LauraGerm Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 Hey guys, I´m Laura and recently I found out that I am quite likely a lithromantic person, but I really don´t want to, can I change that?? That´s a big problem for me, bc I already hurt so many people and I just can´t stop. I feel so bad, bc first I make the boys hope and then they say that they are in love with me or they want a relationship, but I just can´t do it even if I used to like them a lot. Like, I really need help, I really can´t live like this. Please I really need a way out of this!!! Link to post Share on other sites
RoseGoesToYale Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 Lithromantic is described as experiencing romantic attraction, but not wanting your feelings returned. It sounds more like to me you start out liking these guys but somewhere in the course of getting to know them the attraction either fades or the desire for a relationship goes away, which could make you frayromantic (I think that's the right one?) That said, if it's causing you this much distress, it may not be your orientation so much as some other underlying psychological/emotional issue. I would recommend talking to a therapist or counselor, they can help you sort out what's going on and make sense of your feelings. I hope you find the answers you're looking for! Link to post Share on other sites
henshin Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 I don't know if I would call that an orientation per se. It could be that you are scared or nervous about being in a romantic relationship, whether in and of itself or because of sexual expectations I couldn't say, but this fear is likely causing your reaction. When a person likes you back it takes the idea of a relationship from a theory to a real prospect. Do you feel worried about being in a relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
LauraGerm Posted September 8, 2019 Author Share Posted September 8, 2019 Thank you so much for answering, bc since I heard for the first time about that topic I feel so alone and I really don´t know how to handle it. it´s like I´d loved to be in a relationship with someone and I love it thinking about being loved and all that stuff, but in the reality when my crush finally wants more I just can´t handle it and run away and try to not talk to them anymore. I don´t know if lithromantic is a real sexual orientation which you can´t change like when you homosexual or if being lithromantic just means that you have an emotional blockage or something which you can change and work on. Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 I've moved this thread from 'Questions about Asexuality' to 'Romantic and Aromantic Orientations'. Michael Tannock, Open Mic moderator and Questions about Asexuality Co-moderator. Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted September 8, 2019 Share Posted September 8, 2019 @LauraGerm Welcome to AVEN! Lithromantic is a Romantic Orientation, which is different from a Sexual Orientation since the type of attraction is different. There's Sexual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have sex with someone (This is different from arousal, which doesn't always lead to desiring sex). There's Romantic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a romantic relationship (I still don't know what that is, I'm Aromantic). There's Sensual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have intimate non-sexual physical contact with someone, like cuddling. There's Aesthetic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to appreciate someone's aesthetic beauty (you can't take your eyes off them). There's Platonic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a close friendship with someone. And more. Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a 'Butterfly Sunset' cake (all edible), http://cakesdecor.com/cakes/303046-butterfly-sunset Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 9, 2019 Share Posted September 9, 2019 I'm not lithromantic myself, but my understanding of it - and I could be wrong - is that the lack of desire for romantic reciprocation doesn't involve anxiety towards relationships. From what you've said here, it sounds like you do desire them to reciprocate your feelings, but once they do, you experience some apprehension about getting into a relationship. That's a totally normal feeling. Relationships can be overwhelming. I would say - and this is based only on what you've said here so far - that you can definitely figure things out so that you find peace with your romantic identity. It might just take some introspection and courage. We are here every step of the way for you! Link to post Share on other sites
LauraGerm Posted September 9, 2019 Author Share Posted September 9, 2019 @Road do you think I should kinda force me into a relationship? But I´m really afraid to hurt someone again. And I really don't want to sound arrogant or something, but normally I get a lot of attention from guys and maybe I´m I afraid that if I would be in a relationship that I would not get anymore attention. But I really don´t know what to do Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 9, 2019 Share Posted September 9, 2019 I wouldn't force yourself into something you're not comfortable with. That would probably make things worse before it would make things better. Where I would start, is thinking back to the times you felt overwhelmed and like running away, and ask yourself why you felt that way. You have to find the root of the problem, before you can resolve it. Link to post Share on other sites
LauraGerm Posted September 9, 2019 Author Share Posted September 9, 2019 @Road thanks, I´ll try Link to post Share on other sites
ThomasMcLaughlin Posted April 2, 2020 Share Posted April 2, 2020 Hi, I've only found out about lithromantic recently as the person I have very strong feelings for thinks they are lithromantic. I'm bisexual so I can't fully relate to them but I want to try understand them better. I've been doing research and I have a better grasp on it, but it has only made me more nervous and depressed. The person doesn't know how I feel and I'm afraid if I tell them I won't have a chance. Is there any way to date a lithromantic as a bisexual? @LauraGerm I feel that if you are that uncomfortable with the feeling it may not be your sexuality. Though I am not lithromantic, I did have to come to terms with being bisexual and it was tough but natural. I felt at peace with myself when I realised my sexuality. If being lithromantic is a troubling and uncomfortable idea to you, I don't think it's who you are. Maybe there is some underlying issue of pressure about relationships that you need to reflect on? I went through so many sexualities in my confusion. I thought I was on the Asexual spectrum at one point as well. Good luck with figuring this out! If you find you are lithromantic but you still really want a relationship try and work through things with the person you have a crush on if they confess. Maybe there is a way you can still be together. I hope for the same with me and mine. Best wishes! Link to post Share on other sites
kiaroskuro Posted April 2, 2020 Share Posted April 2, 2020 3 hours ago, ThomasMcLaughlin said: I've only found out about lithromantic recently as the person I have very strong feelings for thinks they are lithromantic. I'm bisexual so I can't fully relate to them but I want to try understand them better. I've been doing research and I have a better grasp on it, but it has only made me more nervous and depressed. The person doesn't know how I feel and I'm afraid if I tell them I won't have a chance. Do you mean that this person doesn't know that you have strong feelings for them, or don't they know that you feel anxious about their being lithromantic? I'm not really equipped to give relationship advice, but since I have suffered from being 'lith' in the past - without wanting to use this label -, I can imagine that you will probably meet with some 'emotional resistance' on their part, but it really depends on the person and your situation. If you like them so much I'm sure they are worth fighting for. Best of luck, and welcome to AVEN! Link to post Share on other sites
just_somebody Posted January 8, 2021 Share Posted January 8, 2021 Hello! i am lithromantic AND i'm dating someone . i hurt other people before this person but now i am trying hard even tho i know this is wrong i'm trying to keep our relationship but the feeling of regret and all keeps growing like i feel like i don't have feelings for them not even a bit but still i say i "used" to like them and i'm waiting for my feelings to return even tho i know that they probably won't.... i don't want to hurt them but i just want to have a stable life ! first, i was so depressed and anxious before we got together bc of many other things but i got better when i'm with them and now i think i got back to how i were... we are together now for 1 month and their feelings are growing for me and i know i should end it before they grow even more but still i would never find someone like this but i am preparing myself to end it. so basicly, being lithromantic is that you regret that you even got into a relationship with them and want to end it and feel the feelings vanishing all of your feelings going away without being able to do anything to keep them . i typed for the first time on google "how to stop being lithromantic" so that i won't hurt this one too and what i saw first was your story so i posted my story too i would be glad to take advice from you guys and to know what you think about it !! Link to post Share on other sites
secretlyhopeless Posted February 3, 2021 Share Posted February 3, 2021 Hello! I found out the term "lithromantic" about 2-3 months ago, and I wanted to share my story. At first, it felt like a breath of fresh air. I always knew I was different, but, I blamed it on my growing mental health, as I am still young (13 when I had my first real lithromantic experience and 15 when I discovered the term). During those two years, I dated and broke up with 3 guys, and I always felt terrible. I'd break off the relationship after just a week to 3 weeks if I was patient enough. I felt even worse because I never had any answers as to why when they asked me, so I always said it was because I wanted to focus on school, which was false. I searched things up on why I was like this and it always gave me some stupid answer, like I hated myself, it was because I'm a libra, and so on. It was, until I found the term "lithromantic" in a manhua I was reading. I searched the word up because I was curious, and it felt as though all my questions had been answered. I felt relieved. Unfortunately, I come from a Christiaan family, my mom being quite conservative. Despite that, my siblings and I turned out to be very liberal and didn't care about other peoples' sexualities. The first person I told about my lithromanticism was a my cousin, who was surprised, but supportive. I have also been bi-curious since 6th grade, so I decided to reveal it to her then, too. I later told my sister and brother, who didn't mind much, either. I ended up telling two of my church friends about my bisexuality and lithromantic tendencies and they didn't mind, either. They truly are the best friends, I adore them. It's been a couple of months since I found out I was lithromantic, and a few things have changed. Firstly, the realization that I would most likely never have the dream wedding I so longed hurt. I had everything planned out, being a teenager, and it sucked to realize that if I did marry someone, it would most likely be one-sided from my partner. Another realization I had was about my most recent ex. He and I were extremely close. We talked about the webtoons we liked, we played games together, and we both play the same musical instrument. We never ran out of things to talk about, and we ended up dating from Dec 2019 to Feb 2020. It was short but sweet. The thing I noticed about this relationship compared to my other ones, however, were my feelings. Usually, when I found out the guy I had a crush on liked me back, I'd immediately lose feelings. But, with him, my feelings faded completely only after we had a small argument. Other than that, I remember only losing feelings for him a little bit, but that was all. This is why I have a little hope that I will be able to fall in love one day. I don't want to get everyone's hopes up, nor mine, but I truly do know the pain of feeling guilt every time we give that person a chance it ends against our favor. I hope you all the best, those who know and feel this pain, and those who don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Nobody2021 Posted April 9, 2021 Share Posted April 9, 2021 This is a very interesting topic, because from my research into lithromanticism I’ve found two definitions for it. One, you like someone until they like you back, then you lose all interest or you like someone but don’t actually want to pursue a relationship with them or want your feelings reciprocated. I fall in that second category, so I don’t really understand all these feelings of guilt I’ve read from other people. I’ve had my share of crushes, but always hated the feeling of “being in love” and honestly, I never wanted a relationship with my crushes, I just liked them. I discovered I am asexual way before I deciphered the rest of it. I thought I might be aromantic, but then it didn’t make sense since I’ve had crushes before, until I learned about lithromanticism and it clicked with me. It seems the most common form of lithromanticism is people liking others until their feelings are reciprocated then they lose interest. Anyone in the second category? Link to post Share on other sites
Rynn Posted April 16, 2021 Share Posted April 16, 2021 This thread is very old and has been inactive for a long time and is now being locked. If anyone would like to discuss the topic further, feel free to start a new thread about it. Ryn, moderator Link to post Share on other sites
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