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Demisexual v. Asexual?


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Hello, recently I learned that demisexuality (spelling right?) Has it own separate spectrum. I was wondering how different, if any, is asexuality and demisexuality? I know they can be interconnected but I am generally curious about learning more. If someone can clarity or give a example it would help a lot. Thanks ūüėÄ

 

P. S. Is this the right place to post this? 

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UnderworldFan1988
1 minute ago, Ess-Kat said:

Hello, recently I learned that demisexuality (spelling right?) Has it own separate spectrum. I was wondering how different, if any, is asexuality and demisexualityÔĽŅ? I know they can be interconnected but I am generally curious about learning more. If someone can clarity or give a example it would help a lot. Thanks ūüėÄ

 

P. S. Is this the right place to post this? 

The AVENwiki page says: http://wiki.asexuality.org/Demisexual

 

"The term demisexual comes from the orientation being "halfway between" sexual and asexual."

 

I am not sure if you know about this page but it is a very great source for information.

 

 

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A demissxual:

"demisexual person is someone who does not experience sexual attraction to another person unless or until they have formed an emotional connection with that person. It's more commonly seen in, but by no means confined, to romantic relationships." Taken from wiki.asexuality.org

 

vs.

 

An asexual:

without sexual feelings or associations.
"asexual individuals may still experience attraction but this attraction doesn't need to be realized in any sexual manner". 
 
My friend is demisexual, he is not attracted to the physical appearance of women. After getting to know them, to a certain degree he can feel attracted to them. Then pursue a physical or romantic relationship with them. 
 
I am asexual, even if I make strong emotional connection to someone, I would never experience sexual attraction to them. I also dont need to make an emotional connect before starting a relationship.
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Hi there! I identify as demi and have been for a while now. Contrary to popular belief, demisexual are not, in fact, people who don't want to have sex with a stranger. They don't experience attraction at all towards strangers/people they don't have a strong emotional bond with, just like an asexual person wouldn't experience attraction to these people either. Key difference here is : if the demisexual person ends up having a strong emotional bond with someone, they might end up feeling sexually attracted to them. 

To be honest even if I am demisexual myself, I identify a lot more with the asexuals than the sexual people since it's so rare that I end up having an emotional bond, and it's even more rare that this emotional bond ends up in sexual attraction, and it's even RARER that this sexual attraction lasts long enough for me to want to act on it. So there, hope it helps! 

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anisotrophic

I consider demisexual, defined as "only experiencing sexual attraction after a close emotional bond", as a fairly normal version of sexuality. I'm not enthusiastic about giving it its own word and I think it's very problematic/misleading to describe this as similar to asexual. No amount of emotional connection will spark desire for an asexual person; I appreciate that it's hard for someone to know which they are.

 

demi/ace relationships seem like a really brutally horrible combo: the "demi" will only experience sexual desire for that one asexual person, in the whole damned world... and because love leads to sex, they are deeply connected, the rejection may feel inseparable from a rejection of love. But for the asexual, no amount of emotional bond will lead to desire.

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2 hours ago, anisotrophic said:

I consider demisexual, defined as "only experiencing sexual attraction after a close emotional bond", as a fairly normal version of sexuality. I'm not enthusiastic about giving it its own word and I think it's very problematic/misleading to describe this as similar to asexual. No amount of emotional connection will spark desire for an asexual person; I appreciate that it's hard for someone to know which they are.ÔĽŅ

ÔĽŅ ¬†

demi/ace relationships seem like a really brutally horrible combo: the "demi" will only experience sexual desire for that one asexual person, in the whole damned world... and because love leads to sex, they are deeply connected, the rejection may feel inseparable from a rejection of love. But for the asexual, no amount of emotional bond will lead to desire.

From my own "demi" experience (people have called me ace before so who am I to talk), I'd be much more satisfied in an asexual relationship than a sexual one. It's more of a - hey, if you're open to it, we can do it, if you're not, I'm happy with it too, there's like 100 stuff that I'd rather do with someone I'm close with than sex. I'd be very disapointed in a relationship that's heavily focused on sex and would be damn sad if I got a partner who'd want to do that kind of stuff with me more than once a month, heck, more than once every three months even. I don't understand when people say they have ''needs'' while refering to sex either. But I can't deny attraction when it happens, so? 

I'm sure there are more heavily sex-focused demis out there, but asexual people needs matters too, if your partner, either they be grey-ace, demi or sexual people, can't accept that you don't want sex than it's a bad combo no matter what they identify as. Physical affection doesn't always mean love, everyone has their own way to show it. 

And on a day to day life, demi and ace are very similar, so of course they're gonna get compared^^ 

Edited by LadySloane
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I think the whole reason why orientation labels like "demisexual" and "grey-asexual" exist is because the people to whom they apply feel alienated from what is perceived to be a normal sexuality, especially if their lower level of desire or interest has a major impact on their ability to form and maintain romantic and sexual relationships. Thus they come to AVEN and associate with asexuals because they feel abnormal in society, rather than simply having a low libido or being on a spectrum of "healthy sexuality".

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If you had met me before I was 35 years old you would have described me as Asexual. I had never been sexually attracted to anybody and although I had some awareness that I might like to have a romantic relationship, if you would have asked me whom I am romantically attracted to, I would have seriously struggled to answer that question too

 

I have posted a lot of information elsewhere about the long elaborate process that I went through that eventually resulted in me becoming attracted to my now wife, so I will not warble about all that again here. But what I will say is that I am now 63 years old and throughout my entire life I have only been attracted to one person

 

I more recently had a brain hemorrhage and this lead to me loosing attraction. We entered Relationship Therapy and lucky for us our Therapist new all about Asexuality, Demisexuality etc and was able to help me rebuild the concepts in my mind, about my partner, that I need so that I can be attracted

 

Although, this has worked out really well, I can still lean towards not being attracted. You see, I can go weeks without sex and not even noticed that it has been a longish time. I never have visual fantasies, and I do not get stimulated by porn or other stuff. If I am stressed I will loose attraction and so on. 

 

I am the only person in my everyday life that I have ever met that can only get attracted and aroused by just one person. However, I have come across folk here at AVEN that are kind of similar

 

One of my brothers also identifies as Demisexual. I am not certain how many people he has been attracted to but he said he can count them on one hand

 

Both he and I have Aphantasia. Our other brothers do not have Aphantasia and they definitely would not identify under the Asexual Umberella

 

 https://www.vice.com/en_uk/article/kwkway/what-its-like-to-instantly-forget-what-friends-and-lovers-looks-like

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