Asex92 Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 Hello. I am 27 years old male from a Muslim country . I am asexual and in my country it is very weird to tell someone that you are not attracted to woman and If you tell someone like this nobody will accept this and they will think you have psychological problems and people may even fear to talk to you. my parents always put me in pressure and ask to marry but I fear to take this risky decision!!! How I can marry and I am not attracted sexually to woman ( I am attracted emotionally to some of them though ) !!!. please help me.. If I decide to marry what is the best can I do to make sure my marriage will be successful and To have a happy life please help me pleeeeeease!!!😭 is there someone in forum who is asexual male and he is married to sexual woman ??? Link to post Share on other sites
Grimalkin Posted August 20, 2019 Share Posted August 20, 2019 This one is tricky. I don't know much about Muslim culture, but I know it's different from America. In America, you can be a lot more independent from your parents. Family is not so important to a good life. I think you have a few options, but none of them are easy. First, you could try to convince your parents you don't want to get married. Very risky. I don't know how they would react to this. Second, you could try to leave the country. Also very difficult, and very alienating. Giving up ties to family is hard. Third, if you can choose WHO you marry, try to find a very modern and accepting woman. I doubt you will find an asexual woman, but there are many women with low sex drives. Marriages between asexual men and sexual women can work, but they are hard. The sexual person does not feel desired, so you will have to make sure she feels very loved and appreciated for who she is. You may need to at least make sure her sexual needs are fulfilled. I'm sorry you're in this tricky and potentially dangerous situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Asex92 Posted August 21, 2019 Author Share Posted August 21, 2019 21 hours ago, Grimalkin said: This one is tricky. I don't know much about Muslim culture, but I know it's different from America. In America, you can be a lot more independent from your parents. Family is not so important to a good life. I think you have a few options, but none of them are easy. First, you could try to convince your parents you don't want to get married. Very risky. I don't know how they would react to this. Second, you could try to leave the country. Also very difficult, and very alienating. Giving up ties to family is hard. Third, if you can choose WHO you marry, try to find a very modern and accepting woman. I doubt you will find an asexual woman, but there are many women with low sex drives. Marriages between asexual men and sexual women can work, but they are hard. The sexual person does not feel desired, so you will have to make sure she feels very loved and appreciated for who she is. You may need to at least make sure her sexual needs are fulfilled. I'm sorry you're in this tricky and potentially dangerous situation. Thank you for your reply. The tricky thing how I know if the girl has low sex drive without asking her!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Asex92 Posted August 22, 2019 Author Share Posted August 22, 2019 Waiting for other advices!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
neverlove Posted August 23, 2019 Share Posted August 23, 2019 Rather than asking about her sex drive specifically you could essentially ask by using a more neutral subject. I don't really know about Islam, but you could discuss monasticism. A quick wiki read sort of said this isn't acceptable in Islam, but you could merely discuss the feasibility of it in other cultures. Generally people start talking about how they can't imagine taking a vow of abstinence if they have a sex drive, expound upon the peacefulness of the lifestyle if they don't, or basically give you an idea of where they are on the scale of sexual interest. There are asexual dating apps that may be available in your country as well. You could frankly discuss a marriage of convenience with prospective partners. You could make some kind of deal with your parents. For instance they get the opportunity to introduce you to prospective partners--maybe once every few months--in exchange for their silence on the matter. I don't really know if this will help. I'm a Christian and the Bible says you're better off single if you can be without sinning. Perhaps you should find how your asexuality relates to your faith. Link to post Share on other sites
Asex92 Posted August 25, 2019 Author Share Posted August 25, 2019 On 8/23/2019 at 8:58 AM, neverlove said: Rather than asking about her sex drive specifically you could essentially ask by using a more neutral subject. I don't really know about Islam, but you could discuss monasticism. A quick wiki read sort of said this isn't acceptable in Islam, but you could merely discuss the feasibility of it in other cultures. Generally people start talking about how they can't imagine taking a vow of abstinence if they have a sex drive, expound upon the peacefulness of the lifestyle if they don't, or basically give you an idea of where they are on the scale of sexual interest. There are asexual dating apps that may be available in your country as well. You could frankly discuss a marriage of convenience with prospective partners. You could make some kind of deal with your parents. For instance they get the opportunity to introduce you to prospective partners--maybe once every few months--in exchange for their silence on the matter. I don't really know if this will help. I'm a Christian and the Bible says your better off single if you can be without sinning. Perhaps you should find how your asexuality relates to your faith. I am thinking of marriage not because of my parents pressure only ,but I feel I need partner that always with me and support me and also to get the feeling of “ being loved “ .. I can assure you that I can be successful in terms of romantic relationship but what about the sexual relationship ? How I can guarantee that I will have successful relationship with my partner? My issue is very complicated, I am 27 years old and I cannot imagine myself to be single at age of 40 for example without marriage especially in my country !!! Link to post Share on other sites
neverlove Posted August 25, 2019 Share Posted August 25, 2019 1 hour ago, Asex92 said: How I can guarantee that I will have successful relationship with my partner? Heavens! I don't think anyone can tell you that! Mutual respect and communication seems be a good start, but I don't think anyone can give you a guarantee. Everyone takes risks in relationships you just need to figure out what risks are worth it for you. I tend to play "would I rather" and you've already decided you'd rather get married. So from here on its deciding "would you rather..." ...Talk to her about it or spend the rest of your life together avoiding the topic. ...Talk early in the relationship to save time or wait till you trust her a bit more. ...Be frank to avoid misunderstandings or be subtle to keep from offending her. I don't think anyone can really answer this for you, so try asking yourself questions about the risks your willing to take for a relationship with someone who understands you and the best way to do that. Hope this helps, sorry if it doesn't. Link to post Share on other sites
nanogretchen4 Posted August 26, 2019 Share Posted August 26, 2019 How do you meet potential marriage partners? If your parents arrange things you need to have an honest conversation with your parents about your disinterest in sex and your concerns about marriage. Maybe they have some friends with a daughter who is similarly dragging her feet about marriage. Once you meet a possibly suitable woman, how much opportunity will you have to communicate with her privately before marriage? You really do need to let her know what she is getting into before she commits to marrying you. Link to post Share on other sites
Asex92 Posted August 26, 2019 Author Share Posted August 26, 2019 18 hours ago, nanogretchen4 said: How do you meet potential marriage partners? If your parents arrange things you need to have an honest conversation with your parents about your disinterest in sex and your concerns about marriage. Maybe they have some friends with a daughter who is similarly dragging her feet about marriage. Once you meet a possibly suitable woman, how much opportunity will you have to communicate with her privately before marriage? You really do need to let her know what she is getting into before she commits to marrying you. How to know if the girl is dragging her feet about marriage and does not interest much in sex !! Is there any signs?! Link to post Share on other sites
neverlove Posted August 27, 2019 Share Posted August 27, 2019 Going forward you might want to read this thread. 5 hours ago, Asex92 said: How to know if the girl is dragging her feet about marriage and does not interest much in sex !! Is there any signs?! The sign is she will tell you her parents are pushing her to get married or she is not into the dating scene or something. The key here is the talking part. There is no secret sign or trick for this. You talk about it, you ask questions, you open up. I think you basically have to resign yourself to an intimate conversation or go forward without a clue. Rather than asking about her sex drive, you'll probably have an easier time if you just open up about a lack of interest in sex. If you're looking for an easy way, I think you're out of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
The Day Dreamer Posted August 28, 2019 Share Posted August 28, 2019 Hello, I’m a sexual Muslim woman married to an asexual man. Like so many stories on here, I am in the same boat. We’ve been married for a year and 4 months, but we still haven’t had sex yet. Not once. I’m already 30, I’m still madly in love with him but miserable too (let’s not go into that). He wants to have children one day, but I’m seriously doubting we will now. So I have my own sexless marriage to think about, to be honest. In Islamic terms, you must be able to satisfy your wife’s needs. She will need to provide you with children. Those are amongst the basic “rules” I think. I would research what an Islamic marriage entails before even considering marriage. If you’ve find a potential wife, you must tell her before the marriage. Inshallah, you won’t end up alone, don’t think like that please. Maybe, you need to tell your parents. Educate them in this and tell them marriage to a sexual woman will be difficult and painful. Obviously easier said than done, especially with Islamic cultures as ours. Do you have an imam who is open enough, you can trust and talk to? Or maybe a good friend to support you in talking about this? Maybe someone on AVEN can support you? Or if at all possible, find a asexual Muslim woman? Maybe even on AVEN? I’m sorry I can provide much help/support. I am struggling myself, but I’m not willing to divorce. I will never take on a lover. I can’t, that’s just not in me. All I want is my husband. I wish you the best, I will make duas for you too. Make sure you pray to God for help/strength, Inshallah He will answer you. Stay positive, Day Dreamer Link to post Share on other sites
Asex92 Posted August 29, 2019 Author Share Posted August 29, 2019 On 8/28/2019 at 12:50 PM, The Day Dreamer said: Hello, I’m a sexual Muslim woman married to an asexual man. Like so many stories on here, I am in the same boat. We’ve been married for a year and 4 months, but we still haven’t had sex yet. Not once. I’m already 30, I’m still madly in love with him but miserable too (let’s not go into that). He wants to have children one day, but I’m seriously doubting we will now. So I have my own sexless marriage to think about, to be honest. In Islamic terms, you must be able to satisfy your wife’s needs. She will need to provide you with children. Those are amongst the basic “rules” I think. I would research what an Islamic marriage entails before even considering marriage. If you’ve find a potential wife, you must tell her before the marriage. Inshallah, you won’t end up alone, don’t think like that please. Maybe, you need to tell your parents. Educate them in this and tell them marriage to a sexual woman will be difficult and painful. Obviously easier said than done, especially with Islamic cultures as ours. Do you have an imam who is open enough, you can trust and talk to? Or maybe a good friend to support you in talking about this? Maybe someone on AVEN can support you? Or if at all possible, find a asexual Muslim woman? Maybe even on AVEN? I’m sorry I can provide much help/support. I am struggling myself, but I’m not willing to divorce. I will never take on a lover. I can’t, that’s just not in me. All I want is my husband. I wish you the best, I will make duas for you too. Make sure you pray to God for help/strength, Inshallah He will answer you. Stay positive, Day Dreamer Thank you so much do not forget me in duaa 😥 Link to post Share on other sites
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