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Do you think of others while masturbating? Does this relate to orientation?

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Kimchi Peanut
On 9/19/2019 at 12:25 PM, pma01 said:

@kimchi peanut. Have you ever used or considered using a vibrator? That may help you to beable to climax.

Not solo, but I find it helps a lot with partnered. 🙂

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theV0ID

I'm aro ace, and I guess autochori since I picture other people doing sexy stuff. I have an extremely vivid imagination. It's very third person, like watching a porn film I guess, though I find actually porn incredibly boring and kind of gross. I never imagine real people, and I don't have even the remotest interest in doing those things myself. Some of the things I  fantasise about I actually find repulsive IRL.

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will123

Sometimes I do, but it's very rare and only the same two people.

 

Like @theV0ID posted about themself, I have a very vivid imagination...

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Strange But Not a Stranger

Yeah, I fantasize about someone. They can be very vivid fantasies, and they include myself with him, although it's usually a slightly modified (as in a bit better looking) version of myself. No idea why that is, I don't do it on purpose.

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ukrguy

This works only when I think about sneezing men for me

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griffinej5
On 9/1/2019 at 5:39 PM, Catserole said:

I went for hypnotherapy once. They get you to lie down or sit comfortably, and ask you to imagine walking along a beautiful sandy beach. The soft sand lightly shifts under your feet. You can hear the surf lapping gently against the shore, the water brushing your toes as you meander slowly along. Listening to her describe this was all very relaxing and pleasant, but there was no immersive beach experience, at least not for me!

I went once, and I was on edge the whole time. The next time I went into the situation it was supposed to help with, I flipped out. 

I don’t really think of anything in particular. I just keep doing or watching whatever I’m watching. 

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Claire1983

I'm ace and I think probably somewhere on the autochori side.  I very often fantasize about fictional characters, but I honestly can't do it with real people.  I've tried.  Even if it's like an actor who plays a character I like, I'll picture the character but can't really associate that with the actor, if that makes any sense. I find the situation I'm thinking about more stimulating than any other aspect of it.

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Topi

Sometimes, I think of nothing. Sometimes, I think of random things, because I get distracted very easily. Other times, I imagine scenarios (these can have genderless people or faceless and bodiless females, you just know it is female... it's kind of weird... I tried with males, but it makes me uncomfortable, because I'm kind of repulsed to male bodies even if they are bodiless), but most of the times these scenarios don't have the sexual scenes described, just there is an insinuation of them happening. Sometimes, smutty fanfics also help, but I've read so much smut that now only extremely well written ones and incredibly well detailed ones can make me have a reaction. I don't identify with any sexual orientation.

 

I usually believe there is a correction between orientation and fantasies, but for asexuals it is different, because they aren't sexually attracted to any gender, so I guess they will use (if they like to make fantasies with people to masturbate) the person or gender they feel more comfortable with. It really depends on the person, because we are so diverse that if we ask 10 people, they can give 10 different responses.

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Serran
On 9/23/2019 at 3:24 PM, Kimchi Peanut said:

Not solo, but I find it helps a lot with partnered. 🙂

I found solo only works for me if I am focusing on remembering the feelings involved in being with the partner, rather than physical sensations or whatever. Just remembering the it felt nice to be kissed, or it felt nice to have arms around me etc. Only visuals that help are pictures of my partner. But they have to be tied to some emotional significance to work, not just mm hot partner ones. 

 

But... solo isnt that great tbh. 😛 LotLot of work for little reward. 

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will123
7 hours ago, Topi said:

Sometimes, smutty fanfics also help, but I've read so much smut that now only extremely well written ones and incredibly well detailed ones can make me have a reaction.

For those that enjoy 'looking after things' do you ever get bored/dedensitized with what you think of during the act over a period of time and have to switch things up?

 

I wont get into details on the open forum (but will discuss via PM) but a few years ago my 'go to' fantasies failed me and I had to take a hard left turn so to speak to find something that aroused me enough that I could climax.

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Serran
8 minutes ago, will123 said:

For those that enjoy 'looking after things' do you ever get bored/dedensitized with what you think of during the act over a period of time and have to switch things up?

 

I wont get into details on the open forum (but will discuss via PM) but a few years ago my 'go to' fantasies failed me and I had to take a hard left turn so to speak to find something that aroused me enough that I could climax.

That's normal. People need some variety. Though if people need to get more and more intense that can be a sign you might need to dial it back a little, cause your body starts needing higher and higher doses of dopamine and that's where you can start to run into dysfunctions forming (unless you dont mind then just you will need more and more intense stuff over time). 

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Homer

I don't need anything specific to get the job done. I can literally compile a food shopping list while I do it. The one thing that definitely does not work is people I know or even like. 

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cesario358

The variety in these replies is so interesting.

 

 

I have a medical fetish while also being asexual (maybe demi-sexual?), and I fantasize about (realistic, non-sexualized, non-genital) medical exams when I masturbate. I'm always involved in the scene, and it's always with someone I know or at least have seen -- usually someone I have a crush on or some kind  of feelings for, but occasionally someone whose body type I simply find interesting in some way. I have a pretty vivid imagination in terms of running through the scene but I can't really do it with some made-up person -- I have to start with a specific person in mind. I try to imagine how everything would look and feel. As I get closer to climax, the scene usually starts to jump around to what I consider the more "interesting" parts of the exam, but that doesn't bother me, if anything it helps.

 

I don't think I'd be able to do it successfully while thinking of nothing. I'm quite confident I couldn't do it while imagining actual sex acts, regardless of whether they involve me. However, watching videos of realistic medical exams can do it. Me being involved is only a requirement if I'm fantasizing.

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Dan_1985

I think about others when I masturbate. :)

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will123
On 9/28/2019 at 4:19 PM, Serran said:

That's normal. People need some variety. Though if people need to get more and more intense that can be a sign you might need to dial it back a little, cause your body starts needing higher and higher doses of dopamine and that's where you can start to run into dysfunctions forming (unless you dont mind then just you will need more and more intense stuff over time). 

Not sure how I missed this quote.

Fortunately the 'new' fantasies are still sufficient for arousal.

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even_oddly_aspec
On 9/2/2019 at 10:39 AM, Nowhere Girl said:

I am unable to think about nothing. And I wouldn't like to, I'm proud to have a very active mind. I imagine sexual scenarioes when pleasuring myself... but never with my own participation. The idea of personally having sex is very frightening to me, so trying to imagine it would only make me distressed or even physically unwell. So I'm definitely autochorissexual.

I'm only interested in women in terms of a potential relationship, but the pairings I enjoy best for fantasies are two men. I find some men physically attractive despite not being emotionally attracted to them, but I also find that imagining men - bodies unlike mine - has a lot to do with my sex aversion. No sex is "possible" for me in the ordinary understanding of this word - I simply cannot imagine any circumstances which could make me consent to sex. However, both lesbian and straight sex are "possible" in the very limited meaning of not being physically impossible. In contrast to that, gay sex is indeed impossible for me for the very basic reason that I'm not a man. So imagining gay sex just feels better - I can be sure that I'm not there.

Same, but when I read erotica. Also applies to porn. I'm not how much of it is my gender dysphoria manifesting though.

 

 

On 9/1/2019 at 2:28 PM, cbc said:

Yeah. Exactly. I am NOT good with whole "movies". At all. I can imagine still images and I can recall actual brief clips of real memories, but I do not have an elaborate imagination for things that are detached from my reality. Thus I've never had an elaborate sexual fantasy about an attractive stranger or celebrity in my entire life. For me, masturbation (when it's not just purely focusing on the sensations) involves mostly thinking about partnered stuff that could happen or has happened in the context of a real relationship and the associated emotions. And I'm not much of a porn watcher, just very occasionally, but I also don't involve myself in anything I see in that sense either. Just watching other people do stuff can be a turn-on, but I don't place myself in those scenarios. I don't have the imagination for that.

 

On 9/1/2019 at 2:39 PM, Catserole said:

I went for hypnotherapy once. They get you to lie down or sit comfortably, and ask you to imagine walking along a beautiful sandy beach. The soft sand lightly shifts under your feet. You can hear the surf lapping gently against the shore, the water brushing your toes as you meander slowly along. Listening to her describe this was all very relaxing and pleasant, but there was no immersive beach experience, at least not for me!

Hahaha are you both me? I think this is called partial aphantasia? 

 

On 9/15/2019 at 3:39 AM, adearqueer said:

I have only done it a few times,

first time I tried listening to music, but that didnt do anything at all and i got bored.

second time I didnt listen to anything and didnt imagine anything, I kinda was going at it like an experiment to see if I could figure out a way to make it a pleasent experince for myself so i was pretty focused on myself. I found something I liked, and even still its was months before I bothered to do it again.

last time, i was able to enjoy it but i still was not imaging any kind of senario. tbh I listening to a podcast. 🤷‍♀️

LOLLL. Me too. 

 

 

On 9/15/2019 at 2:49 PM, Marlow1 said:

The question here would maybe better worded for me the other way around. You see I do not masturbate because I do not fantasize. And because I cannot fantasize the whole thing seems like a waste of time, too difficult to accumplish??? 

 

I have Total Aphantasia, meaning no pictures, no sound, no senses in my minds eye. It is always completely blank. It would be a waste of time me trying to get a fantasy of this sort up and running because it just would not happen. I, (and I have met others that have Aphantasia that say the same), have no attraction to pornography, nor to any strangers. In fact I have only ever been sexually attracted to one person and that is my wife

 

I asked somebody about all this when I first arrived here at AVEN. They said that I sounded like a non-libidoist, but seeing as I am attracted to my wife this label does not really fit. Maybe before I met my wife this would have been accurate but now that I know that I can become attracted to somebody, I tend to refer to myself as Demisexual. 

 

It took me a very long time to become attracted to her. Following my rain hemorrhage, I lost that attraction for a while, but worked with a therapist and it returned, but that is kind of another story

 

Anyway, even though I can think about my wife romantically and sexually I still do not  masturbate, not even when thinking about her. If she is not home these thoughts do not usually get very strong anyway. But if she is here with me, or at the very least I know she is the house, when I I know she is about, I can then get aroused. I guess I am kind of fantasizing then, but from what I have heard others say fantasizing is, ie with vivid videos playing, noise and so on, I am not sure if this is truly fantasizing

 

Like I have mentioned I use the label Demisexual because that is what fits me best but many articles that I have read say Demisexuals usually do masturbate

 

https://bestlifeonline.com/demisexual/

 

I don't think there is a term for somebody that can become sexually attracted in certain circumstances but when not attracted does not really fantasize, and never masturbates. I have only met a very small number of folk that say similar to this. They all had Aphantasia

 

 

yeah, there isn't a term. I'm pretty much like that. I refer to myself as aspec or aegosexual. It's definitely linked to aphantasia.

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even_oddly_aspec
On 9/28/2019 at 11:48 AM, Serran said:

I found solo only works for me if I am focusing on remembering the feelings involved in being with the partner, rather than physical sensations or whatever. Just remembering the it felt nice to be kissed, or it felt nice to have arms around me etc. Only visuals that help are pictures of my partner. But they have to be tied to some emotional significance to work, not just mm hot partner ones. 

 

But... solo isnt that great tbh. 😛 LotLot of work for little reward. 

Yeah. Same. Blank mind/nothing or physical memories of being with a partner. I have pretty much zero libido, like 5% of normal without a partner, maybe 15%-20% with.

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KoiFishShoes

I normally think about other people (often a scene I read in a fanfic), but I do have a particular person I think about lately! This makes me question if demi might be more accurate, but this has never happened before, so 🤷‍♀️?

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TakkyTakk

For me its gotta be an erotic short story. even when the characters are given descriptions in my head there's no definitive look for them. Like others were saying, its definitely in the third person for me, I can't masturbate thinking about myself being with someone, nor can it be people I know (like celebrities etc.) or characters from the media or fandoms.

When i first started exploring masturbation I started off watching videos but I'd usually scroll down so the video was hidden and just listening 😕  now ive just stuck with some erotica i can read on my phone lol

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jaeb94

This is random, and totally personal, but for me masturbation is centered around other people. Like, I imagine other people (whether fictional or real) but the fantasy never includes me. I don't want to be involved, but when I end up aroused, I can get off to the vague idea of other people. I just cannot get off to myself being in the fantasy

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Zagadka

I honestly don't know. I don't really imagine or picture anyone, but I watch some masturbation porn to get in the mood. I'm not in the picture, at least.

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Skycaptain
5 hours ago, Zagadka said:

. I'm not in the picture, at least.

🤣 🤣 

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Thisbrxkensxul

Yep. I seem to fit the description of aegosexual/autochorissexual. I imagine two men, always fictional characters who I find attractive. I have quite an active mind which I’m glad for because it helps my imagination. I really don’t enjoy much romance or foreplay or anything too sensual.

Sometimes I read smutty fan fiction but try to avoid watching porn because it makes me feel ashamed or guilty.

I don’t place myself in the fantasy because it’s a big turn off for me. I don’t like my feminine body, but I’m not sure if that’s the reason I’m sex averse or not.

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endendore

I think of nothing. I just concentrate so hard because I want it to be done in few minutes. It's like an tension I have to release. I tried a few times thinking about people I like romantically, but it just doesn't feel natural.

Edited by endendore
grammar

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