The perennial question: "Am I asexual?" WE CAN'T TELL YOU.

[Sally]

Not only do we not know (because we're not you), AVEN states in its PoS that we shouldn't try to tell anyone what they are. 

 

Mods used to be alert to people "diagnosing" other people, but that hasn't been happening the last few years.  Maybe it's time to let people know that it's not appropriate to try to tell other people what they are merely from a few words on an internet forum.

 

We can try to clarify what asexuality is, yes -- but anything else , nope.   All of us are individuals and we'd end up saying many different things, depending on our individual opinions and experiences.  

 

Look at the information on AVEN -- it's there to inform!

 

 

[letusdeleteouraccounts]

Not even suggestions to what their descriptions line up with?

[Zagadka]

I agree that no one can really answer that "yes or no"... or even agree on definitions of terms... but sharing stories and experiences helps people understand their own situations. A lot of people learn a lot rather rapidly just by asking that question, and I still learn reading those questions and coming up with replies. I mean, there could be better ways to phrase the question, but getting that off of your chest and hearing what other people think is usually therapeutic. It is the basis of group therapy.

[RoseGoesToYale]

I think it points to a much graver issue... that users here, especially younger users, are seeking external validation of who they are on the internet and in many cases are getting it from complete strangers, which is unhealthy at any age, but in the teen years it's dangerous. Once you start relying on other people to tell you who you are, you get used to it. Then what happens when those people are gone?

 

I think we need to do more to actively encourage members to answer some of the questions they pose for themselves. Let them know it doesn't come easy... the reality is questioning your orientation can be a difficult inner process.

[gisiebob]

3 hours ago, Star Lion said:

Not even suggestions to what their descriptions line up with?

no, absolutely suggestions are fine, just keep in mind that we don't label people other than your own self, and consider writing a reminder of that in threads where the op is asking us to if no one else has. but there have absolutely been folk who have driven themselves to anxiety over avenites saying they were/weren't ace.

it's good to remember that some folk come here wounded, and that sometimes giving a hug isn't the best thing you can do for someone who's wounded.

 

also: there is a helpful pinned thread on this subject, if you would like to read more

 

[scarletlatitude]

I think what Sally is going for is to say that no one can tell you what your orientation is. You have to find it for yourself. If you think you are ace, then be ace. If it changes, then it changes. You decide. You own the label maker and you can choose what it says (or what it doesn't say). 

[Karst]

The problem is that there's a very thin line between helping someone describe their identity and just handing them a label.  It's easy for well-intentioned people to meddle with others' lives solely because they want to help.

[Berryflower]

On 7/24/2019 at 12:08 AM, Zagadka said:

I agree that no one can really answer that "yes or no"... or even agree on definitions of terms... but sharing stories and experiences helps people understand their own situations. A lot of people learn a lot rather rapidly just by asking that question, and I still learn reading those questions and coming up with replies. I mean, there could be better ways to phrase the question, but getting that off of your chest and hearing what other people think is usually therapeutic. It is the basis of group therapy.

I am so thankful I finally had the courage to ask “am I asexual?”  I got responses- not of people trying to tell me I was or wasn’t, but responses of suggestions that sound like what I’m going though. If I had not been allowed to ask that question I would have never gotten what I needed. I think @Zagadka states that very well and I agree!!!!!  I can emotionally finally say I am Asexual all because I asked that question and found out more information.