GoldenAllie Posted September 24, 2019 Share Posted September 24, 2019 Hi, I am not 100% sure this is where this goes, and Id happily move it if needed. My real question is directed at Demisexuals, and it's... how did you realize you're demi? Like, from my understanding of demisexuality, it requires an emotional connection to have sexual attraction, thus bringing it under the Ace-umbrella. I'm just trying to understand Demi better, especially from someone who identifies that way. This comes from, I am feeling like I'm questioning my sexuality again, and it's frustrating in some ways. I, have always been rather sex indifferent. I don't get the idea of sexualizing individuals, I don't feel any particular need for sex in a relationship. Prior to digging in deeper about asexuality, my experiences with other asexuals were sex repulsed: which I'm not. I enjoy it, it's fun. I just don't need it. I have some amount of a sex drive, which I can take care of myself, or with a partner. Like, sex has always just been this thing in my life I didn't give that much of a shit about. So I identified as bisexual for a long time, since I was interested in relationships with either. Then I started finally learning more about asexuality and it seemed like a fit to stay biromantic asexual. but, lately, I've got these feelings for a guy I'm building a stronger connection with, and it's gone from me feeling just those romantic feelings, to... legit the first time I think I've ever really felt sexually attracted to someone. And I just dont understand it. I know, labels arent perfect and we shouldnt need them, but I'm one of those people that I find myself more comfortable when I can give things names, and let them live in their boxes, and when things are left open and confusing, I start obsessing, which causes more problems. Link to post Share on other sites
kumiko_itoe Posted September 24, 2019 Share Posted September 24, 2019 We are all different so we don't 100% fit into each label. I am demi-ace though I did not need a long time to emotionally connect with my husband. I have been neutral towards the idea of sex - - movies and romance/erotic novels do nothing for me. For me, its akin to reading about someone going swimming or someone cooking. I went on numerous casual dates (just lunch / dinner / movies / walk in the park). I also dance salsa and bachata which are very sensual dances so I have no qualms about dancing sensually with a complete stranger. However, I felt zero sexual attraction to anyone. Romantic interest, yes but no sexual attraction until I met my husband. We were married within 3 months of meeting and we kissed within 1 week of knowing each other. we also found out that I was pregnant 1 week after being married. (no we didn't do it lots. I got pregnant after a single time). My friends who are sexual tell me that for them, sex is like being hungry or thirsty. It won't go away until it has been satiated (not to mention it won't leave their minds and it is a physical discomfort until it is attended to). I can experience sexual attraction and even enjoy occasional sex. However, its more like on demand? If my husband asks I can go into it if not I may even forget it exists. But I also do initiate sometimes so he doesn't feel like he is always making the effort and not me..... so there is kinda a roundabout explanation in a way? My husband is sexual and he understands me but I don't take it for granted.....thus me initiating. Not getting sex doesn't bother me and I can do without completely. But I am able to enjoy it - -- which is why I classify myself as demi-ace Link to post Share on other sites
CarolCMBR Posted September 24, 2019 Share Posted September 24, 2019 I am Demi and I think we don't actually fit into sexual or asexual. I know everyone is different. In my case I feel no sexual attraction to anyone. I might have aesthetics preferences but they won't attract me sexually. A relation for me won't be based on sexual attraction or aesthetic attraction. While others first get that "sight" interest for someone, it just doesn't happen with me. It will never be love at first sight, or second, or third... My relations might be romantic and not sexual, or romantic and sexual, but the attraction will come from the love and the connection. The sex will be initiate by my partner and I will love it, even if it would be very often, as long as I have my "love" connection very strong. To be honest I could translate it better comparing sex with chocolate, I love it but I might be as happy and satisfied with caramel, vanilla or mint😄, but I will eat the chocolate if offered and if it is exactly the chocolate I like. Link to post Share on other sites
Marlow1 Posted September 24, 2019 Share Posted September 24, 2019 @GoldenAllieI am Demisexual, I am 64 years old and I have only ever been attracted to my wife. I believe that my lack of attraction is strongly influenced by my Aphantasia. https://www.vice.com/en_uk/article/kwkway/what-its-like-to-instantly-forget-what-friends-and-lovers-looks-like I speak about this at length here, especially near the bottom of the page Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted September 24, 2019 Share Posted September 24, 2019 I've moved this thread from "Questions about Asexuality" to "The Gray Area, Sex and Related Discussions". Michael Tannock, Open Mic moderator and Questions about Asexuality Co-moderator. Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted September 24, 2019 Share Posted September 24, 2019 @CarolCMBR A belated welcome to AVEN! Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's "A Christmas Carol Feast" cake (all edible), http://cakesdecor.com/cakes/226054-a-christmas-carol-feast Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted September 24, 2019 Share Posted September 24, 2019 Some don't know until it happens, but some will. With me for instance, regarding demiromanticism, I just *knew* that I was capable of feeling that way toward people; it just wouldn't happen for any random person and it would have to be someone I knew and someone I already considered to be a friend. Link to post Share on other sites
CarolCMBR Posted September 24, 2019 Share Posted September 24, 2019 1 hour ago, MichaelTannock said: @CarolCMBR A belated welcome to AVEN! Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's "A Christmas Carol Feast" cake (all edible), http://cakesdecor.com/cakes/226054-a-christmas-carol-feast Thanks!!😋😋 Link to post Share on other sites
rainbowocollie Posted October 3, 2019 Share Posted October 3, 2019 I identify as demisexual, because the last time I felt romantic/sexual attraction (a few years ago now) it was basically a demi deal--I had known the person for several years first. I have experiences before that, in my teens, where I (a small handful of times) felt attraction without much of a time lapse, but after exiting my teens I haven't really experienced much attraction other than that one a few years ago. And I'm 26 now. So I kinda feel like I lost the sexuality I had in my teens. Link to post Share on other sites
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