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Asexual Sexworkers


Hunnibi

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I'm asexual and have been doing various forms of sexwork.

I feel like my asexuality is actually the reason why I have been drawn to sexwork, because I was looking for other reasons to have casual sex that just the sex. I also like that sex is not a big deal anymore when it's so commonplace.

But I've never met any other asexual sexworkers.

 

What is your experience with sexwork? Anyone who feels similar or also wants to or does sexwork?

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I don't have any experience with sex work, but the idea intrigues me. Though where I'm at the police and the laws in general make me feel unsafe to approach an LEO should a client becomes highly aggressive, and that's something an abuser could use as leverage against me. A few sex workers that I knew where I was campaigning for decriminalizing sex work will only accept clients who are vetted by several of their colleagues, which is completely understandable and I would do the same.

 

Although unlikely, I wish sensible legislation would be passed that allows the environment to report abuse safely and without fear of getting arrested.

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Hah, I've always thought I would be decent at it just because sex isn't a big deal to me. Sexworkers can make bank, too.

 

Sadly, after I started having sex it became clear to me that I've got some kind of problem relaxing "down there", so taking a penis is a lot of work. Too much effort to do as a job. Ah well.

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Not to tell tales out of school, but @Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) is, to the best of my knowledge, a former sex worker. She's talked about it here on AVEN. I can't say that I really know her, so pardon me, Ficto, if I've tagged you in error or you'd rather not be mentioned here.

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4 minutes ago, Back to Avalon said:

Not to tell tales out of school, but @Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) is, to the best of my knowledge, a former sex worker. She's talked about it here on AVEN. I can't say that I really know her, so pardon me, Ficto, if I've tagged you in error or you'd rather not be mentioned here.

They said they were coerced into it, though 😕

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No way I'd do it. My own (effective) asexuality is the opposite of "no big deal": I could never force myself to have sex, undress in someone's presence or even perform some kind of more one-sided partnered sexual activities such as erotic massage.

 

Besides, I also support reducing demand for sex work, raising children in belief that sex is something which should be done out of love (and doesn't have to be done out of love if any party is asexual and/or sex-averse) and preferably only out of love. But despite my general hostility to the idea I can consider it theoretically and strongly feel that sex is just something I'm not capable of.

 

And besides...

3 hours ago, Grimalkin said:

Hah, I've always thought I would be decent at it just because sex isn't a big deal to me.

And I consider myself almost proud of not having any sexual skills. In a world where sexual readiness is expected even of asexuals, it takes some non-conformism to admit that (in an entirely hypothetic situation in which I could consent to sex - which I, as it is, consider impossible and which I don't want to ever become possible) I would probably be a pretty lousy lover because I wouldn't know how to do all that stuff.

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21 minutes ago, Nowhere Girl said:

 In a world where sexual readiness is expected even of asexuals, it takes some non-conformism to admit that (in an entirely hypothetic situation in which I could consent to sex - which I, as it is, consider impossible and which I don't want to ever become possible) I would probably be a pretty lousy lover because I wouldn't know how to do all that stuff.

Just liked the post for this. I relate to this as I can't imagine thinking that I'd be able to lie well enough to make the hypothetical person believe I am into it. She'd probably notice quickly.

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14 hours ago, Hunnibi said:

because I was looking for other reasons to have casual sex that just the sex.

When you say you were looking for reasons to have casual sex, what do you mean by that? I can see 'I wanted to make money by doing something that means nothing to me and is easy for me', that makes sense, but actively looking for reasons to have casual sex (coming from someone who is identifying as asexual?) doesn't make sense to me, so could you clarify further?

 

14 hours ago, Hunnibi said:

What is your experience with sexwork? Anyone who feels similar or also wants to or does sexwork?

 

 I worked in a brothel in a busy port city for two years, but it unfortunately wasn't work I chose to do myself. I also have a pain disorder called vestibulodynia which makes any attempt at penetration utter agony for me (and I get all raw and swollen etc down there as a result) but I think I dealt with the situation pretty well considering those factors. It was always scary, and always painful, but some days it was less scary and less painful, and I got to be around other girls with interesting (and often very sad and/or tumultuous) life-stories, so sometimes it wasn't so bad. I got to see a side of life (and a side of human nature) that many people would never get to see, so I guess that's something to take away from the experience.

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20 hours ago, Light02 said:
20 hours ago, Back to Avalon said:

Not to tell tales out of school, but @Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) is, to the best of my knowledge, a former sex worker. She's talked about it here on AVEN. I can't say that I really know her, so pardon me, Ficto, if I've tagged you in error or you'd rather not be mentioned here.

They said they were coerced into it, though 😕

Sorry, @Light02 and especially @Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?). I didn't know that.

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22 hours ago, Light02 said:

They said they were coerced into it, though 😕

As was the vast majority of "sex workers", or rather mostly - sex slaves.

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On 8/18/2019 at 7:02 AM, Nowhere Girl said:

As

As was the vast majority of "sex workers", or rather mostly - sex slaves.

Having worked in the sex industry, I can tell you that many sex workers do the work out of their own choice, and some (like the OP) actively enjoy the work. My case was a bit different because in NZ prostitution is completely legal, so there isn't a huge demand for human trafficking etc like in some other countries. Yes sadly sex trafficking does still happen and is prolific in some places, but there are also many sex workers who choose the work for themselves or at the very least, are not being actively coerced into it through threat of extreme violence against themselves and their families, or through other forms of control.

 

Sex slavery and sex work are two different things, though sadly they do coincide sometimes. :c

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On 8/18/2019 at 6:41 AM, Back to Avalon said:

Sorry, @Light02 and especially @Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?). I didn't know that.

It's all good. I think I have a good insight into the industry regardless of the situation that put me there. :cake:

 

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No I haven’t and no I wouldn’t BUT I have always thought a sex-indifferent asexual (like me, but not me) could be an effective sex worker; it’s like “meh” so why not get paid?

 

Note: I do not condone any form of sex work which victimises anyone, but support any activity freely engaged in which doesn’t cause suffering.

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On 8/18/2019 at 8:14 AM, Iam9man 🐧 said:

No I haven’t and no I wouldn’t BUT I have always thought a sex-indifferent asexual (like me, but not me) could be an effective sex worker; it’s like “meh” so why not get paid?

 

On 8/17/2019 at 9:30 AM, Grimalkin said:

, I've always thought I would be decent at it just because sex isn't a big deal to me. 

 

 

I find it hard to wrap my head around the concept of sex indifference (to the extent someone is automatically fine with prostitution) because I mean.. You're getting naked in front of a total stranger (who chooses you, you don't choose them), and having to taste and touch their body in very private ways, and having them do the same to you. It's frankly utterly terrifying!!! So I think it's a lot more than sex indifference that would be needed for prostitution to become 'easy'. You'd also need to have something like.. stranger indifference? Penis/sweat/body hair indifference? Fear indifference?

 

I bring those things up because with (very, very rare) women clients it's almost always easy. They're gentle and they're not sweaty or hairy and usually they're just trying the lesbian experience. With men it's a very different story: men who seek prostitutes are doing so for a reason and it's almost always because for whatever reason, he can't get sex from a woman whom he doesn't need to pay for it. Attractive men who are kind and gentle and smell nice very, very rarely fall into that category!!

 

So you'd have to have an indifference to fear of strangers, to being grossed out, to gagging from the stink of unwashed pubic hair, to being handled roughly and not knowing if he's going to try to slip the condom off at the last minute or not. You'd need to be indifferent to so many things, not just sex, for prostitution to be 'easy'. Sex is, in a way, the least of it.

 

And I know in an ideal world, all clients would be amiable and handsome and smell nice and they'd be gentle and careful with you.. BUUUUUT, those types of men can get sex easily for free - they don't go to prostitutes. It's everyone else who can't easily get sex that visits working girls. Even the girls I worked with who loved the job still had to deal with this issue. They weren't afraid of these things, and could still enjoy the sex regardless (that was what the girls who loved the work had in common, they could still orgasm even with a drunk, sweaty, bossy client!) but they obviously all still very vocally wished that clients could just be ...easier. Less gross, less unwashed, less drunk, less old, less hairy. Less undesirable.

 

Then you take someone who doesn't get anything out of sex and put them in that situation, I think having to put up with all the negative aspects of it will start getting on their nerves, and that's if they're able to overcome the fight-or-flight response the average person experiences when put in that situation (even of their own free will) in the first place. It's because of those negative aspects that so many working girls end up addicted to substances. Even the girls who loved the job were snorting stuff and drinking all night because the toll it takes on you emotionally 1) really isn't actually worth the money you get and 2) becomes too much to bear without drugs and/or alcohol.

 

(PS yes there are some high class ladies who get beautiful wealthy clients, lol, but your average working girl is stuck with the dregs of society and that's just part of life in the industry!!)

 

(PPS sorry for this long rambling response. I've just always seen people on AVEN speculating that sex indifference could make prostitution easy but the truth is, the sex is the least of it at the end of the day. It's everything else that goes WITH the sex, then there's still the sex on top of all that. So you need to be indifferent to a LOT of things to be able to do the work easily and with total indifference!) 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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@Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) - a very insightful post.

And now remember that for some people any partnered sex is like a coerced prostitute's sex with a stinky, drunk, abusive man. I am unable to imagine any partnered sexual situation with my own participation which wouldn't be terrifying. This is why I feel short of breath when trying to imagine it - it gives me an entirely unpleasant rush of adrenaline, what I feel when trying to imagine such a situation "for the good of science" is a sample of the fight-or-flight response.

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1 hour ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said:

 

 

 

I find it hard to wrap my head around the concept of sex indifference (to the extent someone is automatically fine with prostitution) because I mean.. You're getting naked in front of a total stranger (who chooses you, you don't choose them), and having to taste and touch their body in very private ways, and having them do the same to you. It's frankly utterly terrifying!!! So I think it's a lot more than sex indifference that would be needed for prostitution to become 'easy'. You'd also need to have something like.. stranger indifference? Penis/sweat/body hair indifference? Fear indifference?

 

I bring those things up because with (very, very rare) women clients it's almost always easy. They're gentle and they're not sweaty or hairy and usually they're just trying the lesbian experience. With men it's a very different story: men who seek prostitutes are doing so for a reason and it's almost always because for whatever reason, he can't get sex from a woman whom he doesn't need to pay for it. Attractive men who are kind and gentle and smell nice very, very rarely fall into that category!!

 

So you'd have to have an indifference to fear of strangers, to being grossed out, to gagging from the stink of unwashed pubic hair, to being handled roughly and not knowing if he's going to try to slip the condom off at the last minute or not. You'd need to be indifferent to so many things, not just sex, for prostitution to be 'easy'. Sex is, in a way, the least of it.

 

And I know in an ideal world, all clients would be amiable and handsome and smell nice and they'd be gentle and careful with you.. BUUUUUT, those types of men can get sex easily for free - they don't go to prostitutes. It's everyone else who can't easily get sex that visits working girls. Even the girls I worked with who loved the job still had to deal with this issue. They weren't afraid of these things, and could still enjoy the sex regardless (that was what the girls who loved the work had in common, they could still orgasm even with a drunk, sweaty, bossy client!) but they obviously all still very vocally wished that clients could just be ...easier. Less gross, less unwashed, less drunk, less old, less hairy. Less undesirable.

 

Then you take someone who doesn't get anything out of sex and put them in that situation, I think having to put up with all the negative aspects of it will start getting on their nerves, and that's if they're able to overcome the fight-or-flight response the average person experiences when put in that situation (even of their own free will) in the first place. It's because of those negative aspects that so many working girls end up addicted to substances. Even the girls who loved the job were snorting stuff and drinking all night because the toll it takes on you emotionally 1) really isn't actually worth the money you get and 2) becomes too much to bear without drugs and/or alcohol.

 

(PS yes there are some high class ladies who get beautiful wealthy clients, lol, but your average working girl is stuck with the dregs of society and that's just part of life in the industry!!)

 

(PPS sorry for this long rambling response. I've just always seen people on AVEN speculating that sex indifference could make prostitution easy but the truth is, the sex is the least of it at the end of the day. It's everything else that goes WITH the sex, then there's still the sex on top of all that. So you need to be indifferent to a LOT of things to be able to do the work easily and with total indifference!) 

This is such a vivid description.

 

I have never understood 'sex indifferent' as a phrase, I wanted to start a thread about this but..well probably not too keen to think about it, but how is it possible to be naked and have someone touching your genitals (which are surely sensitive for EVERYONE, asexual or not?) and be 'indifferent' unless you have completely dissociated from the experience? And that's without all of the other stuff you are describing. 

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Oh, don't get me wrong, I don't think prostitution is at all easy. I was just framing my answer from the perspective of an "ideal" situation. Like, if I were working at a legal brothel with client screening and good security, and getting paid a generous amount for each session... none of which are about to happen anyway. Same if I was some kind of porn star. Stripper would probably be best, at one of those "classier" places where no actual sex is allowed. 

 

My point is, yeah, I'm totally indifferent to sex, to sweat, to hair, to nudity, to genitals, etc. The physical and mental aspects of sex. I don't enjoy them, but... I just don't care. And of course I'd be grossed out if some dude who never showered sludged his way over to me, but wouldn't everybody, sexual or asexual alike. 

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On 8/18/2019 at 10:35 AM, Grimalkin said:

My point is, yeah, I'm totally indifferent to sex, to sweat, to hair, to nudity, to genitals, etc. The physical and mental aspects of sex. I don't enjoy them, but... I just don't care. And of course I'd be grossed out if some dude who never showered sludged his way over to me, but wouldn't everybody, sexual or asexual alike. 

It's the difference between having that sex with a trusted partner or friend, and a complete stranger though. It's easy to be indifferent when you know someone and the sex itself isn't something that grosses you out so you give it to them even though you don't enjoy it, you just also don't hate it. That's easy when you know and trust someone.

 

But taking that vulnerability and trying to give it to a total stranger, that's when the ..discomfort starts. It's not the sex, it's the stranger and everything that is about to happen and not knowing how it might turn out.

 

If sex (the emotional aspects of what go along with the sex I mean) with a total stranger, for you, really would feel the same as having sex with a friend or partner, then yes that ability to reach total indifference would make prostitution a very, very easy job! I've just never met anyone personally who could reach that level of indifference for something that is so raw and vulnerable. Like being alone in a toilet with a total stranger, locked in the stall with them: that 'closeness' (even with clothes on) would make most people very uncomfortable. Pubic hair on a partner is something that's easy for many to be comfortable with (and even love!) but having to bury your face in the pubic hair of a stranger? That's suddenly very, very different emotionally (for most people anyway).

 

I'm just trying to emphasise the emotional aspects of how physically close and how alone you have to be with someone to actually have sex with them. I just think some take sex indifference for granted because for them, it's always been easy with partners and friends. Once you're in the dark room alone though and the door is closing, and you're with someone you've never met and know nothing about, the sex suddenly stops seeming that relevant in the face of everything else that has to go along with it. I don't know, it's just never seemed so easy to be indifferent for me when it comes to strangers. 

 

However I do agree, that in the 'perfect' situation where clients are heavily checked before they're allowed entry and security etc is good, it wouldn't be as bad as it can sometimes be!! My boss at work wouldn't pay us for the previous night's work until we'd worked another full night, so we could never leave or we'd miss out on the money from all those clients we'd had to see the night before, and we'd certainly never have gone to the cops over it as we were all working under the table which with prostitution being legal here, was completely illegal.

 

We also only got about $50-60USD per client (and that had to be an entire hour in the room with them) and the boss would take the rest of the money. That's pretty common from what I gather, here anyway. The money really just isn't worth what you're having to do to earn it and unless you're paying taxes on that money you can't get any support or help legally Y_Y So I guess that's what one would call a relatively shitty situation in comparison to how much better it could be, though it could also be a lot worse!

 

But yeah my rambling aside, if you're truly able to have the same level of indifference emotionally for sex (and everything that goes with it) with total strangers then yes, prostitution could be quite an easy job!!

 

 

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On 8/18/2019 at 10:27 AM, Sea horse said:

This is such a vivid description.

 

I have never understood 'sex indifferent' as a phrase, I wanted to start a thread about this but..well probably not too keen to think about it, but how is it possible to be naked and have someone touching your genitals (which are surely sensitive for EVERYONE, asexual or not?) and be 'indifferent' unless you have completely dissociated from the experience? And that's without all of the other stuff you are describing. 

I got to a point of being totally indifferent quite quickly with my ex (who I was with for 5 years) despite the pain sex caused me. When you know someone and know what's going to happen, and don't feel uncomfortable being alone with them, I guess sex can become quite a routine thing? I would just shut my mind off, like go out of my body almost, if that makes sense, while it was happening? I'm bad with numbers, so also would often do things like try to count down from 500 in 2s or whatever, and if I got any wrong I'd have to go back to the start and go from 500 again. When you're not afraid, it's easier to just escape out of your body and let it happen to you.

 

The difference for clients (as opposed to my partner) with me was just the sheer terror of being that physically close with a stranger, and you're alone with them, and you're not exactly sure what they're going to do or how much it's going to hurt or if they'll be unpredictable and try to pull the condom off and hold you down or something. As I said earlier, the sex itself isn't exactly the biggest fear at that point, it's all the stuff that goes with it. Being so close and vulnerable with a total stranger, not knowing how they're going to behave, having them try to kiss you over and over and getting angry at you because you're trying to stop that from happening (kissing, strangely, is one of the things many working girls cannot bring themselves to do! It becomes that one thing you can keep to yourself and it feels like the ultimate violation when someone tries to make you do it Y_Y). I don't know.. it just becomes easy to shut off and become indifferent (for me anyway, not speaking for everyone here!) when you know the person and know what to expect. I can't stand being alone in a small space with strangers at the best of times though, let alone having to get naked and do things to their body and have them do things to you. 


 

On 8/18/2019 at 10:28 AM, Sea horse said:

Also @Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said this before but I admire your strength 

Thank you for your kindness :cake:

 

I don't really think it took any strength to get through that or move past it though, it's just survival you know? I just feel so bad for those who are literally kidnapped and forced into it though. I was in a bad enough situation (my partner would take all the money I earned, and was the one who made me do the work in the first place)...But if I'd really tried I could have escaped a lot sooner being in a country that can help with that sort of thing. I just feel so bad for the people in countries with no support, and children especially, who are taken and forced into that. I can't even imagine the horror :'c so I don't feel brave or strong or anything, I just feel such sorrow for those who have it much worse than I did, knowing how bad it felt. Blergh. :c

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15 minutes ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said:

I got to a point of being totally indifferent quite quickly with my ex (who I was with for 5 years) despite the pain sex caused me. When you know someone and know what's going to happen, and don't feel uncomfortable being alone with them, I guess sex can become quite a routine thing

I know what you mean, I got like this with my ex too, like you say I wasn't scared of him in that situation...I knew what was going to happen. We did stop kissing at a certain point, though, and I suppose that's when there was definitely no love there at all. We were together for about 6/7 years.

 

17 minutes ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said:

I would just shut my mind off, like go out of my body almost, if that makes sense, while it was happening?

I think that might be dissociation, unless I've misunderstood what it means. I'm not personally scared about what happens to my body, I know how to relax completely (I mean I've given birth with the aid of hypnotherapy so...) but I think it still affects your mind on some level, and I try to take care of my mind nowadays. Can only speak for myself but sounds like you do too!

 

19 minutes ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said:

 don't really think it took any strength to get through that or move past it though, it's just survival you know? I just feel so bad for those who are literally kidnapped and forced into it though. I was in a bad enough situation (my partner would take all the money I earned, and was the one who made me do the work in the first place)...But if I'd really tried I could have escaped a lot sooner being in a country that can help with that sort of thing. I just feel so bad for the people in countries with no support, and children especially, who are taken and forced into that. I can't even imagine the horror :'c so I don't feel brave or strong or anything, I just feel such sorrow for those who have it much worse than I did, knowing how bad it felt. Blergh. :c

Again, I think I know what you mean, but not everyone manages to survive so take credit where it's due :) 

 

It is pretty horrifying to think what goes on. 

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@Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) didn’t mean to sound dismissive, I was on the way to bed. I can’t believe how mentally calm and clear you are about things and how you’ve moved on. I know that I wouldn’t be like that in the same situation and I admire it a lot. I’ll try not to keep saying it though! 

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I also wanted to mention one thing in response to @Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?).

17 hours ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said:

I find it hard to wrap my head around the concept of sex indifference (to the extent someone is automatically fine with prostitution) because I mean.. You're getting naked in front of a total stranger (who chooses you, you don't choose them), and having to taste and touch their body in very private ways, and having them do the same to you. It's frankly utterly terrifying!!! So I think it's a lot more than sex indifference that would be needed for prostitution to become 'easy'. You'd also need to have something like.. stranger indifference? Penis/sweat/body hair indifference? Fear indifference?

Remember that the OP mentioned "various forms of sexwork". And perhaps those which don't include actual sex - striptease, dancing, massage, "virtual sex" on the phone or chat... - could be indeed somehow relatively "easy" for a sex-indifferent asexual. I find it plausible to some extent. I've read somewhere that not so few strippers and erotic dancers (I really don't get the term "exotic dancer", some fairly idiotic euphemism...) are lesbians because for them it's easier to divorce the fake desire they act out for the men watching them and their real desire for female partners.

Still, that's definitely not for me. Again: even leaving aside my negative opinion of the commodification of women's bodies (which is tied to my non-sex-positive feminism, but also to my personal sex aversion: exactly as a sex-averse person, I need like oxygen a reality in which not being sexually available not exposing oneself to the male gaze are real options. And I don't mean just the sex business: also, for example, female athletes in some sports, who likely have to fight hard to get a more "modest" outfit prepared for them), I couldn't do such things. I know a girl who used to work as an erotic massuese and I felt really sour comparing the amount of money she would get for massaging some guy and the amount I get for translating one standard page from German to Polish. But yet I felt completely sure that even also disregarding aspects such as me being unattractive and therefore not desirable as a hypothetic masseuse, I just couldn't bring myself to do such things. I generally don't like touch, although I'm fine with clothes-on hugging, and I just can't imagine being able to touch a man's penis. 🤮

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On 8/19/2019 at 2:25 AM, Nowhere Girl said:

I also wanted to mention one thing in response to @Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?).

Remember that the OP mentioned "various forms of sexwork". And perhaps those which don't include actual sex - striptease, dancing, massage, "virtual sex" on the phone or chat... - could be indeed somehow relatively "easy" for a sex-indifferent asexual. I find it plausible to some extent. I've read somewhere that not so few strippers and erotic dancers (I really don't get the term "exotic dancer", some fairly idiotic euphemism...) are lesbians because for them it's easier to divorce the fake desire they act out for the men watching them and their real desire for female partners.

Still, that's definitely not for me. Again: even leaving aside my negative opinion of the commodification of women's bodies (which is tied to my non-sex-positive feminism, but also to my personal sex aversion: exactly as a sex-averse person, I need like oxygen a reality in which not being sexually available not exposing oneself to the male gaze are real options. And I don't mean just the sex business: also, for example, female athletes in some sports, who likely have to fight hard to get a more "modest" outfit prepared for them), I couldn't do such things. I know a girl who used to work as an erotic massuese and I felt really sour comparing the amount of money she would get for massaging some guy and the amount I get for translating one standard page from German to Polish. But yet I felt completely sure that even also disregarding aspects such as me being unattractive and therefore not desirable as a hypothetic masseuse, I just couldn't bring myself to do such things. I generally don't like touch, although I'm fine with clothes-on hugging, and I just can't imagine being able to touch a man's penis. 🤮

Oh yes definitely! I was just referring to full-on 'having sex for money', definitely other things can be easier though (in my books anyway) it's not really sex unless you're actually having sex. Other things fall under the umbrella of sex work, but they're not actual sex unless sex is happening (edit: well, having to be alone in a room with a stranger who either wants to do sexual things to you, wants you to do sexual things to them, or wants you to do sexual things to each other!). I've done 'online modelling' myself and never considered that actual sex work, despite the fact that men were obviously only buying the images for one reason! That's just my personal opinion though :)

 

On 8/18/2019 at 9:01 PM, Sea horse said:

@Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) didn’t mean to sound dismissive, I was on the way to bed. I can’t believe how mentally calm and clear you are about things and how you’ve moved on. I know that I wouldn’t be like that in the same situation and I admire it a lot. I’ll try not to keep saying it though! 

I have let go of the vast majority of emotional attachment to the past so that makes things a lot easier to talk about!  I do still have 'triggers' to this day (being alone with a man or too close to one in public can send me into an actual panic attack) but being safe at home and talking about the past when relevant doesn't bother me anymore :)

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On 8/18/2019 at 8:40 PM, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said:

I have let go of the vast majority of emotional attachment to the past so that makes things a lot easier to talk about!

🌞

 

On 8/18/2019 at 8:40 PM, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said:

I do still have 'triggers' to this day (being alone with a man or too close to one in public can send me into an actual panic attack)

Not the easiest thing to deal with, but hopefully that is manageable. Not ideal though. Hope it fades. 

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On 8/20/2019 at 9:00 AM, Sea horse said:

🌞

 

Not the easiest thing to deal with, but hopefully that is manageable. Not ideal though. Hope it fades. 

Thanks!! Its been around 8 years now since I've spoken to a guy in person (outside of my own family and shop workers etc when totally necessary), just one of those things. It doesn't affect me much as I prefer to be at home anyway and don't have friends or anything, so it's not hard to avoid men for the most part!  

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AspieAlly613
3 hours ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said:

don't have friends or anything,

That sounds so sad.

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8 hours ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said:

Thanks!! Its been around 8 years now since I've spoken to a guy in person (outside of my own family and shop workers etc when totally necessary), just one of those things. It doesn't affect me much as I prefer to be at home anyway and don't have friends or anything, so it's not hard to avoid men for the most part!  

I do know what you mean about avoiding men, I worked out recently that I've managed to live and work in an almost completely male-free bubble - I've worked in offices where there are no men at all, been a care worker and social worker (very few men) and if I ever have a night out they are always 'girls' nights out. Work and social environments can still be very gendered! I could avoid coming into contact with men most of the time, and generally do (other than my Dad). Also when you have kids it's easy to just stay at home.

 

But, it's not good that you have to avoid it. I don't know what to say about that. I know you can have a fulfilling life anyway, but - like I said - not ideal.

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19 hours ago, AspieAlly613 said:

That sounds so sad.

I am unable to experience feelings of loneliness and honestly don't know where I'd even find time to have other people in my life, so it's not sad!! It's the bests thing for me :) 

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