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crazy ace

Anybody else just sometimes wish that they were allosexual, just to feel normal?

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Grimalkin
1 hour ago, Nowhere Girl said:

The opposite of what I always wanted. I decided that I don't want to have children or marry long before I knew that I don't want to have sex, before I even knew what is sex.

And really, I just never found the idea of "being normal" appealing. I always preferred being extraordinary, being different - later I also decided that "normality" is an oppressive idea which is meant to keep us from realising that we are not all alike, that everyone is extraordinary and everyone is different from any other person.

 

Anyway, I absolutely wouldn't want t be allosexual. First of all because of my sex aversion - I don't want the existence of even a potential path of space-time in which I was psychologically capable of having sex.

That's why I eventually unsubscribed from the Reddit ace forums! All of their jokes and complaints and memes were about how they didn't want kids, etc. to begin with. Could not relate. 

 

I actually always wanted to have kids because I wanted to share my abnormal life. I had a stellar childhood living on a mountain in the middle of nowhere, by crazy hippie parents who worked Renaissance faires and preached self-sufficient lifestyles. 

 

Kids are definitely not for everyone though. No shade on people who decide it's not for them.

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Nowhere Girl
15 hours ago, J.CAce said:

I have never wanted a nuclear family. 

Never wanted a wedding.

Never wanted sex.

but I want to want it.

i want to want to want to want all those things.

but I don’t want them.

I don't want to want. I even sometimes feel that not wanting to want sex is - maybe not stronger, but definitely more decisive than simply not wanting sex.

But then, I consider it too a manifestation of my sex aversion: if I am so terrified by hypothetically personally having sex, it's quite obvious that I feel very much alike at the thought of just wanting sex. If I consider sex something I never want to happen to me, I quite naturally want to remain (psychologically) incapable of having sex.

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ElasticPlanet
5 hours ago, CBC said:

I'd sooner amputate a limb than have kids

Same here. And as you say, this is a totally different thing from whether you're on the ace spectrum.

 

Anyway, to answer the OP's question, hell effing no! A version of me that was either cis or allosexual or vanilla or a family person... Nope. All those things are so alien, that to become any of them would be the death of the real me!

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Moony Lovegood

Even if I were allosexual, I still wouldn't be a normie. And that's cool because the thought of being one is pretty unappealing to me.

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katinthehat

I don't know if I would ever fit into the description of an allosexual as I don't like the idea of having sex, but I do wonder what it's like to feel genuine romantic love for someone.

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kiaroskuro

No, I wouldn't want to be allosexual in order to feel normal. Being normal - the horror! I mean, if you are someone who likes being (or would like to be) normal, that's cool. But I personally love being a weird individual(ist). 

Sometimes, though, I wish I was (fully) romantically and sexually attracted to others, because I suspect that my "deviance" in this regard is strongly linked to my poor mental health. And it's my mental health issues I want to get rid of, not my asexuality per se.

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firewallflower

Not for the sake of "normality," no, not really. I sometimes wish I could relate to the feelings others experience, because understanding others is important to me, but then again, sometimes I'm very glad I can't. All depends if I've recently heard about positive or negative aspects of sexuality. :P I do, however, want to find a life partner, and asexuality is one of the (many) things that makes me feel rather hopeless about it, so that's the main reason I might wish to be (allo)sexual.

 

I'm averse to the idea of having sex, bjt usually not averse to the idea of not being averse, if that makes sense. But I don't know that I'd go quite so far as to say I want to not be ace. And in my more repulsed moments, even that is an aversive thought.

 

Romanticism is quite another story; I don't know if I'm aromantic, but I really don't want to be. This isn't about being "normal" either, though; I just love romantic love in the abstract, and desire to experience it myself. And of course being aro would be a further, and significant, barrier as far as the whole life partner thing.

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Iridium

I've often wished I could try out a different body or mindset- not permanently, just long enough to see what it would feel like.  Even when you understand the reasons for others' feelings, you can never know exactly what it's like to experience the world as they do.

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firewallflower
6 minutes ago, Ardoise said:

I've often wished I could try out a different body or mindset- not permanently, just long enough to see what it would feel like.  Even when you understand the reasons for others' feelings, you can never know exactly what it's like to experience the world as they do.

Likewise.

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acearchivist
Posted (edited)

Oh, definitely. I absolutely hate not understanding the needs of my allo friends. It just makes me feel left out whenever there's a group of them talking about relationships and "normal" things like that. I also hate just feeling so isolated. Don't get me wrong, I've met great people in the community and I'm grateful for that, but the feeling of being the only ace in the room on a regular basis gets old real quick. I'll always be an advocate for the ace community, but that doesn't mean I'm always ok with the fact I'm ace, ya know?

Edited by acearchivist
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nerdography

I did when I was younger, but as I’ve gotten older I like being ace. I can’t imaging what it must be like wanting sex all the time, it sound exhausting and annoying. I’m happy that’s something I don’t have to worry about.

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Iam9man

Basically, no. I’m happy being me 😊

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Asexual_Fujoshi

I have thought that, many times.  Would make some things easier, less explaining about it to people.

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a fancy fish

this is gonna make me sound very ace lol but I want to be asexual because then I won't have* to have a sexual relationship.

basically I'm glad I'm ace because I'm ace.

 

(*I know sexuals don't have to have a sexual relationship, I just didn't know how to word it)

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CBC
4 hours ago, a fancy fish said:

(*I know sexuals don't have to have a sexual relationship, I just didn't know how to word it)

Feel exempt from pressure to do so, perhaps? I get that. Personally I sort of feel lucky in that I've never felt huge amounts of pressure either from within myself or from others. Despite being sexual, I wouldn't like to feel that it was something I was required by anyone to do in order to feel valid or complete or whatever.

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SkyenAutowegCaptain

To me it doesn't matter what your gender, orientation, anatomy etc is, you are normal. The difficulty is persuading a vocal minority of the cishet majority that anyone else isn't abnormal. 

Granted, identifying as Asexual does, probably, inspire different trains of thought on occasions. But bear in mind that people from all other orientations don't see everyone else as potential bedspring exercisers. Friendships are commonplace across the entire sex-gender-attraction world. Indeed, sometimes being asexual can lead to a stronger friendship because everyone knows that all you want is to be friends, not more

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Sally

Granted I didn't know anything about asexuality back then, but every day of being in sequential relationships with two sexuals whom I loved, I wished I was "normal".   

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shyshy

I did before first coming to terms with my asexuality because I thought there was something wrong with me. Now that I'm comfortable and open a bout it, any of the "I need to fit in and be NORMAL" have gone away :)

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œddy

Wish being sexual helped me feel normal! 

 

On 9/16/2019 at 8:02 PM, a fancy fish said:

this is gonna make me sound very ace lol but I want to be asexual because then I won't have* to have a sexual relationship.

basically I'm glad I'm ace because I'm ace.

 

(*I know sexuals don't have to have a sexual relationship, I just didn't know how to word it)

Um, celibacy? Staying single? They both work for me

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Guishu

I do wish that sometimes, but not to feel normal. Just cause it feels like it'd be easier.

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Darth Plagueis the Wise

I wish for it in the sense that it would make it easier to date if I wasn’t. I don’t want to even bother in high school because I’m worried about anything sexually related showing up and I don’t want to get explaining asexuality yet to someone else. In the sense of it being easier to find another person to date, since I’m sex repulsed and thus can’t see a relationship with most people working out. I don’t wish for it in the sense of enjoying/desiring sexual activities with someone.

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crazy ace
10 hours ago, shyshy said:

I did before first coming to terms with my asexuality because I thought there was something wrong with me. Now that I'm comfortable and open a bout it, any of the "I need to fit in and be NORMAL" have gone away

Yeah. I posted this while I was still coming to terms with my orientation, and this is pretty much the path I took.

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brbdogsonfire

I'm sexual and I wish I could be asexual. It is very frustrating having sexual thoughts flood your head Everytime someone who is remotely attractive walks by. Sexuality ruins many relationships due to cheating and an imbalance between sex drives. The grass may seem greener but it's not a great situation on this side either.

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Jules.2P

The simple answer: Yes and no. 

Not very simple isn't it? I guess, it's just life. 

You know, I'm happy most of the time and when I'm not: I look at my black ring and know, that I'm not alone. Often it's just a phase of being sad.

Being scared and unsure are some of my characteristics I guess. I have had 2 past relationships until now. In both relationships sex was involved. At that time I didn't knew asexuality and I always wondered why I felt so broken. Why I felt like I'm lacking of something. I didn't feel good and I hated myself for it. 

But things changed and I know that I'm asexual. I know that nothing is wrong with me and that I matter as much as everybody else. That's the part where I would say: no I don't wanna be allo. There is no need to because I'm perfect the way I am.

But to be honest I'm scared as well.

I'm craving a relationship and while I know that nothing is wrong with me, I guess it would make things more simple when I would be allo. I think I wouldn't be as scared as I am now to try a new relationship, you know?

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neverlove

I do feel normal, but that probably isn't very helpful, and no, you could not pay me to take on the hot mess (my perspective) that is attraction.

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SkyenAutowegCaptain

Hot mess 🤣 🤣 

 

 

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Nidwin

Nope and I feel not less normal as anyone else.

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Janus DarkFox

I couldn’t imagine a world with sex and sexuality for myself.

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Mysticus Insanus

Absolutely not. It would complicate my life, miserably.

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not_all_who_wander

Yeah.  I want kids and I hate being alone, so I feel like if I was allo maybe I would want to pursue a relationship more and it would be easier.

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