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You're not "demisexual"... you're a normal human being.


maybeimamazed

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I did not write ths article, just to be clear lol

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41 minutes ago, MaggieB said:

If demisexuality was something normal for all people,there wouldn't be things like sex on the first date, sex with random person, maybe even rape and other stuff like that.

The author doesn't claim that everybody is demisexual.

I think she has a point.

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Alejandrogynous

Given that the best thing for demisexuals (or rather, the people who fit this definition of demisexuality, which has been skewed from what the term was originally meant to describe) is for their experiences to be normalized and acknowledged as being a completely valid and not at all unusual way to experience sexuality, I agree with this article. Actual demisexuality is different, but that's not what the article is talking about.

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I've always wondered why "demisexuality" is considered part of the ace spectrum, if it's supposed to be halfway between sexual and asexual. Why one and not the other?

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Spoiler

(I've only read the last paragraph)- But I've got to respectively disagree with this article. To me, I feel like this article is shaming people like me and that's the last thing that needs to happen in this(or any other community). It's so difficult to discover the spectrum, but then your shamed for what orientation that fits you best? This article certainly does not help people who are questioning.)

 

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Gifted With Singleness
2 hours ago, brehasolo said:

I've always wondered why "demisexuality" is considered part of the ace spectrum, if it's supposed to be halfway between sexual and asexual. Why one and not the other?

Because pornography and the hookup culture have corrupted so many minds into thinking that sex with strangers is somehow the norm. I've literally seen self-identified demisexuals online say that they're sexual minorities because most people want hookup sex. I don't know if these people are just highly impressionable teenagers or if they go to some super-liberal college full of trashy perverts who don't know how to respect others. But whatever the reason is, there are some wacky ideas floating around out there as to what a healthy sexual relationship is supposed to look like.

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3 hours ago, brehasolo said:

I've always wondered why "demisexuality" is considered part of the ace spectrum, if it's supposed to be halfway between sexual and asexual. Why one and not the other?

I don't think it's "halfway between" in the first place. Demisexuals do experience sexual attraction under certain circumstances. Those circumstances might occur rarely, but.

 

It really highlights the absurdity of the idea of an "asexual spectrum".

 

3 hours ago, Rosendust said:
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Spoiler

The way I read the article, the author merely describes demisexuality as a fairly common way to experience sexuality. I'm not sure where the shaming takes place, but I'd like to know where you see it :)

 

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58 minutes ago, GiftedWithSingleness said:

Because pornography and the hookup culture have corrupted so many minds into thinking that sex with strangers is somehow the norm. I've literally seen self-identified demisexuals online say that they're sexual minorities because most people want hookup sex. I don't know if these people are just highly impressionable teenagers or if they go to some super-liberal college full of trashy perverts who don't know how to respect others. But whatever the reason is, there are some wacky ideas floating around out there as to what a healthy sexual relationship is supposed to look like.

It's all so bizarre, because... how can you be a "minority" when your sexual behavior is what society actually deems appropriate? Casual sex is frowned upon, specially for women.

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Gifted With Singleness
2 hours ago, brehasolo said:

It's all so bizarre, because... how can you be a "minority" when your sexual behavior is what society actually deems appropriate? Casual sex is frowned upon, specially for women.

I think part of it has to do with the difference between attractions and actions. Asexuality is not the same thing as celibacy, after all. So it does make sense that choosing not to have hookup sex would be different from not even being tempted to do it.

 

However, I think too many people are trying to overstate these differences. There are asexual people out there who absolutely refuse to say that they're celibate, even though they've never had sex and never plan to. Apparently, if celibacy is easy for you, it's not really celibacy. You're only allowed to call it celibacy if it's a sacrifice for you.

 

Maybe these people think that abstaining from hookup sex is somehow a massive sacrifice for the vast majority of people. Or that they're only abstaining because of fear tactics or religious beliefs, rather than because they truly do not want to.

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I don't like the 

Quote

on the LGBTQI&%$! spectrum

and the article in general is pretty aggressive and dismissive.

And yeah, as people say the whole "normal person" thing doesn't sit well with me either.

 

 

Not to mention that entire site is pretty right-leaning so I wouldn't take this article as a support of demisexuals but more as an (traditional, religiously-based) attack on casual sex and hookup culture, and while I'm not a fan of hookup culture myself (you know, being ace) I'm not gonna trash it either.

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9 hours ago, DryRain said:

I don't like the 

and the article in general is pretty aggressive and dismissive.

And yeah, as people say the whole "normal person" thing doesn't sit well with me either.

My thoughts exactly.

The title of this article didn't sit well with me in the first place. But then the author keeps on using words like 'unnatural', 'healthy' and 'normal'.

To me it simply sounds as if the 'wise elder' - that's how she calls herself, my goodness! - is suggesting that asexuality is unnatural per se. 

Honestly, I don't want to know her stance on other orientations apart from heterosexuality.

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DarkStormyKnight

The author needs to sit down and chill, hooking up can be totally healthy and """"""normal"""""" if that's what you're into.

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I think some people identify as demisexual because they want others to understand how they work in a world that expects people to okay sex pretty early on. You could make a suitor "figure you out," or you could just flat out tell them what it's going to take from the start, saving yourself the trouble of the suitor expecting sex before you're ready.

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On 9/17/2019 at 3:19 PM, Jona Rhys said:

The author doesn't claim that everybody is demisexual.

I think she has a point.

I agree fully. She has a point, but if you feel you want to call yourself a demisexual, go ahead. What would be wrong would be to foist or force this label on people who could effectively be described as demisexual but don't want the label. After all, it IS normal, just as asexuality is normal (not using normal as in 'making up the general norm' here but normal as in a normal presentation of natural variety).

My feeling is increasingly that sexual overdrive, if you want to call it that, is expected as the norm (as in, the prevailing trend) and what is described in this article as exceptional, which I feel is part of the reason why some people may be looking for a label to describe themselves, because they feel outside the norm as they quite understandably experience it [edit to clarify]. Maybe I'm too sensitive to all the tv shows which use sexual content and sex related items to whip up their viewing figures. The ones of the likes of naked attraction amongst what seems like an increasing number of others. Maybe this is just my asexuality talking...

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On 9/17/2019 at 8:21 PM, brehasolo said:

It's all so bizarre, because... how can you be a "minority" when your sexual behavior is what society actually deems appropriate? Casual sex is frowned upon, specially for women.

That's how I used to think and I'm not specifically saying you're wrong, but I've started to wonder whether that's just a gloss on top of what is really going on. What got me thinking different is amongst other things: https://jezebel.com/college-girls-powerpoint-fuck-list-goes-viral-5652114

I literally don't get it, in more ways than one, no doubt because I'm asexual amongst other reasons.

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