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Touch Starvation


callmefurnace

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callmefurnace

I know I'm touch starved but I don't like physical contact. This is an interesting situation, I admit. Is there a special name for this, and is there anything I could do to help it? I am okay with momentary contact, like high fives, fist bumps, or quick side hugs, but a hug longer then a few seconds starts to bother me, and any sort of touch to my hair bothers me, too. I've been trying to look on the internet for any advice, and couldn't find much. I know this probably isn't the best place to post this question, but I searched reddit and couldn't find subreddits to help me with this.

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What do you mean by touch starved? What happens or how do you feel due to lack of touch? Perhaps if you explain this, members might understand you better

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Not touching can be very isolating. When I first went to college, I had several months where I didn't physically contact anyone - at all - and it was very depressing. Even some quick touching lends a feeling of being friends very strongly. The only thing I can advise would be finding some physical outlet, like sports. I played some frisbee football and it actually helped me socialize, feel more normal.

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Some people might call this “touch-averse,” meaning you strongly dislike certain types/amounts of physical touch.

Idk if there’s anything you can really do to “help” it. Personally, I’m not big on physical touch either, and I can’t help it. It’s just a part of who I am. If those feelings never change, just know that there’s nothing wrong with that.

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RakshaTheCat

Aren't you, by any chance, uncomfortable with touch because you don't trust people who touch you? That's how I feel about it.

 

As for being touch starved, pets are obvious solution that others already proposed. For me, giving myself plenty of touch also works very well. I like to give my body lots of love, like gentle hot oil massage for example. I'm getting plenty of loving touch that way 😺

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Maybe try getting a manicure or pedicure? They touch your hands to work on your nails but it isn't...intimate. With pedicures they usually massage your feet a little. If you think that works ok you might try getting an actual massage; it's usually very professional rather than intimate, if that makes sense. If you can't get a pet, you could probably go to the local shelter and volunteer to socialize the cats or walk the dogs - it helps them get adopted. 

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I would say I am touch-starved for friendly touch from another human being (of the small subset of human beings I like and would want to be touched by). Pets, professional massages and all that (but not sports) are all well and good, but no substitute in my opinion/experience. So I think I understand the feeling the OP mentions, at least in part, but I don't know solutions. :( 

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RakshaTheCat
21 hours ago, daveb said:

I would say I am touch-starved for friendly touch from another human being (of the small subset of human beings I like and would want to be touched by)

Hmm, can't just ask them or offer them friendly touch? Are they trustworthy enough to do that?

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3 minutes ago, Marcin said:

Hmm, can't just ask them or offer them friendly touch? Are they trustworthy enough to do that?

None of them are nearby. (not even in the same state, much less same city)

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Fighting_For_Us
On 7/22/2019 at 12:45 AM, Marcin said:

Aren't you, by any chance, uncomfortable with touch because you don't trust people who touch you? That's how I feel about it.

Same here! Trust is a big issue for (one therapy is helping with), and due to various situations in my past [which is a looooong story and I won't go into now] I'm very hesitant to accept touch from people, especially for any prolonged period of time.

I'm super fortunate that my best friend and I (who are both ace!) were able to spend the last year or so realizing we can share contact, which is something we both were, and still are to a slightly lesser extent, starving for. It's mage a massive difference for both of us to finally have someone we trusted enough to be close with. 

 

OP - just so I can understand better, do you have close person you'd be able to slowly test accepting touch from? Not sure what your history or personal feelings are right now, but my experience was that I'd suppressed that need for so long I didn't realize how much I needed it, and once I did there was  a while where I was still almost completely touch-repulsed. As I've gotten use to the relationship my friend and I have explored, I've realized I love contact from her - even if I'd rather not have much (if any) contact with anyone else still. 

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callmefurnace
On 7/24/2019 at 3:08 PM, Fighting_For_Us said:

 

OP - just so I can understand better, do you have close person you'd be able to slowly test accepting touch from? Not sure what your history or personal feelings are right now, but my experience was that I'd suppressed that need for so long I didn't realize how much I needed it, and once I did there was  a while where I was still almost completely touch-repulsed. As I've gotten use to the relationship my friend and I have explored, I've realized I love contact from her - even if I'd rather not have much (if any) contact with anyone else still. 

I do have a few very close friends that I can handle more contact with then I can with other people, so this might be a good thing to experiment with. 

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andreas1033

Your not alone op.

 

I always hate meeting new people, and hesitant they will want to shake hands, which i hate doing. I will never understand why people love touching others.

 

People like donald trump touches people, as he thinks, this will in turn, make them resonate with him, and then he can dominate them. Thats why you see him always trying to touch people he meets.

^^

I hate those sorts of people, whom think like this.

 

Plenty of times, people have put there had to shake mine, and i just refuse, as i do not want to touch hands, or any part of my body. thanks.

 

For me, humans are horrible to touch.

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I found that joining a dance class really helped when I was at uni and feeling both touch-starved and touch-averse. Look for a social or partner dance style, where you're making contact with people, but it's regulated and controlled, and you know exactly who will be touching you and where, when, and for how long they will be making contact. Obviously, what works for one person won't work for everyone, but, for me, that kind of regulation and control made it a lot easier to get over my anxieties about touch, at least enough to help me make some kind of regular contact with humans. 

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andreas1033

@ferly, Even though i do not agree with touching, i agree that dancing is good for you.

 

Maybe its the dancing that helped you, not touching others.

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