songchick Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 I wore my ace ring today. While I was on the bus, reading some Bach music practicing violin in my head, snacking on some carrots, this girl next to me asked me for a carrot all friendly. I'm like wth? Then I later realized that I'm wearing this ring. It's a really cool chevron-beaded ring that is mostly purple with silver triangles all around, and it conveys "ace" more fashionably than a black ring does. But given my grumpy reaction, my thoughts mused: Are aces grumpy? Do we want to be left alone? Even when I go to my local radical bookstore (Bluestockings in NYC), they sell ace pins and merch, but I don't see anyone wearing it. One time I wore an Ace pin, and someone was like "Nice ace pin!" It sort of brands me (or whoever) as a token ace, and then people want to talk to me and stuff. The thing with being ace is that I'm not interested in anything remotely sexual, and this also extends to benignly friendly gestures. Overall, I'm a friendly person when the interactions have a sort of purpose (like work-related or advocacy related in the mental health realm), but anything other than that makes me uncomfortable. Like randomly talking to me on a bus. I guess my being less friendly could make a bad impression on the ace community, but maybe people should understand OUR nuances, instead of trying to fit us into the LGBTQI(A) "free love" paradigm. Thoughts much appreciated, both in agreeance and diverging or otherwise Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 Nope, I'm not naturally grumpy. I'm actually generally upbeat and happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Galactic Turtle Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 Well if you're in NYC I think you're the norm. But when I'm with my grandparents in rural Georgia everyone says hi to everyone. Sexuality doesn't have any correlation with grumpiness. Link to post Share on other sites
songchick Posted September 19, 2019 Author Share Posted September 19, 2019 7 minutes ago, Galactic Turtle said: Well if you're in NYC I think you're the norm. But when I'm with my grandparents in rural Georgia everyone says hi to everyone. Sexuality doesn't have any correlation with grumpiness. Ooh hadn't thought of that. Yeah in NYC I'm not for talking on public transit. I mean if the girl was like "ooh, you're reading Bach music," I'd be more friendly than her saying "hey, can I have a carrot?" I used to live in Bloomington, IN for college and the Midwestern friendliness bothered me. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy ace Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 I'm naturally terrified of people irl, as well as friendly interactions (more due to bad friendships in my past, I suppose), so I guess that might translate into grumpiness for some people. But I don't think that's normal for most Aces. I wouldn't say we're tokens, but maybe just because to most people, we don't even exist. Link to post Share on other sites
Galactic Turtle Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 1 minute ago, songchick said: Ooh hadn't thought of that. Yeah in NYC I'm not for talking on public transit. I mean if the girl was like "ooh, you're reading Bach music," I'd be more friendly than her saying "hey, can I have a carrot?" I used to live in Bloomington, IN for college and the Midwestern friendliness bothered me. I think it's pretty strange in general to ask for food from a stranger. But yeah that's just your personality. Link to post Share on other sites
kenny. Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 i’m generally moody and grumpy, but that’s a personal problem. i think that aces are probably just as friendly on average as the rest of the population. plus, i find it weird that a complete stranger asked for some of your food Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 A lot of people from where I am from are unfriendly and I doubt it's because they are all asexuals, lol. Link to post Share on other sites
songchick Posted September 19, 2019 Author Share Posted September 19, 2019 8 minutes ago, crazy ace said: I'm naturally terrified of people irl, as well as friendly interactions (more due to bad friendships in my past, I suppose), so I guess that might translate into grumpiness for some people. But I don't think that's normal for most Aces. I wouldn't say we're tokens, but maybe just because to most people, we don't even exist. When I say "token," in this instance, I'm thinking like, "token" amongst LGBTQ+ folks at the radical bookstore who are glad to have an ace in the joint. Link to post Share on other sites
songchick Posted September 19, 2019 Author Share Posted September 19, 2019 7 minutes ago, kenny. said: i’m generally moody and grumpy, but that’s a personal problem. i think that aces are probably just as friendly on average as the rest of the population. plus, i find it weird that a complete stranger asked for some of your food RIGHT, I mean my carrots were in a bag and they were kind of wet. I felt very uncomfortable. Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Jade Cross Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 Do I get to wear a shirt that says "Your face, I hate it" if I say yes? I dont really like to be around people. I will be courteous and whatnot when its neccesary but I dont hang out with people or anything. Being near others is just draining. Thats something that Ive had since I was a kid so I doubt asexjality has anything to do with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamer23 Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 Can't speak for anyone but myself, but I'm anything but grumpy by default (or, like, ever)! Link to post Share on other sites
ColeHW34 Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 Nope. I'm only grumpy if I didn't sleep well or if I'm in pain (either physical, mental or emotionally). Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 @songchick Did she say "Yo ace girl, give me that nice big dripping wet carrot"? Because that would make me uncomfortable, too. I can't imagine being in a situation like that. 😂 If I had been asked I would probably be like, "What carrot?" Link to post Share on other sites
RoseGoesToYale Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 I mean, I'd probably be grumpy whether I was having tons of sex or not, because sociologists are naturally bogged down by society. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy ace Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 1 hour ago, songchick said: When I say "token," in this instance, I'm thinking like, "token" amongst LGBTQ+ folks at the radical bookstore who are glad to have an ace in the joint. Oh. I'd still say no, as many people don't think that we should be in the LGBT+ community unless we aren't heteromantic and/or cisgender. Link to post Share on other sites
AceMissBehaving Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 I’m a very outgoing and friendly. I find people fascinating and can engage in small talk with just about anyone, which seems to be a vibe people pick up on. As to being the token ace, there are so many of us here that I think it lacks novelty for people. I find it encouraging that people would want to get to know more about it though, it shows that they’re at least interested in understanding our perspectives and experiences. Link to post Share on other sites
neverlove Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 3 hours ago, songchick said: I wore my ace ring today. While I was on the bus, reading some Bach music practicing violin in my head, snacking on some carrots, this girl next to me asked me for a carrot all friendly. I'm like wth? Then I later realized that I'm wearing this ring. It's a really cool chevron-beaded ring that is mostly purple with silver triangles all around, and it conveys "ace" more fashionably than a black ring does. But given my grumpy reaction, my thoughts mused: Are aces grumpy? Do we want to be left alone? Even when I go to my local radical bookstore (Bluestockings in NYC), they sell ace pins and merch, but I don't see anyone wearing it. One time I wore an Ace pin, and someone was like "Nice ace pin!" It sort of brands me (or whoever) as a token ace, and then people want to talk to me and stuff. The thing with being ace is that I'm not interested in anything remotely sexual, and this also extends to benignly friendly gestures. Overall, I'm a friendly person when the interactions have a sort of purpose (like work-related or advocacy related in the mental health realm), but anything other than that makes me uncomfortable. Like randomly talking to me on a bus. I guess my being less friendly could make a bad impression on the ace community, but maybe people should understand OUR nuances, instead of trying to fit us into the LGBTQI(A) "free love" paradigm. Thoughts much appreciated, both in agreeance and diverging or otherwise I'm like this, but I don't think it's an ace thing. My head is a fun place for me, I may look like I'm doing nothing, but I'm actually planning my counterpoint for a thread in the AVEN forum about breast feeding in public. Or why the author of "Ancillary Justice" had a good narative, but was too heavy handed with LGBT+ agenda in the not-so-subtext. Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 I don't think grumpy is the correct term, taciturn maybe. I'd say it's possible that a greater percentage of asexuals experience social anxiety, and a dislike of people initiating a conversation with them than the population at large Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 No, being grumpy (or even taciturn) is not an ace characteristic, and we're not tokens of anything. Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 Not even a token of appreciation? Link to post Share on other sites
ben8884 Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 I mean, I am generally a grumpus but I dunno if that has anything to do with my being asexual. Link to post Share on other sites
not_all_who_wander Posted September 20, 2019 Share Posted September 20, 2019 Despite my somber written muses, I'm pretty dang sunny in person. I don't know if not wearing ace gear means you are "grumpy." I think that a lot of people just feel awkward wearing the symbols for a lot of reasons. For me personally, I think that most people wouldn't recognize the symbols. Also, I'm a teacher and I don't want my students making weird comments or thinking a black ring means I'm a swinger or something. Link to post Share on other sites
SupercalifragilisticNugget Posted September 20, 2019 Share Posted September 20, 2019 Who asks complete strangers for food.. especially on a public transit? So many questions. Link to post Share on other sites
SithLord Posted September 20, 2019 Share Posted September 20, 2019 I'm a grumpy person internally, but a happier person externally. Like if a stranger asked me for a carrot, my brain would go "wtf?" while I'd say "sure" and let them have one. Yeah, I want to be left the heck alone, but it's hard for me to just ignore someone and intentionally drive them away (until it continues and my "cheer" fades to nothing). Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted September 20, 2019 Share Posted September 20, 2019 You were occupied when this person asked you for food. Grumpiness is a perfectly acceptable reaction to that, no matter who you (don't) like to bang. Link to post Share on other sites
griffinej5 Posted September 21, 2019 Share Posted September 21, 2019 I don’t think I’m naturally a very friendly person. But, it’s weird for a stranger to ask you for a carrot, and it’s odd for a stranger to interrupt you for something like that. Maybe if you were eating something unusual that smelled particularly good, it wouldn’t be too odd to ask what it was or where it’s from. But to actually ask you for a carrot? I love carrots, and I don’t think I’d ever ask a stranger for one. Link to post Share on other sites
Demi Dad Posted September 21, 2019 Share Posted September 21, 2019 im very positive guy ,if you stair at me long enough you will get a hello , how are you doing? with a grin and if i sense we aren't on the same page .i will clam up and stop talking to you and give you room to be negative by yourself Link to post Share on other sites
Firefly8 Posted September 21, 2019 Share Posted September 21, 2019 No, orientation has nothing to do with social graces. Everyone has moods and moments. I think you're being too hard on yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Yuliyasa Posted September 21, 2019 Share Posted September 21, 2019 I think my moods always been my whole life dependent on outer circumstances sometimes and sometimes the weather, but I never have felt that it depended on whether I was in a relationship or single though. Therefore, I don't think sexual orientation or asexuality have anything to do with it. Link to post Share on other sites
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