i dont like the people who are attracted to me.

[nutterwithasolderingiron]

so this is something i've noticed recently but the last few dates i've been on have kinda went the same way. they talk to me and are cool with me being ace and having ASD but i never feel any romantic connection to them. i dont like leading people on, hence why i like to date before i commit to anything. but it's always really difficult to say to someone after the first date "i'm sorry, i didn't feel any romantic attraction" and i dont like doing it because in many cases, they feel we had a connection. 

 

how do you deal with this?

[LeChat]

Hmm...well, this marriage and family therapist says that it's normal not to feel a romantic connection on the first date, due to some people feeling nervous.

 

https://www.elitedaily.com/p/if-you-dont-feel-a-spark-on-the-first-date-experts-say-not-to-worry-15907257

 

And this site says that a significant amount of people go on second dates and don't expect to necessarily have an instant connection on the first date.

 

https://www.bustle.com/articles/139494-how-many-people-actually-feel-chemistry-on-the-first-date

[SorryNotSorry]

Yeah, well... welcome to romance according to me.

[CatWho3120]

Ah, me, but before I even get a date. I haven't really been looking for a while, but the majority of people who have been interested in me, I haven't been interested in.  I don't really experience a lot of attraction in general, so I can't really help, but I can relate. 

[EngineeRaven]

I don't know how much this has to do with the ASD I'm not diagnosed with but probably have, but I can totally relate. So much that it's been half a year in this relationship, and at this point I'm  confused if this is actual romantic attraction, or just emotional attachment to the other person.

[cutiepastels]

11 hours ago, MaeveTheRaven said:

I don't know how much this has to do with the ASD I'm not diagnosed with but probably have, but I can totally relate. So much that it's been half a year in this relationship, and at this point I'm  confused if this is actual romantic attraction, or just emotional attachment to the other person.

if you have an emotional attraction to someone and you have been dating for that long doesn't it eventually naturally turn into romantic attraction too? Like do you enjoy holding hands, kissing, hugging? Miss them and think about them alot of the time aswell enjoy spending time together? If so then you have romantic attraction towards them too.

[AspieAlly613]

23 hours ago, InquisitivePhilosopher said:

Hmm...well, this marriage and family therapist says that it's normal not to feel a romantic connection on the first date, due to some people feeling nervous.

 

https://www.elitedaily.com/p/if-you-dont-feel-a-spark-on-the-first-date-experts-say-not-to-worry-15907257

 

And this site says that a significant amount of people go on second dates and don't expect to necessarily have an instant connection on the first date.

 

https://www.bustle.com/articles/139494-how-many-people-actually-feel-chemistry-on-the-first-date

Why is that dating rather than just hanging out?  There seems to be a distinction there that most people understand and I don't.