For asexuals who have had sex.

[UltraViolet]

I just thought It might be a good Idea to have a thread where asexuals who have had sex could discuss the emotional reactions it causes, and mabe unload some emotional baggage.

I'll start.

I've had several partners, a number of them I would describe as being Hypersexual. Some of them were at least able to compromise with my lack of sex drive even though they didn't understand it.

The sex issue endded up alienating me from my partners. What seemed the worst for me is that afterwards they would always describe a feeling of intimacy, that we had grown closer because of it. This drove me away because on the inside I felt the exact opposite. I felt that the act had pushed us apart and torn away at the love between us.

I've heard a lot of people talk about compromising with sexual lovers/spouses. I don't have trouble compromising in casual relationships. But I don't think that I could ever be married or have some other long term relationship with a sexual person. I think that either there would be no sex, and s/he would be left feeling unfullfilled, or we would have sex and I would be.

I completely concur! I could never have a long term relationship with a sexual person.

Bring back the Victorian era!

Very people, I think, with a Roman Catholic education would concur with this statement. Sexual repression wholesale, for no reason whatever, in every way. Even thinking about it - at puberty with rising hormones - was represented as sinful, the work of Satan. I still loathe that memory, so many years ago (four decades) and despise those who preached it. I'm convinced it's what triggered my epilepsy, at age 14. I still have regular seizures. Moralists I instantly distrust, not least clerics.

Don't be just too starry-eyed about the Victorian era. The extent of child prostitution dwarved today's. That started in the street, and was take indoors for completion. It was this which gave rise to the legal aid of consent. And there was savage punishment (including, early on, capital punishment) of homosexuality, which harmed no-one, if consensual.

Delightful times? Think again.

I am definitely not Roman Catholic and I never said they were delightful times. The statement was based purely on the sexual societial norms of the era - aka less publicly displayed sex, less expected sex and certainly no in-your-face sex in every form of media. I don't want repression - but some major discretion would be nice. I realize that there were atrocities in that time (as there are in every era) but my point was that at least a lack of interest in sex back then was actually considered a good thing - not villified as it is today. That's the only good thing about those times (well, maybe the architecture and some of the clothes).

[ghosts]

But then everyone knows nothing and assumes everything. And most asexuals would still be stuck thinking they were alone in the world with something wrong with them.

Frank and honest discussion, without embarrassment, is hugely valuable.

I agree about the ills of the pushing by popular media of fake and pressuring hypersexuality, but that's because it's just as far from a frank and honest depiction of sexuality as Victorian repression was. And just as damaging - even to sexuals.

YES.

[Pepsi Zen]

When I first had sex it was like a clinical experiment. I refused to kiss the guy I was with, who was a friend, I just wanted to see what sex was about. I was disappointed that I didn't feel anything. Later, I figured it would be different with a bf I had feelings for, but again I was disappointed. Sex was like a puzzle or mystery that I felt I had to solve. Was something wrong with my body? My mind? Was something wrong with the guys I had sex with? I was determined to find out. I thought, I will get to the bottom of this!

Despite several years of detective work, I never did figure sex out. It didn't mean to me what it seemed to mean to others. It was just an act to me, and a rather unpleasant one at that. Sex really did compromise intimacy, in so many ways. I didn't know what it meant to be sexually attracted to someone.

I really did believe I had serious psychological issues that could one day be resolved with intense counseling.

I feel ashamed of myself now, because sometimes I slept with men purely to keep them in my life, and that was wrong of me to do.