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songchick

Are Aces Naturally Grumpy? And are we "tokens?"

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songchick

I wore my ace ring today.  While I was on the bus, reading some Bach music practicing violin in my head, snacking on some carrots, this girl next to me asked me for a carrot all friendly.  I'm like wth?  Then I later realized that I'm wearing this ring.  It's a really cool chevron-beaded ring that is mostly purple with silver triangles all around, and it conveys "ace" more fashionably than a black ring does.

 

But given my grumpy reaction, my thoughts mused: Are aces grumpy?  Do we want to be left alone?  Even when I go to my local radical bookstore (Bluestockings in NYC), they sell ace pins and merch, but I don't see anyone wearing it.  One time I wore an Ace pin, and someone was like "Nice ace pin!"  It sort of brands me (or whoever) as a token ace, and then people want to talk to me and stuff.

The thing with being ace is that I'm not interested in anything remotely sexual, and this also extends to benignly friendly gestures.  Overall, I'm a friendly person when the interactions have a sort of purpose (like work-related or advocacy related in the mental health realm), but anything other than that makes me uncomfortable.  Like randomly talking to me on a bus. 

I guess my being less friendly could make a bad impression on the ace community, but maybe people should understand OUR nuances, instead of trying to fit us into the LGBTQI(A) "free love" paradigm.  

 

Thoughts much appreciated, both in agreeance and diverging or otherwise

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daveb

Nope, I'm not naturally grumpy. I'm actually generally upbeat and happy.

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Galactic Turtle

Well if you're in NYC I think you're the norm. But when I'm with my grandparents in rural Georgia everyone says hi to everyone.

Sexuality doesn't have any correlation with grumpiness. 

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songchick
7 minutes ago, Galactic Turtle said:

Well if you're in NYC I think you're the norm. But when I'm with my grandparents in rural Georgia everyone says hi to everyone.

Sexuality doesn't have any correlation with grumpiness. 

Ooh hadn't thought of that.  Yeah in NYC I'm not for talking on public transit.  I mean if the girl was like "ooh, you're reading Bach music," I'd be more friendly than her saying "hey, can I have a carrot?"  I used to live in Bloomington, IN for college and the Midwestern friendliness bothered me.

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crazy ace

I'm naturally terrified of people irl, as well as friendly interactions (more due to bad friendships in my past, I suppose), so I guess that might translate into grumpiness for some people. But I don't think that's normal for most Aces.

I wouldn't say we're tokens, but maybe just because to most people, we don't even exist.

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Galactic Turtle
1 minute ago, songchick said:

Ooh hadn't thought of that.  Yeah in NYC I'm not for talking on public transit.  I mean if the girl was like "ooh, you're reading Bach music," I'd be more friendly than her saying "hey, can I have a carrot?"  I used to live in Bloomington, IN for college and the Midwestern friendliness bothered me.

I think it's pretty strange in general to ask for food from a stranger. But yeah that's just your personality.

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kenny.

i’m generally moody and grumpy, but that’s a personal problem. i think that aces are probably just as friendly on average as the rest of the population. plus, i find it weird that a complete stranger asked for some of your food

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Moony Lovegood

A lot of people from where I am from are unfriendly and I doubt it's because they are all asexuals, lol.

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songchick
8 minutes ago, crazy ace said:

I'm naturally terrified of people irl, as well as friendly interactions (more due to bad friendships in my past, I suppose), so I guess that might translate into grumpiness for some people. But I don't think that's normal for most Aces.

I wouldn't say we're tokens, but maybe just because to most people, we don't even exist.

When I say "token," in this instance, I'm thinking like, "token" amongst LGBTQ+ folks at the radical bookstore who are glad to have an ace in the joint.

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songchick
7 minutes ago, kenny. said:

i’m generally moody and grumpy, but that’s a personal problem. i think that aces are probably just as friendly on average as the rest of the population. plus, i find it weird that a complete stranger asked for some of your food

RIGHT, I mean my carrots were in a bag and they were kind of wet.  I felt very uncomfortable.

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Jade Cross

Do I get to wear a shirt that says "Your face, I hate it" if I say yes?

 

I dont really like to be around people. I will be courteous and whatnot when its neccesary but I dont hang out with people or anything. Being near others is just draining. Thats something that Ive had since I was a kid so I doubt asexjality has anything to do with it. 

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Dreamer23

Can't speak for anyone but myself, but I'm anything but grumpy by default (or, like, ever)! :)

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Member114264

Nope.

I'm only grumpy if I didn't sleep well or if I'm in pain (either physical, mental or emotionally).

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Moony Lovegood

@songchick Did she say "Yo ace girl, give me that nice big dripping wet carrot"? Because that would make me uncomfortable, too. I can't imagine being in a situation like that. 😂

 

If I had been asked I would probably be like, "What carrot?"

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GhostGoesToWail

I mean, I'd probably be grumpy whether I was having tons of sex or not, because sociologists are naturally bogged down by society. :lol:

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crazy ace
1 hour ago, songchick said:

When I say "token," in this instance, I'm thinking like, "token" amongst LGBTQ+ folks at the radical bookstore who are glad to have an ace in the joint.

Oh. I'd still say no, as many people don't think that we should be in the LGBT+ community unless we aren't heteromantic and/or cisgender.

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AceMissBehaving

I’m a very outgoing and friendly. I find people fascinating and can engage in small talk with just about anyone, which seems to be a vibe people pick up on.

 

As to being the token ace, there are so many of us here that I think it lacks novelty for people. I find it encouraging that people would want to get to know more about it though, it shows that they’re at least interested in understanding our perspectives and experiences.

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neverlove
3 hours ago, songchick said:

I wore my ace ring today.  While I was on the bus, reading some Bach music practicing violin in my head, snacking on some carrots, this girl next to me asked me for a carrot all friendly.  I'm like wth?  Then I later realized that I'm wearing this ring.  It's a really cool chevron-beaded ring that is mostly purple with silver triangles all around, and it conveys "ace" more fashionably than a black ring does.

 

But given my grumpy reaction, my thoughts mused: Are aces grumpy?  Do we want to be left alone?  Even when I go to my local radical bookstore (Bluestockings in NYC), they sell ace pins and merch, but I don't see anyone wearing it.  One time I wore an Ace pin, and someone was like "Nice ace pin!"  It sort of brands me (or whoever) as a token ace, and then people want to talk to me and stuff.

The thing with being ace is that I'm not interested in anything remotely sexual, and this also extends to benignly friendly gestures.  Overall, I'm a friendly person when the interactions have a sort of purpose (like work-related or advocacy related in the mental health realm), but anything other than that makes me uncomfortable.  Like randomly talking to me on a bus. 

I guess my being less friendly could make a bad impression on the ace community, but maybe people should understand OUR nuances, instead of trying to fit us into the LGBTQI(A) "free love" paradigm.  

 

Thoughts much appreciated, both in agreeance and diverging or otherwise

I'm like this, but I don't think it's an ace thing. My head is a fun place for me, I may look like I'm doing nothing, but I'm actually planning my counterpoint for a thread in the AVEN forum about breast feeding in public. Or why the author of "Ancillary Justice" had a good narative, but was too heavy handed with LGBT+ agenda in the not-so-subtext.

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SkyenAutowegCaptain

I don't think grumpy is the correct term, taciturn maybe. I'd say it's possible that a greater percentage of asexuals experience social anxiety, and a dislike of people initiating a conversation with them than the population at large 

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Sally

No, being grumpy (or even taciturn) is not an ace characteristic, and we're not tokens of anything.  

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daveb

Not even a token of appreciation? :P 

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ben8884

I mean, I am generally a grumpus but I dunno if that has anything to do with my being asexual. 

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not_all_who_wander

Despite my somber written muses, I'm pretty dang sunny in person. 

 

I don't know if not wearing ace gear means you are "grumpy." I think that a lot of people just feel awkward wearing the symbols for a lot of reasons. For me personally, I think that most people wouldn't recognize the symbols. Also, I'm a teacher and I don't want my students making weird comments or thinking a black ring means I'm a swinger or something.

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SupercalifragilisticNugget

Who asks complete strangers for food.. especially on a public transit? 

 

So many questions.

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SithGirl

I'm a grumpy person internally, but a happier person externally. Like if a stranger asked me for a carrot, my brain would go "wtf?" while I'd say "sure" and let them have one. Yeah, I want to be left the heck alone, but it's hard for me to just ignore someone and intentionally drive them away (until it continues and my "cheer" fades to nothing). 

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Homer

You were occupied when this person asked you for food. Grumpiness is a perfectly acceptable reaction to that, no matter who you (don't) like to bang.

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griffinej5

I don’t think I’m naturally a very friendly person. But, it’s weird for a stranger to ask you for a carrot, and it’s odd for a stranger to interrupt you for something like that. Maybe if you were eating something unusual that smelled particularly good, it wouldn’t be too odd to ask what it was or where it’s from. But to actually ask you for a carrot? I love carrots, and I don’t think I’d ever ask a stranger for one. 

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Demi Dad

im very positive guy ,if you stair at me long enough you will get a hello , how are you doing? with a grin and if i sense we aren't on the same page .i  will clam up and stop talking to you and give you room to be negative by yourself

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Firefly8

No, orientation has nothing to do with social graces. Everyone has moods and moments. I think you're being too hard on yourself. 

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Yuliyasa

I think my moods always been my whole life dependent on outer circumstances sometimes and sometimes the weather, but I never have felt that it depended on whether I was in a relationship or single though. Therefore, I don't think sexual orientation or asexuality have anything to do with it.

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