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What's your sexual experiences been like?


Dave Davison

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Dave Davison

Even as a guy in my late teens I was never really interested in sex. I had romantic thoughts but I found kissing a real turn off.

 

First time I ever kissed a woman (and no, never kissed a man) was when I was 41 (this also coincided with my first sexual experience. I found the sexual act quite gross. All those horrible  smells and  liquids and it wasn't like I'd seen in porn.  My experience was sweaty and I didn't like all the skin on skin. Haha. I can laugh about it because it really doesn't bother me. I don't have any hang-ups about it. At all. And don't think I've missed anything.

 

I had a few more sexual experiences after that...MAINLY women coming on to me and my saying 'I'll give it another go.' Still hated the kissing and did not like oral sex, woman on guy. Aggghhh!!

 

Last time I was in bed with a woman touching a naked body was five years ago. I've had women coming onto me since then and I just give them the brush off.

 

So what was sex like for you? If you've ever done it.

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Anthracite_Impreza

Closest I ever got to sex was when a guy refused to stop coming on to me, then tried to touch me - I kicked him in the bollocks so hard he fell to the ground and never dared come near me again.

 

Still to this day one of my finest moments.

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I laugh at myself for how I've reacted basically the same every time I was participating in sexual activity. My mind wandered and I almost felt like I was having out of body experiences watching myself being like "wtf *yawn*". I have tried multiple times, but It's always the same. I just don't really care and I am not interested in sexual activity at all. 

 

Your experiences seem close to mine. Being hit on, or hearing comments is "whatever" to me. It's really not flattering, but it does make things more entertaining/laughable. It happens so often, and I think a lot of people like the thrill of the chase, so makes sense why they keep trying.

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Dave Davison
2 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

Closest I ever got to sex was when a guy refused to stop coming on to me, then tried to touch me - I kicked him in the bollocks so hard he fell to the ground and never dared come near me again.

 

Still to this day one of my finest moments.

Haha. Well done.

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Dave Davison
2 minutes ago, Sols said:

I laugh at myself for how I've reacted basically the same every time I was participating in sexual activity. My mind wandered and I almost felt like I was having out of body experiences watching myself being like "wtf *yawn*". I have tried multiple times, but It's always the same. I just don't really care and I am not interested in sexual activity at all. 

 

Your experiences seem close to mine. Being hit on, or hearing comments is "whatever" to me. It's really not flattering, but it does make things more entertaining/laughable. It happens so often, and I think a lot of people like the thrill of the chase, so makes sense why they keep trying.

I just found the whole sex act so boring. Personally I'd rather watch a good movie.

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I haven't felt grossed out, exactly. Skin to skin touching, even when sweaty, isn't uncomfortable for me, but it also never felt deeply intimate. Even when the sensitive spots have been touched by other people it doesn't feel as pleasant as when I take care of it myself, perhaps because I've felt more cerebral in those moments, thinking about what it means and how it will impact the rest of my life. I don't feel in the moment at all. 

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4 hours ago, Dave Davison said:

So what was sex like for you? If you've ever done it.

“Is this the amazing thing everyone goes on about? I mean yeah, she’s beautiful and that last bit felt good... but yeah, whatever”

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Never ever at 47, 

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Grey-Ace Ventura
7 hours ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

Closest I ever got to sex was when a guy refused to stop coming on to me, then tried to touch me - I kicked him in the bollocks so hard he fell to the ground and never dared come near me again.

 

Still to this day one of my finest moments.

You go

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Lord Jade Cross
On 8/27/2019 at 11:25 AM, Dave Davison said:

I just found the whole sex act so boring. Personally I'd rather watch a good movie.

Never done it but I have thought the same thing some times (a other times, I just get completely disgusted at the thought). 

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I had built up this idea in my head about how great sex was going to be, but when I actually tried it, it was kinda meh. My mind wanders, and I'm just not impressed with it at all. It doesn't blow me away like I thought it would, and if it were up to me, I probably wouldn't do it at all, just because I'm so much better at getting there on my own. If my husband really really wants to do it, I'm game, as long as it doesn't take too long. 

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I've had sex with only one person, my bf, and while I love him, I dislike sex. It's gross and uncomfortable, even and painful at times. I wish I got what others got out of it and I'm sad I'll never experience what an orgasm is like (I'm a writer, I like being able to describe things) but whatever. I could definitely live happily without sex and would rather watch a movie or TV or really anything. 

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  • 1 month later...

I've never wanted to have sex but always ended up doing it anyway (after saying no 100 times) i just wait for it to be over. Sometimes it feels good but i'd still rather not do it. 

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I don’t even freaking know.  In my 20s, I used websites like OkCupid and Craigslist to find people to do the stuff with, felt very miserable because there was such a disconnect between these randoms and any sort of feelings I had.  It didn’t physically feel good, I was all numb down there.  A lot of times it was in the dark.  I don’t remember what people looked like, or what their names were.  I am not in touch with a single person I met from that time in my life.

 

The main benefit is that I don’t feel like I have missed out on life or anything.  It’s sad that I had to sleep around mindlessly to gain that kind of confidence and self-awareness.  That is what society demands of us.

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Low End Things

I've come close a couple times.

 

First time was fairly standard. We were both drunk and in bed, kissing and cuddling and everything. At a certain point, I started to sober up and just went with the motions. Didn't get it up though. I stayed at her place for the night, woke up and kissed in the morning, that was that. 

 

Next few times we met over Tinder/OkCupid. More or less the same thing, kissing and everything but once we got into bed i'd get...well bored I guess. Never let it on apparently but since I wasn't into the act, couldn't get it up and finish the act. In all case, the girl I was with would get bored or frustrated eventually and break it up. Once of them I really, really liked and still think about from time to time, that one sucked.

 

Most recent time was the same, but this time I decided to stop it while we were still kissing in bed. Tried to tell her I wasn't into it but didn't have the words for it at all, made her very angry. Really regret the way I handled that situation.

 

After that last time, I thought I'd swear off relationships forever. Then I discovered asexually and started moving forward.

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Sex for me was more emotional than physical. I felt closer cuddling than having sex, sex was just distracting and kinda gross. The high point of sex was being close to my partner.

 

The first time didn't feel much different from making out. Just.. more. And more cleanup, bleh that was gross. The things that stand out most in my mind are oral (going both ways) because it was uncomfortable and memorable. The rest is a blur of grinding and being uncomfortable.

 

Weirdly, I like the female body, I just don't like doing anything to it. It is a weird middle ground to float in.

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Through a combinations of shyness, disinterest and in a few cases some hilariously bad luck, I've never come close to it. I stopped worrying about if I was missing out a long time ago 🙂

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  • 2 weeks later...
Fraggle Underdark

Demisexual here. The only sexual experiences I've had were with someone I knew very well for a year first and had developed sexual attraction for. I've had sex about 200 times (long relationship). 

 

The first time I thought "huh, so this is finally it, the mythical experience. pleasant but not mindblowing." And then I got thinking about how it was my first time and what it meant and then it wasn't up anymore. I've talked to some allosexuals about their first times and it seems like this is common for them as well.

 

After a few times it went from "curious" to "good" but even so I would mainly describe it as "fun". Not amazing, certainly not worth spending massive time and effort just to do it. But fun. 

 

Personally I think I would enjoy it more if I also had strong romantic feelings for the other person. The person I was with was one of the best friends I've ever had and I've had strong romantic feelings for others but I couldn't manage to have them for that friend. In hindsight this was partly personal compatibility and partly where I was at.

 

@songchick I wanted to "like" your post in support but thought it'd be ambiguous. Sorry to hear about the unpleasantness. For a while I thought my lack of sexual attraction for people besides my friend was because I just wasn't trying and so I went out to clubs and danced and talked with people. There were some nice people but eventually I realized that I was just not into that. I would have gone home with them if it had gotten to that point, because I thought it was what I was supposed to do, and looking back I'm glad that didn't happen. Those weird nebulous periods.

 

And I agree with your point about societal expectations, how even if it's bullshit you can still derive confidence from it. I didn't have sex with my friend just to lose my virginity but I definitely appreciated the practical benefit that I lost it and gained those experiences. I didn't know about demisexuality so when I told people I wasn't all that interested in sex and they didn't believe me I really appreciated at least being able to say "yes I have checked". 

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Internetlionboy

Hmm honestly it wasn't the best when I had sex with my ex bf for the first time but then it got better when I met my best friend and he was honestly way better than my ex bf. I think about our experience sometimes

 

I love sexting with my current bf and he's the only one I feel genuine sexual attraction to (making me question yet again but I'll worry about labels some other time) and I can't wait until I actually get to do it with him because I like the closeness it offers (though I know that's not the closeness that everyone wants) ghsdfjdh

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Whore*of*Mensa

My best experiences were with my (now ex) husband, at the beginning when he thought I was ‘normal’ and I just loved the hugs and the physical closeness. It was worth it to have sex, for that.

 

I would give anything to experience that again. Knowing that I can’t, is killing me at the moment. I’m so tired of this lonely life 😢 

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15 minutes ago, Whore*of*Mensa said:

My best experiences were with my (now ex) husband, at the beginning when he thought I was ‘normal’ and I just loved the hugs and the physical closeness. It was worth it to have sex, for that.

 

I would give anything to experience that again. Knowing that I can’t, is killing me at the moment. I’m so tired of this lonely life 😢 

I split with my ex wife about a year ago and up until recently it was such a relief but now I'm definitely feeling intense foreboding that I'll never have another relationship. I really miss having someone to come home to and cook a meal for and mutually unload with.

 

We were poly before we split and I'm now good friends with her new partner but it stabs a bit that she was able to so quickly find that closeness again. I don't think I could enter another relationship where sex was involved, it's just too much stress even if I really loved the person. 

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Sex with my ex wife was better than my previous relationships. No attempts at coercion and if I wanted to stop at any point she was very understanding and no questions asked.

 

Still I just wanted to get it over with. The things you'll do for love though. . . 

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Whore*of*Mensa
3 minutes ago, JugglerGirl said:

I split with my ex wife about a year ago and up until recently it was such a relief but now I'm definitely feeling intense foreboding that I'll never have another relationship. I really miss having someone to come home to and cook a meal for and mutually unload with.

 

We were poly before we split and I'm now good friends with her new partner but it stabs a bit that she was able to so quickly find that closeness again. I don't think I could enter another relationship where sex was involved, it's just too much stress even if I really loved the person. 

I know what you mean - I didn’t know about asexuality when I split with my ex, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to get into another relationship for a long time, if ever. It took so much to trust him and to get physically close.

 It can hurt to see how easy it is for a sexual to do that!

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Whore*of*Mensa

@JugglerGirl I miss those things too - I miss having someone to come home to..

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The only time I get sexual feelings is when it's remote from the other person. I.e. They're on the other end of a phone or we're sexting. I can be with myself and sort myself.  

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3 hours ago, Whore*of*Mensa said:

@JugglerGirl I miss those things too - I miss having someone to come home to..

Yep. Like in a way the breakup was great because I reconnected with my friends and we weren't suited to eachother but damn ... 😢

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Whore*of*Mensa
7 hours ago, JugglerGirl said:

Yep. Like in a way the breakup was great because I reconnected with my friends and we weren't suited to eachother but damn ... 😢

Sending hugs, if that’s ok 🍰

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