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no one feels as many weird feelings as we do


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this is a little awkward, as this was originally lost in the mass post loss of 'ought three, so i'm trying to repeat it, as i'm still trying to restore some of my posts, so i might miss something

but what i had originally tried to say was that i don't feel any other group feels as frustrated or confused as we do, i'm not saying we're the most persecuted(however you'd measure that), i don't think we're all that explicitly persecuted at all much

but no group gets dismissed as much and denied existence to our core as much

i had tried to think i was straight in some way or other for along time, then(more reluctantly) i though i might be gay or bi, though that felt even more off,and made even less sense for me. as i usually liked males even less(in company/esthetically). I mean i had not even heard of asexuality(at least clearly or explicitly) to be able to realize that i was that, i mean what other group has that--not even knowing they exist. gay people can go through alot more crap depending on their situation, but they will know what they are at least.

i don't think anyone goes through as much possible doubt as we do, people denying our existence, or insisting romantic and sexual are inseperable, or providing reasons/ cures. I feel usually immune to this, but sometimes a barrage will get to you, and i have weird pangs of doubt, as in i think this just can't be possible, can it?.....and no other group really gets that either...

anyway that's all i remember from my original post, if i forgot something and you remeber you bring it up

so repsond how you will..

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I understand what you mean. When gays come out of the closet, at least everyone knows what they're talking about, but we have to go into long explanations. People believe that it's not a real orientation, that you have to be sexual to be happy... There needs to be more education, so people like us don't have to be confused for so long. I don't think we're the most persecuted, but we are definitely thought of as easy to change and the like.

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I agree with you a lot. I'm not sure our existence is *denied,* it's more just not known about period, people don't have language for it, and it is a new concept for them which is opposite of everything they were taught, so it is hard to imagine.

For me at least, I do feel confused a lot with exactly what I am. I think I am asexual, or at least very close to being asexual, but at the same time I have to fight what society has taught me, and society is a strong force :? I wish I didn't feel insecure like that, and that society wasn't that strong of a force of beliefs, but that doesn't change the fact it is for me. :? The only thing that I am completely sure of is that I am not straight (and very thankful for that.)

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One of the things about this is that it's even okay for liberals to think we're crazy. It's especially hard if it's somebody close to you, who just doesn't get it, and you try for months or years to explain that you still feel just as strongly about people, just as friends instead of lovers; then they start to distrust you because they think you're lying or something. And then if you say they are behaving in a prejudiced manner for calling you crazy or telling you your relationships aren't "real" or "committed" or making you follow a bunch of rules of "deference" to "real" relationships that are totally one-sided (i.e. you have to make a big show of support for their marriages, but they can keep on claiming your relationships aren't even real), well, if you do that, they just look at you like you're crazy. Prejudiced? they say? How can I be prejudiced when I say all the right things about gay rights, women's rights, and racial equality?

Some people are non-prejudiced to the core-- they understand that even if they encounter a group nobody has ever heard of before, they're sort of obliged to accept others' reality until some hard proof has been provided that somebody is insane or whatever. "Innocent until proven guilty." But other people can only be non-prejudiced AFTER a specific civil rights movement has taught them what to think. They continue to be just as hateful towards any group that doesn't have a movement yet.

That's just my theory, could be wrong. I am optimistic that the existence of an asexual movement will help the second group of people along in their process.

dave

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How can I be prejudiced when I say all the right things about gay rights, women's rights, and racial equality?

I agree with a lot of what you said, davelwhite. I'm coming across the issue of prejudice and discrimination a lot in my teacher training course, as 'inclusiveness' is at the core of the syllabus.

No-one likes to believe they are prejudiced, but the majority of us DO have prejudices, even if we are not aware of them.

When you mention the words 'prejudice' or 'discrimination' to a lot of people, they will instantly think that you are, indeed, talking about racial and gender issues because the equal opportunities legislation regarding these is more prevalent. New equal opps legislation has just been implemented in Britain to combat discrimination based on a person's sexuality and religious beliefs, and there is more on the way to combat age prejudice in the near future.

People do seem to feel that, as long as they are seen to be saying the right things (and this is where the sticky subject of Political Correctness comes in) about the particular groups in society that are covered by such legislation, then they can be as prejudiced as they like about anyone else.

Its a complicated subject, but I don't think the world will ever be free from prejudice, no matter how much legislation is produced...

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Its a form of ignorance though. People arent aware that not everyone has the same attitudes to sex as they do!!

And there isnt social acceptance about asexuality as our culture seems to treat sex as being of fundamental importance in relationships.

I have completed millions of applications recently and as a part of the application form they ask you are you heterosexual, homosexual etc to ensure that they are not discriminating and are monitoring who is employed. There is not an asexual box which i found really fascinating. We are denied rights because we are denied existance.

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I think it's mostly ignorance. Ignorance in the real form by the way - simply not knowing, not in the slang way of being an asshole.

50 years ago, people were saying about GLBs as they're saying about asexuals. It's just, according to society it's 'new'. When I was a kid there was a school being built for (what was then called) retarded children. The school relied on charitable donations, was not gov't or city funded so we canvassed for them. Someone said "isn't there a lot of that going on now?" ("that" being mental handicaps). It's not that there were any more or less, it's just they were finally in public, living at home, going to school, not in institutions or hospitals with straw on the floor to soak up accidents. So really, it's the same with asexuality. We're finally getting out there, people are seeing it's real - whether they accept it or not is up to them. There are many GLBs & asexuals who are very sour towards hets too.

I don't think we're persecuted as much as people are unaware of us. Those who figure we can change are people you're not going to get through to anyway. Just like you know you're not going to change, they won't either. Doesn't matter if we're talking about sexuality or religion. Some people view it as "there are two ways to go about things, my way and the wrong way."

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though it's old posting (somewhere buried in the old threads), are we already a political group?

we are all writing topics for our need for acceptance and existence. i'm a member of the rainbownetwork forum on the internet but it's bitterly frustrating there is no asexual. i've ticked the bisexual box, as it's best describes me (bi-asexual) and then i proceed to tick the boxes which are just kissing & cuddling, even that i very tempting to untick... but i feel asexual has lots more meaning especially as we exist :o

in time we'll get our recognition.

maybe we could ask AVENguy to set up a list on the site for sites which don't allow for asexuals!!!!

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