Not wanting to have sex with men but more psychically attracted to them, less attracted to women but would be ok with having sex?

[Anamel]

I’ve been told that pretty much almost all men wouldn’t want to be in a relationship if there wasn’t intimacy which is why I’ve never even bothered to date anyone for that concern and others. I would be ok having sex with a women for her to stay around in a relationship  (am female), but the thought of doing it with a man makes me outright repulsed. However I’m less attracted to women psychically. It doesn’t make any sense to me. I do want a relationship but the whole kissing, intimacy, + marriage has been a problem for me. 

[QueerAroAce]

From the sounds of it finding an ace partner who is sex repulsed might be in your best interest. Or getting into a poly/open relationship with a non ace. Best of luck.

[bare_trees]

Definitely don't write men off entirely, though.  It's really a stereotype about men that they can't be in a relationship without sexual intimacy.

[tase]

4 minutes ago, bare_trees said:

Definitely don't write men off entirely, though.  It's really a stereotype about men that they can't be in a relationship without sexual intimacy.

Amen!!!!!

[Visenya]

6 hours ago, Anamel said:

I would be ok having sex with a women for her to stay around in a relationship  (am female), but the thought of doing it with a man makes me outright repulsed. However I’m less attracted to women psychically. It doesn’t make any sense to me.

I'm the same way and I've never understood why either. I don't know if I would be able to actually have sex with a woman, if push comes to shove, but the idea of it is not anywhere near as repulsive as the idea of having sex with a man. I don't know if it's just a matter of aesthetics, since I don't tend to find men attractive, or if it's someting else. This is one of the many reasons why I've wondered if I'm actually a lesbian in denial (or at least bi), but I don't think that's the case (?). Maybe I'm just a grey-(hetero)sexual woman who's repulsed by sex with men and indifferent about sex with women. Being romantically attracted to men doesn't make me overcome the repulsion I feel for them, which is why I prefer to avoid romantic relationships altogether.

 

Btw, most sexual women wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't desire them in a sexual way, so maybe it's best to be open about asexuality even if you don't mind compromising.

[Ferocious Cub]

Feeling this.  I mean, my details are different, but the concept in general, YES.  I recently discovered the term disexual.  Basically, some bisexuals feel attracted to men and women in different ways or to different degrees.  So, bisexual COULD mean that, but disexual explicitly means that - experiencing qualitatively or quantitatively different sexual attraction to men and women.

[Hunnibi]

I find the way most men navigate sexuality also kinda intimidating. I think it's mostly because most men grow up in an environment that tells them they have to be very sexual, dominant and must be into casual sex, to be considered a "real man". 

I have met a few men that have a different view on this and don't see their own sexlives as such an important part of their identity.

Most of them are transmen or genderqueer though, like myself. Maybe you could take a look at men that identify outside of the cis-hetero norm.

 

Straight people are weird, meet more queers.

[Guest]

Yeah I'm more physically attracted to women, and can easily have sex with women. But I'm only romantically attracted to men (just not that physically attracted to them) ..but I can only desire sexual intimacy with romantic attraction. ..So I never have sex with women, but it's really, really, really hard (and extremely rare) for me to develop romantic feelings. And when I do it's mostly for damn fictional people, or people on the other side of the world.

 

It's all very complicated Y_Y

[Moon6Shadow]

On 9/1/2019 at 4:58 AM, Ferocious Cub said:

Feeling this.  I mean, my details are different, but the concept in general, YES.  I recently discovered the term disexual.  Basically, some bisexuals feel attracted to men and women in different ways or to different degrees.  So, bisexual COULD mean that, but disexual explicitly means that - experiencing qualitatively or quantitatively different sexual attraction to men and women.

Oh that's really interesting!! I'm quoi ('basically' romantic/sexual attraction via gender and romantic/sexual attraction in general don't make sense to me) but if I judge via people I get close to and what I prefer to read things are all over the place because of gender stereotypes and 'stereotypical romance' (turn off) getting in the way of those I think I'll relate to more and probably also ties into my demi(/Quoi?)gender. So sort of... not exactly my orientation but an extension if I ever want to clarify things further, I have been looking for a word to clarify this to myself. 🍰

 

On 8/26/2019 at 12:14 AM, Anamel said:

I do want a relationship but the whole kissing, intimacy, + marriage has been a problem for me.

Not sure if you're on the hunt for other labels as well but if you are you might be interested in Alterous and Queerplatonic? (See below)

Spoiler

 https://aromantic.wikia.org/wiki/Alterous

Quote

Alterous is described as neither being (entirely/completely) platonic nor romantic, & is an attraction best described as wanting emotional closeness without necessarily being (at all or entirely) platonic &/or romantic, & is used in the place of -romantic or -platonic (so say bi-alterous instead of bi-romantic).

 

Someone can be both alterous & romantic &/or platonic & can have varying degrees on attraction, ultimately feel discomfort / unease / or just a sense of inaccuracy in calling it wholly romantic or platonic.

Simplified Quote: 'Alterous is [basically] an attraction best described as wanting emotional closeness [and somewhere in the middle between platonic and romance]'

and

https://aromantic.wikia.org/wiki/Queerplatonic

Quote

Queerplatonic relationship ("QPR") or queerplatonic partnership ("QPP"), sometimes also referred to as quasiplatonic relationships or partnerships, are umbrella terms to indicate that a relationship defies the divide between romantic partnership and "just" friends. Queerplatonic has been used to describe feelings and relationships of either/both a nonromantic or ambiguously-romantic nature, in order to express that they break one or more social norms for relationships.

 

 

[Moon6Shadow]

Found a definition post for 'disexual' on Urban Dictionary:

Quote

A disexual is someone who is attracted to both men and women but considers the attracts distinct. Similar to a bisexual (disexuality can be considered a subset of bisexuality) A few disexuals are polyamorous and choose to date both a man and a women at the same time. Can be shortened to "di" although this is rarely used.

The third definition post was describing a way of having sex which... doesn't make sense since this word is written in LGBTQA+ Prefix-Suffix format but just a heads up. I also found a post on Tumblr where someone was making up new words for pansexual, thankfully they seem to have gone with the spelling Idesexual instead. (Although that is very similar spelling to Idemromantic...)

[aweirdboi117]

On 8/31/2019 at 8:58 PM, Ferocious Cub said:

Feeling this.  I mean, my details are different, but the concept in general, YES.  I recently discovered the term disexual.  Basically, some bisexuals feel attracted to men and women in different ways or to different degrees.  So, bisexual COULD mean that, but disexual explicitly means that - experiencing qualitatively or quantitatively different sexual attraction to men and women.

So, a disexual could be a man who is fraisexual with women and demisexual with men?

[Ferocious Cub]

19 hours ago, aweirdboi117 said:

So, a disexual could be a man who is fraisexual with women and demisexual with men?

Sure, any two different orientations, I suppose.

Now I have things to look up... All the articles I can find on fraisexual are in Spanish, but if I'm understanding correctly, it's the opposite of demisexual?

[aweirdboi117]

On 9/10/2019 at 4:46 AM, Ferocious Cub said:

Sure, any two different orientations, I suppose.

Now I have things to look up... All the articles I can find on fraisexual are in Spanish, but if I'm understanding correctly, it's the opposite of demisexual?

Yes, is the opposite

[Grumpy Alien]

Could it be an issue of trust?

[BeakLove]

On 8/25/2019 at 3:14 PM, Anamel said:

I do want a relationship but the whole kissing, intimacy, + marriage has been a problem for me. 

You just have to be upfront about this, then. But life commitment and physical union/affection are two very big components of an intimate relationship. What is it you seek from a relationship?

[kiaroskuro]

On 8/31/2019 at 8:58 PM, Ferocious Cub said:

Feeling this.  I mean, my details are different, but the concept in general, YES.  I recently discovered the term disexual.  Basically, some bisexuals feel attracted to men and women in different ways or to different degrees.  So, bisexual COULD mean that, but disexual explicitly means that - experiencing qualitatively or quantitatively different sexual attraction to men and women.

Interesting, this is the first time I've heard of this term. But surely it can't apply to the OP's situation if they are repulsed by having sex with men? Because going by this definition, for example: https://rainbowpedia.wikia.org/wiki/Bisexuality, there'd have to be some sexual attraction to both women and men. Or did I get it wrong?

 

On 9/6/2019 at 3:23 PM, Hunnibi said:

Straight people are weird, meet more queers.

Well said

[Moon6Shadow]

On 9/15/2019 at 7:16 AM, kiaroskuro said:

Interesting, this is the first time I've heard of this term. But surely it can't apply to the OP's situation if they are repulsed by having sex with men? Because going by this definition, for example: https://rainbowpedia.wikia.org/wiki/Bisexuality, there'd have to be some sexual attraction to both women and men. Or did I get it wrong?

 

Well said

Point. I’ve been focusing on aesthetic attraction as part of the ‘sexual’ orientation (or rather asexual attraction). But it may make way more sense as a split between romantic and sexual attraction eg. heteromantic (homo) ace ? @Anamel The ‘(homo) ace’ because it’s a willingness to have sex with females rather then an actual sexual attraction to them. Although only you can label yourself.