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drisden

Romantic relationship without sex

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drisden
Posted (edited)

I'm repulsed by sex and disinterested in doing it but I do want a psychologically intimate relationship with cuddling, kissing etc. but nothing more than that. Are people with such interests rare? I really want to find a single person that I can depend on and really love with all my being but to be honest I'm unsure if it's asking for impossible. I do technically experience sexual attraction but it's involuntarily and I would never act on it let alone have an interocurse with someone.

I just want a sexless relationship while deeply caring for someone. 

Anyone has a similar experience? 

Edited by drisden
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CBC
35 minutes ago, drisden said:

Are people with such interests rare?

Yes.

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drisden
1 minute ago, CBC said:

Yes.

Ah damn it then haha! 

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CBC

Asexuality is uncommon, and sexual people who are entirely ok with a sexless relationship for whatever reason are rather rare, so... yeah.

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drisden
2 minutes ago, CBC said:

Asexuality is uncommon, and sexual people who are entirely ok with a sexless relationship for whatever reason are rather rare, so... yeah.

Sure, but it would be great if they were asexual tho? I am practically as I do not seek sex. I'll find someone one day probably. 

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CBC

Well sure yeah, if you find an asexual partner, it's possible. There are couples who've met on the forums here, for example.

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Twisted Tempest

People like that are rare but not unheard of. Look hard enough and I'm sure someone will turn up. 

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drisden
6 minutes ago, Twisted Tempest said:

People like that are rare but not unheard of. Look hard enough and I'm sure someone will turn up. 

Finding someone that would care that much about you is hard by itself, but I know how much love I could give. Even if I don't ever find anyone, at least I'll have that. 

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3Xi3X

With a heart as big as yours miss. I think you’ll be just fine. 😃

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Kimchi Peanut

Sounds like a typical ace relationship? That’s definitely possible.

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Sols

I was with someone awhile ago who understood that I didn't care for sexual activity. I was still figuring out myself at that time, but I felt that I needed to bring it up since I would be lying to myself and him If I didn't. Anyways, it didn't bug him at all, and he never pressured me into doing anything. When we did try, he would constantly ask if It was ok, as he didn't want me to feel like I had to do anything I didn't want to. He was sexually-active before we met, and he is definitely not asexual or anything in that spectrum.

 

I spent a year and a bit with him (dating, but we were friends for months before that), but the relationship didn't work out because It wasn't enough for me. How he originally thought his life would go, is the white picket fence stuff, and that's not for me. I don't want kids, nor to settle down with someone who never wants to grow. My asexuality had nothing to do with the breakup. I chose to leave as I wanted more, and needed someone who wanted to grow and not stay in the same place their whole life. 

 

 

tl:dr - Love is love, and sometimes things just work out, and if they don't, it's not always because of what label you identify as.

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uhtred
3 hours ago, drisden said:

I'm repulsed by sex and disinterested in doing it but I do want a psychologically intimate relationship with cuddling, kissing etc. but nothing more than that. Are people with such interests rare? I really want to find a single person that I can depend on and really love with all my being but to be honest I'm unsure if it's asking for impossible. I do technically experience sexual attraction but it's involuntarily and I would never act on it let alone have an interocurse with someone.

I just want a sexless relationship while deeply caring for someone. 

Anyone has a similar experience? 

Since that is what you want, clearly people like this exist.  I think its not very common because you are looking for  specific range of intimacy - cuddling, kissing but not sex.

 

OTOH, what you describe is probably what my wife most enjoys - leading to decades of sadness for me. 

 

If you let people know youre interests early in a relationship you will eventually find someone, but it will take time. 

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AceMissBehaving

What you describe sounds a lot like how I would probably imagine my ideal situation to be, so it doesn’t sound impossible to me 

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oldgeeza
3 hours ago, drisden said:

I'm repulsed by sex and disinterested in doing it but I do want a psychologically intimate relationship with cuddling, kissing etc. but nothing more than that. Are people with such interests rare? I really want to find a single person that I can depend on and really love with all my being but to be honest I'm unsure if it's asking for impossible. I do technically experience sexual attraction but it's involuntarily and I would never act on it let alone have an interocurse with someone.

I just want a sexless relationship while deeply caring for someone.

Anyone has a similar experience?

That, in an ideal world would be my ideal relationship, whilst I wouldn't say I'm repulsed by sex, I don't want to indulge in any form of sexual activity, I do find females attractive, but not enough to warrant having sex

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Soledad

It seems impossible but it's my dream too. 

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degenerate

this is ideal. yes, I think it's possible. likely, no... but possible, yes!!!

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NordicNoir

I dream of this too. 

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Wikkit

That sounds ideal so I hope it's possible 😂

 

I've spoken to plenty of people on here who think like that and experience attraction the way you describe it - as to how rare they are offline, I'm not sure. Probably a lot less so than it seems, at a guess! And there's also bound to be people who aren't physically repulsed but would be happier without sex as it's just not important/boring/they just don't want to. Logically they exist outside this site too, it's just finding them that might be an issue XD

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MCLoves

This sounds exactly like me. I want a sexless relationship, but I would like cuddling and kissing someday with a trusted partner

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oldgeeza

Well I guess there's one thing we have discovered, we're not all that rare, we just haven't met up yet.

 

It's an odd situation really, how many of us know if we've ever met up with another asexual person? Most of us don't know, we don't announce our sexuality, some mention partners so most of us would assume they have a sexual relationship, apart from meet ups, we don't really know, so as far as we know, we seem like a rare breed

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Sea horse
On 7/30/2019 at 5:45 PM, oldgeeza said:

Well I guess there's one thing we have discovered, we're not all that rare, we just haven't met up yet.

 

It's an odd situation really, how many of us know if we've ever met up with another asexual person? Most of us don't know, we don't announce our sexuality, some mention partners so most of us would assume they have a sexual relationship, apart from meet ups, we don't really know, so as far as we know, we seem like a rare breed

 

 

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oldgeeza
43 minutes ago, Sea horse said:

I have a friend from work (male) who in all the 5 years I've known him has never been in a relationship, never shown any interest in relationships or talked about one (in fact I'm not sure he's ever had one), but he is very sociable and has a lot of friends, male and female. I've been for a couple of after-work drinks on my own with him on a few occasions, and lots of women at work have done the same. It's very rare to have a bloke from work who you could do that with and know that he wouldn't get the wrong idea, and that there would be no gossip about it. I can't think of a time I've ever felt so comfortable around a bloke (unless I go back in the mists of time to when I was maybe 13 or 14).

 

So, I wondered. And I happened to be out at a work event (leaving party for someone) last week, and he was there, and I thought would I ever talk about this with him...? And then I though, nah.

 

But to have someone so purely platonic in my life has been a really nice thing over the past 5 years.

 

And what the OP described is the thing I've dreamed about all my life...

You mentioned that your workmate has a lot of good friends, male and female, I too have been blessed with many very, very good friends, friends that have stuck with me through all the best and worst parts of my life, I saw an old friend a couple of weeks ago, her ex husband and daughters were all present at a family event, we were all there chatting away, she got quite emotional because the last time we saw each other was at her ex father in laws funeral best part of six years ago, the two of us spent a good hour on our own chatting, no one thought anything of it as they see me for who I am, I have taken friends to concerts with me, their husbands/boyfriends quite happy for me to take them, they actually feel they have peace of mind when I'm with their partners, for us, it's also really nice to have platonic relationships without the worry of something more being seen into it

 

I hope your dream comes true soon

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Sea horse
On 7/30/2019 at 7:34 PM, oldgeeza said:

You mentioned that your workmate has a lot of good friends, male and female, I too have been blessed with many very, very good friends, friends that have stuck with me through all the best and worst parts of my life, I saw an old friend a couple of weeks ago, her ex husband and daughters were all present at a family event, we were all there chatting away, she got quite emotional because the last time we saw each other was at her ex father in laws funeral best part of six years ago, the two of us spent a good hour on our own chatting, no one thought anything of it as they see me for who I am, I have taken friends to concerts with me, their husbands/boyfriends quite happy for me to take them, they actually feel they have peace of mind when I'm with their partners, for us, it's also really nice to have platonic relationships without the worry of something more being seen into it

 

I hope your dream comes true soon

.

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Haematite
20 hours ago, MCLoves said:

This sounds exactly like me. I want a sexless relationship, but I would like cuddling and kissing someday with a trusted partner

Me too!!!

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Vee.

I'm in one and I've seen plenty folks on here who also are (at least from what I've read). It's possible, it exists, and there's nothing wrong with it at all.

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Jon A.

I've never wanted sex, not even with the rare girl who could peg the meter on attractiveness for me.

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MarriedAceQueen

I feel like this too! I'm married to a highly sexual man and I just came out as asexual and I feel like he hates and resents me now. There's no more romance, cuddles, kisses, nothing! I wish I could have just those things without intercourse. I understand that he wants that but I have no interest in that whatsoever. Honestly, I never have. 

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SerenDisglair

I also have the same desire. I  desire a romantic relationship so so much, either with a man or woman. I personally am sex-repulsed and don't enjoy kissing (although I would compromise if I was with someone I genuinely love and they liked to kiss, but I would refuse intercourse). But I do enjoy cuddling sometimes and holding hands. I just really want to find someone who can share their hobbies with and allow me to share mine, so we can experience them together and occasionally go on romantic dates. I have only had one boyfriend who was very sexual, but when I told him that I had no sexual desire (we had been dating for about 6 months) and thus didn't want to lose my virginity, he broke up with me. I never want to have a sexual relationship and only desire a romantic one, but I am afraid that it will never happen. The fact that I am quite shy, introverted and only have a couple of friends doesn't help the situation either.

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Ace_Fujoshi_Passingby
Posted (edited)

Regardless if I'm looking for an ace friendly cuddle buddy (I say friendly as in they fully understand and will not act on their "urges" or attempt to get me "excited"in order to have their way) or an ace relationship, it's a nightmare to find anyone wanting one. 😅 Just need another ace in my life *deep sigh*. I'm coitus repulsed,I like making out but its optional really. Seems too much as a "tease"for non aces. (Men or women, non binary etc would be just as fine.)

Edited by Ace_Fujoshi_Passingby
Left out info

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Wikkit

@MarriedAceQueen That sounds similar to what happened with my ex-boyfriend; when I did finally get around to telling him I was ace he immediately withdrew all affectionate contact despite me explaining over and over again that no please I like hugs. Then when I complained about that he went straight back to what he'd been doing before, only this time I had that feeling in my head that it was all sexual contact in his mind and just designed to get me to bed, so I stopped trusting hugs. Unsurprisingly the relationship never really recovered.

 

It's probably fixable! It'd take a lot of talking and communication from both sides - I decided he wasn't going to understand and bailed, but that doesn't mean there's no hope for you!

 

@oldgeeza As far as I'm aware, in real life I know of two people who would identify themselves as asexual. One I know from this site, another I know from playing a sport that's open about all kinds of identities and sexualities. The latter is not so certain that they are, though, and uses it rarely and tentatively. It feels strange at training to be surrounded by such a range of people who are LGBTQ+ and yet still not be able to confidently say I'm not the only ace in the pack.

 

That doesn't mean I don't know others who are, it just might not be the word they use, or they might not use a word, or they might not know there's a word (as I and many others did)! But seeing as it's very weird to go around asking people 'hey do you find people sexually attractive?', I guess it'll stay that way a while XD

 

I'm about 80% sure my brother is aroace, mind 😂

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