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Being asexual and embracing it.


Dinosaur_shoes

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Dinosaur_shoes

Hi hi! 

I've been very inactive since I recently joined and I have this daunting question I would like to ask for personal opinion/experience. And many thanks to everyone that welcomed me! 

 

I always pushed sexuality and sex to the back of my mind because of my strict upbringing I didn't date and i associated dating and relationships to sex. Which I didn't care for since I was  a hardworking student and very docile. But, now that I'm grown up (21), I found something missing and I took the time to get information and encouragement to identify as asexual. But, because it was so ignored and I didn't care for or even thought to be apart of such a community, the idea of coming out and being proud and embracing it seems very extra for me and I don't seem too thrilled as much as my consuleor who encouraged me to "come out." She even encourages me to join LGBTQ+ clubs/associations on my campus (I'm in college now). And I'm not resistant to, however, I don't feel like being asexual is some big thing as being gay or lesbian would be to go join a community, and I'm not sure if that's wrong. I'm new to this identifying and I grew up in a religious upbringing until recently I stopped practicing religion much anymore, so I don't know if that's the cause of my views. 

 

Is that strange and should I feel a sense of being proud and embracing it proudly even though it's still a background feeling and knowledge to me? How did you feel about identifying and did you go out and openly embrace it and was it important to you?

 

Hopefully your response would make me view this experiance in a new light and I would feel like its important to embrace this new identity. 

 

Ps: sorry if this isn't the right place to post this! I'm still getting around this place. 

 

Thank you xoxo! 

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Galactic Turtle

Everyone is different of course but I am both asexual and aromantic and feel zero connection with the LGBT+ population. I don't even identify with the word queer. I'm simply just not involved in that entire aspect of life. Straight people, gay people, bi people, pan people - they're all the same to me. They exist and experience a number of feelings that I do not. Of course I recognize that I do fall within a sexual minority and because of that don't feel offended or put off if asexual things come up in relation to LGBT things or even if asexual things are thought as being synonymous with LGBT things. It makes sense. Similarly, I am a racial minority. I'm African American. I don't feel any particular connection to other racial minorities in this country. They're simply there, they've got their own thing going on, and that's fine and dandy. But people will still refer to me and my Taiwanese friend as "people of color." Ok. Sure. PoC? I don't relate to that term at all but I'm not offended if people see or refer to me that way.

 

I wouldn't say that I'm proud being asexual. If anything I'd just say I'm comfortable with being asexual in that I don't pretend to have interests or inclinations that don't exist just to fit in. But just like I don't drink alcohol or coffee, I don't go around telling everyone I meet about it but if someone offers it to me I have no issue saying, "I don't drink that." I don't feel the need to come out to everyone though I did notify my parents about my leanings or lack thereof. I just want it to be another fact about me like being left handed. I don't go around talking about being a lefty but sometimes people just notice.

 

Maybe I'd feel more strongly about it if I were fighting for my rights or something. But I'm not. I'm just existing as I'd like to.

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Dinosaur_shoes
7 hours ago, Galactic Turtle said:

Everyone is different of course but I am both asexual and aromantic and feel zero connection with the LGBT+ population. I don't even identify with the word queer. I'm simply just not involved in that entire aspect of life. Straight people, gay people, bi people, pan people - they're all the same to me. They exist and experience a number of feelings that I do not. Of course I recognize that I do fall within a sexual minority and because of that don't feel offended or put off if asexual things come up in relation to LGBT things or even if asexual things are thought as being synonymous with LGBT things. It makes sense.

Wow, I totally relate to this part of your point! Thanks for that! I also feel zero connection and don't see the need expressed to me to join in anything related. It had never been a defining factor, maybe it is for other and they are highly open, (And that's great!) but, I also think I'm still me regardless if i go up to friends/family and tell them this intimate part of my identity that doesn't need to be public. But, I do enjoy communities like these where I wouldn't mind stating it, get as much information, input and make friends who relate. It's comforting, just not in the sense I would make my lifestyle revolve around it, ya know? So when I'm told to get out there and be open about my new identification, it's not an interest to me. If that makes sense.. everyone is different and if there are people here and out in the world who strut about and participate in wide LGBTQ+ communities and voice that part of themselves , big props to them. 

 

May I ask what is aromantic? and how is it identifying as two things? Excuse me if that is weird to ask, I have never herd of aromantic nor did i think as an asexual I can fall in any other spectrum of sexuality  

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Galactic Turtle
2 hours ago, Dinosaur_shoes said:

But, I do enjoy communities like these where I wouldn't mind stating it, get as much information, input and make friends who relate. It's comforting, just not in the sense I would make my lifestyle revolve around it, ya know?

Indeed! I've pretty much gravitate towards communities with people who have common interests. I'm asexual so it makes sense that I'd want to see what other asexual people are experiencing. I like Star Wars so I also am involved in Star Wars communities because they follow all the same movies, tv shows, books, and comics that I do.

 

2 hours ago, Dinosaur_shoes said:

May I ask what is aromantic? and how is it identifying as two things? Excuse me if that is weird to ask, I have never herd of aromantic nor did i think as an asexual I can fall in any other spectrum of sexuality  

Aromantic is the word they use who don't experience romantic attraction. Combined with asexuality for me that means I have no interest in relating with people sexually or romantically. Though to get away from all that terminology I just consider myself to be naturally celibate. 

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In my workplace's Safe Space training, they include a handout on Anthony D'Augelli's Model of Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Identity Development. This model includes six processes individuals may go through:

- Exiting heterosexual identity

- Developing a personal lesbian, gay, or bisexual identity status

- Developing a lesbian, gay, or bisexual social identity

- Becoming a lesbian, gay, or bisexual offspring

- Developing a lesbian, gay, or bisexual intimacy status

- Entering a lesbian, gay, or bisexual community

Since these are processes, not stages, they may occur simultaneously, occur in any order, be repeated, be public or private, set aside and resumed later, or skipped altogether. Assuming asexual folks follow similar processes, there is no single correct way for you to do this.

In my case, I exited my heterosexual identity and developed an intimacy status at the same time because I was in a committed relationship and would be for the next decade. Developing a personal ace identity is ongoing, and developing a social identity with people who know and accept my identity in real life is still new for me. The regular young adult attendees in my church are overwhelmingly somewhere under the LGBTQIA+ umbrella, but few people outside of that group know my orientation. I would argue being active on AVEN qualifies as entering a community, although I would like a IRL community.

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