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Can an asexual person consent to sex?


Throwaway112

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Throwaway112

I have been seeing this most wonderful person for several years now. We get along great, work together to overcome anything thrown at us, and they are my best friend.

 

Due to being in a mixed relationship with me being the sexual there is a lot less sex than I would hope but I am happy to give that up for what we have.

 

I've seen a lot of posts on this forum about people thinking this would count as rape as they don't actually want sex, but are only doing it for me. Although we have discussed how they feel the people claiming this make good arguments as to why it is wrong.

 

I care more about this person than anyone else in this world and it has been a common concern. I don't want to hurt them but I don't know what to do.

 

I guess my question is, can an asexual person ever truly consent to sex since they do not actually want it?

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Yes, an asexual person can consent to sex.  They may not want the sex, but they are consenting to have sex to please their partner.   Rape does not mean that someone simply does not want sex; it means that they are being forced to have sex, either by coercion or physical force, or they have some disability that means they aren't capable  of consent.   Asexuals are just as capable of giving consent as sexuals are.     

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1 hour ago, Throwaway112 said:

 

I guess my question is, can an asexual person ever truly consent to sex since they do not actually want it?

There are plenty of ace people who are sex indifferent.  They don't think about it.  They're not compelled to have it.  But that doesn't mean that they don't enjoy actually having sex occasionally.  So even though others have already offered up good points, in this regard, I will still answer your question with yes.

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As a simple answer, yes, an asexual person can certainly consent to sex. Many do, often because they want to be a part of fulfilling their partners needs. That's a decision they make, and hopefully they don't feel forced into it or that they'll face consequences if they say no. Communication is vital, so it should be clearly understood what the reasons are and whether the partner is okay with it. That's the case not just for mixed asexual/sexual relationships, but any relationship where there might be some activity that one partner likes more than the other.

 

While it's not a case of rape where an asexual partner consents to sex they'd rather not have but choose to anyway, I know a number of sexual people who themselves do not feel comfortable having sex with a partner who's not as into it as they are. Sometimes in dialogue on sexual relationships there is a distinction made between "consent" and "enthusiastic consent", which is basically about ensuring the partner is equally into it. Sex can still be consensual without that enthusiasm, and it can still be a constructive and healthy bonding activity, but it really depends on the individuals involved. Just make sure the channels of communication are open and going both ways.

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FerlynnGoldbeard

Anyone (who is legally an adult) can consent to sexual interactions. It's their choice. There are plenty of aces who consent because they want to fulfill their partners needs or they're on the demisexual spectrum (like me)  and feel a strong connection to a single person.

 

In the end, yes means yes, and anything that isn't yes means no. 

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13 minutes ago, FerlynnGoldbeard said:

Anyone (who is legally an adult) can consent to sexual interactions.

Anyone who is legally an adult and is not incapacitated by alcohol or other drugs, or mentally incapable of giving consent.  

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I will never consent to it.

 

All we can do is speak for ourselves.

 

No pressures from others, will force me to do it.

 

Consent comes without coercion.

 

People must assume, that an asexual is like that as they are refusing to have sex in life. No, some of us, really are incapable of it.

 

There is a reason why scottish had a slang term(fud) for males that were afraid of female private parts, its because there is such a thing. I assume many like that just commit suicide, rather then to be forced into having sex by others, so others may leave them alone.

 

Thankfully for me, becoming a eunuch in effect at 23 back in 1998, meant that time of even consenting to such a thing as sex, was no more a possibility in my life.

 

So for me, i would never. There may of been a time when young, i may of considered giving it a go, but that day it long gone.

 

Like i said before, males whom are asexual often end up virtually eunuchs, and when that time comes having sex, or that possibility is gone in there lifes. No amount of pressures from others, is bringing that chance back.

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anisotrophic

If your partner says "STFU, I'm consenting" you're probably on the right side of consent.

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There is always a grey zone in consent when there are consequences for not consenting.  If the consequences are outside the law, then IMHO its not consent - eg if someone "consents" to sex rather than being shot, that isn't really "consent".  At the other end, consenting to sex if the alternative is for the other person to leave the relationship is consent in my opinion, since people are free to leave a relationship anytime they want, for any reason they want (assuming any legal obligations are covered).   That doesn't mean consenting to sex to continue a relationship is a good (or bad) choice - it depends on the people and situation.   Some asexuals are just sort of sex-bored. They are OK with sex but could do without it.  Others are repulsed and find sex actively unpleasant 

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Winged Whisperer

Don't want to derail the topic, but since the OP's question has been answered (That of course asexuals can consent to sex), I wanted to distinguish that there's a difference between unwanted sex with consent (that's not rape) and an asexual consenting to sex willingly. https://asexualcensus.wordpress.com/2018/12/06/how-the-cdc-defines-and-classifies-sexual-violence/

 

How many people have you ever had sex with, after they pressured you by wearing you down by repeatedly asking for sex or showing they were unhappy?

 

Which I assume a lot of asexuals have gone through. And having gone through it, really sucks, and it doesn't matter if you're sex indifferent or not.

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