Howard Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 I heard of the term sapiosexual in the context that it is sexual attraction to intelligence. Wouldn't that be a palindrome? I mean, have you ever heard of someone being attracted to someone else because he/she's dumb? Of course intelligence is sexy! No need to specify it. Link to post Share on other sites
Iam9man Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 Not sure about sapiosexual as a distinct orientation, but I've definitely heard of it as a form of attraction and in fact experienced it on precisely one occasion. Link to post Share on other sites
Evobessive Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 Though I don't really care how 'smart' someone is when seeking a relationship (mostly because there's so many types of intelliegence so with most people I find it hard to call someone dumb) but yeah, I've always thought this term is kind of weird, I think it just details a preference for 'smart' people, I don't really know if it's an orientation or not. But I wouldn't judge if someone defined themselves as this, since it's just a word, it doesn't hurt anyone Link to post Share on other sites
Lunala Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 I don't experience sexual attraction but I do like intelligent people, but I feel like the term "sapiosexual" was coined becase allosexual humans can get attracted to anything. Think of anything, no matter how positive or negative it is, and there's probably some random person out there attracted to it, no matter how crazy it seems. For example, there's probably at least one person on Earth who finds being left-handed super sexy, and another who thinks that a habit of picking your nose is sexy. And that also means there's probably at least one person out there on this planet who thinks being dumb is sexy. Because humanity. There are some real weirdos out there so you never know. Then there's people like me who think nothing is sexy and I'd rather eat food. Mmm... sandwiches and cake and chocolate and other random stuff I'm craving... Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 16 minutes ago, Howard said: I mean, have you ever heard of someone being attracted to someone else because he/she's dumb? There is a rather large group of people who fetishize bimbos and all the stereotypes that go with that including low intelligence. Personally, I think that valuing intelligence is a preference and a label isn't really necessary. However, you'll always have people who, when they are first discovering their sexual identity, will want to label anything they can. I don't have a huge problem with that. The one's I have a problem with are those who use it to try to show off how much smarter they are than "normal" people. Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 Quote I mean, have you ever heard of someone being attracted to someone else because he/she's dumb? Yes. Some people like to appear smart in comparison to their partner, and on a more sinister side, the "dumb" people are easier to manipulate. People are attracted/not attracted due to all sorts of strange reasons. It's pretty common for females to be opposed to dating males that are shorter than they are, for instance. Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 🤐 Okay, but in all seriousness, people may find usefulness in specifying their values or pattern of attraction in ways like this, but like the OP I think it's a totally normal and common element of attraction and not very niche. I've also seen it used in ways to justify predatory behaviour, by older people who justify going for much younger partners because of how smart those younger partners are, or have an "old soul" or whatever. So I'm very leery of the motives of people who use the label, based on personal experience. Link to post Share on other sites
mausgrau Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 11 minutes ago, CBC said: Utterly useless word, yep. Sounds pretentious as hell. Oh, but I think it's a wonderfully useful word, in that it tells me a lot about the person using it! Link to post Share on other sites
Iam9man Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 In case anyone’s interested, the one time I felt sapio attraction (as opposed to finding smart people generally attractive, which I don’t) it felt closest to aesthetic attraction, but like on steroids. It appeared suddenly, was very intense, only lasted slightly longer than the 2-3 minute conversation which brought it on then dissipated 🤷♂️ Link to post Share on other sites
BambooRiver Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 I don't understand why we have to hate on people who use a term to describe themselves? Starting to sound like the people who think asexual is a useless term... Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 12 minutes ago, BambooRiver said: I don't understand why we have to hate on people who use a term to describe themselves? Starting to sound like the people who think asexual is a useless term... Who is "hating" on people? Link to post Share on other sites
AceMissBehaving Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 I think it’s a word that doesn’t need to be. Being attracted to people for being smart, isn’t any different to being attracted to people who are funny. Everyone has a myriad of personal preferences for comparability like that, yet this is the only one I see folks seem trying to turn into an orientation. It feels sort of elitist, or even ableist to me. Link to post Share on other sites
BambooRiver Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 17 minutes ago, Homer said: Who is "hating" on people? If you look through this thread you can tell that certain people believe sapiosexual is a useless term and people who use this term are seen in a negative light. I understand if someone doesn't personally want to use a term but I think people need to stop invalidating other people's identities and make them feel like they don't matter. Link to post Share on other sites
BambooRiver Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 Just now, Telecaster68 said: Yes everyone. Stop having opinions immediately. There's a difference between having an opinion and calling someone dumb for having a label. Link to post Share on other sites
bare_trees Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 2 hours ago, Snao Cone said: 🤐 Okay, but in all seriousness, people may find usefulness in specifying their values or pattern of attraction in ways like this, but like the OP I think it's a totally normal and common element of attraction and not very niche. I've also seen it used in ways to justify predatory behaviour, by older people who justify going for much younger partners because of how smart those younger partners are, or have an "old soul" or whatever. So I'm very leery of the motives of people who use the label, based on personal experience. Yes, the last time I recall someone using this term to describe themselves, it was someone who was specifically going after a significantly younger woman and was bragging about it. Everyone I've ever heard use it seemed to be trying to find some way to seem superior to everyone else in the room, even if they weren't doing anything overtly questionable. Link to post Share on other sites
mausgrau Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 I don't think I owe any reverence to ThE iSsUe Of SaPiOsExUaLitY... And in point of fact I really do greatly appreciate the label and what it signals. To me, it serves pretty much the same as an Ed Hardy shirt, or a Fedora, or truck nuts etc. And yes, of course it's a stereotype, and people aren't like that, and life is complex and what not. But I'm weary and stereotypes are real time savers. Link to post Share on other sites
BambooRiver Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 13 minutes ago, CBC said: I'm not hating on people, I'm declaring their terminology nonsensical. I refuse to validate every goddamn thing someone thinks up. We can all have opinions, that's fine. We don't have to agree with certain terms, ideologies, beliefs, etc. I don't believe in any religion but I don't make people feel less than me for it. I think we should just be mindful of people's feelings and not make them feel bad if they choose to describe themselves a certain way. Some people feel alone and lost in the world, but when they stumble upon a term that suddenly clicks for them, it can be really validating for them. And then they can find other people who identity with the same term and connect with them. Link to post Share on other sites
mausgrau Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 I appreciate seriosity as much as the next humorless git (which is what I am, fundamentally). But some things, maybe most things, only benefit from being made fun of a bit. Saposexuality is... a prime candidate for being made fun of! Link to post Share on other sites
DuranDuranfan Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 To me, I thought this term meant an attraction to nerds. Two of my fictional character interests were nerds. Egon Spengler(Ghostbusters) and Billy Cranston(Mighty Morphin Power Rangers). Plus I have a soft spot for Leonard on TBBT. Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 49 minutes ago, BambooRiver said: If you look through this thread you can tell that certain people believe sapiosexual is a useless term and people who use this term are seen in a negative light Still, calling this "hate" is quite a stretch IMO. I wonder what the "oh I totally understand what you mean" vs *rolls eyes* ratio is when someone describes themself in a term like that. In the real world, not Dumblr or some such. Link to post Share on other sites
mausgrau Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 2 minutes ago, Moonman said: Are they? Asexual is an orientation but there's nothing gender specific in the word itself. Asexual means you're specifically NOT sexually attracted to women. Oh, yes, also: not to men. And... so on and so forth. It's really very specific, genderwise. Link to post Share on other sites
mausgrau Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 1 minute ago, Moonman said: Depends on whether you think romantic orientations are seen as different parts of the whole. That would not be about Asexuality, though. Link to post Share on other sites
mausgrau Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 Just now, Telecaster68 said: Judgement about people and their opinions is sometimes appropriate. Pretty much inevitable, really. Link to post Share on other sites
BambooRiver Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 22 minutes ago, CBC said: I'm not going to mollycoddle that much. What on earth is wrong with just saying "I look for intelligence in a partner"? Playing devils advocate, what's wrong with just saying, "I lack sexual attraction"? Why need a term for this when you can just take 2 seconds to say that? (I hear this argument a lot for certain labels). Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 Just now, Moonman said: How is it? You just said yourself, not sexually attracted to women, not sexually attracted to men. That's not being specific. That's being the opposite of specific. "No" is very specific and extremely clear. 2 minutes ago, Moonman said: Isn't this judgement the very thing that asexuals are trying to get rid of? That you tell somebody what you identify as and they immediately make a judgement, sometimes a negative one, because they either don't or can't understand what you're feeling and invalidate your experience. You're missing the point. Why not just tell somebody about your experience in words that are commonly used, instead of making up a term virtually nobody knows, which makes you add "...that means [describing your feelings in words that are commonly used]" anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
mausgrau Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 4 minutes ago, Moonman said: How is it? You just said yourself, not sexually attracted to women, not sexually attracted to men. That's not being specific. That's being the opposite of specific. C'mon, think about it. You can get there! Link to post Share on other sites
BambooRiver Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 Just now, CBC said: Nothing at all. I actually support that idea, since I'm not sure that asexuality is an orientation exactly anyway. I think my point is being misunderstood. But with regards to your statement, If you dont think asexuality is an orientation and dont believe people need a term for it, I dont really see why you need to be on a site titled asexuality.org. Link to post Share on other sites
mausgrau Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 6 minutes ago, BambooRiver said: Playing devils advocate, what's wrong with just saying, "I lack sexual attraction"? Why need a term for this when you can just take 2 seconds to say that? (I hear this argument a lot for certain labels). Nothing wrong with just saying "I lack sexual attraction," nothing at all! Only, in the framework of sexual orientations, Asexuality as a term makes eminent sense, since what it is isn't covered by any other orientation. Something like "Sapiosexuality" on the other hand perfectly fits under the umbrella of hetero/homo/bi/pan-sexuality. Link to post Share on other sites
N8ty L3asT Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 It sounds more like a preference to me. 3 hours ago, Philip027 said: It's pretty common for females to be opposed to dating males that are shorter than they are, for instance. That’s called shortism. 3 hours ago, Snao Cone said: 🤐 Okay, but in all seriousness, people may find usefulness in specifying their values or pattern of attraction in ways like this, but like the OP I think it's a totally normal and common element of attraction and not very niche. I've also seen it used in ways to justify predatory behaviour, by older people who justify going for much younger partners because of how smart those younger partners are, or have an "old soul" or whatever. So I'm very leery of the motives of people who use the label, based on personal experience. I agree my gramps is 83 and his new wife is 42 year old Coasta Rican woman and I don’t think personality has anything to do with it. Link to post Share on other sites
BambooRiver Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 5 minutes ago, CBC said: I didn't say that asexuality is an invalid concept. It's clearly quite real. I questioned my own sexuality a lot when I was much younger (that's why I came here in the first place 15 years ago) and then spent about nine years in a relationship with someone who's one of the most obviously asexual human beings I've ever met, so. Pretty sure it's ok for me to be here. My apologies. I thought you meant that you didn't see a point in asexuality as a term like how you did with sapiosexual (which was the connection I was trying to make in my previous post). Link to post Share on other sites
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