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chopin124

Allosexual Friends

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chopin124

I wish there was an app for aven, I'd be on here everyday haha...

So was chatting with a friend today and she broke the news that one of our mutuals might be pregnant.

She then goes on to tell me that she's almost gotten pregnant 4 times this past month and has too much sex.

I'm reeling a little because I forgot that a lot of people 'need' sex quite regularly and I was sort of taken aback.

Lol does anyone else forget that their friends are allosexual and then get taken aback when they talk about their sex lives?

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paladude

For me it depends on the friend. I have two super close best friends and although they're both sexual people they rarely talk about their sex lives and when sex is brought up in conversation I do sometimes get taken aback by it since they don't talk about it regularly. But I did once have an ex friend who constantly bragged about how much sex they had, we couldn't have one conversation without sex somehow coming up, so there wasn't any surprise when it came up in conversation with them. 

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KrysLost

uh does she not know what contraceptives are?

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crazy ace

@KrysLost

Contraceptives are never 100% effective, and she may be using something like a condom, which is pretty ineffective.

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KrysLost

For sure they arent, however 4 times in a month seems a little crazy, even to a sexual like me.

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SithGirl

No, I'm more blown away when my friends are asexual. I was literally talking to a woman who was saying she'll never have kids because that would involve having sex with a man, so I was like "Oh, she's a lesbian" and then she added that she didn't have sex with women either because she's ace and I gave her a high-five. 

 

But I talk about sex and relationships a lot with my friends... and strangers...

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
4 hours ago, KrysLost said:

For sure they arent, however 4 times in a month seems a little crazy, even to a sexual like me.

She may have meant the condom failed/tore or something 4 times that month? :o

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œddy

Only once in a blue moon do any of my friends ever mention their sex lives thankfully, it makes me uncomfortable rather quickly.

Possibly because I can't relate, or possibly because I don't want to get into a conversation about never having a sex life

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Homer
7 hours ago, crazy ace said:

@KrysLost

Contraceptives are never 100% effective, and she may be using something like a condom, which is pretty ineffective.

If you use them correctly, they're 98% effective. Since people aren't perfect, the rate drops to 85%. The latter is lower than I thought, but I wouldn't call it "ineffective".

 

As to the topic... no. My friends and I talk about all kinds of stuff, everyday things, intimate things... it doesn't bother me in the slightest.

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Firefly8
On 9/18/2019 at 11:12 PM, chopin124 said:

Lol does anyone else forget that their friends are allosexual and then get taken aback when they talk about their sex lives?

Yes, but not just friends, I do this with everyone. I think it's natural for one to assume others are like them more than they really are... At least I hope it's a sign of natural solidarity and not self-absorption. 🤔

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Janus DarkFox

I don’t picture anyone as sexual, it isn’t something that immediately comes to mind with friends or even with the significant other.

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lilyofthevalley

I tend to sort of forget sex exists, then be slightly stunned when people bring it up. Luckily all of my friends are single so it’s not a regular conversation topic.

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CBC
On 9/18/2019 at 11:12 PM, chopin124 said:

She then goes on to tell me that she's almost gotten pregnant 4 times this past month and has too much sex.

What does "almost gotten pregnant" even mean? How does one know when they almost get pregnant? That doesn't make sense. Having unprotected PiV doesn't automatically mean someone almost gets pregnant every time (but it's a poor choice for sure). And what constitutes "too much sex" and why is she not taking greater care if she's having so much of it?

 

Your friend, uhh, doesn't sound too bright, tbh.

 

Anyway. I'm sexual but rarely talk about sex stuff with platonic friends/acquaintances. I'm not at all surprised that they think about it/want it/have it, because I also think about it/want it/have it, but at the same time my sex life isn't part of how I connect with them, so sure I guess it can be a bit odd. I sometimes feel uncomfortable hearing about male friends' sex lives more than female friends', but that's a... weird "me" issue. 

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
On 9/28/2019 at 4:17 AM, CBC said:

I'm sexual but rarely talk about sex stuff with platonic friends/acquaintances.

Weirdly the only place I really talk about sex is AVEN (the asexuality website), lol.

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
On 9/19/2019 at 11:08 PM, Homer said:

If you use them correctly, they're 98% effective. Since people aren't perfect, the rate drops to 85%. The latter is lower than I thought, but I wouldn't call it "ineffective".

(Warning TMI)

 

The amount of blood that ends up underneath a condom when you have sex on your period is actually scary. If that much blood can get underneath, it makes me worry about how much semen might be getting out during the sex 😕

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brbdogsonfire
On 10/6/2019 at 11:24 PM, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said:

(Warning TMI)

 

The amount of blood that ends up underneath a condom when you have sex on your period is actually scary. If that much blood can get underneath, it makes me worry about how much semen might be getting out during the sex 😕

Have had period sex with condoms. If they are the correct size blood should not be getting in, and seman cannot get out. Condoms also have spermacide inside of them that kills all sperm almost immediately.

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
1 hour ago, brbdogsonfire said:

Have had period sex with condoms. If they are the correct size blood should not be getting in, and seman cannot get out. Condoms also have spermacide inside of them that kills all sperm almost immediately.

(Warning TMI)

Spoiler

 

Most condoms in NZ don't have spermacide in them and to buy the ones with it in are very, very expensive. Most average people don't know about how to properly fit condoms (they come in one size mostly and believe me, cocks very MASSIVELY in size, some as small as an inch, some as long as 10 inches, and all variations of girth in between). How is any average person (especially a young person) meant to know how to fit them properly and how to stop the semen from coming out etc? That was my issue with Homer's comment and that attitude in general. Condoms are actually a lot more difficult to use (and ergo less effective) than people like to claim they are. They can even slip off inside you while he's screwing you and often neither of you notice until it's finished. Spermacide (even if you buy it separately and apply it) also isn't always effective as a woman's own fluids can wash it all out and dilute it during sex.

 

Speaking here as someone who worked in a brothel in a busy port town for 2 years. We all had to use condoms (as a legal requirement of the job) and were on birth control too, but many of the girls had to get abortions relatively regularly sadly.

 

 

Normal forms of contraception just aren't as effective as people like to believe, and I don't like the way people (adults, teachers etc) insist on the safety of condoms. Instead what people should be doing is teaching how to have sex that's still fun for both people but doesn't actually involve vaginal penetration. That's the most effective way of avoiding pregnancy if you're a young person experimenting with sex!

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DarkStormyKnight

I don't know about being surprised but I always get a little sad when my allo friends embark on romantic relationships. I mean I want to be happy for them but I also don't like the reminder that they want something different from my friendship (which is fine, they are entitled to that, it just makes me sad).

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