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Korokas

Transitioning and dealing with doctors that don't care

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Korokas

Okay, um.  First time posting, but I've been debating this for a few days like the nervous twit I am so I'm just gonna roll with it.

 

So.  I'm nonbinary, AFAB, and out to pretty much anybody about everything.

I've been out about the ace-ness since I was 16, some sort of genderqueer a few years later, and settled as NB when I was 20ish (23 now, woo, I guess).  Friends, family, whoever noticed all the pins on my backpack, whatever.  I'm not shy about it.

 

I started the process of actually medically transitioning two years back, and almost exactly three weeks ago had a hysterectomy, but they left my singular functioning ovary 'cause hormones aren't my gig.  (I'm doin real great, healing is really going well, and I'll be back at 100% soon!)

 

Dealing with doctors has been.... The absolute worst part.  My old PCP told me we needed to play with my depression meds when I first brought transition up to her, 'cause that just HAD to be the cause in her book.  Ditched that doc, found a new one that actually specializes as a PCP for trans and NB folks.

Nurses on the other hand...  I've had two ask me how excited I was and one took a look at my file and asked if I wanted her to add a note for a preferred name and pronouns.  Not a single nurse treated me like a freak or a science experiment.  One older lady was very confused at first, yes, but she rolled with it and was super nice.

 

(Real quick aside, I'm ridiculously sex repulsed.  Add the dysphoria and I've pretty much been living in a constant state of 'if you don't think about it, you won't have a nervous breakdown about it' when it comes to my meatsuit, female bodies in general, and anything vaguely sexual.  Yeah, I know. That's ridiculous.  But that's my life.  I got really flipping good at hiding panic attacks.

Plus, having lived with an abusive grandparent from gradeschool to leaving for college has left me with trust issues and the fear of letting anybody I don't know very, very well touch me.)

 

Take the aside and the whole medical transition together and... You've got trouble.

 

I was pushed to a surgeon who honestly doesn't give a damn about treating her patients as human people.  But she was willing to do everything and I live in the Midwest of the US, so she was kinda my only option.  I'm just so tired.

They had to do an exam before they would agree.  Doc was willing to give me the 'assault victim' (her wording) treatment and knock me out to do this.  Because... If I had had to do that even sorta being present in my meatsuit, I honestly don't think I would be able to live with myself.  I told her this, over and over.

They did it and scheduled my surgery for 5 weeks later.

(Insert painful visits of her explaining to me in incredibly graphic detail my biology, the procedure, and recovery.  Visits that I had to be present for to properly give 'informed consent'. She was constantly doing the 'its permanent!' thing.  And giving me outs.  She was trying to scare me into cancelling.  She scared me alright, just not into cancelling.  I've been wanting this for so many reasons for so, so long.)

She said that if we did this surgery, I'd have to have a post exam, and they wouldn't knock me out for it.  I agreed to it, because hello, Midwest and what are my chances of finding someone else to do this?  I was willing to say whatever this woman wanted hear if only she would agree to do this.  At this point, I've had to do hoop-jumping and soul-bearing to... 3 docs and 2 therapists over 2 years just to get the darn referral to a surgeon.  I'm so tired of being forced to 'prove' that I'm sane and who I am in order to get to a point where I can be me and not live this shitty anxiety filled life.

Sooo I agreed.  I agreed to the damn post-op exam.  Awake.  

And, uh, that ain't happening.  I'm gearing up to have a fight with my surgeon.  That or just nope right the heck outta there.  

 

I'm feeling very alone in this.  I want to be able to tough it out but I've been having nightmares for days now and that appointment is getting closer and closer.  I don't know who I can even talk to about this and...  I'm going to stop typing now.

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Bloc

Sorry you have to go through all of this and have to deal with doctors not caring. I am not out to any doctor as non-binary out fear to be treated like you and I am still struggling if medical transition would be right for me.

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andreas1033

Doctors are just like all other humans, some may be compassionate, and alot will not. Alot are know it alls, whom get alot wrong.

 

Trying to prove a negative to people can be impossible, and depending on what views the doctors hold before they meet you, it can take alot of effort on your part to prove like you say, that to them your sane.

 

Can i ask you, do you share your anger with your therapists, about your docs, or do you keep that part to yourself?

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Dawning

There's no actual law requiring you to go to this appointment, right? If you don't want to go, don't go. If you need some sort of an examination to be sure that you're healing properly from your surgery, pretty much any doctor can do that, can't they? They might resist at first checking up on someone else's surgical results, but once you make it clear that you refuse to go back to your original surgeon, someone will see you.

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Janus DarkFox

Sounds about right the procedures in my case, difference is, docs cannot run the risk of a hormone transition on powerful mood stabilisers, especially when transitioning into a woman’s wider access to emotions.  And physically given problems with long term liver issues.  Psychs are still on balance have to consider my desire to become more of a woman as a residual delusion of grandeur, after coming back down from a manic psychosis, as an autistic.

 

as long as I’m still in the NHS system, I don’t mind my course of treatment or illnesses.

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