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bare_trees

Do you think of others while masturbating? Does this relate to orientation?

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bare_trees

I recently took one of those "Are you asexual?" type online quizzes and it asked about what you think about when you masturbate, if you masturbate at all.  And I never really thought about it, but I don't think about anything in particular when I masturbate.  It's just this sort of base need that presents itself, and I just do what I need to do to satiate it.  I don't fantasize about attractive people, or my partner, or anything like that.  My mind kind of blanks.  Does this have anything to do with orientation, or are they separate issues?  Do most allosexual people think about other people when they're masturbating, or does it vary from person to person?

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Fioryn

I've heard different perspectives on this on AVEN, and sometimes it gets very heated. 😛 I don't have much of an opinion as to whether thinking about someone invalidates asexuality or not, because like you, I don't think about anyone. So I'm not sure personally.

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Laurann

I could be wrong about this, but I think most sexual people do think about attractive people when they masturbate, and about what they'd like to do with them.

 

As for aces, a lot of aces are autochorissexual, meaning they think about other people doing it, as if they were watching a movie. And yeah, there are also aces who think of nothing in particular. And I'm sure there are other aces who think of yet other things.

 

So I think there is definitely a correlation between what you think about while masturbating and your sexual orientation, but I don't think it's a determining factor. Fantasies are just fantasies after all, and it doesn't necessarily mean that you'd actually want to act out your fantasies.

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CBC
55 minutes ago, bare_trees said:

Do most people allosexual people think about other people when they're masturbating, or does it vary from person to person?

Allosexual here. I don't think about anyone if I'm not in a relationship and I do if I am (or I guess at least have really strong interest in and an actual connection to someone, maybe). Random attractive people are merely nice to look at; I don't think about sex with them and doing so won't, uh, enhance my masturbation experience. To me it's an activity that's either solely about the physical sensations OR it's very tied up in my connection to my partner (and of course an actual relationship is not based upon people being hot, although I do also certainly find my partner attractive).

 

But then I'm not huge on fantasising about things that will literally never happen, so. I'm sure some other sexual people get something out of it, but I don't. I prefer to think about things I could potentially actually do with my partner or things we've already done. My brain has great difficulty placing me in an intimate scenario with some random attractive stranger, because for me my sexuality is something I either connect strongly to my partner or just enjoy for its own sake without relating it to other people.

 

I also don't sit around daydreaming about things that could never happen in any area of my life. My brain doesn't see a point. All my thoughts and imaginings are based in potentially-achievable or already-existing reality or I don't get anything out of it. Probably a personality-based thing since it's not exclusive to my sexuality.

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R_1

Asexual here. I do think about others when I do so, and picturing myself as the actor/actress in that situation, but any more than just visuals is when I'm like nah, I'm out.

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Meylnaerdbier

I guess I'm kinda similar to you. I only tried masturbating a couple times and I essentially read some stuff as a stimulant but then when I actually did it I didn't think of anything.

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Catserole

The thing about these discussions is that people's powers of imagination seem to vary. Some can conjure extremely vivid movies in their mind; others can imagine specific features but not a whole picture. If I try and imagine sex (either with me involved or not involved) what I'd get is a whole series of 3-5 second fuzzy clips stuck to together, not necessarily coherent or in the right order ... and the people in the movie might change at random, possibly because the whole exercise isn't mentally very fulfilling? I don't know. 

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CBC
6 hours ago, Catserole said:

The thing about these discussions is that people's powers of imagination seem to vary. Some can conjure extremely vivid movies in their mind; others can imagine specific features but not a whole picture. 

Yeah. Exactly. I am NOT good with whole "movies". At all. I can imagine still images and I can recall actual brief clips of real memories, but I do not have an elaborate imagination for things that are detached from my reality. Thus I've never had an elaborate sexual fantasy about an attractive stranger or celebrity in my entire life. For me, masturbation (when it's not just purely focusing on the sensations) involves mostly thinking about partnered stuff that could happen or has happened in the context of a real relationship and the associated emotions. And I'm not much of a porn watcher, just very occasionally, but I also don't involve myself in anything I see in that sense either. Just watching other people do stuff can be a turn-on, but I don't place myself in those scenarios. I don't have the imagination for that.

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Catserole

I went for hypnotherapy once. They get you to lie down or sit comfortably, and ask you to imagine walking along a beautiful sandy beach. The soft sand lightly shifts under your feet. You can hear the surf lapping gently against the shore, the water brushing your toes as you meander slowly along. Listening to her describe this was all very relaxing and pleasant, but there was no immersive beach experience, at least not for me!

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CBC

I have trouble with those sorts of things too. When it comes to mental images for relaxation or whatever, I tend to conjure memories of real favourite calming places, to the best of my ability.

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Serran

I can't imagine images. I just see black. But, I do think of how my partner makes me feel and the emotional memory gets me going. If I need visuals, I ask her for pictures. ;)

 

But, have no interest in imagining anyone else or seeing anyone else. Just her, thanks. 

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Skullery Maid

Lol yeah I cannot imagine things either. You know that Stay Puff scene in Ghostbusters? I always thought it was weird, like... why would you picture something in your head? 😂 Ida been a great ghostbuster to have in that moment. 

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Skycaptain

Not real people, but fantasy abstracts occasionally 

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Star Lion

I’m an aro/ace guy. I would also fall under the autochorrisexual label since I’ll often be thinking about two attractive guys that I know personally getting it on. I have no desire to include myself in these fantasies though and it would be a huge turn off if I tried to

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Salmiakki

I fantasize about having sex/doing sexual things with my crush when I masturbate... why is that such an awkward thing to say haha... 

 

I also have non-sexual fantasies about him but that's not really related to this since I don't masturbate while I have those fantasies, obviously... 

 

Tbh my whole "relationship" with him is just kind of one big fantasy. It's like I'm never not fantasizing. It's just this ongoing fantasy, like an alternative reality that I live in... whenever I look at him or think about him, I'm fantasizing, in a way... like I'm in a different place. Everything I do that's related to him, it's a fantasy, I constantly live inside that fantasy of me and him 

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Nowhere Girl

I am unable to think about nothing. And I wouldn't like to, I'm proud to have a very active mind. I imagine sexual scenarioes when pleasuring myself... but never with my own participation. The idea of personally having sex is very frightening to me, so trying to imagine it would only make me distressed or even physically unwell. So I'm definitely autochorissexual.

I'm only interested in women in terms of a potential relationship, but the pairings I enjoy best for fantasies are two men. I find some men physically attractive despite not being emotionally attracted to them, but I also find that imagining men - bodies unlike mine - has a lot to do with my sex aversion. No sex is "possible" for me in the ordinary understanding of this word - I simply cannot imagine any circumstances which could make me consent to sex. However, both lesbian and straight sex are "possible" in the very limited meaning of not being physically impossible. In contrast to that, gay sex is indeed impossible for me for the very basic reason that I'm not a man. So imagining gay sex just feels better - I can be sure that I'm not there.

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DuranDuranfan

I only imagine my original character having sex with Billy Cranston while I’m pleasuring myself.

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WanderingKate

I guess the label of autochorisexual applies to me too. I can't masturbate while thinking about nothing...even if it feels good I'll quickly lose interest without a fantasy. Never once in my life have I been personally involved in the fantasy. Generally my fantasies are between two nameless, undeveloped characters, and its purely focused on the sex act. 

 

As far as this relating to my asexuality...I generally think it does in some way. I imagine if I was sexual, I would probably at least sometimes insert myself and another person I know into these fantasies. Realizing that I never involved myself in my sexual fantasies was actually a big clue to me when discovering my sexuality. 

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LonesomeCrow
1 hour ago, WanderingKate said:

I guess the label of autochorisexual applies to me too. I can't masturbate while thinking about nothing...even if it feels good I'll quickly lose interest without a fantasy. Never once in my life have I been personally involved in the fantasy. Generally my fantasies are between two nameless, undeveloped characters, and its purely focused on the sex act. 

 

This exactly, I cannot masturbate without some sort of imagery present in my mind. Most of my fantasies, though, involve an original character. He has been in my head for at least ten years now.

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songchick

I can't fantasize about anything or anyone.  I have aphantasia, which means I have no mind's eye where I can replicate images in my mind.  I also have no dreams, I cannot dream with pictures or sensory images.  I only dream in words.  As for masturbating, when I try to focus on someone or something, it escapes me completely.  So I think of absolutely nothing.  I guess porn can get me off, but more and more I feel morally averse to this.  Bad vibes spiritually.  (I'm pagan.)

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Bloc
On 9/2/2019 at 3:22 AM, Serran said:

. But, I do think of how my partner makes me feel and the emotional memory gets me going.

Much like that and I imagine how being touched or touching my partner feels. My sexuality mainly works with touch. Just imagining how someone strokes my back turns me so much more on than imagining people having sex, just thinking of it can bring me to orgasm.

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adearqueer

I have only done it a few times,

first time I tried listening to music, but that didnt do anything at all and i got bored.

second time I didnt listen to anything and didnt imagine anything, I kinda was going at it like an experiment to see if I could figure out a way to make it a pleasent experince for myself so i was pretty focused on myself. I found something I liked, and even still its was months before I bothered to do it again.

last time, i was able to enjoy it but i still was not imaging any kind of senario. tbh I listening to a podcast. 🤷‍♀️

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nutterwithasolderingiron

kinda..... like it's weird. on the rare occasions i do masturbate. porn kinda does nothing for me. i've found the best thing to do is fantasize. but in most of these cases, my fantasies are more about the build up and more of helping them feel satisfied rather than myself. to be fair, the only real sexual thing i ever like the idea of being done to me isn't really for my benefit anyway. but yeah. i tend i can only do so about people i know. but at the same time, they have to fall into that rare point where i know them but dont know them too well. 

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will123

 

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pma01

When I masturbate I very rarely fantasize, for the most part my mind is blank, I focus mostly on the sensations. I do have sexual fantasies but I rarely use them for masturbation. I don’t use porn it doesn’t do much for me, I may occasionally read erotic masturbation stories beforehand, but not during.

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Kimchi Peanut

To be honest, I rarely try to masturbate. I say try because it doesn’t do anything for me. I’m sexual but unpartnered sexual activity is just boring and kinda gross to me. I really struggle to climax in any sexual situation and it’s just impossible solo. When I have tried, I picture my partner but I’m too aware that it’s me for that to work.

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pma01

@kimchi peanut. Have you ever used or considered using a vibrator? That may help you to beable to climax.

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Zagadka

To get "in the mood" in the first place, I generally do use stimulus, but never with me involved in it. In the odd time that I do feel the need to masturbate and actually get in the mood, I focus on the sensations, not an image or other thought.

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Some guy

Having talked to a couple of close allosexual friends about this, I think most of them think about their significant others or people they're attracted to. Personally I don't think about any specific people, but it's rather hard to get it up if I'm not thinking about anything at all. Usually I fantasize about erotic situations involving public nudity, cannibalism, femdom, or whatever else turns me on. That said I would rather not masturbate at all. To me it's just a pointless activity that gets in the way of other more important things in life, and I would rather be completely celibate. I'm currently tapering off so I can reach that goal once again.

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