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helana12_03

Question for asexuals in their 40's+ who didn't want to have children when they were younger

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GlamRocker

I'm cheating because I'm only 37, but NO REGRETS and NEVER WILL. I actually love kids, seem to have a knack with them, even. But I've been an antinatalist AT LEAST since I was fifteen. There's no way in HELL I'm creating new life just so it can suffer. As for adopting, well, if there were a bunch of homeless kids wandering around town like it was 1895, I'd probably have ten kids by now because I wouldn't be able to resist helping them, just like all the dogs packed in my house! But that would be the only thing to motivate me to adopt. I'd have to see that brat needing rescued and I wouldn't be able to resist even though it would be a pain in my ass! Luckily there are no sad orphans hanging about.

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nerdography

I’m only 35, but I’ve never wanted children and my feelings have not changed. 

 

There was was a moment in time where I was trying to convince myself that I wanted children. Because, I thought as a woman I was suppose to want them. I’m glad I came to the realization that it wasn’t a requirement before I forced myself to have kids.

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fuzzipueo

I'm 49 and on the edge of leaving the 40s behind. I have no regrets about not having kids of my own. 'Sides, it's more fun to be an aunt. :P

 

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Quiz Kid

35 years old and still don’t want children and I doubt that will ever change, I asked my parents how they felt about probably never being grandparents and they’re surprisingly ok with it. It’s not that I’m antinatalist (but if you are more power to you) it’s just not what I want you know? 

 

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Muledeer

procreating was the best thing I never did.

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Eudora

Hi. I'm 48 years old and I don't regret it. For me it was for the best that I didn't have kids. I came from a family that wasn't very nurturing or caring and I probably would have passed that on if I had kids. However each person has to make their own decision about this. 

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DesertGal

49 here. Never wanted kids, never been interested in having or raising any. Didn't even do baby dolls as a kid. Took me until age 35 to even find a doc to do sterilization. Almost 50 and still don't want them and it's perfectly fine. :)

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SunshinePetals

Told my mom when I was 16 "I don't think I'll ever have kids. It just seems horrible." And now I'm 47 and I never did. I do seem to mother my friends a bit. But social pressure has made me cry from time to time, like-what is it everyone else is experiencing besides me? But it passes and I go on with my journey of self discovery.

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Droopy615

49, knew as a teen that not only did I not want kids, I wanted a vasectomy ASAP.  I was not able to get one until my 30s and I was married, due to medical BS questions “ are you Really sure.” Etc...

no regrets

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atpeacewithmyself

I'm in my 40's and don't have kids. I don't regret it. My sister who is cis-straight has a kid. She doesn't really regret it. But she does say that if you have any doubts...don't do it. It's not worth it if you really don't want it. 

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Zagadka

No regrets, but I also recognize that I am an outlier in being happy alone. I am exceedingly happy that no one relies on me, though.

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Balance

I never wanted kids even when I was younger. Now that I'm 50s, I really don't want kids, and am so glad/happy I didn't have them. I would never want to do this world to a kid, no matter what type they are. It seems like torture to me, why do that to a kid? To me, it's more like, do a kid a favor, don't have a kid.

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TableForOne

Few things frighten me more than the constraints and responsibilities of parenthood... Nukes, perhaps... Nukes are pretty scary...

 

I genuinely believe that I - if I had chosen to become a parent - would have ended up as one of those "deadbeat dads" who would eventually just run away (perhaps even to another country) rather than take responsibility for my family. I find the moral fiber of such individuals to be of questionable quality (to say the least), so I am quite relieved that my life choices have shielded me from suffering such a massive personal failure.

 

Not having children also means that I can (in addition to the direct cost savings from not having to raise children) live comfortably in a small, cheap apartment and without a car. This frees up a significant portion of my disposable income to feed my insatiable habit for ridiculously overpriced coffee.

 

In recent years I have also become increasingly environmentally conscious, and the single most efficient way for a person to lower their environmental impact is to have fewer children. It's very nice to be able to claim the moral high ground... without actually having made any sacrifices to get there...

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Catpaws

I've never regretted it. In fact, I felt relief when my brother had a kid, because it meant the pressure was off, in a lot of ways.

 

That said, I had a couple of medical issues about five years ago which for a while led me to believe I might have non-working reproductive equipment, so to speak, and I was so surprised by the actual grief I felt. I think I'd depended on the "I can make the kids decision later, if I want to, you can change your mind if you want to" conclusion and when all of a sudden there was no later, I hadn't expected my own emotional reaction to that.

 

I think I might have been mourning that the choice had been made for me before I'd been ready to make it? Which was weird because I'd always intellectually been very sure I had no interest in having kids, but sometimes I suppose you can surprise yourself.

 

Still don't regret it at the end of the day, even so.

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Gypsy1315

I am close to 50 & have never regretted not having children. When I was younger (up into my early 30s), I babysat a lot, truly enjoyed it, & wanted to adopt one or two kids. I NEVER wanted to be pregnant or experience childbirth; the whole idea of those biological experiences terrified me. But as I moved into my mid-thirties, I also stopped wanting to adopt for two reasons: 1) I knew there was no guarantee that my child(ren) & I would be compatible & get along well together, & I didn’t want all the stress & drama of fights if we didn’t. 2) I really enjoy my freedom too much to want to be responsible for another person for a minimum of 18 years when I don’t know if we’re going to be compatible as his/her personality develops. I heard from so many people (& quite often from my mother) that I was missing out on so much joy & that I would regret not having kids. I’m very happy with my life, the relationships I have with my friends, & the ability to have time alone when I want it. I’ve never regretted not having kids, & I can’t imagine that I ever will regret my decision. 

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ElasticPlanet
On 9/14/2019 at 5:22 PM, Custard Cream said:

I knew when I was at primary school that I didn't want kids. I never, ever changed my mind, not for an instant.  I'm 50 now and have no regrets whatsoever.

Same here, although I'm still closer to 40 than to 50 at the moment...

 

The very idea that I might somehow regret not doing something that I always found so horrific... just... all of the nope. I remember seeing my grandma holding a baby, her first great grandchild, and thinking about the baby's parents: what have you done? How could you want this? That baby is now 29.

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Athena_Wisdom

I have known from a very young age, I'm almost 40, that I did not want to have kids. It took me a long time to realize that it was such an easy choice for me regardless of the unsolicited opinions I would receive when asked if I wanted them. I think it's a brave choice to make and to accept in a society that shames women for not wanting to have children. A women's worth is so much more than just motherhood.

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Back to Avalon
On 9/14/2019 at 4:58 PM, helana12_03 said:

But some people say they want to leave something behind when they pass.

I've heard this, too, and there are plenty of ways of leaving something behind without having a child. Start a scholarship, a volunteer program, a toy drive,... You don't have to have a lot of money to start some kind of charitable tradition that will continue after you're gone.

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communityabed

I am 35 now, so in a few years that choice will be taken out my hands. I think I will be mostly relieved. Unless you are super rich, to bring a child into this world only to condemn him to run in the rat race seems to me an insane act. The world may be full of wonders, but I doubt we are ever truly free to enjoy them.

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will123

In my 20s I had no interest in fathering children. Like DaveB said, "no regrets", either at age 58. 

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silent autumn

No regrets here either. I'm not 40 yet and theoretically I could still have them, but I know I won't. I knew when I was 12 that I didn't want children, and I still don't want them. In fact, I've become more sure of my viewpoint now I'm older.

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Jolyjulie

Je n'ai jamais voulue avoir d'enfants jusqu'à ce que je rencontre mon conjoint qui est un homme admirable, patient, compréhensif et surtout très paternel. Aujourd'hui je ne regrette pas d'avoir des enfants formidables. 

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