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Always Being Single


hm76

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19 minutes ago, oldgeeza said:

"you always go out of your way to be helpful, you do your best to look after me, but you're ugly, you're old, you're desperate so I went with you, just to prove I could still pull"

Jeez, that's awful. You've run into some really ugly (in a differnt sense) women who don't deserve someone who's kind and helpful. I'm sorry to hear what you went through.

 

I don't believe women only think about a man's wallet either. That's a very gross generalisation. Sure there are women like hat just like there are players and awful men, but there are some lovely women and men as well. Otherwise any man without a lot of money would be single, and that's clearly not the case. Equally, if all men were b*astards, what would that say about all those women in a (fulfilling) relationship.

 

There are just a lot of awful people out there, alonside the good ones, and I've had my fair share as well.

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18 hours ago, Greyman said:

 

I am an attorney, and I support myself. This is bullshit, and I was raised in the ghetto. I have NEVER asked a man for money/ never expected a man to take care of me.

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1 hour ago, Acing It said:

Jeez, that's awful. You've run into some really ugly (in a differnt sense) women who don't deserve someone who's kind and helpful. I'm sorry to hear what you went through.

 

I don't believe women only think about a man's wallet either. That's a very gross generalisation. Sure there are women like hat just like there are players and awful men, but there are some lovely women and men as well. Otherwise any man without a lot of money would be single, and that's clearly not the case. Equally, if all men were b*astards, what would that say about all those women in a (fulfilling) relationship.

 

There are just a lot of awful people out there, alonside the good ones, and I've had my fair share as well.

There's good and bad in all people, it's just finding the good ones out there. There's also more men that have scammed women than there are women that have scammed men, in all the relationships I was in, although not that many, I was never scammed for money, mainly because I had and still have very little money

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Anonymously asexual
2 hours ago, oldgeeza said:

There's good and bad in all people, it's just finding the good ones out there. There's also more men that have scammed women than there are women that have scammed men, in all the relationships I was in, although not that many, I was never scammed for money, mainly because I had and still have very little money

Thanks for the kind reply. Unhealthy traits like anger and narcissism are taught or learned. Nobody is born with them.

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Locking thread until the forum moderator can look at it.

 

DaveB

Hot Box co-mod, Celebrations mod

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Unlocking this. Can we please cut the bickering and stay on topic. Skycaptain moderator Older Asexuals 

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Anonymously asexual

I don't appreciate  my posts being deleted.

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Moderators have that right. I've been a moderator on other forums and have deleted numerous 'inappropriate' posts. Normally people dont complain when the reason for the post was deleted are given.

 

Can we go back to our normally scheduled programming?

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I always knew I didn't want to be married, but there was a lot of social pressure to "pair up" when I was young.   I resisted, but it seemed like everyone around me was in the conspiracy to pair everyone off.  It always seemed to eventually get to the same question:  "Aren't you afraid of being alone when you get old?  I eventually started to counter with:  "Why? Did you only get married because you were afraid of being alone?"  It's funny how some thought their question was fine but mine was offensive.  :rolleyes:

 

This is a couple of years old, but still relevant:

https://www.census.gov/newsroom/facts-for-features/2017/single-americans-week.html

 

110.6 million The number of unmarried people in America age 18 and older in 2016. This group made up 45.2 percent of all U.S. residents age 18 and older.

 

19.5 million:  The number of unmarried U.S. residents age 65 and older in 2016. These seniors made up 17.7 percent of all unmarried people age 18 and older.

 

As one of those 19.5 million, I can say that I'm still perfectly happy alone, and I don't expect to change.  Of course, many of my peers are alone because they have lost a spouse to divorce or death. They may or may not be happy to be alone, but "pairing up" is no guarantee that you will not be alone when older.

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(biting my tongue as I type this)

 

As a male I wasn't impressed with your original post either, but let it slide.

 

 

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9 minutes ago, Rockblossom said:

I always knew I didn't want to be married, but there was a lot of social pressure to "pair up" when I was young.   I resisted, but it seemed like everyone around me was in the conspiracy to pair everyone off.  It always seemed to eventually get to the same question:  "Aren't you afraid of being alone when you get old?  I eventually started to counter with:  "Why? Did you only get married because you were afraid of being alone?"  It's funny how some thought their question was fine but mine was offensive.  :rolleyes:

 

This is a couple of years old, but still relevant:

https://www.census.gov/newsroom/facts-for-features/2017/single-americans-week.html

 

19.5 million: The number of unmarried U.S. residents age 65 and older in 2016. These seniors made up 17.7 percent of all unmarried people age 18 and older.

 

As one of those 19.5 million, I can say that I'm still perfectly happy alone, and I don't expect to change.  Of course, many of my peers are alone because they have lost a spouse to divorce or death, and they may or may not be happy to be alone, but "pairing up" is no guarantee that you will not be alone when older.

I've lived 'alone' most of my life. Sure I had renters in my house from '86 to '98. Even then there were stretches when I was the sole occupant. From '98 to 2010 I was solo. I never had someone that I shared my bed with even though I had a female friend over to my home. That was never a big deal to me when I thought I was straight. After I identified as asexual being single never entered my mind.

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Anonymously asexual
8 minutes ago, will123 said:

(biting my tongue as I type this)

 

As a male I wasn't impressed with your original post either, but let it slide.

 

 

Could care less what you're opinion of me is.

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Just now, Greyman said:

Could care less what you're opinion of me is.

PERFECT!

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Referring to the original topic: I am over 70, have always been single and celibate. I have had time to pursue my career fully, to give time to other people, not just my friends and now have time volunteer. I have friends all over the world, many in a similar position. The only time I had any problems was with work in the 1980’s and early ‘90’s, as did many others.

Do not take any notice of what others say to you, just fill your life with things you enjoy and things you can offer. I often am the recipient of others’ relationship problems, and reckon I’m the lucky one!

 

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I wouldn't start dating until you meet the person you wanna be with because I used to think I wanted to be single for the rest of my life and be happy but you meet those certain people/persons in your life that will change all of that. Just so happens that when I found that person they have no interest in seeing me, which is like a sick joke when you can't stop thinking about them for a month and you still waiting for a reply from a text... Ignore my advice please T.T

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A breath of fresh air is what you all are! I am a 40 yo lesbian who has found an area where I have commonalities with others! I like the idea of the relationship (which I think is due to societal pushes) but do not feel comfortable once faced with the threat of a relationship. I've never been one to crave sexual encounters but have gone through the motions for the sake of relationships. I find I lose part of myself in romantic relationships. Even though they have been good women (for the most part) I still feel like there is an element of control. Someone who expects to know my daily plans, life, habits, etc. I have been called "selfish" and "naturally difficult." I enjoy having my few close friends. I feel those relationships have been the most valuable and gratifying relationships. Those are the relationships that I have cared enough for to nurture. I enjoy sleeping alone (well, with my pups), I enjoy waking up and doing what I want when I want. I have never felt "alone" or "lonely." My life is very full (and satisfying) with a career, school, family, and friends. You all are awesome!!

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I have been comfortable with the identity of aro-ace, happy with being single, for decades. However, as @UnderworldFan1988 says, sometimes you may meet, Unexpectedly, who you think is the "one person", only to find that the interest isn't bilateral, and the light of hope is extinguished. 

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Hello 

I can totally relate to this I’m forever being pressured to try one more time to have a relationship from friends. I’ve know I’m different for many years as sex was used to just shut them up moaning occasionally, going through the motions  and relationships never lasted. 

I think you need look for friendship and explore your interests more that’s what I’m currently doing and it feel right. 

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dancingeologist

I can relate to this. I'm 37, and tried dating  for the first and only time when I was 35 after I recently moved to a new town where I did not know anyone. I was looking for emotional connection  and went on dates with men, women and a non-binary person (I'm not attracted to anyone so gender does not matter to me). I had fun on first dates and meeting new people but it didn't take long for me to run into conflict with what I wanted from the relationship "best friend" and what they wanted "romantic/sexual partner".  My longest relationship that came from my year of dating was with a lesbian and lasted a total of 3 months. She was the first and only person I have ever kissed or had sex with. I'm glad I did it and it helped me realize I was aro/ace and sex neutral (I'd rank sex above washing dishes and below walking my dog). I don't think I'll date or be in a romantic or sexual relationship again because I don't want to have to negotiate the miss match and found it especially difficult being the person that deviates from social expectations of relationships. I'd be open to a QPR or if I meet another aro/ace person I emotionally connected with I might consider getting married. I think it would be nice to have another person in my life where we were both each others priority. As I get older and lose my parents I'd like to still have some family in this world in the form of a best friend. With the closest friends I currently have, I feel like I am always less important to them than their romantic partner and/or children.

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I can relate….I am in my mid to late thirties.

Did not date in high school. Was friends with girls but just did not have an interest in sex or understand why people found girls “hot” or “sexy”. I was raised catholic and when I was younger did not believe in sex before marriage. I was navie…lol.

In University, what on a few dates. But they never went anywhere after the third or fourth time meeting. When I did not put the moves on them or want to sleep with them. They thought I was not interested and moved on. Which at the time didn’t bother me.

Joined the military and bounced around the world and just like the freedom and independence of being single and only having to worry about myself during deployments.

A few years a family member past away and that shake me. I tried dating since then. But feel finding a good person past thirty is harder and the dating pool of shrinks as you get older. I told women upfront I was not interested in sex and they seemed happy about that. But after the third or fourth date when I didn’t show any physical interest they stopped talking to me L This was before learned about asexuality and identified as asexual.

Now…

Like you and other older asexuals worry about when I older. And having support system. Feel out of place with peers being single and no kids. Like I did something in life or missed out.

If I was you I would try dating but be upfront. Tell guys you are independent, introverted, and comfortable being single, and not interested in anything physical. See if they is a connection and you get along with someone and are comfortable together and respectful of each other. But do not be afraid to say, “No” or that you are not interested. Or just want to be friends with them and not a partner. It is ok to be picky and know what you want.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I'm also over 35 years old and single, never went on a date once. Actually once I was having this conversation on how I was getting out with guys but never thought of it as date. For me it was the same as going out with a woman. And the person which we had that conversation with said it will be different if I was planning to go out with someone i would find attractive let's say. But can't imagine how. The only thing I can see being different is me being super shy and ruin the whole thing haha  This whole inexperience thing plus actually finding hard to actually see someone as a potential partner makes me thing I will be single forever. And that wouldn't bothered me if a. wasn't so desperate alone, having no friends or social skills to build friendships and b. wasn't that someone on the picture, of whom I can't seem to find a way to say "it can happen, move on" or move back to the timet I wouldn't care so much.

 

The pressure you feel is what you need to deal with, others you will find a way to avoid. Never had this issue, others didn't care if I'm single. But you caring, you posting this means you are looking a way to make this work. I'm on the same page cannot give you any advises. But there's this voice inside my head telling me that our insecurities are the ones that makes as scared. I mean we are talking about going out and socializing with other people. Why it has to be hard or frightening? Being introvert not exposing your true thoughts is making harder to have that connection you are longing for. And will be that little extra challenge to have but maybe it is worth it. 

 

Quote

 Why are there so many truly horrible people in the world, war criminals, murderers etc who can manage to have personal relationships which are in some way fulfilling, yet you cannot?

The part you hold on for yourself as an introvert is the key here. These horrible people are not having one side and their approach was with a well displayed self. 

 

On 8/12/2019 at 7:09 PM, Andy Roo said:

 

I think the point I was trying to make in my previous post is that the narrative we give ourselves about being 'special' is just an attempt at feeling better about not trying things because they are scary or difficult.

I keep telling that to myself, to keep trying for after all wanted to have friends is not something out of the ordinary or bad. But the fact that for some reason I'm failing is why I retreat. You reach to the point where you simply don't have the energy and wish someone to lift you up but no one cares. 

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