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What does aro mean to you?


madmusicman

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So I've been wondering if I was aro, but I don't have enough experience to be able to point and say, this is what it is. Can you please share what aro means to you?

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I hear about romance all the time but I have no idea of what it is. It leads me to believe it all exists in people's heads as idealized representations of other people. I've never had any heroes. I tell myself people just aren't that perfect. I'd rather deal with real people and their imperfections than chase some beautiful dream. I just don't believe it exists. 

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Galactic Turtle

For me it means I am not drawn to form "emotional partnerships" with people. I don't know what it's like to want to be with someone.

 

I think aversions to cultural notions of romantic gestures has nothing to do with aromanticism and everything to do with personal preference. 

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Me labeling myself aro means that I don't understand what people mean when they talk about romantic attraction or orientations...

 

Crushes are complete mystery to me and I have no idea how it can even happen... 😺

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Galactic Turtle
2 minutes ago, RakshaTheCat said:

Crushes are complete mystery to me and I have no idea how it can even happen... 😺

Yes, when this started happening to my friends I thought they were suffering from some sort of illness. 

Waited for the plague to hit me but it never did. :P

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I think I have a pretty good grasp of what romantic feelings are like for someone because of the romance novels I have read and romantic movies I have watched, all of the songs about relationships and break-ups that I have listened to. I like romance in art when it is done in a tasteful way. To an extent, it allows me to experience something that is unfamiliar to me and that's what I often look for in art.

 

I have never felt that I wanted to be with someone. There were guys growing up that all of the girls around me were interested in but I just didn't understand their level of interest, they would follow them around and I remember a love letter being written to one of them. I thought maybe it was a difference in personalities that explained why they behaved differently from the way I did. There isn't anything drawing me to anyone. Sometimes I admire people for their positive qualities, but my interest in them is still very mild and I might think that they could be cool to hang out with but that's it.

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I've moved this thread from 'Questions about Asexuality' to 'Romantic and Aromantic Orientations'.
 
Michael Tannock,
Open Mic moderator and Questions about Asexuality Co-moderator.

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I don't get crushes, don't experience limerence, and have no interest in being in a committed emotional partnership with anyone. Having close friends meets all of my emotional needs, I don't see any reason to seek out anything "more", or to prioritise one person and being more important than any other.

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- I have no idea what it's like to be so infatuated and obsessed with a person that I'd be devastated if they ever left me.

- I don't see how it's a positive thing to share your life with one person, as opposed to multiple people that you care about.

- A romantic relationship feels like a loss of independence.

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- Never felt or needed to feel closer to anyone more than I do close friends

- I wouldn't have a clue romance or sex even existed if nobody talked about it or showed their affections publicly.
- Dating feels forced

- Breaking up doesn't seem like something worth being grievously upset about. So it didn't work out and they aren't right for you...stay friends or acquaintances and move on then to someone better...?

- I want the social perks, then think I have to be in a relationship for that, then think nah not worth it

- I imagine being around another person that much and already miss my independence and freedom

- What adults told child-me about puberty changing feelings for the opposite sex (they weren't GRSM positive) never ended up applying to me.

- Romance looks like a form of delusion...seriously, I think it is in a way.

- I've never been twitterpated by someone.  

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  • 1 month later...

To me, being aro means that I don't have to pretend to feel the things I thought I was supposed to be feeling. I started dating because I thought I was supposed to want a relationship, not because I actually did. I showed affection for my partners because they wanted it and I thought it was normal, but it always felt repulsive to me because it was only ever a sexual/platonic attraction, never a romantic attraction and I don't think what I do sexually is the business of anyone who isn't sexually involved with me. I never had strong enough feelings to really fight with a partner before, and when I have broken up with people, I haven't felt any emotions besides a mild sense of relief, but felt like I had to fake sadness because I thought that is what everyone did. I think this "performative romance" was one of my biggest stressors, and it was kind of the first sign that I maybe didn't experience romance like the other people I had talked with. However, I think the strongest emotional discomfort with romance is I don't think I could ever be "heartbroken" that someone would break up with me, but I know someone could be "heartbroken" if I broke up with them. It gives me way too much power in any relationship, because they will want to change to make me happy, but I have no interest in changing to make them happy because I don't care if they leave me or not. The other thing is I cannot conceptualize being jealous in a partnership. There is no part of me that would care that my partner was seeing someone else, or wasn't. The only thing I think I would care about is if that person who I also have a friendship with felt like they couldn't tell me if they needed something else. But it would be no different than the sadness I would feel if a good friend or a sibling felt like I wasn't being the friend they needed- there would be no sense of betrayal or anger.

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