kissing

[girlwiththelongskirt]

I'm working on a story about an relationship between a bisexual girl and an asexual girl. I've never kissed anyone myself but I do want them to explore this toppic. If anyone likes to tell their (first) kiss stories I would really appreceate it. I'm mostly interested in the experience: what happend, what did you experience, did you use your tongue, what did it feel like at cetera. No detail is to small, but of course only share what you are comfortable with. This question is of course open to anyone, not just people from the ace spectrum.

 

Thanks so much!

[Lara Black]

Let me remember… I was around 15 and in a hurry to experience “grown-up” stuff. And the guy I was dating was a bit uptight or insecure, or whatever. So after another date with him we were saying our goodbyes and I decided to kiss him first. I briefly hugged him and pecked him on the lips… If I remember correctly, I also slightly touched his lips with my tongue. In retrospect, it was very vanilla and I didn’t feel anything special, but everything inside me was screaming and ringing “I’m doing it! I’m really doing this romantic thing!”

Actually, quite some time had passed before I really got into this whole sensual and sexual stuff – before that it was just the joy of “being an adult”.

[JMR]

I’m actually an ace married to a guy who is bi! I was 23/24 and had been dating the guy for about 3 months and we were sitting at McDonalds because it was the only thing near us open so late and we wanted to spend as much time together as we could since he was going to an out of state college and had to leave the next day. I had been trying to work up the nerve to kiss him for like a week. We were in his car talking when I blurted out that I wanted to try it. He said it was ok if I didn’t want to kiss and he wasn’t expecting anything, but I assured him I wanted to do this before he left. I was a literal fucking statue. I didn’t move my body, my hands, or my lips AT ALL. He gave me slightly more than a peck (no tongue) to try to encourage me to move a little. I absolutely hated the act of it and it felt so weird. Definitely no sparks or butterflies or anything.

 

We’ve been married for almost two years now and it’s definitely improved and I even enjoy kissing now!

[SithLord]

First kiss... well, I was dating a guy I wasn't really into. I kissed him and it felt like nothing to me. Just lips connecting and some annoying wetness. It was a peck because even that was forcing myself. Wasn't really "into him" if there's a non-sexual version of that. Basically it was a squish I misinterpreted as a crush.

 

But with my bf, it was similar at first. I didn't really feel much, but after I got closer to him it was nicer, though I still hate the wet feeling. And now it just feels pleasant somehow, like I get happy and know he loves me that way. It's not really kissing that I enjoy, just the feelings behind it. 

[Dodoa]

I've never kissed anyone I was actually interested in romantically. My first kiss was at a girls night at a friends place when I was 16. We were all pretty drunk and one of my friends started kissing people. I didn't know I was asexual yet and I was also still holding on to the media-enforced idea that your first kiss is supposed to be special, but also kind of just wanted to get it over with, because all of my friends already had and I was starting to feel a bit embarrassed about my complete and utter inexperience, so I was still debating whether or not I wanted to kiss when she got to me and ended up just going along with it. She did use a bit of tongue and it was warm and wet and kind of slimy, but not in an unpleasant way and she stopped before I'd decided whether I liked it. After that the only times I kissed someone was on stage for a play and those are so choreographed that you don't focus on how you feel at all, but only on how it looks from the outside.

[DarkStormyKnight]

My first kiss was in college, I was a freshman and was very sober surrounded by very drunk people. I was dancing with a friend of mine and she was TRASHED. She asked if she could kiss me so I said sure and then she checked that I was definitely okay with it like 3 more times. It was just a peck, nothing more, and it was really cute. :3

[Salmiakki]

My first kiss was with my sister. Like, for real. I have only had one kiss in my entire life and it was with my sister.

 

also, I'm not sure but this content might be tmi, or a little upsetting to someone

 

We were hanging out with our friend in her room. I don’t remember exactly how old we were, but I was definitely younger than 12, and my sister and our (ex) friend are two years younger than me, so if I was like, 11 for example, they would have been around 9 years old. Which feels crazy now that I think about it. So, the kiss… our friend... pressured us to do it. I don’t really know why she wanted to see us do it. She told us what she wanted us to do so we did that. So we went on her bed, my sister was lying on her back and I was on top of her and we… kissed. Actually kissed. I’m not sure if tongues were involved but our lips definitely touched and I remember that there was a lot of saliva. During those times we were watching a lot of porn and I think that our friend kind of got “inspired”. Also I’m pretty sure that she made us make some… noises, like, ugh, moans and stuff. She told us that it was like we were having sex (yes, she really said that). But yeah.. that was my first kiss, and the only kiss I ever had. My first kiss was with my sister, cause our friend made us do it and also watched us do it while giving instructions, when we were just kids. It’s a very uncomfortable memory. The three of us used to always do all kinds of crazy and nasty stuff. The girl who made us kiss was actually very manipulative and toxic. She was constantly telling lies and she ALWAYS got what she wanted. Yeah… she was that kind of “friend”. But honestly… like, we were close friends with a few other girls too and our whole friend group was kind of toxic. Someone was always getting bullied, someone was always being left out, we were always talking shit about someone behind their back, we were always fighting, lying to each other and choosing sides… it was so messed up. Anyway… this is not what this thread is about, sorry. 

[AspieAlly613]

1 hour ago, Salmiakki said:

(ex) friend

good.

[Salmiakki]

1 hour ago, AspieAlly613 said:

good.

Yeah... in 2012 we decided that we were sick of her so we stopped being friends with her 

[IrishArcher]

My first kiss was a little disappointing. Like many of the posts above, I expected it to be some momentous event (books always use words like "electric" to describe these things) and I was excited to see what all the fuss was about, so on my second date with my first girlfriend (between freshman and sophomore year of high school), I asked her if she wanted to try it. She had considerably more experience in the area than I, and she was very sweet about it, asking me several times if I was sure, because first kisses are supposedly special things. I told her I was, so we kissed. Or, more accurately, she kissed me and I closed my eyes and wondered what I was supposed to do. I don't know if maybe she was just a bad kisser (I had no frame of reference) but moving my lips didn't feel natural as hers basically enveloped mine, and the only sensation I could process was that it was wet and kind of slimy. I made a feeble attempt at reciprocating, but she definitely did 99% of the work. When we parted, she asked me how it was, and I didn't want to hurt her feelings so I just told her I had nothing to compare it to. My lips felt cold and wet afterward and I had to fight very hard not to wipe them off on my sleeve, since I thought that would be rude. In hindsight, I suspect I didn't enjoy it largely because my motivations were wrong - I didn't feel anything for her romantically (we broke up as soon as school started again) and I only dated her because I knew she was interested in me. I kissed her because I was curious to see how it felt and because I knew she would agree to do it with me, not because I felt particularly attracted to her. Still, although I didn't enjoy it, it was better than my second kiss, and I'm glad I did it.

[Guest]

My first kiss was with a guy I traveled to England to meet. After being too nervous to even talk to him, he took my hand and lead me to his room, sat me down at his desk and sat across from me and kissed me. I remember being happy and relieved. I was worried I had ruined it by being nervous. Then we cuddled all night in his bed.

[SithLord]

3 hours ago, IrishArcher said:

I had to fight very hard not to wipe them off on my sleeve, since I thought that would be rude.

It is seen as rude, but my bf laughs it off thankfully. I try not to be rude but OMG I just needed to wipe that shit off my mouth RIGHT AWAY!

[Guest]

4 hours ago, SithGirl said:

It is seen as rude, but my bf laughs it off thankfully. I try not to be rude but OMG I just needed to wipe that shit off my mouth RIGHT AWAY!

Meh. My wife wipes off any saliva. And cleans other body fluids asap. I don't see why people find it rude. Sensory issues are a thing. 

[NicoleHolmes]

I was 21 when I had my first kiss. As soon as I started dating this guy, I was very direct and told him that sex was not gonna happen. He said that was fine with him. I told him although I had been in a relationship before, I had never even kissed anyone. He said that was fine too and he would wait until I was ready. The dude was pretty touchy right away-- not sexually, but he just wanted to hold me and cuddle all the time. That took getting used to because I am somewhat touch averse, but I like affection. On our third date I had already caught feelings for the dude, and being the direct person I am, I told him I loved him. We were perusing the back aisles of a bookstore. He hugged me, and whispered, "Can I please kiss you now?" I thought about it a second, nodded, and let him kiss my cheek. That was in December. Thereafter, every time he left my house I let him kiss my cheek. Valentine's Day rolled around. I worked at Save a Lot at the time, and was bummed that I had to work the closing shift on Valentine's Day. When I got off work at 9 pm, he picked me up and took me to dinner at Buffalo Wild Wings, because that was our favorite place, and gave me an adorable stuffed gorilla. I was glad he didn't do any serious presents. By the time we finished dinner and he brought me back to my car, it was quite dark out. He hugged me and went to kiss my cheek. I grabbed his neck and kissed him back. It was just a peck on the lips, but I felt giddy and my lips were tingling. After that I decided I liked it and we kissed pretty often. So my first kiss happened late at night in a Save a Lot parking lot under a streetlamp with me in my work shirt and jeans and hoodie and his cap. We're not together anymore but its a good memory. 

[WanderingKate]

My first kiss was when I was 18 or 19, I want to say 19. I was walking around the city with my old friend from high school. She asked if we could meet up with her brother at the skate park and it was the first time I met him. I was never impressed with him, he was fairly average looking and his personality was just okay, but he kept staring at me all night and later when he went off with a friend, my friend told me she could tell that he liked me, and he texted her later in the night to confirm it. I definitely didn't find him or his personality attractive but the attention was exciting and I mistook the thrill of being wanted for attraction. I also was at this point very sensitive to never having my first kiss and I was already a college freshman and I just wanted to get it over with. So I went home later to my friend's place around midnight and he was there smoking by himself, and the weed definitely loosened him up. He started asking me all kinds of questions, where I went to school, what kind of music I like, if I have a boyfriend. For some reason, instead of just answering that I didn't have a boyfriend I actually said "No, I've never had a boyfriend" and he was shocked, told me I was too pretty to never date before, and asked me why...eventually I told him I was just shy and nervous and had never even had my first kiss before. He said he'd like to be my first...it was all very smooth, I have to give him credit for that The kiss itself was pretty gentle. It started of closed mouth, then it was open mouthed but no tongue. Not a whole lot of touching, just his hand around my waist and his hand tipping my chin up because he was tall. How it felt....it was confusing. Again, I mistook the excitement of being wanted and reaching an adult milestone for the excitement of actually enjoying it...which I didn't. It felt like nothing. I remember thinking "I'm finally doing it!" and "his lips are soft", but that was it. There were definitely no sparks or even feelings of affection, and it certainly didn't ignite any sexual interest in me. My thoughts than wandered to "I hope I'm doing this right" and eventually to "wow, this is kind of boring". It didn't make me want to date or have a relationship with him. Once it was over, I was like "yay, I finally did it!" but after that thrill wore off, it became, "wow, that was it?" 

Overall it wasn't a bad first kiss experience, but yeah. Kissing never did much for me, and it's continued to be fairly non-exciting even now that I've had plenty of practice. I don't mind it but I don't understand why people enjoy it so much. I've never felt the excitement, the tingling or the romance. To me it's two people touching lips, but as an asexual on the aromantic spectrum I think that's pretty much the norm for us.