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Craving intimacy but repulsed by it?


j_m_j

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I don’t even really know how to explain this but I’ll try my best. Anytime I get romantic feelings for someone all I do is think about them but as soon as they express feelings for me I don’t like them anymore and I’m grossed out by the thought of doing anything romantic or sexual. However, I do get aroused and I sometimes think I’d like to try to be intimate but if the opportunity ever presents itself I either completely stop whatever is happening or I continue but I’m extremely uncomfortable the entire time. I used to think it was because I hated my body and I didn’t want to be naked around people but in the last few years I’ve grown to like it a bit more and I’m still having this issue. I’m still much more willing to do things for my partner than to have them done to me but no matter what I’m always grossed out and uncomfortable. Can someone please help explain what’s going on? I don’t know if I’m asexual or note because sometimes I really do crave intimacy but as soon as it starts to actually happen I hate every second of it. I want to be able to have a relationship but I just feel like no one wants to be with someone that can’t be sexually intimate.

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NickyTannock

I've moved this thread from 'Questions about Asexuality' to 'The Gray Area, Sex and Related Discussions'.
 
Michael Tannock,
Open Mic moderator and Questions about Asexuality Co-moderator.

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NickyTannock

@j_m_j Welcome to AVEN!
  
You could be an Akoiromantic (used to be called Lithromantic) and Akoisexual (used to be called Lithsexual) since you've said that you sometimes want romance and sex but then as soon as they express feelings for you, you don’t like them anymore and are grossed out by the thought of doing anything romantic or sexual.
An Akoisexual is someone who doesn't care or want their feelings of Sexual Attraction reciprocated, or those feelings fade if they are.
I define Sexual Attraction as leading to the desire to have sex with someone.
Likewise, an Akoiromantic is someone who doesn't care or want their feelings of Romantic Attraction reciprocated, or those feelings fade if they are.
And I define Romantic Attraction as leading to the desire to have a romantic relationship with someone.
 
Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a "The Bears Play In The Meadow" cake (all edible),
http://cakesdecor.com/cakes/274352-cake-the-bears-play-in-the-meadow
nyffi0jsadxt2ftpei5j.jpg

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  • 3 weeks later...

That cake is super cute, thanks for responding! It’s very frustrating if I’m actually an akoiromantic/akoisexual because I feel like I can never be happy in a relationship and I truly do want to be. Do you know of any ways to get over this or is it something I may deal with forever?

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On 9/16/2019 at 7:28 AM, j_m_j said:

That cake is super cute, thanks for responding! It’s very frustrating if I’m actually an akoiromantic/akoisexual because I feel like I can never be happy in a relationship and I truly do want to be. Do you know of any ways to get over this or is it something I may deal with forever?

Maybe you could try therapy? Until quite recently, I never would have suggested that, but things have happened that made me change my mind about it. A tiny bit at least.

I myself am suffering a lot from being "lith". It's very painful to be in this limbo of wanting something and shying away from it.

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