn2 said: but, because physical touch is NOT my “love language” and sex does not serve as a communication or bonding mechanism for me, Perhaps, but even when we lose that spark (sometimes momentarily) we seek to rekindle or reconnect. From your description, you don’t seek but flee. That’s the curiosity in my mind, and can it be curbed to improve longer term bonding however works? (Assuming that’s what you want) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Traveler40 Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 7 hours ago, ryn2 said: but, because physical touch is NOT my “love language” and sex does not serve as a communication or bonding mechanism for me, I’m so aggravated as I just posted a response and it isn’t here, but I’m still logged in. Sigh I think my point was that while most lose the spark (many times in passing), we usually seek to rekindle. Invariably, that involves touch for many. In your case, you don’t seek, but flee if I’m reading it correctly. In doing that, it doesn’t foster a longer term thing which is what you seem to want at times. That’s the curiosity and question in my mind - how can you seek (in a comfortable way) to foster a committed relationship. (Assuming that would be a goal.) EDIT: RAT BASTARDS! Now my original reply is there! Sigh: I guess you get my point in stereo now! 😂🤣😂 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Traveler40 Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 3 hours ago, CBC said: WHY. Welllll, I don’t share on social media, but I LOVE to dangle and explicitly share my most salacious - whatever - with my lover. It serves to heighten all things sexual, but most particularly my mood. It’s more the place I’m in than my audience. That particular share you referenced is a bit odd as I’d only share that if I needed some help.... It’s either similar to that or for the shock value for them - I assume. 😉 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Xstatic Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 1 hour ago, CBC said: (The person who posted that TMI is also the semi-frequent author of incredibly bad and revolting sexual poetry, both from a general writing skills perspective and also by way of making what's supposed to sound erotic into a disgusting mess. It's really really bad.) Okay, now I'm intrigued. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 On the whole furry subject, I've got a fun little story. I've only ever knowingly met one. Very sexually driven and male, so I never felt all that comfortable around him. But despite that, he was the first person to explicitly refer to me as asexual though, like a decade before I would learn that asexuality was an actual thing that existed, so clearly he was in the know about some things that I wasn't at the time. Had I actually latched on to the term and done a little homework, it's quite possible that I could have discovered this place many years sooner than I did. (I already knew that I had no interest in sex at the time, but just didn't know that that had a name, despite him explicitly stating that name...) Instead I had to wait about 10 years later when I randomly stumbled across a TVtropes page about asexuality, which led me here. Quote I stepped down when an admin at the time accused me of leaking some sort of sensitive information (oh come on, this isn't the FBI -- and also, I did no such thing) and I got tired of the BS. Dude eventually admitted he lied (about other stuff too) and had his whole account deleted. Oh dear lord Yep, can add that to the "reasons I'm never becoming a mod for this place" pile 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 Aww, it's like conventional high school drama all over again! yuck 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 3 hours ago, Traveler40 said: Perhaps, but even when we lose that spark (sometimes momentarily) we seek to rekindle or reconnect. From your description, you don’t seek but flee. That’s the curiosity in my mind, and can it be curbed to improve longer term bonding however works? (Assuming that’s what you want) I was thinking more that I don’t experience it as a bad thing (the loss of spark) because it’s not integral to loving someone for me. It’s more like a parallel thing that isn’t linked to love? I’m not sure. I’m not sure what you mean by flee. If you mean it just in the sense of not trying to rekindle a sexual interest, that’s true; I don’t. If you mean literally flee, though, like leave the relationship, I don’t typically do that for years afterwards. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 1 hour ago, CBC said: Some of them were based on holiday-themed writing prompts, like "tree" and "candy cane" Oh, yikes, so awful!! I’m dying laughing! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 1 hour ago, CBC said: Swear to god, the interpersonal stuff that goes on here is nuts Imho this is a problem everywhere. I’ve been an officer for and on the operating board of multiple volunteer organizations, and/or been friends with partners who were, and the same sort of crap went down. It’s usually not *quite* as bad at paid jobs because people need to stay employed. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Traveler40 Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 2 hours ago, ryn2 said: I’m not sure what you mean by flee I didn’t mean it in the literal sense, but more as noted in the traditional lover (sexual) sense. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Traveler40 Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 Those “sexual” commentaries aren’t even laughable they are so bad. I think they might’ve turned me off of sex altogether....... Nah, but they are almost that bad! 😂 time to leave that group STAT! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 8 minutes ago, Traveler40 said: I didn’t mean it in the literal sense, but more as noted in the traditional lover (sexual) sense. It’s more like... the sex gradually faded out but (generally) there weren’t other signs of Relationship Fail so to me it seemed like a new phase? Sort of like “we used to love gardening but now work is so busy we just never find the time.” Seems like a lot of people would have seen it *as* Relationship Fail. And maybe it was. I just didn’t see it because I didn’t feel any different about my partners. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 11 minutes ago, Traveler40 said: Those “sexual” commentaries aren’t even laughable they are so bad. I think they might’ve turned me off of sex altogether....... Nah, but they are almost that bad! 😂 time to leave that group STAT! The poems were laughable to me because they use a lot of the terms for sex organs that everyone equates with fanfiction... but I’ve never read a fic that bad. Then again I would probably have bailed long before the characters made it to bed... 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 I'm sexual but... Sometimes I wish sex didn't exist Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Traveler40 Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 3 hours ago, ryn2 said: Seems like a lot of people would have seen it *as* Relationship Fail. And maybe it was. I just didn’t see it because I didn’t feel any different about my partners. Seeing it as a fail would be the case for me, yes. Sex gradually fading becomes a five alarm situation at some point in the process for many sexuals. While it may be a silent, non-event for you, that scenario is an ear splitting siren for me. EDIT: Also, thinking further, we don’t *want* to feel any differently, we fell in love way back when as well. However, without mutual empathy and meeting on middle ground, preservation of self and muted feelings becomes the result by default. Loving generally doesn’t equate to being *in love* generally. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 6 hours ago, Traveler40 said: While it may be a silent, non-event for you, that scenario is an ear splitting siren for me. For me it’s neither; more like “huh, I wonder if something is wrong.” If everything else seems normal I write it off as just how things are. In my last relationship, I think - in hindsight - my ex tried to raise it as an issue; he just chose a way of doing so that ended up being ineffective. As I gradually initiated less and less, rather than initiating instead (or even saying he wished we had sex more, or I would go back to initiating more), he very occasionally would say something like “I’m never sure when you want me to start something.” I’d respond with “you can whenever you want to!” and then he never would. Or, if he did, I didn’t recognize it... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 3 hours ago, CBC said: One of the most upsetting parts is I know it's not fiction, it's about her and her husband's very real experiences. I wonder if she talks about it that way to him? 🤣 Spoiler “Oh, honey, give me your throbbing man meat!” I know you’re not supposed to take things too seriously in bed but... 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 6 hours ago, Traveler40 said: However, without mutual empathy and meeting on middle ground, I think what’s been missing in my various situations wasn’t this so much as discussion (not anyone’s fault, necessarily, and probably for varying reasons depending on the relationship). I’m very sensitive to things being “off” but if I enquire (not specifically about sex; in general) and am told everything is fine I just table it for a while and watch. My last partner was extremely, painfully uncomfortable talking about sex and - while I normally am not - his discomfort made any attempt at discussion awkward for me. *shrugs* This was the only case where I ever thought “well, I really like him so I can get past the bad sex and lack of physical attraction.” In previous relationship attempts where those things were true there was also something (unrelated) I really didn’t like about the person as well and it turned into a non-starter. 20/20 hindsight and all that. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 D/l is definitely not a kink that appeals to me At. All. ykinmk and all and I would never judge for it but SO not me. Very odd (the situation, not the kink). 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 My ex has gotten into a daddy little girl thing since we broke up.. he said they dont even have sex much, he masturbates to porn and she uses his money to buy drugs and dvd sets and calls him daddy. Its...not a thing I would have cared for... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 1 hour ago, Serran said: Its...not a thing I would have cared for... Sounds like he might not care much for it either if he’s describing it that way. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 53 minutes ago, CBC said: who, even??? myself, mostly...? Yeah, it’s hard when you... don’t believe you. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 1 hour ago, CBC said: Brains are terrible terrible things. They sure can be. No amount of justifying to other people does anything (but make you come across oddly to other people, lol). 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 Being unladylike has always been one of my goals. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 11 hours ago, ryn2 said: Sounds like he might not care much for it either if he’s describing it that way. Nah, he likes it. He more described what they do when I asked cause he was saying what games he played (all single)... so pretty much they do nothing together and have not much in common except shes willing to treat him like a father she respects and won't question while he gives her an allowance. Sounds awful to me. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 Sounds more like a job than a relationship, from her end, but as long as it works for them I’m in no position to judge! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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