Question for asexuals in their 40's+ who didn't want to have children when they were younger

[gothic]

I do not want children, never have. I'm only 28 but this is the time a lot of people my age have kids. My friend who I've known since grade 1 just had a kid, and it makes sense because I know him and he's the type to have kids. Seeing that clears things up for me and I find I am probably not the type who should have kids. I feel sick when I think about being responsible for one, in every way, physically and spiritually. I do not regret it so far, and don't expect I ever will, I love my freedom too much; it's ok to be greedy sometimes, better that then being even an "okay" parent. Also I'm asexual so it can't really work lol.

[will123]

Put me in the greedy category too as I like to be able to do (responsibly and legally) what I want to do, when I want to...

[AfroQueenofAces]

Never regretted it, mid 40s and knew as a kid that kids were not for me.  I love my freedom and have never considered what if?  I just get fed up with meeting new people and getting the standard, are you married and do you have any kids.  

[Professor Tarknassus]

I'm in my mid 40's and generally, no I don't regret it.  I do wonder what things would have been like on a rare occasion.  For most of my earlier life I neither wanted nor even expected to get into a situation where children would become an option.  I think people picked up on that and I've never been asked about having kids.

[0000000000000]

I want to leave this site and I can't delete my account, so I'm deleting my posts.

[BlueAce]

I'm 52 and in menopause. When I was 8 I told my parents (after reading the sex education book they gave me as a present) that I would not have kids unless all the children living in orphanages around the world had a family: I haven't changed my mind ever since and never regretted it. I'll never understand the need to bring more human beings into an overpopulated planet.

[will123]

10 minutes ago, BlueAce said:

I'll never understand the need to bring more human beings into an overpopulated planet.

I'd love to ask that to the two families of 

Spoiler

breeders

in my village. Soon to be 19 kids 

Spoiler

FFS!

SMH!

[BlueAce]

46 minutes ago, will123 said:

I'd love to ask that to the two families of 

  Reveal hidden contents

breeders

in my village. Soon to be 19 kids 

  Reveal hidden contents

FFS!

SMH!

2 families = 19 kids!? Is this for real?

Totally shocked ...

[will123]

1 hour ago, BlueAce said:

2 families = 19 kids!? Is this for real?

Totally shocked ...

Very much so! In fact according to a female friend (who says she plans on remaining childless) said that in the case of the mother that has given birth to 12 or 13 (I'm not sure), there was a pic of her and two of her older daughters last year on Faceplant. All 'wonderfully pregnant'. The one daughter has four kids and the other two.

[QuoVadis]

1 minute ago, will123 said:

Very much so!

I went to a school with three of the sons in a staunch Catholic family. They were three of FOURTEEN. When I occasionally feel guilty or selfish for never wanting children, I just remember two things: quantity > quality, and: well, they have 14 to make up for my lack of one. 

 

I'll never forget telling this to a cousin of mine at a family gathering. Her response was priceless - "Someone needs to put that woman's uterus in the Smithsonian!"  

[will123]

3 minutes ago, QuoVadis said:

I went to a school with three of the sons in a staunch Catholic family. They were three of FOURTEEN. When I occasionally feel guilty or selfish for never wanting children, I just remember two things: quantity > quality, and: well, they have 14 to make up for my lack of one. 

 

I'll never forget telling this to a cousin of mine at a family gathering. Her response was priceless - "Someone needs to put that woman's uterus in the Smithsonian!"  

When Holly told me about the woman expecting #7 earlier this year, I was thinking that the world isn't suffering from neither of us increasing the population.

 

I can think of something a friend's wife said about the number of children, but it's pretty TMI and unpleasant...

 

Doesn't this just treat the woman as a 'baby factory'? 

 

TMI: (not so much if you're Monty Python fan)

Spoiler

 

 

[QuoVadis]

2 minutes ago, will123 said:

I can think of something a friend's wife said about the number of children, but it's pretty TMI and unpleasant...

(I know it's kind of a myth that female anatomy is "looser" or "tighter" based on how many pregnancies, yadda yadda yadda, but I can't help but feel as if that would be like, erm... 

"throwing a hot dog down a hallway" at that point.

[will123]

6 minutes ago, QuoVadis said:

 

  Reveal hidden contents

(I know it's kind of a myth that female anatomy is "looser" or "tighter" based on how many pregnancies, yadda yadda yadda, but I can't help but feel as if that would be like, erm... 

"throwing a hot dog down a hallway" at that point.

 

Close but no cigar!

 

Hadn't heard the expression until this episode years ago:

Spoiler

 

 

[BlueAce]

7 hours ago, will123 said:

Very much so! In fact according to a female friend (who says she plans on remaining childless) said that in the case of the mother that has given birth to 12 or 13 (I'm not sure), there was a pic of her and two of her older daughters last year on Faceplant. All 'wonderfully pregnant'. The one daughter has four kids and the other two.

This is scary and the scariest part is the "wonderfully pregnant" bit ...

[BlueAce]

7 hours ago, QuoVadis said:

I went to a school with three of the sons in a staunch Catholic family. They were three of FOURTEEN. When I occasionally feel guilty or selfish for never wanting children, I just remember two things: quantity > quality, and: well, they have 14 to make up for my lack of one. 

 

I'll never forget telling this to a cousin of mine at a family gathering. Her response was priceless - "Someone needs to put that woman's uterus in the Smithsonian!"  

Your cousin's response is pure GOLD 🙂

[will123]

3 hours ago, BlueAce said:

This is scary and the scariest part is the "wonderfully pregnant" bit ...

Did nobody see the (fill in the blank because I can't find the word) of a mother being pregnant with one pregnant daughter, let alone two?

 

Not to offend anyone from West Virginia, but this whole thing when I heard about it gave me visions of hillbillies. "Woman a grandmother at age 30".

[BlueAce]

22 hours ago, will123 said:

 "Woman a grandmother at age 30".

As if it were something to be proud of ...

[will123]

4 hours ago, BlueAce said:

As if it were something to be proud of ...

Yep!

[Catsong]

I'm a little late to the party here, but thought I chime in since I seem to be in the minority. I never wanted kids as a teenager or even a young adult. But strangely, when I was about 40, I realized that I actually Did want kids and I knew that if I didn't at least try, I'd probably always regret it. 

 

I wasn't in any sort of relationship and the thought of having sex with someone, even a friend, was pretty abhorrent to me, though I'm not actually averse to sex and did have a sexual relationship when I was 20. It's just the thought of actually having sex with someone I'm not sexually attracted to... That was a big 'Nope!'  So, I commenced with a 2 year long, fascinating, frustrating, and expensive journey into the world of assisted reproduction. Ultimately, I was unsuccessful but at least I can let go of the regret, since I tried. I knew going into it that it was a long shot, given my age, but I also knew that if it didn't work out, I would be disappointed but not devastated.

 

I'm glad I tried, disappointed that it didn't work out, and yet also relieved. I wanted kids and was prepared for the complete disruption and rearrangement of my life, but I absolutely prefer living alone and not having to share my space with anyone. 

[VanishingLady]

43 and childfree! I regret nothing. I knew from childhood it wasn't going to happen, and I still lack the desire/"need" to have them. I like kids, but I like giving them back to their parents more.

[BlueAce]

On 1/24/2021 at 4:06 AM, VanishingLady said:

43 and childfree! I regret nothing. I knew from childhood it wasn't going to happen, and I still lack the desire/"need" to have them. I like kids, but I like giving them back to their parents more.

Same here. When someone asks me "Don't you like kids?", my answer is "Yes, I do, as long as they are not mine"  🙂

[iluvsunnydays]

I'm 43 and I knew from a young age that I didn't want children, I have never regretted it. Apart from not wanting to bring up a child, the thought of giving birth is enough to almost send me into a panic attack at the mere thought of doing it. I don't have a low pain threshold so its not that, its just the thought of it that I cannot comprehend doing at all. If I had ever wanted a child I think I would have had to adopt, luckily it was never an issue.

[learning]

I'm with most of the others here. Never wanted kids, never played with dolls, never regretted it. And lucky for me I never got pressure from my family. I like kids well enough, but I like giving them back to their parents too. I don't mind being tied down; I have too many animals for vacations to be common or simple. I did feel a very strong need to have that conversation when I realized that I might be headed toward marriage. It would have been awful if that had been a deal-breaker for my partner, but I couldn't see myself compromising on that. Also, as others have said, the thought of being pregnant and giving birth freaks me out. I am happy to pamper pregnant animals and help raise their offspring, and I'll never turn down an opportunity to play with a puppy or hold it while it sleeps, but a human infant doesn't interest me at all. (It's just dawning on me that some people are captivated by infants the way I am by puppies. Huh. Interesting.)

[learning]

I've been thinking about this more. The idea of attempting to parent an allo child/adolescent/teen is absolutely terrifying.

 

But the latest episode of "Sounds Fake but Okay" with David Jay was very enlightening for me, and confirmed that I made the right choice for me. I'm glad though that there are good people who are driven to raise more good people.

[Asexu_owl]

On 9/14/2019 at 10:54 AM, helana12_03 said:

Did you ever regret it? I have no desire to have children, ever, and I don't think I ever will. People often tell me that I will regret it if I don't. Is that true? 

I'm 40 and not having kids was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I like to travel and live in other countries, and being childfree means I can rent affordable single-person rooms. Plus I'm into eco-friendly vegetable meals, and I know there is no way a child would willingly eat my eco meals  

[will123]

7 hours ago, Asexu_owl said:

I'm 40 and not having kids was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I like to travel and live in other countries, and being childfree means I can rent affordable single-person rooms. Plus I'm into eco-friendly vegetable meals, and I know there is no way a child would willingly eat my eco meals  

Welcome to AVEN! 

[Sally]

The OP assumes that those of us who didn't want children didn't have them, and that's not always true.  I never felt that I wanted children, but I had them, because in my young adult years it was almost impossible to not become pregnant if you were having sex (which I was, because it seemed I should and thought I would eventually like it).  

[Skycaptain]

@Asexu_owl, welcome to AVEN 🎂 🎂

 

 

[PhilGG]

My mother was a midwife and delivered one woman of her 22nd child ... (though this was in Africa and quite a number of years ago). She said that it basically just popped out.

 

I like children (though I find newborns pretty uninteresting). I choose to do voluntary activities that involve them heavily, and I enjoy them. I've been told that I'm good with children (whatever that means). However, I don't feel strong maternal feelings, and I've never really had any desire to carry or bring up a child of my own. My mother tried to persuade me to have children - she told me that I'd be good at it, and wouldn't I be lonely in my old age if I didn't? - but I didn't have the desire. Whether having a partner would have changed things, I can't say. Given my orientation ... Whether having a happier childhood would have also changed things, I also can't say. I'm 49, so carrying a child myself is now more or less out of the question. I suppose that I occasionally wonder what a child-filled life would have been like, but in the way that I wonder about a number of other paths that my life could have taken, rather than because of deep regret.

 

Of course, there are no guarantees that a child will be loyal and stick around until you die. There is also no guarantee that they won't die before you.

 

I have wondered about fostering or adopting a child in need - I have a home and money and there are many who could really do with that kind of security - but I'm probably not strong enough for that, especially as a single person, and I don't think that my desire to help in that way is strong enough to cope with the inevitable difficulties.

[PhilGG]

I know one woman who told me that if she had known what marriage and motherhood would be like, she wouldn't have done either. She loves her children and grandchild but says that her life would have been better for her if she had stayed single.