A question for allosexuals

[Xstatic]

@neverlove I'm glad that you were able to get the information you were looking for!  😊 

 

[Guest]

2 hours ago, neverlove said:

 sex favorable asexual

Heh, I've been in debates that lasted months and spanned hundreds and hundreds of posts regarding the term 'sex favourable asexual' - It's an extremely controversial term here!! We even had someone once who was trying to get the ace community to start opening asexual sex clubs so aces could meet each other for indiscriminate sexual orgies; "like a tea party but with fucking" I think I remember they worded it 😛Different (and highly controversial) topic though, generally best left for Hot Box so I'll shut up now.

 

I hope you enjoy Paris when you get to visit it! I prefer to stay inside heh but for many people who like travelling I know Paris is always high up there on their list of destinations!!

 

 

 

 

[neverlove]

8 minutes ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said:

We even had someone once who was trying to get the ace community to start opening asexual sex clubs so aces could meet each other for indiscriminate sexual orgies; "like a tea party but with fucking" I think I remember they worded

That is disgusting! I do know its controversial, but I honestly wonder why. Don't people have sex without attraction? I sort of thought I was splitting hairs with this until I saw how important it was to everyone. If this is an important element to relationships it seems like there should be a possibility of its abscence. Oh well, I can just say I'm asexual depending on whom you ask 😝

 

Also my interest in Paris is mainly museums, the rest is food. I love the impressionists and plan to drool over them like some people drool over Benedict Cumberbatch 😉

[Guest]

21 minutes ago, neverlove said:

Don't people have sex without attraction? 

Yeah, if they want a baby or want to experiment to find out what it's like or to hang onto a partner. But no, if you're internally motivated to have sex, that is attraction imo. 

[neverlove]

23 minutes ago, skullery said:

Yeah, if they want a baby or want to experiment to find out what it's like or to hang onto a partner. But no, if you're internally motivated to have sex, that is attraction imo. 

I'm fine with that being your opinion, but I do want to point out that attraction implies two objects interacting with each-other like magnets. I like the idea of sex, but never felt an impulse to act on it. 

[Guest]

3 minutes ago, neverlove said:

I'm fine with that being your opinion, but I do want to point out that attraction implies two objects interacting with each-other like magnets. I like the idea of sex, but never felt an impulse to act on it. 

Yes, there are two objects interacting. That's what sex is. Seeking out sex is sexual.

 

There aren't two different types of sex. It's not like when I'm in a relationship, I'm having sexual sex but when I'm single I'm having asexual sex. You're conflating romantic attraction and sexual attraction. You can be completely unparticular about who you have sex with... doesn't make it asexual sex. There is no such thing as asexual sexual desire. 

 

This concept seems particularly hard for aromantics. The thing with AVEN is that it's relationships where asexuality causes the most trouble, so that's what you hear about. 

 

Plus, no one in their right mind would consider an indiscriminate sex haver asexual... someone who just has lots of casual sex... So like, we don't spend a lot of time telling people "hey btw if you're into casual sex you're sexual." Because duh. 

 

@neverlove... You're making a lot of assumptions about your own feelings that I'm not sure you're in a place to make. If you feel no desire to act on sex thoughts, that's asexual. If you want to experiment to find out, then you're floating in a labelless zone. And if you do experiment and decide you're sexual but aromantic, there ya go. But I think it's a bit premature to be questioning definitions when you've yet to personally explore. 

[neverlove]

3 minutes ago, skullery said:

Yes, there are two objects interacting. That's what sex is. Seeking out sex is sexual.

 

There aren't two different types of sex. It's not like when I'm in a relationship, I'm having sexual sex but when I'm single I'm having asexual sex. You're conflating romantic attraction and sexual attraction. You can be completely unparticular about who you have sex with... doesn't make it asexual sex. There is no such thing as asexual sexual desire. 

 

This concept seems particularly hard for aromantics. The thing with AVEN is that it's relationships where asexuality causes the most trouble, so that's what you hear about. 

 

Plus, no one in their right mind would consider an indiscriminate sex haver asexual... someone who just has lots of casual sex... So like, we don't spend a lot of time telling people "hey btw if you're into casual sex you're sexual." Because duh. 

 

@neverlove... You're making a lot of assumptions about your own feelings that I'm not sure you're in a place to make. If you feel no desire to act on sex thoughts, that's asexual. If you want to experiment to find out, then you're floating in a labelless zone. And if you do experiment and decide you're sexual but aromantic, there ya go. But I think it's a bit premature to be questioning definitions when you've yet to personally explore. 

You may be right, however 😈, asexuals can and do have sex. Asexuals have different amounts of sex they are willing to(can) have. Asexuals can enjoy sex. Asexuals can masturbate. Not all asexuals are repulsed by sex.

 

I do not have any sexual experience whatsoever, but I think people have pointed out the "you've never slept with a man/woman before, how do you know you're not straight/gay" arguement here. I know sexual experimentation would make me vomit. I would feel sick and miserable. There is no way in hell that is worth doing for the sake of a label that doesn't define me to begin with.

I never had a crush, never liked a celebrity, never had anyone spark a sexual thought about me and them, I wondered if I was gay for loving my best friend so profoundly it sounds exactly like romantic love without wanting to so much as kiss her.

 

Maybe this isn't frickin' asexuality, but it is certainly damned unusual!

[Guest]

1 minute ago, neverlove said:

You may be right, however 😈, asexuals can and do have sex. 

Not just for the sake or pleasure of it, no they do not. 

[Lucinda]

Let's just say that you are attracted to the idea of having sex.  Since you have an interest in having partnered sex, then you have a desire to manifest that interest.  You are inspired internally.  You say you have never felt an impulse to act on it, but that could be because you are not an impulsive person.  You said your self that you are very calculated in picking a relationship and might even prefer to have someone make the arrangement for you.

 

I have talked to people who said they didn't find their partner sexually attractive until AFTER they had sex with them.  They were still internally inspired and motivated, but now had an external source to magnet with. 

 

Lucinda

 

[Lucinda]

If you desire partnered sex for the sake of having sex (even if you have no one else in mind at this point), then that desire is the key point.  I could explain why the "sexual attraction" definition is used on this site (I haven't done that in years), but let me let you view this video in which the founder of this site was interviewed:

 

 

Goat Cheese!!

 

Seriously though, listen to how many times he references "desire".

 

Lucinda

[neverlove]

21 minutes ago, CBC said:

But if you're choosing to have sex due to the innate enjoyment of literally any aspect -- the physical, the emotional intimacy, whatever -- that's not asexuality.

Maybe, but I think I've heard all the arguements. Based on your guys' definition I am not asexual, by my own admission from the start.

 

@Lucinda I would appreciate the reason behind the site's definition. 

[neverlove]

Just now, CBC said:

Your point being... I shouldn't have posted, or...?

No, of course not. Sorry, I guess I need a break from this conversation. I originally rejected this label based on my interest in sex. I only came to think it describes me because I recognize a lot of the experiences and reactions people talk about. I was perfectly fine being heterosexual; I was fine in the sexual majority. It just doesn't quite fit. How many people's families react with "I already knew" anyway? This was at least good because now I know this label is useless for me. I'm better off explaining without for the sake of understanding. It is kind of emotionally exhausting though.

[Guest]

I want to contribute I'm just so hungover right now I need to have a little sleepie. Hopefully will be able to share some thoughts later!!

 

edit: apparently I can't type,  definitely nap time heh

[Lucinda]

DJ started this site when he was a teenager.  He was involved in his school's LGBT+++ club.  He said he was inspired by a couple of "bad ass" women (a compliment).  He decided to frame asexuality as a sexual orientation to take advantage of the momentum gained by the gay community.  Several models and definitions were considered:  the No Interest model, the ABCD model, and the Community Identity Model.  All were discussed.  He decided to pick a definition that closely matched other sexual orientations.  However, in order to do so he had to truncate the definition.

 

The definition of sexual orientation presented by the American Psychological Association (then and now) is:

 

Quote

Sexual orientation refers to an enduring pattern of emotional, romantic and/or sexual attractions to men, women or both sexes.

 

Sexual orientation refers to the sex/gender expression of the person(s) you want to partner up with (whether it is 20 minutes in the back of a car or 20 years of companionate bliss).  Some sites (also primarily aimed at youth) include spiritual connection.  However one wants to define their relationship, if the sex/gender expression of the other person is in anyway relevant, that's an indication of your sexual orientation.

 

Back during that time, there was a diagnosis of HSDD in the DSM.  Some people were reluctant to state that asexuality had to do with desire.  And then one member, noticing all the "I'm confused" posts regarding "sexual attraction" suggested that we should come out and say it like it is.  Therefore, you will see some signatures and posters referencing a lack of innate desire for partnered sex 

 

.... yet the "I'm confused" posts carry on. 

 

I guess presenting asexuality as an orientation can work metaphorically to educate the masses as well as politically, but I have never considered it a separate and distinct sexual orientation.   

 

Lucinda

 

 

[Iam9man]

6 hours ago, neverlove said:

You may be right, however 😈, asexuals can and do have sex. Asexuals have different amounts of sex they are willing to(can) have. Asexuals can enjoy sex. Asexuals can masturbate. Not all asexuals are repulsed by sex.

👍

[Guest]

7 hours ago, neverlove said:

asexuals can and do have sex. Asexuals have different amounts of sex they are willing to(can) have. Asexuals can enjoy sex. Asexuals can masturbate. Not all asexuals are repulsed by sex.

The main issue is that there are aromantic sexual people who don't want relationships and may not be drawn to any specific people, but still desire and enjoy sex. I've met people like this myself (they generally don't use the term 'aromantic' though, they're just not interested in relationships but do like sex).

 

Anyway if this kind of person was a subset if asexual, that would mean asexuals are people who can enjoy and desire sex, AS WELL AS being people who have no desire for partnered sexual contact. This would be like saying a gay man can be someone who only desires sex with men, but can also be someone who only desires sex with women... And that makes no sense  Only one of those types of people are gay.

 

'Asexual' doesn't automatically mean repulsed by sex, it just means no intrinsic desire to seek and have sex for ones own enjoyment. Some asexuals are sex repulsed, some have sex to try to keep their partner happy, some may even have sex out of self-punishment or whatever..  and yes some of those asexuals may even be able to orgasm from the sensation of sex. HOWEVER, what they all have in common is that they don't have an intrinsic desire to seek and have sex for their own pleasure. If that was the case, an asexual would be like any sexual person (just as a gay man who only desires sex with women would be no different than any heterosexual person)

 

Sure asexuals can have a libido. But the difference between an asexual and a sexual is that an asexual will always have a preference for masturbation alone. They don't have an innate drive to ever seek another to relieve that libido with. But a sexual person will at least under some circumstances have a preference to relieve their libido with someone else. 

 

What does this mean for you @neverlove? 

 

From what I can see of what you're saying, you'd fall into a grey area like I do. I used to ID as ace, but now I know I am capable of desiring some forms of sexual intimacy for my own sexual and/or emotional pleasure under very, very rare and specific circumstances. HOWEVER, I've never physically had sex that I actually want (have had it in the past but I never wanted it), I've been effortlessly physically celibate for 8 years now, and I have no desire to actually seek any kind of partner to have sex with. I will not try to find someone to have sex with and I know that if I looked, I couldn't find anyone (because the only people I could desire it with exist only in my mind/utterly out of reach when they exist at all). So I am PRACTICALLY asexual, but the ability to experience that desire does exist there within me so I know I'm not ace. I'm just a very, very, very grey kind of sexual.

 

So if i was in your shoes, I'd say something like "I'm in a grey area of sexuality in that I'm practically asexual, but yeah I do desire sexual intimacy...I just don't desire anyone enough to actually have sex with them. But maybe one day I'd like a non-romantic partner to share sex with or something". So that's still not your average sexual, but the underlying desire for partnered sex being there does kind of mean one leans more towards the sexual end of the spectrum at least in some aspects. That's why the grey area is useful. Because it's sometimes a bit foggy and one is not quite sexual enough to say "I'm a regular hetero/bi/homosexual" but one is also not quite ace enough to be like "yeah I'm totally asexual" ..haha. You're  kind of stuck in some middle ground wandering around in the fog 😛

 

Anyway, that's just my take on it. I feel the term 'sex favourable' is often quite misused to make it seem like some asexuals can actually deaire partnered sex for pleasure, but again that would be like saying a gay man can actively desire sex with women. If that was the case he'd be bi or straight, but not gay 😧

 

So that's my two cents on the whole 'aces wanting sex' thing. You are of course free to identify however you wish, I just always like to have my say even if you totally disregard every word I have typed

[neverlove]

44 minutes ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said:

The main issue is that there are aromantic sexual people who don't want relationships and may not be drawn to any specific people, but still desire and enjoy sex. I've met people like this myself (they generally don't use the term 'aromantic' though, they're just not interested in relationships but do like sex).

 

Anyway if this kind of person was a subset if asexual, that would mean asexuals are people who can enjoy and desire sex, AS WELL AS being people who have no desire for partnered sexual contact. This would be like saying a gay man can be someone who only desires sex with men, but can also be someone who only desires sex with women... And that makes no sense  Only one of those types of people are gay.

 

'Asexual' doesn't automatically mean repulsed by sex, it just means no intrinsic desire to seek and have sex for ones own enjoyment. Some asexuals are sex repulsed, some have sex to try to keep their partner happy, some may even have sex out of self-punishment or whatever..  and yes some of those asexuals may even be able to orgasm from the sensation of sex. HOWEVER, what they all have in common is that they don't have an intrinsic desire to seek and have sex for their own pleasure. If that was the case, an asexual would be like any sexual person (just as a gay man who only desires sex with women would be no different than any heterosexual person)

 

Sure asexuals can have a libido. But the difference between an asexual and a sexual is that an asexual will always have a preference for masturbation alone. They don't have an innate drive to ever seek another to relieve that libido with. But a sexual person will at least under some circumstances have a preference to relieve their libido with someone else. 

 

What does this mean for you @neverlove? 

 

From what I can see of what you're saying, you'd fall into a grey area like I do. I used to ID as ace, but now I know I am capable of desiring some forms of sexual intimacy for my own sexual and/or emotional pleasure under very, very rare and specific circumstances. HOWEVER, I've never physically had sex that I actually want (have had it in the past but I never wanted it), I've been effortlessly physically celibate for 8 years now, and I have no desire to actually seek any kind of partner to have sex with. I will not try to find someone to have sex with and I know that if I looked, I couldn't find anyone (because the only people I could desire it with exist only in my mind/utterly out of reach when they exist at all). So I am PRACTICALLY asexual, but the ability to experience that desire does exist there within me so I know I'm not ace. I'm just a very, very, very grey kind of sexual.

 

So if i was in your shoes, I'd say something like "I'm in a grey area of sexuality in that I'm practically asexual, but yeah I do desire sexual intimacy...I just don't desire anyone enough to actually have sex with them. But maybe one day I'd like a non-romantic partner to share sex with or something". So that's still not your average sexual, but the underlying desire for partnered sex being there does kind of mean one leans more towards the sexual end of the spectrum at least in some aspects. That's why the grey area is useful. Because it's sometimes a bit foggy and one is not quite sexual enough to say "I'm a regular hetero/bi/homosexual" but one is also not quite ace enough to be like "yeah I'm totally asexual" ..haha. You're  kind of stuck in some middle ground wandering around in the fog 😛

 

Anyway, that's just my take on it. I feel the term 'sex favourable' is often quite misused to make it seem like some asexuals can actually deaire partnered sex for pleasure, but again that would be like saying a gay man can actively desire sex with women. If that was the case he'd be bi or straight, but not gay 😧

 

So that's my two cents on the whole 'aces wanting sex' thing. You are of course free to identify however you wish, I just always like to have my say even if you totally disregard every word I have typed

So only one real problem with this, I have never desired anyone. Maybe I'm really screwing up how I'm describing this. I've never felt desire for a human being. I enjoy smutty books and manga, but that's my limit, no real people. I can now happily abandon the asexual label; I'm not so in love with it that I want spend the rest of my life arguing it when I can be perfectly happy saying it's murky. I do have a desire for sex, but I have never desired anyone! I'm 23, not a crush, not even a celebrity I liked enough to want to meet them in person much less kiss! 

[Guest]

9 minutes ago, neverlove said:

So only one real problem with this, I have never desired anyone. Maybe I'm really screwing up how I'm describing this. I've never felt desire for a human being. I enjoy smutty books and manga, but that's my limit, no real people. I can now happily abandon the asexual label; I'm not so in love with it that I want spend the rest of my life arguing it when I can be perfectly happy saying it's murky. I do have a desire for sex, but I have never desired anyone! I'm 23, not a crush, not even a celebrity I liked enough to want to meet them in person much less kiss! 

Yes but when you say you desire sex, do you just mean masturbation then? Because to desire actual sex, another person has to be involved even if you don't 'desire' them. And there are sexual people who just have sex with friends (or even strangers) without 'desiring' those people, they just enjoy sex!! It's a myth that all sexual people just want sex because they're looking at a specific person and getting horney over them or whatever (if that's what you mean by 'desire' a person?). Some people just love sex and that's why they have it!!

 

So when you say you desire sex, do you mean you desire to like.. to actually have genital interactions with someone else (who is just a friend or whatever) or do you mean you just have a libido and want to masturbate?  Because one still involves another person (a partnered interaction) even if that person doesn't actually make you 'horny'. The other is just something you do alone.

 

Regardless, you still haven't 'desired' sex enough to actively go out and get it, which is why to me you'd fall in a grey area. We have 'sex favourable' people who come to AVEN saying stuff like"I adore sex and can't get enough of it, I just don't care who I have it with so I'm asexual!!" lol! I think we can all agree you don't fall in that category

 

what would be the harm in using grey-A until further notice though? You don't have to totally abandon the ace label if you still think aspects of it fit you (hence why I'm still here even though it's been quite a few years since I found out I can potentially desire sexual intimacy) ... You're still more ace than sexual when looked at from the perspective of regular desire patterns etc. Most people who desire sex desire it enough to go out and have it, even if the people they have it with don't make them horny or whatever.

 

(Weirdly off topic but people don't make me horny either. I get an ache inside if I like the idea of someone, like hunger almost? But I don't get horny from looking at them or thinking about them, or even from thinking about sex with them. The only way for me to get aroused is if my hormones decide to play up which could be any time at all, but there's never a trigger. That's a different topic though. It's weird how we all work so differently!! But yeah, different topic).

[neverlove]

4 hours ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said:

Yes but when you say you desire sex, do you just mean masturbation then? Because to desire actual sex, another person has to be involved even if you don't 'desire' them. And there are sexual people who just have sex with friends (or even strangers) without 'desiring' those people, they just enjoy sex!! It's a myth that all sexual people just want sex because they're looking at a specific person and getting horney over them or whatever (if that's what you mean by 'desire' a person?). Some people just love sex and that's why they have it!!

 

So when you say you desire sex, do you mean you desire to like.. to actually have genital interactions with someone else (who is just a friend or whatever) or do you mean you just have a libido and want to masturbate?  Because one still involves another person (a partnered interaction) even if that person doesn't actually make you 'horny'. The other is just something you do alone.

 

Regardless, you still haven't 'desired' sex enough to actively go out and get it, which is why to me you'd fall in a grey area. We have 'sex favourable' people who come to AVEN saying stuff like"I adore sex and can't get enough of it, I just don't care who I have it with so I'm asexual!!" lol! I think we can all agree you don't fall in that category

 

what would be the harm in using grey-A until further notice though? You don't have to totally abandon the ace label if you still think aspects of it fit you (hence why I'm still here even though it's been quite a few years since I found out I can potentially desire sexual intimacy) ... You're still more ace than sexual when looked at from the perspective of regular desire patterns etc. Most people who desire sex desire it enough to go out and have it, even if the people they have it with don't make them horny or whatever.

 

(Weirdly off topic but people don't make me horny either. I get an ache inside if I like the idea of someone, like hunger almost? But I don't get horny from looking at them or thinking about them, or even from thinking about sex with them. The only way for me to get aroused is if my hormones decide to play up which could be any time at all, but there's never a trigger. That's a different topic though. It's weird how we all work so differently!! But yeah, different topic).

I think I have a lot of "fun"😉 thinking about sex and what feels good. The reality of sex...I'm not really sure. It sounds good, or at least it feels "good" to think about. If I picture a real human being touching me it's a different story. Maybe it wouldn't be as bad if I trusted someone, but even then I'm pretty sure my head would be blocking out my partner in order to get somewhere, if that makes sense.

[Iam9man]

4 minutes ago, neverlove said:

my head would be blocking out my partner in order to get somewhere

Whilst I’m sometimes more favourable/indifferent, this is definitely something I relate to doing.

[NicoleHolmes]

2 hours ago, neverlove said:

think I have a lot of "fun"😉 thinking about sex and what feels good. The reality of sex...I'm not really sure. It sounds good, or at least it feels "good" to think about. If I picture a real human being touching me it's a different story. 

I'm the same way. Right now I identify as gray-a. I have at times experienced wanting to have sex with another person, when I was aroused, but did not act on it because of my religious beliefs. However, I do not experience this very often. I think I would be okay with never having sex, as long as my life was fulfilling and I had emotional connections with friends. I'm not real big on the idea of anyone actually touching me like that, and the thought of penetration makes me sick to my stomach. I do like some types of physical affection if I am comfortable with the person. Maybe if I find someone I trust enough to marry, I would be okay with having sex. I enjoy closeness with another person, emotionally and affectionately, but I still don't see myself enjoying penetrative intercourse. That part is honestly just gross to me and makes me anxious.

[Grumpy Alien]

18 hours ago, CBC said:

Figuring oneself out can certainly be emotionally exhausting haha, yep. No argument there.

Preach

[Guest]

8 hours ago, neverlove said:

I think I have a lot of "fun"😉 thinking about sex and what feels good. The reality of sex...I'm not really sure. It sounds good, or at least it feels "good" to think about. If I picture a real human being touching me it's a different story. Maybe it wouldn't be as bad if I trusted someone, but even then I'm pretty sure my head would be blocking out my partner in order to get somewhere, if that makes sense.

Yes see, I'm the same in that sense. I did always like the idea OF certain kinds of sex, and thought about it during alone time (though I myself was never, and have never, been a part of those fantasies!) BUT when it came to actually HAVING SEX with another person, my body felt nothing. It didn't react in any way, and I found myself wishing it would be over asap after the initial kissing which wasn't as bad. But fuuuuuuuuck, actual sex turned out to really fucking suck and be something I just couldn't make my body want or enjoy. BLERGH. I did end up having a lot of it (okay so it really hurts me, and I felt really broken like something was wrong with me. I went to a doc to find out what was wrong and he said "just keep having more sex, you'll learn to enjoy it and want it. That's how everyone does it" WTF??? I believed him so inflicted a lot of pain and suffering on myself as a result. Turns out I have a vaginal pain disorder called vestibulodynia which can't be cured in my case, and causes the nerve endings to become raw upon stimulation/penetration down there. Feels like a frikken burn-wound. But that stupid doc didn't even acknowledge that at the time and told me to just keep fucking. Grrrrr.

 

But yeah, ANYWAY, I didn't realise I COULD potentially desire actual sex until I was like 27 and met a guy here on AVEN. He was different than any guy I'd been with before, and only wanted stuff if I wanted it. He also was perfectly happy to go without sex as he'd come to AVEN thinking he was ace so sex just wasn't an issue for him, but he did find out (like I did) that he can potentially desire sex the way i can. Being on opposite sides of the world, we were able to explore sex and fantasy in a way that didn't cause me any pain and didn't mean I actually had to *have* sex, and for some reason that really awakened my sexual desire and made me want it 24/7 ..even though I wasn't physically HAVING it 😛

 

So yeah, so far anyway, sex is an IDEA for me. Something I do desire, but only in my head. I stopped identifying as ace BECAUSE of that desire (which I hadn't had on that same level before), because I don't know if I had met that guy in person if I'd still have wanted it or not But the desire alone was enough for me.

 

But you haven't actually even done it, so it's all still just an idea for you which you don't know if you'll ever actually move forward with or not. 

 

You could just say "I'm ace until further notice" or grey A or whatever. Because maybe if it ever came to actually having it, you'd be like me and not want it. Or if you found you did actively keep wanting it, and loving it etc, then you'd be able to reassess at that point if it felt appropriate? That's just one way to get around the whole 'sex favourable' thing just because it's so controversial here and any time you mention it at least some people are likely to have to have a little rant about the term given its reputation around here 😛

[neverlove]

Maybe I should just call myself

a-typical and see what happens 🙃

[neverlove]

Done, my title is a-typical.

[Guest]

18 minutes ago, neverlove said:

Maybe I should just call myself

a-typical and see what happens 🙃

A-typical is actually quite cool haha, I can never think of clever things like that

[neverlove]

27 minutes ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said:

A-typical is actually quite cool haha, I can never think of clever things like that

Don't be so harsh on yourself. This was a stray thought I can take little credit for. You are wise, articulate, and thoughtful, that's much better than superficial wit.

[MrDane]

On 8/27/2019 at 4:35 AM, neverlove said:

Coffee...coffee is obviously romantic.

 

And books. 

...as my ‘acer’ isnt that into hugs/cuddles (+), then I feel like giving her a hug, when I prepare her coffee every morning.

[Guest]

8 hours ago, MrDane said:

...as my ‘acer’ isnt that into hugs/cuddles (+), then I feel like giving her a hug, when I prepare her coffee every morning.

 That's so nice of you I was with my sexual ex for 5 years and he made me like 2 cups of coffee in all that time, haha, and I was the one compromising giving him sex i didn't want every single day (and making him coffees too lol!). Your ace is so lucky!! 

[Marlow1]

I have not had much chance to get online lately but I have been following this thread. There has been a lot said here that resonates with me and many of your shares have been helpful. Folk that fall into the grey area, but do not understand that they fall into the grey area are often accused of many hurtful things. Our partners could think we are messing them about, and therapists that have not studied all this might demand that we be straightforward and honest and to state if we are asexual or sexual, which clearly is not helpful. The most important thing is to understand ourselves and it is thread's like this that go into the more finer details that make the difference for folk that are trying to learn a language so that they can explain and express themselves to the people that they want to share their experiences with.