Imnotcertain Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 OK so I'm fourteen and I hate the idea of sex. It disgusts me. But on the other hand, I love the idea of true love and soul mates etc. I am a female who is attracted to males but not sexually. I don't mind kissing and cuddling tho. Am I asexual, or am I just too young to like sex? HELP 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Weirdzy2 Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 You could be heteroromantic asexual. I myself am heteroromantic and I like the idea of some physical and sensual intimacy with some males that doesn't involve sex. I get aesthetically and emotionally attracted to people, and to guys in a way that makes me want to be more physically intimate but not necessarily have sex. That's definitely a thing! You can be asexual but romantic af lol. You could also be gray-asexual and have some degree of sexual attraction some of the time, or be demisexual and not develop sexual feelings for somebody until you know them really well. All are variations of asexuality. It's really about who you're attracted to and how. Lots of asexual people enjoy sex, they just don't feel like it's a necessity to have it with somebody else and find other people attractive for other reasons. You could very well be asexual and have romantic attractions to males. Ultimately, I'd say you should probably experiment with whatever label(s) seem to fit you best and see how they feel. Ultimately you are the expert on your feelings, but they can definitely be hard to tease out and clarify sometimes. You definitely could be ace. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Comrade Kitty Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 I think @Weirdzy2 just summarized it perfectly. I am 13 and identify as heteroromantic asexual. So I really don't think you are too young. I do think like Weirdzy2 said, that you are most likely heteroromantic asexual. But remember that you are the only one who can truly decide this. And maybe later on when you start to have strong romantic feelings, you might feel differently. You might decide you are demisexual, and that is ok! I'm certainly not saying that you will change your mind, but if you do, it's no big deal! I hope my comments help. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst Raven Posted August 17, 2019 Share Posted August 17, 2019 I am 16, and have found out that I am asexual, as well. I have fallen in love before, and I can say that there is a difference between sexual attraction and romantic attraction. As others have said, you are most likely heteromantic asexual. You are perfectly normal, and there is no problem with you. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Janus the Fox Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 Oh yes aces can romantically love and love quite intensely for a few. Be for me despite being in a relationship, I don’t have this experience after the initial week of first meeting, the anticipation of connecting to another and little more. We’ve been together for 3 years now. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rhaenys Posted August 18, 2019 Share Posted August 18, 2019 Well...I love food 🤔 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
QueenOfTheRats Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 of course they can, and many do. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Andrei_Popescu Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 Fourteen? You shouldn't even think about having sex at that age. You should wait until you are at least 18. I don't know if you'll start to like it or not when you are older but what I can say for sure is that your lack of interest for sex is a good thing, not a bad one. Here's why: First of all "love" and "sex" are two different things with nothing in common. One can have sex with a person with or without loving that person, one can also love a person with or without wanting to have sex with that person. A lot of relationships seem to start with the physical attraction and in some cases they begin to love each other in others cases they don't an split up when a more attractive person comes along. If you remove the physical attraction from the equation then the attraction, if still present, is based totally on the personality traits of the person one is attracted to. Beauty comes and goes but the personality rarely change so there is a grater chance that such a relation would last. Also denying your love interest sex for whatever reason is also a good test of that persons love and loyalty. If that person truly loves you, that person would not look for sex in other places, even if tempted to do so. To answer your question, yes, asexuals can love and even better they can easily tell the difference between love and infatuation. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
andreas1033 Posted August 19, 2019 Share Posted August 19, 2019 Probably depends on the reason, on why they are asexual. There may be various reasons for people being asexual. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
DarkStormyKnight Posted August 21, 2019 Share Posted August 21, 2019 There's lots of different kinds of love out there: love for family, friends, hobbies etc. And it is possible to be romantically attracted to people without wanting to have sex with them! Many asexuals do that. Also wow, yeah, you're only fourteen, that's super young for anyone to be interested in sex imo (but I'm ace so what do I know). I would say that if it makes you more comfortable to identify as ace, then go for it! You can always change/alter what you identify as later. Sexuality is fluid and can change over time, so give yourself that flexibility, there's no reason to be in a rush to figure this out. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Janus the Fox Posted August 21, 2019 Share Posted August 21, 2019 Like any sexuality, there’s no real reason anyone is of any sexuality, romanticism or gender identity, nobody questions the cis hetro identities and any other identity should not be questioned or scrutinised. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
AceMissBehaving Posted August 21, 2019 Share Posted August 21, 2019 You might still just be too young to be interested in sex, some people do start younger than others, some later, and of course some ultimately not at all, but I wouldn’t worry about having it all figure out yet. On the love question, they absolutely can. Sex and love are two things that commonly go together, but are in and of themselves two different things. It’s entirely possible for anyone one to have one and not the other. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
firebird8 Posted August 24, 2019 Share Posted August 24, 2019 I'm aromantic, and I feel a bit squicky about the word love, but yes, I love. I have a number of good friends that I care about deeply and who care about me. And I love my cats with my entire heart. My family is screwy and toxic, but one can love family as well. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BeakLove Posted August 24, 2019 Share Posted August 24, 2019 On 8/19/2019 at 11:52 AM, Andrei_Popescu said: Fourteen? You shouldn't even think about having sex at that age. You should wait until you are at least 18. I don't know if you'll start to like it or not when you are older but what I can say for sure is that your lack of interest for sex is a good thing, not a bad one. Here's why: First of all "love" and "sex" are two different things with nothing in common. One can have sex with a person with or without loving that person, one can also love a person with or without wanting to have sex with that person. Love and sex are two different things but I don't think the link between them should be blithely dismissed. Generally speaking, people fall in love with people they're also attracted to. And if you're exclusively attracted to the opposite sex, then sex has something to do with it, even if you don't wish to do literal sex acts. Quote Also denying your love interest sex for whatever reason is also a good test of that persons love and loyalty. If that person truly loves you, that person would not look for sex in other places, even if tempted to do so. I don't think you should ever really be giving a loved one "tests" to see if they're loyal or not! You could just as easily argue that if you truly loved someone you would be all right with them fulfilling their sexual desires elsewhere once you're unable to do so. Having said all of that, I echo the advice that you should wait until you're at the legal age of consent in your territory. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Andrei_Popescu Posted August 25, 2019 Share Posted August 25, 2019 On 8/24/2019 at 11:07 AM, BeakLove said: I don't think you should ever really be giving a loved one "tests" to see if they're loyal or not! You could just as easily argue that if you truly loved someone you would be all right with them fulfilling their sexual desires elsewhere once you're unable to do so. By "love interest" I meant a person one would be interested in having a romantic relationship with, not a partner. The test I proposed is to determine if one should start a relationship with that person or remain in the "friend zone". I see love as wanting what's best for the person I love. If I think that someone I love is better of with someone else, then I don't get in the way, even if a part of me would want to be in a romantic relationship with that person. Someone who puts sexual desires above loyalty is definitely better of with someone else, so I would not start a romantic relationship with such a person. That's why I need the test I mentioned. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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