Am I aro or not? Squishes VS crushes

[blanked_2]

Hey not sure if this is the right section to message under. 

 

Basically, I've heard alot of asexuals says the same - but how do you tell platonic/sensual attractions from romantic attraction? 

 

I've always identified as aromantic, as I haven't had any notable crushes, but I still crave a relationship of some kind. I am entirely neutral (maybe even positive) to romance, if I found someone I was comfortable with sure I'd kiss them etc. (like many sex neutral/positive asexuals).

 

But I'm not sure if that's romantic attraction or just platonic with the added romance neutral? I feel that without the sexual attraction to help me distinguish I have no idea how I feel? It doesn't help I've been so desperately trying to force myself to feel romantic attraction (if I don't already). 

 

So how do people know? I don't feel it would be fair to date people in the hope I figure it out because I am aro, I would be kind of using them? Am I overthinking it aha? 

[NickyTannock]

I've moved this thread from 'Questions about Asexuality' to 'Romantic and Aromantic Orientations'.
 
Michael Tannock,
Open Mic moderator and Questions about Asexuality Co-moderator.

[kenny.]

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[blanked_2]

3 hours ago, kenny. said:

i can’t speak to your personal experiences as every aro is different. for me, a squish is someone i’d like to have a bond with, but more of a friendship y’know? i just kinda know i’m aro since i don’t feel that type of attraction, so i don’t try and force it. there are different types of aromantics such as grayromantics, demiromantics, lithromantics, etc.. it isn’t always easy to figure out, but you aren’t necessarily overthinking it either since it can be a big part of someone’s identity. 

Thanks for the reply. I'm still not quite sure how I feel, but I spoke to a close friend who knows about my asexuality and possibly aromantic orientation. I explained how I'm feeling about this particular squish/crush I'm having and we decided the best thing to do was just explain how I feel to the guy. If he's happy I can try and explore this feeling and figure it out, and if not I can stop worrying because it won't matter either way. So I still don't know but hopefully I'll figure something out

[kenny.]

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[blanked_2]

On 8/14/2019 at 5:16 AM, kenny. said:

i think that sounds like a great idea! i really wish you the best and i hope that you will be able to come to some conclusion 

Thank you! It's nice to feel like I've got a deep connection with this guy. I'm just wary I'll end up hurting him, but we're being honest and keeping it slow so fingers crossed!

[Peachier]

 

 

 

 

 

On 8/13/2019 at 1:59 PM, blanked_2 said:

I've always identified as aromantic, as I haven't had any notable crushes, but I still crave a relationship of some kind.

i think you're cupioromantic; someone who identifies as aro but desires a romantic relationship. 

 

On 8/13/2019 at 1:59 PM, blanked_2 said:

I don't feel it would be fair to date people in the hope I figure it out because I am aro, I would be kind of using them?

no, it's good to explore yourself and how you feel! it wouldn't hurt to give it a try. and as you mentioned earlier, you crave a relationship of some sort so it'll also help you find what kind of a relationship you look for (e.g. romantic relationship, platonic relationship, queerplatonic relationship.)