Guest Posted September 14, 2019 Share Posted September 14, 2019 I'm a 40 years old man and after my last bad erotic experience I had with a woman, I came across the term asexuality. Now, 1 month after trying to accept it (not an easy task I admit) I feel a bit angry and/or disappointed/sad because I spent all my twenties and thirties, with a luck of awareness. I feel like I kinda lost a HUGE amount of valuable time, without actually being myself. Is it normal to feel that way? :(( P.S. Sorry for my bad english. Link to post Share on other sites
Logans Posted September 14, 2019 Share Posted September 14, 2019 Welcome to the club!😉 I discovered that asexuality was a thing just few months ago... and I am 43 yo. I understand your disappointment and I think your feelings are perfectly valid. Usually when I am disappointed about something I did in the past I try to look at it as an opportunity to learn and I ask myself what can I learn from this? I hope this perspective can help you feeling a bit better. Personally I prefer to focus on the present and the future that looks much much brighter now that I am aware of my asexuality. Good luck on your journey. Link to post Share on other sites
Demi Dad Posted September 14, 2019 Share Posted September 14, 2019 @Chris_Kappa everyone excepts themselfs themselves differently. i saw it as a releif and a lesson of learning to knowing myself .i thaught somthing was wrong with me thru my teenage years to adulthood, i hid who i was until i was around 46 after the loss of my wife and researched my feelings . you can feel that way it is your life but you have the time to except yourself learn about you and live better (nothing waisted but lesson learned, the end result is to be a better you) . You joined the right place where you can express yourself and learn about who you are. Welcome @Chris_Kappa stay for the community and enjoy the (cake) Link to post Share on other sites
WanderingKate Posted September 14, 2019 Share Posted September 14, 2019 I relate. After discovering my asexuality I had a somewhat brief but definitely present stage of being angry. I was first angry with myself for being "abnormal"...and then I was angry because of what society pressures us to do. I was angry that I wasted time, energy and money on a relationship that I didn't even want because I was supposed to want a relationship and it was "weird" not to ever have one. And I was angry that the media/society in general pushes sex on us so much that I felt like I had to have it even though it made me miserable. At the end of the day I realized I couldn't blame anyone but myself for trying to hide who I really am and caving in to the pressure when I know I'm better than that. But a lot of us have been there, having sex and relationships because we're "supposed to", and eventually I forgave myself and moved on. So I absolutely understand how you feel...at the end of the day, If I think about it enough I could still work myself up over the fact that the lack of ace representation and societal focus on sex lead me to many months of unhappiness that I'll never get back. But I think this experience has made me a stronger person and at least now I know, for the most part, who I am. Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted September 14, 2019 Share Posted September 14, 2019 I discovered this around 30, and I do often think, sometimes with frustration, about how my 20s may have gone differently of I knew this. Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted September 14, 2019 Share Posted September 14, 2019 Not wanting sex has never been an issue for me because I don't do romance, but boy do I know the feeling of dots suddenly connecting to something highly unpleasant Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 15, 2019 Share Posted September 15, 2019 Thank you all for your valuable and sincere answers. It really helped me feel a bit better. Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Phoenix Ace Posted September 17, 2019 Share Posted September 17, 2019 I understand what you mean. I was 37 when I first discovered this web site. If asexuality had been wider known in my 20s, maybe I would have formed a romantic relationship with someone. I was just never that interested. Now it seems a bit late. I like being single and I like my life. But it's interesting to think about how different it all could have been. Link to post Share on other sites
Nidwin Posted September 18, 2019 Share Posted September 18, 2019 Anger and relief when I finaly found out what was going on 4 Years ago. So it's normal I presume. Link to post Share on other sites
dentedcanoe Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 On 9/14/2019 at 11:44 AM, Snao van der Cone said: I discovered this around 30, and I do often think, sometimes with frustration, about how my 20s may have gone differently of I knew this. THIS. I feel like I wasted so much time having sex that was boring and unfulfilling. Link to post Share on other sites
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