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What is Libido for You?


Alawyn-Aebt

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Libido is a word I hear (well, read) a lot on AVEN. I also hear of and read of it outside AVEN, but it is usually used in the context of wanting sex. I am very confused by the usage of the term Libido within the asexual community. Whenever I try to comprehend the explanation I read a lot on here ("Its like an itch you need to scratch") I become even more confused. So my question is: what is libido to you? How do you experience it? What is it?

 

For information: I have masturbated occasionally but I can't say it was for a reason, or that I felt somehow 'relieved' like I do when I itch a scratch.

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Libido for me consists of two parts: the need for an orgasm, and the ability to get aroused. Neither of these entail having sex, so this sort of libido is not at odds with asexuality.

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I agree with previous post. I think it is when you are able to feel turned on and when you want to get the pleasure when you feel aroused.

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Simply put libido is the urge for sexual desire or sexual activity. This includes solo activities as well as partnered ones which is where confusion can arise, as some try and separate desire and activity, others separate partnered and solo. One way (of many) of quantifying libido is the frequency, and strength of, desire for genital stimulation, so you can, in this instance, say that someone who wants to bend bedsprings once a day, or  someone who self-services once day, have the same level of libido, but expressed in different manners 

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A positive life force. I'm not a fan of Freud, but his life/death instinct theory does make sense, in a way.

For me, libido symbolizes desire in general; it's more than just 'sex drive'.

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Maybe this can help: think about something you are really good at, it could be anything (sports, art, video games, etc), and imagine you meet someone who is also very good at what you do, and you want to engage in that activity with that person, both to see how well they can do, and to also show them what you can do. For me, "libido" would be the level of competitiveness you bring to that activity.

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Many asexuals have a libido, but it's not connected in any way with a desire to have sex with other people. Not having a libido at all can be a sign of illness or hormone imbalance, so if no asexuals had a libido people could easily say "asexuality is just a medical condition!!!" :o

 

But yeah, a libido just means that biologically, you're functioning 'normally'. It proves that asexuality goes deeper than just the biology, that it's something innate that can exist within a person even if they're capable of getting sexually aroused etc - they just have no desire to relieve that arousal with another person! :)

 

ps: no shade against aces with no libido, some aces just naturally don't have one. Or though I've known a couple of aces here who got hormonal treatment, started having a libido, and realised they weren't ace :o So that happens too!

 

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5 hours ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said:

ps: no shade against aces with no libido, some aces just naturally don't have one. Or though I've known a couple of aces here who got hormonal treatment, started having a libido, and realised they weren't ace :o So that happens too!

 

And some had no libido until they found someone they were into and realized they weren't ace *raises hand* :lol:

 

it is just the urge to get sexual release, whether solo or partnered (how you relieve it depends on your own interests and desires)

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  • 2 weeks later...
Snow in the background
On 9/24/2019 at 10:36 PM, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said:

Many asexuals have a libido, but it's not connected in any way with a desire to have sex with other people. Not having a libido at all can be a sign of illness or hormone imbalance, so if no asexuals had a libido people could easily say "asexuality is just a medical condition!!!" :o

 

But yeah, a libido just means that biologically, you're functioning 'normally'. It proves that asexuality goes deeper than just the biology, that it's something innate that can exist within a person even if they're capable of getting sexually aroused etc - they just have no desire to relieve that arousal with another person! :)

 

ps: no shade against aces with no libido, some aces just naturally don't have one. Or though I've known a couple of aces here who got hormonal treatment, started having a libido, and realised they weren't ace :o So that happens too!

 

Great explanation, thank you!

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rainbowocollie

I don't have much of one anymore, but in my teenage years I had more of an urge to masturbate and stuff. It's just....you begin to feel aroused (won't go into detail on that unless asked, kek), and you really wanna get that release. And then afterwards you feel like all the tension is gone, you might even fall asleep.

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On 9/24/2019 at 1:05 PM, Aebt-Ætheling said:

For information: I have masturbated occasionally but I can't say it was for a reason, or that I felt somehow 'relieved' like I do when I itch a scratch.

It's good to hear that it's an "itch you need to scratch."  I've been feeling it more recently and like, am freaking out, but at least I know that I'm not weird.

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Thank you for all the responses, I think they have helped me understand things better. Even though I am not really looking for medical info, thank you to those who thought I was, maybe that info can help someone else.

 

I do have another question then: what do people without a libido experience/not experience?

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 10/3/2019 at 10:39 PM, questdrivencollie said:

I don't have much of one anymore, but in my teenage years I had more of an urge to masturbate and stuff. It's just....you begin to feel aroused (won't go into detail on that unless asked, kek), and you really wanna get that release. And then afterwards you feel like all the tension is gone, you might even fall asleep.

I really like the explanation because that’s kinda how I feel about it. Like yes I have the ability to get aroused and Sometimes I do and I just want a release but not necessarily with someone just by myself. Then after I release the tension it’s gone and it’s like nothing happened. 

 

On 9/24/2019 at 12:05 PM, Aebt-Ætheling said:

Libido is a word I hear (well, read) a lot on AVEN. I also hear of and read of it outside AVEN, but it is usually used in the context of wanting sex. I am very confused by the usage of the term Libido within the asexual community. Whenever I try to comprehend the explanation I read a lot on here ("Its like an itch you need to scratch") I become even more confused. So my question is: what is libido to you? How do you experience it? What is it?

 

For information: I have masturbated occasionally but I can't say it was for a reason, or that I felt somehow 'relieved' like I do when I itch a scratch.

I also really like this too because that is another way it feels like sometimes I get really “itchy” when me and my girlfriend are making out and it gets intense but when she leaves I get the release. It’s also not like a take-over-my-body and that’s the only thing I can do or think of itch/feeling either. That doesn’t mean I’m sexually attracted to her because I know I am only romantically attracted to her. (But I also think I would be willing to become sexual with her one day if we were both up to it (she’s also ace-spec))

 

after reading a lot of these definitions and explanations i really have seen the difference between allosexuals and asexuals. Allos have a desire to and can only release that “itchy feeling” with someone but asexuals, if they get that feeling, have no desire to release that feeling with someone. Just more and more conformations that I am asexual lol

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Libido for me is an annoyance that comes once every few months - usually once every 3-6 months and lasts for a few minutes. It comes and goes randomly.

 

I hate it because I feel so dirty after I get it. Whenever I try to ignore it, it just keeps coming back until I do something about it.

 

The only way I can relieve it is to think about intense stuff for a few minutes until it dies down.

 

My libido is very low and infrequent, and probably sits in between "none" to "extremely, extremely low".. AKA virtually-none but very rarely a small spark of it comes. I wish I could get rid of it forever though.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Ineffably_me*
On 9/24/2019 at 8:36 PM, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said:

Many asexuals have a libido, but it's not connected in any way with a desire to have sex with other people. Not having a libido at all can be a sign of illness or hormone imbalance, so if no asexuals had a libido people could easily say "asexuality is just a medical condition!!!" :o

 

But yeah, a libido just means that biologically, you're functioning 'normally'. It proves that asexuality goes deeper than just the biology, that it's something innate that can exist within a person even if they're capable of getting sexually aroused etc - they just have no desire to relieve that arousal with another person! :)

 

ps: no shade against aces with no libido, some aces just naturally don't have one. Or though I've known a couple of aces here who got hormonal treatment, started having a libido, and realised they weren't ace :o So that happens too!

 

Also - I saw a video online on YouTube, of someone who identified as asexual, who said that she had hormonal treatment, and whereas before the hormonal treatment she actually felt “horny” - since the hormonal treatment that she had to rectify her hormones (she said that doctors had told her she had the hormone levels of a prepubescent girl, despite being in her twenties, having been married, but feeling extreme pain during sex...  ) she now feels no sexual desire whatsoever...

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  • 2 weeks later...
Knight of Cydonia
On 10/5/2019 at 8:50 AM, Aebt-Ætheling said:

I do have another question then: what do people without a libido experience/not experience?

I'm not really sure what to say other than I just have no feelings or interests, remotely sexual, in any shape or form.  Aside from a total lack of desire or interest to have sex with anyone, I've never felt a need or want to masturbate (I tried once out of curiousity because I know so many do it, but I seriously just don't feel anything pleasurable down there and didn't get anything out of it). I've also never had any sexual fantasies, and never felt a tingle watching a sex scene on TV or reading it in fanfiction (if anything it makes me uncomfortable and I'd much rather skip through it).

 

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For me, it's a spontaneous event where suddenly I am very interested in sexual things. I don't desire stimulation of my genitals because I get nothing out of it, but I can tell I get wet and I feel a need to do something about it. But mine goes away quite easily without any need for masturbation or anything, so meh. 

 

For my sexual friend who described it, it's a slow building of desire to have sex with someone. Masturbation helps quell the urge, but not as well or for as long. When around someone sexually attractive and available, it gets stronger (this is to mean, if you're around your partner who you find sexually attractive, it wouldn't be the same as having no sexual partner). It's the urge to stimulate erogenous zones for physical pleasure and release. 

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  • 8 months later...
BodhranBace
On 11/10/2019 at 12:50 PM, Knight of Cydonia said:

I'm not really sure what to say other than I just have no feelings or interests, remotely sexual, in any shape or form.  Aside from a total lack of desire or interest to have sex with anyone, I've never felt a need or want to masturbate (I tried once out of curiousity because I know so many do it, but I seriously just don't feel anything pleasurable down there and didn't get anything out of it). I've also never had any sexual fantasies, and never felt a tingle watching a sex scene on TV or reading it in fanfiction (if anything it makes me uncomfortable and I'd much rather skip through it).

 

yes, yes, YES! that is exactly my experience. I have tried masturbating before I knew about asexuality, thinking maybe something would "click" but it really didn't. 

See, I read these posts that nonlibidoists could have a hormone imbalance, but I don't see any real medical issues stemming from that. So my question is, is it wrong to not want hormone therapy even if I do have an imbalance? I am worried I might have one but I don't know and I am afraid to tell my doctor and my life is getting really stressful right now so I really don't want to add thinking about that to everything else???? I don't know and I didn't mean to hijack this post but here I am so hate me. I guess.

 

 

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I feel my uterus tensing up and my mind is more likely to go to sexual topics. The tension is telling me to release.

 

But it doesn't say I must do it with someone else so I never had a problem with it lol.

 

(I don't really count genital arousal as libido anymore, that stuff is rare as hell and always triggered by events.)

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