Arodash Posted August 1, 2019 Author Share Posted August 1, 2019 5 minutes ago, Sols said: I like you 😂 Especially after complimenting me for shattering ego's. It's something I'm good at 😋. You are 1000% right with your response to them. At-least you know you're happy. Some of them probably aren't. ✌️ I have been out for about. 3 maybe 4 months now and it has been extremely freeing. I am no longer hiding behind the lie I was telling people, "I am abstenant for religious reasons" Link to post Share on other sites
Nick2 Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 3 hours ago, Arodash said: Thats a sin? Okay now thats a new one for me, first sex is a sin, now not having sex is a sin, will these people who claim everything is sin make up their minds!? Lol.... how did you respond to being called a sinner? Tell them sin does not exist. Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 You don't like women, you don't like men, you must be a paedo then. Had that from a customer once - the last time they were taken anywhere Link to post Share on other sites
Arodash Posted August 1, 2019 Author Share Posted August 1, 2019 I saw this amazing shirt online for sale that I feel like getting just to annoy people like that Its in the ace color scheme, and it has a buck on it "Oh deer Im queer" Link to post Share on other sites
i'mjustme Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 I've heard people say, "well then, you can't ever be in a relationship. That would be abusive to your partner, not fulfilling their needs". Link to post Share on other sites
Scottthespy Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 I've gotten a few weird ones...'that's not very fair to your boyfried' (who they assumed I had without asking), 'so wait, are you into like...animals then?' as they somehow figure 'non' means 'no socially acceptable ones, and one time a classmate called out 'I just don't think people like that are human', but the unanimous and instantaneous response of 'what is wrong with you' directed at him from the rest of the class drowned out any offense. I think the most offensive to me thing I've gotten hasn't even been said to me. Its when people try to convince my mother that there's something wrong with me, and she should be pushing me for grand kids, or 'sympathizing' with her like 'oh you poor thing having a daughter like that must be awful', all while mom is looking at them like they're awful. Like, sure, talk at me whatever you're gonna do, but my mom is kinda biased on account of me being her only child, so you're gonna offend her and hurt her feelings ragging on me like that, and that hurts my feelings too. Link to post Share on other sites
Scottthespy Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 1 hour ago, Skycaptain said: You don't like women, you don't like men, you must be a paedo then. Had that from a customer once - the last time they were taken anywhere I've had that one, and also 'so...animals?', step three is always one of those two, but I had someone surprise me by suggesting animals third, and not in an accusatory or disgusted tone, and then robots fourth, skipping kids. I'd never had some one go beyond the man-woman-kid/animal script before, so it was kind of refreshing. Link to post Share on other sites
Arodash Posted August 1, 2019 Author Share Posted August 1, 2019 8 minutes ago, Scottthespy said: I've had that one, and also 'so...animals?', step three is always one of those two, but I had someone surprise me by suggesting animals third, and not in an accusatory or disgusted tone, and then robots fourth, skipping kids. I'd never had some one go beyond the man-woman-kid/animal script before, so it was kind of refreshing. I would so tell them robots where my thing. Lol Link to post Share on other sites
R_1 Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 2 hours ago, Skycaptain said: You don't like women, you don't like men, you must be a paedo then. Had that from a customer once - the last time they were taken anywhere Ah, the old 'you must be into something' trope. Link to post Share on other sites
Rockblossom Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 Funniest: "But sex is what makes you human!" Because humans, apparently, are the only critters on earth who have sex. Scariest: Some variation on "plying with alcohol and forceful persuasion" will change your mind. No, "corrective rape" is not something anyone should suggest, ever. It's not a joke. It's never funny. Link to post Share on other sites
rawersace Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 assuming that aces don’t experience ANY type of attraction and deeming us as antisocial weirdos smh Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 mItoSis lovERs Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 oooo my favorite. CAke WHoREs Link to post Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 I can think of one particular kind. Not just because it's insulting (well, it is, but still there are worse things to say to invalidate someone's identity), but rather because it's so hurtful. I happen to be vulnerable to this kind of invalidation - I can reject it and I do it, but I can't prove a negative or a hypothetic state. What I mean are various forms of "You couldn't get laid anyway!". All this "You are ugly so you're lying to yourself that you're not interested anyway". It hurts because it's not like it has nothing to do with reality - my effective asexuality is a result of sex aversion (as, in my case, strong enough to completely prevent me from ever wanting to have sex) and my sex aversion is about 70% nudity aversion. Even other aspects of this attitude are still somehow connected to nudity aversion - it is all stuck in a big, ugly knot of fear of nudity, vulnerability and loss of control, with a bit of just plain touch aversion mixed in. And while it has all gone so far that there's no turning back and, first of all, zero desire to turn back, while it has gone so far that I like being sexually unattractive because it protects me from unwanted sexual attention - I would indeed be lying if I said that my nudity aversion has nothing to do with having an ugly body. It developed quite subconsciously, at pre-puberty age, but definitely had a lot to do with my body being tainted by allergy. Still, the reason why this kind of invalidation hurts in that I still don't want the alternate reality it is trying to paint. Appearance-based invalidation expects me to "admit" that I have simply given up and should instead want to reclaim the potential for sexual desire. But I don't want to do it. No, the core of my self-acceptance is my feeling that I have still made a better - or at the very least: not a worse choice by accepting my effective asexuality and embracing my sex aversion instead of doing anything to "cure" it. The choice is: if I chose the option presented by this kind of invalidation, I would have to suffer extreme distress when trying to desensitise myself to sex and nudity. Or adopt an extremely retrictive diet (probably the only possibility of curing my allergy, and I just don't want to do it because it would rob me of all food-related pleasure. If I can't be both happy and healthy, I prefer the former) and still suffer at least clearly noticeable distress because, after all, I have been very strongly nudity-averse almost all my life, I'm not in the slightest "used" to being comfortable with nudity. No, I just don't want to do it. Instead I choose to accept my sex aversion and nudity aversion, to refuse trying to cure it and instead claim the "effectively asexual" label. What do I gain? Huge amounts of psychological comfort, when compared to the psychological torture which "treatment" of such strong sex aversion and nudity aversion would mean. What do I lose? The psychological ability to desire sex and have sex. And that's the point: for me the only point of view which allows not even being able to understand my choice - equals blind acceptance of the idea that a sex-free lifestyle is necessarily, inherently lacking, that sex is "objectively good", that a lifestyle which includes sex is always better than one which doesn't. Unsurprisingly, I reject such a perspective. Because ultimately - which may hint to a deeper, older-than-acquired asexual predisposition - ultimately I feel that a psychological ability to have sex is not even worth my effort. Link to post Share on other sites
Arodash Posted August 1, 2019 Author Share Posted August 1, 2019 24 minutes ago, Nowhere Girl said: I can think of one particular kind. Not just because it's insulting (well, it is, but still there are worse things to say to invalidate someone's identity), but rather because it's so hurtful. I happen to be vulnerable to this kind of invalidation - I can reject it and I do it, but I can't prove a negative or a hypothetic state. What I mean are various forms of "You couldn't get laid anyway!". All this "You are ugly so you're lying to yourself that you're not interested anyway". It hurts because it's not like it has nothing to do with reality - my effective asexuality is a result of sex aversion (as, in my case, strong enough to completely prevent me from ever wanting to have sex) and my sex aversion is about 70% nudity aversion. Even other aspects of this attitude are still somehow connected to nudity aversion - it is all stuck in a big, ugly knot of fear of nudity, vulnerability and loss of control, with a bit of just plain touch aversion mixed in. And while it has all gone so far that there's no turning back and, first of all, zero desire to turn back, while it has gone so far that I like being sexually unattractive because it protects me from unwanted sexual attention - I would indeed be lying if I said that my nudity aversion has nothing to do with having an ugly body. It developed quite subconsciously, at pre-puberty age, but definitely had a lot to do with my body being tainted by allergy. Still, the reason why this kind of invalidation hurts in that I still don't want the alternate reality it is trying to paint. Appearance-based invalidation expects me to "admit" that I have simply given up and should instead want to reclaim the potential for sexual desire. But I don't want to do it. No, the core of my self-acceptance is my feeling that I have still made a better - or at the very least: not a worse choice by accepting my effective asexuality and embracing my sex aversion instead of doing anything to "cure" it. The choice is: if I chose the option presented by this kind of invalidation, I would have to suffer extreme distress when trying to desensitise myself to sex and nudity. Or adopt an extremely retrictive diet (probably the only possibility of curing my allergy, and I just don't want to do it because it would rob me of all food-related pleasure. If I can't be both happy and healthy, I prefer the former) and still suffer at least clearly noticeable distress because, after all, I have been very strongly nudity-averse almost all my life, I'm not in the slightest "used" to being comfortable with nudity. No, I just don't want to do it. Instead I choose to accept my sex aversion and nudity aversion, to refuse trying to cure it and instead claim the "effectively asexual" label. What do I gain? Huge amounts of psychological comfort, when compared to the psychological torture which "treatment" of such strong sex aversion and nudity aversion would mean. What do I lose? The psychological ability to desire sex and have sex. And that's the point: for me the only point of view which allows not even being able to understand my choice - equals blind acceptance of the idea that a sex-free lifestyle is necessarily, inherently lacking, that sex is "objectively good", that a lifestyle which includes sex is always better than one which doesn't. Unsurprisingly, I reject such a perspective. Because ultimately - which may hint to a deeper, older-than-acquired asexual predisposition - ultimately I feel that a psychological ability to have sex is not even worth my effort. This post right here I think hits on a lot of points. Always remember anyone who thinks our orientation isnt valid they can go, well. You all may know what i'd say, but I feel pretty similar Link to post Share on other sites
Laplace Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 1 hour ago, Rockblossom said: Funniest: "But sex is what makes you human!" Because humans, apparently, are the only critters on earth who have sex. Scariest: Some variation on "plying with alcohol and forceful persuasion" will change your mind. No, "corrective rape" is not something anyone should suggest, ever. It's not a joke. It's never funny. The “sex is required to be human” bull**** is one of the few things that actually makes me mad almost instantly. Oh so we’re subhuman are we? Some braindead individuals suggest I try drinking so I can social better and potentially get laid. First, I don’t drink on personal principles. Second, I can talk to people just fine if I want to. Besides, you can’t be inebriated all the time; can’t hide your true self forever 😒. Third, I take intoxication and consent really seriously, and hooking up with someone while one party is drunk is rather despicable to me. If anyone stated I needed to be forcefully corrected, I’d politely introduce them to a revolutionary new mattress: the floor. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 People may always be ignorant when it comes to differences in general, it's just better not to share that kind of information with someone unless you're thinking of being in a relationship with them or something. Too many people are looking for validation from others and most of the time they're not going to get it, and then when they are invalidated they are strongly impacted because they are in the habit of placing too much importance on what other people think. Link to post Share on other sites
Rockblossom Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 38 minutes ago, Laplace said: The “sex is required to be human” bull**** is one of the few things that actually makes me mad almost instantly. Oh so we’re subhuman are we? The first time someone said that to me, it was an obvious attempt at a put-down (because of the implied sub-human thing) which backfired. I started laughing, then pointed out the logical absurdity of what he said, which got a laugh from the 3 other people listening. After that, he gave me a wide berth and never tried another slander. The next time it happened, I just grinned and said: "Well, the last person who said that to me ..." I still think it is funny because I love it when pompous people make themselves look stupid. Link to post Share on other sites
Comrade F&F Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 8 hours ago, Sols said: The whole "you must of not had good sex", "my dick is great", blah blah blah. The ego's some men have are entertaining. Even if you are great at sex, I really don't give a fuck. That doesn't do anything for me. Those are the things I hear most. 😂 You know what's a great comeback for that? You take a one-over look at the guy, scrunch up your face, and go, "Ew. No." Shuts them down fast. 😁 Link to post Share on other sites
andreas1033 Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 3 hours ago, rawersace said: assuming that aces don’t experience ANY type of attraction and deeming us as antisocial weirdos smh I was always glad, i was called anti social, for not panting for females, the way other males do. Being anti social, is not something bad, its just the way some people are, and there is no way round it. They can call you anti social, but if your being who you are, how can you be any different? The term anti social is moronic, as it ignores, the way a minority have no interest in others, and, for a number of reasons, are who they are. Link to post Share on other sites
Sols Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 1 hour ago, Feys&Florets said: You know what's a great comeback for that? You take a one-over look at the guy, scrunch up your face, and go, "Ew. No." Shuts them down fast. 😁 Lmfao yes, basically! Most of them aren’t anything special either. Sometimes I like to call it “Charity Work” 😂 I’m so petty lmfao. Link to post Share on other sites
Dr. Beat Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 "Sounds like an excuse for being able to get laid" Bitch, I'd literally rather die than get laid. "But do you masturbate?" Do you ask everyone incredibly inappropriate questions? "Oh, you'll change your mind one day" I'm literally 20 years old. I think I'm good the way I am. "You're so immature, you're like a kid" If being a mature adult is defined only by wanting to bone someone, I can see why the world has so many problems in it. Link to post Share on other sites
jo20701 Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 The mitosis and 'like a plant' jokes irritate me, like you know I'm not a plant shut up. Link to post Share on other sites
DryRain Posted August 2, 2019 Share Posted August 2, 2019 I get hurt when people are adamant that asexuality is made up, because they're so damn sure it makes ME doubt, which very rarely happens. Since it's about my identity that I've mostly figured out but still working on, it tends to hit just where it hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
Firefly8 Posted August 2, 2019 Share Posted August 2, 2019 "Do you masturbate?"..."If you didn't I wouldn't believe you." "That's selfish" "earmuffs"- a direction that I should cover my ears 🙉 like a kid that shouldn't hear anything "adult" (sexual). I've also heard it's a "sin" too. Anything other than cis/het is a sin to that person because that's how god designed us and I'm choosing to go against that and that's self-centered and separate from what god wants for me...men and women belong together, submit to your husband, be fruitful and multiply...All that 🐮💩. Link to post Share on other sites
LeChat Posted August 2, 2019 Share Posted August 2, 2019 @DryRain Yeah, I know what you mean. Have you seen this website, already, about the history of asexuality, when a researcher in the 19th century described people who didn't feel sexual desire? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_asexual_history Link to post Share on other sites
DuskFire Posted August 2, 2019 Share Posted August 2, 2019 5 hours ago, jo20701 said: The mitosis and 'like a plant' jokes irritate me, like you know I'm not a plant shut up. If people call you a plant just say "hell yeah I'm a plant and if you piss me off I'll blow this town off the map!" (Reference to Trigun where there are aliens called plants) Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 2, 2019 Share Posted August 2, 2019 I'm not even ace but I said on OKCupid that I want a relationship with someone who doesn't expect sex and would be perfectly happy without it, and a guy messaged me to say I need to see a doctor because love isn't possible without sex Not even an insult really, but it pissed me off that 1) he thinks I need to go to a doctor to get 'fixed' before I can be in a relationship, and 2) (even worse) that he thinks sex and love are the same thing and a relationship cannot exist if he doesn't get to stick his penis up you. Sure for many people sex and love go together, but there are also a LOOOOOOOT of people who have sex with strangers, friends, clients etc even though they're not in love with the person. If sex is possible without love, then love is possible without sex. End of. \ Edit: Oh also another guy said I'm only celibate because 'no one wants to fuck single mothers'. He said 'you might tell yourself it's a choice but if you could get it you would', something like that. 1) any woman can get sex if she wants it just by going to the nearest pub, 2) there are a LOT of single mums who get into relationships, often MULTIPLE relationships one after another (just watch Jeremy Kyle and you'll see that, lol) 3) it's not impossible for someone to just prefer not to have sex and it pisses me off when people think like he does. Blergh. Link to post Share on other sites
Stardust_Girl Posted August 2, 2019 Share Posted August 2, 2019 Before I dated my ex I told him beforehand I was asexual and he was cool with it, so it wasn't when he learned, but this is still the worst thing I've ever experienced concerning my sexuality, so I think it counts. I was already teetering on the edge with breaking up with him due to a multitude of problems that made us incompatible, but this was what really convinced me to break up with him. 6 months into the relationship the topic of conversation somehow got onto my sexuality. He told me that he thought there was something wrong with me, and I needed to be checked out by a doctor. He wouldn't accept when I told him there was nothing wrong with me. I guess it doesn't sound that bad being typed out, but I was seriously crushed that my boyfriend could say something was wrong with me because I was asexual. It was the only time where I've felt genuinely shitty about being ace. Like I said I handed it by breaking up with him lmao Link to post Share on other sites
Arodash Posted August 2, 2019 Author Share Posted August 2, 2019 7 hours ago, Stardust_Girl said: Before I dated my ex I told him beforehand I was asexual and he was cool with it, so it wasn't when he learned, but this is still the worst thing I've ever experienced concerning my sexuality, so I think it counts. I was already teetering on the edge with breaking up with him due to a multitude of problems that made us incompatible, but this was what really convinced me to break up with him. 6 months into the relationship the topic of conversation somehow got onto my sexuality. He told me that he thought there was something wrong with me, and I needed to be checked out by a doctor. He wouldn't accept when I told him there was nothing wrong with me. I guess it doesn't sound that bad being typed out, but I was seriously crushed that my boyfriend could say something was wrong with me because I was asexual. It was the only time where I've felt genuinely shitty about being ace. Like I said I handed it by breaking up with him lmao I totally understand what its like to have an SO who can not accept what you are and i'm sorry that he couldnt, I hope things are doing well for you Link to post Share on other sites
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