I am tired of ignorance of Religious/conservative people

[Mira Mira]

Hi, 

 

So this is purely gonna be ranting. But please feel free to comment about your own experiences.

 

I come from Muslim family, so since we MUST get married (its a huge pressure not just on the a person but also their loved ones, because society and cultures can be a bitch) I am on a journey to find my own partner. I have searched for marriage of convenience, but till now, I had mostly bad experience. Given that, most men looking for moc are religious bunch, either hindu or muslims mainly , I am not surprised. I can understand wanting to marry to have the pressure let off a but, but I find marriage for religion or just to have kids shitty. so, which is why I stopped look for moc and started to invest more time in finding an asexual partner. 

 

So, when I decided I try out Aceapp, just for fun and I get a message from a guy who says he wants to marry, "because he is Muslim"  and "he wants kids, but he needs a wife" And worst of all, he assumed that since I am aromantic its "difficult" for me to form attachments. I understand that how hard it is to have a different sexual orientation in Third world countries, but being in denial and ignorant of not only of one's own, bit also others sexuality is really annoying. Every single ignorant men who made assumptions about my sexuality are all from conservative countries.  The fact that the guy is "half asexual" tells me a lot about him, how he is ignorant about his own asexuality. Religion is not an excuse for ignorance.  

That's it for now. Feel free to leave any comments 

[ButterflyKisses]

Hi there,

 

This is a tough one since I do not share your religious background, however, I have found that most religions around the world have their conservative members who are a little too 'strict' with what they allow and don't allow in, well, pretty much everything so you are definitely not the only woman to have experienced such ignorance and I sincerely apologise on his behalf for his total lack of respect for you and your sexual orientation. 

 

That said, I think you'll find that most heterosexual men and women are like this (and even some questioning folk), particularly those who do not understand what it means to be ace and how to navigate these relationships and of course those conservative religious types who throw religious quotations and whatnot in your face to justify their complete lack of compassion (by the way, not all of them are like that). It is because of this that I rarely disclose that I am agnostic and asexual... until recent years when my religion and sexual orientation came into question whenever I sought out companionship (which is hard to find these days).

 

Anyhoo, my point is that you shouldn't allow someone like that to upset you so much. You know who you are and what you want and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Being a trendsetter within your Muslim community might be a little dangerous but I really think you should keep being you. I adore the Muslim faith particularly because to me (from what I have learned about it), the religion itself is all about being part of a community - loving and protecting one another, not so? Don't let them get under your skin. Not wanting to marry any random stranger is perfectly fine and in my opinion, it doesn't make you any less of a Muslim. 

 

You are precious and worthy of love, no matter how you choose to give or receive it. Don't ever forget that! 

[bare_trees]

17 minutes ago, Mira Mira said:

The fact that the guy is "half asexual" tells me a lot about him, how he is ignorant about his own asexuality. Religion is not an excuse for ignorance.  

That's so strange.  I've never heard anyone say that.  Is that his way of saying he's celibate?  Or an indicator that he really has no clue what it is to be asexual?  I'm sorry you've having experiences like this, especially with an app that is supposed to be utilized by fellow aces.

[rainbowsprinklez 🐙💜🍬]

Hi, that’s absolutely awful what you experienced so far. I’m from a different background so I cant relate as much, however I do know what it’s like to feel pressure to do something that you may not even want. Though I respect the religion, I don’t know much about it, but I hope you are able to work through this time and are able to make choices for you and not just the others around you. I know the people around us can become pretty pushy when they think or want the best for or out of us. Try to stay true to yourself the best you can ♥️♥️🍰🍰 and know that we’re always here to support you 🎂💜

[SorryNotSorry]

Many people go along with things their religion requires them to do because they're intimidated by it. I was brought up in a non-denominational Protestant family, and I know the feeling that something bad or dangerous is supposed to happen if you don't do X or avoid Y (or you simply won't get into heaven). I also know what it's like to wake up one day and decide none of it makes sense to you.

 

Dealing with religious family members when you're not that strictly religious yourself can be very unpleasant at the very least. Here in the US, one does not need to look far to find people from Protestant, Catholic, Jewish, or Muslim families who were disowned by authoritarian, strict elders or siblings.

[Karst]

Sorry to hear that.  Every group has a certain amount of clueless people in it, so we all have to deal with their ignorance at some point.  You're not responsible for educating everyone you encounter- just do what you can.

 

[Bruce Wayne]

I hope it will get better. Sorry, I'm not sure I can say much more... But I totally agree with you, religion is not an excuse for ignorance. Or so it shouldn't be. However, there's a lot of people in the world who use it to put pressure on people... I could say more, but given that I'm that type of person who's like "stand up, frighten the horses" etc., I'm probably not going to... 

[Nylocke]

I'm sorry you have to deal with such pressures. I understand this concept just coming from a christian background and while I haven't been directly pressured to get married and produce a family, I've had to deal with my stance on not wanting children whether I am married or not questioned, chastised and even shamed. When it comes to being asexual I find that religious communities tend to have the biggest issue with either acknowledging or accepting it. Which is weird since many of them are marriage based and monogamous based I guess you can say but one thing I find is that you can't teach someone who doesn't want to learn ):

[Trolley Girl]

Just the title of this thread made the fire in my eyes ignite!

 

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🔥🔥

/\/\/\/\

[neverlove]

That...must really suck. I actually felt normal as a Christian and was never pressured to get married because of the Bible supporting being single. I've actually felt more pressure for marriage and sex from mainstream culture, but it didn't especially bother me because of my beliefs. I know that isn't the case for everyone, but telling my family my orientation was a non-issue. We are not nominal Christians either. 

 

As for conservative v. liberal--moderation in all things.

[Nylocke]

On 8/31/2019 at 7:21 AM, neverlove said:

That...must really suck. I actually felt normal as a Christian and was never pressured to get married because of the Bible supporting being single. I've actually felt more pressure for marriage and sex from mainstream culture, but it didn't especially bother me because of my beliefs. I know that isn't the case for everyone, but telling my family my orientation was a non-issue. We are not nominal Christians either. 

 

As for conservative v. liberal--moderation in all things.

 

Heh non christian/religious folks do press such issues a lot more then christians/religious people do I find. I had 2 case scenarios were someone tried to set me up 1. with their son and 2. with their grandson. While the one with the son was a christian, I don't know who or what granny was. But I do feel like once you hit 25 then people expect you to be in a relationship with a live in SO or at least to be engaged to some extent or another but in the REAL world there are plenty of people that just do not have it like that. Both case scenarios happened to me when I was 26 ironically enough ... x-x

[neverlove]

3 hours ago, Nylocke said:

 

Heh non christian/religious folks do press such issues a lot more then christians/religious people do I find. I had 2 case scenarios were someone tried to set me up 1. with their son and 2. with their grandson. While the one with the son was a christian, I don't know who or what granny was. But I do feel like once you hit 25 then people expect you to be in a relationship with a live in SO or at least to be engaged to some extent or another but in the REAL world there are plenty of people that just do not have it like that. Both case scenarios happened to me when I was 26 ironically enough ... x-x

I’ve never had a Christian look at me strange for saying I’ve been single all my life. Totally not the case for non-christians. I was also never raised to believe it was about purity to remain a virgin, it was more like being told you’ll be happier in the long run without a bunch of one night stands and nightmare exes.

[Comrade F&F]

On 8/31/2019 at 4:21 AM, neverlove said:

That...must really suck. I actually felt normal as a Christian and was never pressured to get married because of the Bible supporting being single. I've actually felt more pressure for marriage and sex from mainstream culture, but it didn't especially bother me because of my beliefs. I know that isn't the case for everyone, but telling my family my orientation was a non-issue. We are not nominal Christians either. 

 

As for conservative v. liberal--moderation in all things.

It depends which denomination of Christianity. My family is mostly Catholic, so they didn't have any problems with me not pursuing relationships. But when I was younger, I was enrolled for a year at a Baptist school (family moving around, etc). Every Bible teacher was extremely concerned I had no interest in finding myself a husband, and that I would live a life of sadness if I didn't get married, live solely for my husband, and have lots of kids. That's a woman's purpose on earth. Marriage was not equal ground between husband and wife, but the husband lorded over the wife. Yikes.

 

Yeah, my parents yanked me out of that place fast.

[neverlove]

27 minutes ago, Feys&Florets said:

It depends which denomination of Christianity. My family is mostly Catholic, so they didn't have any problems with me not pursuing relationships. But when I was younger, I was enrolled for a year at a Baptist school (family moving around, etc). Every Bible teacher was extremely concerned I had no interest in finding myself a husband, and that I would live a life of sadness if I didn't get married, live solely for my husband, and have lots of kids. That's a woman's purpose on earth. Marriage was not equal ground between husband and wife, but the husband lorded over the wife. Yikes.

 

Yeah, my parents yanked me out of that place fast.

😂 Yeah, a friend of mine is single and baptist(not southern) and gets some trouble for choosing to be single, but at the end of the day all anyone of us has to do is through a couple verses at them and we’re set! 

[Comrade F&F]

1 hour ago, neverlove said:

😂 Yeah, a friend of mine is single and baptist(not southern) and gets some trouble for choosing to be single, but at the end of the day all anyone of us has to do is through a couple verses at them and we’re set! 

What versus are these? I can use them next time. 

[neverlove]

26 minutes ago, Feys&Florets said:

What versus are these? I can use them next time. 

1 Corinthians 7:1-9, 27-28 most useful

 

Proverbs 14:4 if you put it in context “Where there are no oxen the manger is clean (but much revenue comes by the strength of the oxen).” Basically, I don’t have fields to plow and I don’t want to spend my time cleaning up the manger. 😝 

 

Proverbs 21:9 I especially like this one 😂

[rainbowocollie]

What I've run into with ignorance from religious people is they object to identifying as ace because of "orientation is a liberal/LGBT thing", and just deny it being a thing in general.

[Comrade F&F]

33 minutes ago, neverlove said:

1 Corinthians 7:1-9, 27-28 most useful

 

Proverbs 14:4 if you put it in context “Where there are no oxen the manger is clean (but much revenue comes by the strength of the oxen).” Basically, I don’t have fields to plow and I don’t want to spend my time cleaning up the manger. 😝 

 

Proverbs 21:9 I especially like this one 😂

Thank you! Although I don't know how successful I'll be with those verses. I'll probably hear "that's not the CORRECT interpretation". Ah well, no point arguing sometimes.

[neverlove]

3 hours ago, Feys&Florets said:

Thank you! Although I don't know how successful I'll be with those verses. I'll probably hear "that's not the CORRECT interpretation". Ah well, no point arguing sometimes.

It would be really hard for someone to refute corinthians though 😂

[SithLord]

8 hours ago, neverlove said:

I’ve never had a Christian look at me strange for saying I’ve been single all my life. Totally not the case for non-christians. I was also never raised to believe it was about purity to remain a virgin, it was more like being told you’ll be happier in the long run without a bunch of one night stands and nightmare exes.

When I was still a Christian, they were very much like the rest of society, just more cautious about sex. It wasn't brought up at church, but my youth group director for my last two years there was mostly just a "As long as you're being safe" kind of person. I was seen as the odd ball for not being in a relationship there more so than with my friends in high school, actually. 

 

 

 

To address the OP, I'm sorry it's so hard on you. I'm an anti-theist partially because of the ignorance and conservatism religious people around me seem to embody.

[neverlove]

6 hours ago, sithgirlix said:

When I was still a Christian, they were very much like the rest of society, just more cautious about sex. It wasn't brought up at church, but my youth group director for my last two years there was mostly just a "As long as you're being safe" kind of person. I was seen as the odd ball for not being in a relationship there more so than with my friends in high school, actually. 

 

 

 

To address the OP, I'm sorry it's so hard on you. I'm an anti-theist partially because of the ignorance and conservatism religious people around me seem to embody.

Youth group is a separate matter entirely. I haven’t been to a youth group yet that wasn’t weird and uncomfortable, but to be honest I never tried too hard to go.

[SithLord]

4 minutes ago, neverlove said:

Youth group is a separate matter entirely. I haven’t been to a youth group yet that wasn’t weird and uncomfortable, but to be honest I never tried too hard to go.

I wish, I had to go. It was required for us to get First Communion during middle school and during high school it replaced Sunday School. Don't remember why my parents made me attend extra times during summer that one year... but I still had to go. And since most people I interacted with were over 60 years old or asshole teenagers... yeah I'd say they were pretty judgmental. 

[GlamRocker]

I went to church camp with a religious friend in high school, she wanted a buddy and asked me. I was a Jesus freak back then, I'm still fascinated by Christianity but lost my faith at fifteen, about six months after church camp.

 

Church camp was great for playing sports with friends, but was horrible philosophically. We had many group discussions, one of which was about how homosexuality was wrong and that gays were going to hell. I was astounded that they would dare say this, wow I was so ignorant to what they were like when I was young because I moved around a lot and never went to church in a serious way. I thought of Jesus as, you know, the all loving, all forgiving, bad ass savior- not a petty little bitch weirdly obsessed with genitals. I had read the Bible, too, which REALLY set me apart from everyone else lol

 

ANYWAY... I argued back very fiercely that they were hateful bigots and that their hate was not only illogical but not supported by scripture because if they were going to take scripture literally in THAT case, they had to take it literally in ALL CASES and every girl in the group wearing braids should be stoned for marking themselves as prostitutes. BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!

 

We had a chapel session where they went around asking randos from the crowd what their ideal boyfriend/girlfriend would be like. LOW AND BEHOLD, they chose me. They have this big camera in my face and put a mic under my lips. I say, "Non-existent." Cue annoyed outrage. Cue pastor rant.

[Comrade F&F]

19 hours ago, neverlove said:

It would be really hard for someone to refute corinthians though 😂

Wanna bet? When I told the Bible Teacher I didn't want a husband, they referred to that verse as 'denying my future husband of his needs' because God already selected a partner, I just haven't met him yet.

[rainbowocollie]

Sheesh. I've never run into any of that. I just expect to find the usual misconceptions, "you just haven't found the right person", etc. I was told that if I ever decide to "come out" to my church I should use terms they're familiar with, for example saying that I'm not attracted to anyone rather than saying I'm aroace spec. (Apparently telling them I've been rarely attracted to both sexes would just invite trouble)

[neverlove]

1 hour ago, Feys&Florets said:

Wanna bet? When I told the Bible Teacher I didn't want a husband, they referred to that verse as 'denying my future husband of his needs' because God already selected a partner, I just haven't met him yet.

LORD have mercy! 🙄 It is hard to refute 1 Corinthian 7, but there’s nothing more futile than trying logic with nutbag delusional...been there, done that. 

 

Should’ve come back with Jesus being a thirty year-old single dude.

[Hylethilei]

I feel that most but not all religious and conservative people only believe in traditional family values and only really care about themselves and there own immediate family, not sure what it is like for other non-USA countries but thats how it is in Connecticut and the USA at least. I honestly see good and bad in all political views and wish people would just compromise for once instead but that will most likely never happen.  

[SithLord]

3 hours ago, neverlove said:

LORD have mercy! 🙄 It is hard to refute 1 Corinthian 7, but there’s nothing more futile than trying logic with nutbag delusional...been there, done that. 

 

Should’ve come back with Jesus being a thirty year-old single dude.

I just read it on a website, but it looks like the author of that passage is ace himself, or else finds it not difficult at all to become "immoral". So shouldn't it be interpreted that if one doesn't need/desire sex then staying single is great? Though of course the part about not denying one's husband/wife thing does get commplicated if one is ace but romantic

[Guest]

22 hours ago, sithgirlix said:

I just read it on a website, but it looks like the author of that passage is ace himself, or else finds it not difficult at all to become "immoral". 

Paul of Tarsus definitely comes across as ace to me, too.

 

(Whereas Augustine of Hippo sounds more like a self-loathing sex addict for whom foaming-at-the-mouth antisexuality was the only way to stay celibate.)

[Nylocke]

On 9/3/2019 at 1:33 PM, neverlove said:

I’ve never had a Christian look at me strange for saying I’ve been single all my life. Totally not the case for non-christians. I was also never raised to believe it was about purity to remain a virgin, it was more like being told you’ll be happier in the long run without a bunch of one night stands and nightmare exes.

 

And my experience highly emphasizes purity. My parents would literally shame me over the idea of me being sexuality active in any way shape or form outside of marriage. They have shamed me for other things that they perceive as leading up to such things such as "letting your boyfriend carry you" and I've been shamed for that 2 whole years after the fact.